Oxbridge 2024 Entry

[Lightsabre]

Thought I'd start a thread for parents of dc considering Oxbridge applications for entry in Oct 2024 (I don't think there's a current one)? Past threads have been so informative and supportive and hopefully this thread will offer that too. Please feel free to add to the thread if your dc have recently had experience of the process, good, bad or ugly!

@Unbelievablysunny i’m no expert but I would say that Cambridge, or indeed any university, would be a bad idea for this girl at the moment. Does she currently live at home with her parents?

DD is in recovery from Anorexia that she was diagnosed with in 2021. She is in a good place currently, mentally and physically. She is applying to Cambridge. However she is mindful of the fact that the intensity of the short terms and massive workload could be detrimental to her MH and there is a very real risk that it could trigger a relapse. So she is being very pragmatic and willing to accept that were she to receive an offer it might not be in her best interest to go. I don’t think she has even considered that she could use her ED as a way to get accepted.

If I were your friend I would be extremely worried about her DD. She most definitely does not sound well enough to be considering any university at the moment. Is she still under the care of an ED team or a doctor? If so what are their thoughts on this?

@Rollergirl11 Thank you for that. I am so sorry to hear about your dd and wish you both all the best. The dd is seeing a team of people and having various treatments, all without much success, I assume they say it's OK for her to apply to uni or she wouldn't be doing so but who knows .... She is eating only just enough not to be admitted to hospital again, she is living with her mother and sibling, there was a messy divorce a few years ago and her father now lives abroad.

Even though the mother is a good and old friend I haven't talked to her much about this, we're both busy and don't see each other as much as we'd like and when we do she is the type who doesn't like to linger on her problems (there are many apart from this). There's no doubt she is extremely worried about her dd - at the same time it's been going on so long it is something they all sort of live with now and I honestly think she's just weary of talking about it and wants to be distracted. I am only involved because the dd keeps emailing me asking for tips/advice and I feel very ambivalent about encouraging her but don't want to tread on her dreams either.

In the past my friend's always claimed that her dd isn't strong academically, yet it's very hard to know the truth - as I say, the dd got great GCSEs (in the 2021 context) when my friend swore she'd fail the lot and now I just don't really know who to believe. My friend is very much the type herself to say she did no revision before an exam, to afterwards say she's failed, only to then get 100 per cent, so her dd may well be a genius.

It's a very messy situation so in summary - again - my real question is do Oxbridge make allowances for people with mh problems and see them as worthy of special consideration? Because this is what I'm continually being told albeit by an 18-year-old.

@Unbelievablysunny my Dd is about to apply and has ADHD - not the same but as with anxiety , EDs and other MH difficulties, my understanding is that they cannot be discriminated against but are not in any way given preferential treatment, particularly if it is a long term issue rather than something that suddenly happens during exams eg an illness or bereavement (where school can declare extenuating circumstances to exam board or ucas). Happy to be corrected but that is what I think the situation is.

@Unbelievablysunny - imvho, no university would consider someone who clearly has an active, inadequately controlled, life-threatening mental health condition, a shoo-in for any university degree. Her obsession with Cambridge sounds like another example of her poor mental health and an excuse not to try to get better for fear she might lose her imaginary advantage. It will neither do her good to apply at this time, nor to actually start a degree there. She is just feeding all her unhealthiest possible thought processes in pursuing this.

I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. It sounds like a horribly sad situation. 💐

I don’t think universities can discriminate on mental health grounds.

There is a massive difference between not being able to discriminate and giving an advantage.

Thanks all, yes, we're not talking about discrimination but the opposite - that having a mh disorder will somehow put you at the front of the queue!

Her obsession with Cambridge sounds like another example of her poor mental health and an excuse not to try to get better for fear she might lose her imaginary advantage.

That is just how I see it and it is useful for me to hear that from someone else. God, it's all a mess

@Unbelievablysunny I don’t think they consider it an advantage to have a Mh condition. I see endless posts on Reddit where youngsters ask if they’ll get ‘extenuating circumstances’ consideration due to MH issues - if they did, they’d have to give advantage to half the applicants who seemingly have ranging MH issues. Also, they want people who can cope, not those likely to cave due to the intense pressure. I can’t imagine they would willingly offer places to people likely to come to harm. She honestly doesn’t sound suited to the brutal nature of application.

Week! DD told me today she's going to apply for Oxford for Fine Art- currently doing foundation year and already has her A levels!

Wishing a good and informative day tomorrow to anyone who will be visiting Cambridge.

I’ve just seen someone in the town centre in what looked like school uniform, with the name of a sixth form college embroidered on their jumper. Good on the school for bringing them here in good time - it’s a nearly 200 mile journey - but do they really need sixth formers to be in uniform here? Perhaps it’s easier to keep an eye on them that way.

To anyone travelling independently, I don’t think it matters what you wear either today or (fingers crossed) at interview.

DD had a friend who thought she would get in to C 'easily' due to a disability, she overplayed that I think rather than anything else and I think they didn't put the effort into other aspects of their application as a result and they didn't even get an interview. We will never know if the disability was overplay, whether my read of it was right or not,. Another student at a different (but also prestigious) university who had MH problems missed a grade and she was offered her place and they said it was because she did well in spite of her MH problems and they were prepared to offer, so from that rather small pool of two examples I think a disability or MH issues isn't a major player but can make a difference in some scenarios like missing a grade.

@SilverSilverStreet when DD did the C open day last year she wore her end of Y11 leavers hoodie (even though she stayed at the same school for sixth form) and it is surprising how many seem to do the same.

I think everyone would agree that Oxbridge is a pressured environment, more so than most other universities. Many level headed kids with no mental health issues can find it a big and tricky adjustment. And being away from home and her safety net? Sounds like a really bad idea.
As for your question, I'd be amazed that someone with quite severe issues would be offered a place, even if she had a stellar academic record. They want people who can cope and grow and thrive.
My daughter has MS, diagnosed in the Spring this year. It has been a big reason behind her interest in Sociology. So she has mentioned her illness in her PS and how it has spurred her to delve further in to the inequity of access and how societal systems has marginalised sections of the population. But she certainly does not think this will give her any advantage at all, in fact she is slightly worried that they might think she can't cope.
It is worrying that this woman is putting so much on going to Oxbridge. Dealing with any disappointment will require very careful handling.
@SilverSilverStreet the only thing my daughter is sure about wearing for tomorrow is comfortable trainers!

@Unbelievablysunny I’m so sorry to read this. From what I’ve seen from DD’s friends who have disordered eating (and I can only say what I have seen and in no way does this apply to all cases of eating disorders), the common factor tends to be perfectionist tendencies min everything - must be captain of the netball/hockey team etc, complete meltdowns before exams which tends to alienate them from the rest of the year group and as you say, telling everyone they’ve failed only to get 90+% on a test/exam. They are also the same kids who are applying for the most difficult courses at the most elite universities- PPE Oxford, HSPS at Cams or Harvard Law. Only these courses will do even though in the main they are highly academic students, they are simply not emotionally stable enough to be able to cope once they are there.

I think you are very right to be concerned but I don’t really know how you deal with the situation you are in. It does sound like you are potentially being set up to be the fall guy in the event she doesn’t get in and you ‘gave bad advice’. In your shoes, I would try and do some research and drop the Mother an email outlining your concerns. Her mother may well be hugely successful, but it does sound like her DD is either sounding you out because her Mother is not supporting this idea (because she knows it is a bad one) or because she needs adult guidance and she is getting none at home. Either way, you sound like a lovely person for caring but I can see that this could end very badly for your friendship if you don’t share how you feel with her Mother or give her the heads up about her DD’s plans.

@Unbelievablysunny what a sad story.
I have 2 DS's with a genetic disorder that leads to visual impairment. DS2 applied to real estate and received 4 out of 5 contextualised offers (2 grades lower). DS3 is applying to C for 2024. My understanding is that C do not offer lower grades for a disability (physical or mental) as their stance is that allowance has already been made when GSCE and A-level grades are awarded (DS3 gets extra time). Looking at the admission statistics for 2022 section 11 gives an indication of any advantage that a disability may confer wrt being made an offer. Numbers are really small for some disabilities so difficult to draw conclusions. It certainly doesn't seem to disadvantage applicants but for MH the advantage is v slim (2.7% of applicants, 2.9% of offers).

Walkaround Malbec's DC and my DC attended the same grammar school. Indeed her DD1 and my DS4 were/ are good friends. That's why it's mysterious.

Or rather so mysterious. Almost no distinction between the two sets of DC.

Thank you everyone! I really appreciate all the advice and find it v interesting that Reddit is full of kids expecting mh concessions. Stuff like that on social media may well be fuelling her hopes. I honestly don’t think I’m being set up as fall guy, I’m just being asked for tips on ps etc and I wouldn’t be AT ALL surprised if others were also being consulted and assisting - the ps was almost suspiciously slick to my eyes, but what do I know? I don’t want to wade in with ‘are you sure oxbridge is a good idea for someone so fragile?’ - i would hope the many professionals involved to be having that conversation with my friend. It’s so sad that this should cause so much pressure to do many. Good luck to all your children

@10ppicnmix btw I think the mum is totally aware this is happening and is probably giving a lot of guidance or at least telling her dd who of her friends might be best placed to help. She’s quite a tiger mum - her other dc is doing Latin a level at a comprehensive as she sees it as an easy oxbridge path. I don’t want to make her sound awful though because she really is the opposite and just wants the best for her kids, she may be thinking a place at C would make it all OK after the last few horrible years they’ve had. I’ll talk to her next time I see her and gently sound out but if her dd is dead set on it i also don’t see how she can prevent her applying …

@Unbelievablysunny - it’s a little bit concerning your friend has previously said her dd is not academically very strong, but is a tiger mum who wants the best for her children, possibly including being involved in her other child’s decision to do Latin A-level to aid an Oxbridge admission (you didn’t make it clear whether “she” is the other child or your friend). Is there any chance she has accidentally given her dd the impression that she needs to prove herself academically to her by getting into Cambridge, or feel like the failure she feels her mother already believes her to be? Her anorexic brain is, after all, very prone to black and white thinking and you have made it sound as though Oxford or Cambridge are rather important to them as a family, not just great places to study subjects you love. How tied up in a fear of disappointing her mother and not knowing what identity she can inhabit if she is not to be a “high flyer” might the Cambridge dream be?

@Unbelievablysunny sounds like quite a toxic environment for everyone all round really.

It is such a shame that there are young people who think that having MH issues is some sort of pass. They are all very quick to call out us oldies for using the wrong pronouns/language etc and to each other for casual sexism but this sort of thing is ok?

I don't think there is any advantage/ concession for MH.

It can be used to explain contextual issues such as slightly below par GCSEs if evidenced which is going to happen for my DS.

But you still have to get the same grades as everyone else and meet the entry criteria.

My DS has had periods of poor mental health, he's much better now but there's no way I'd encourage a child who is struggling to go through the process.

I think that child would be better encouraged having a break in studies to get their health back on track THEN to consider best options when well.

Without going into all the details, because it really would get too revealing, I’ll just say something happened to the daughter when she was younger which her mother feared might affect her academics performance going forward. If oxbridge is important to the family or not. I have no idea (it is the daughter who told me her sibling was doing classics A-level with the aim of Oxbridge so who knows whose idea it was originally). I have the impression it is more a dream of the daughter’s, she has said things to me about how her mother was offered a place there and turned it down – which is certainly newa to me and I’ve known her mum for more than 30 years! But maybe it’s true and she just never mentioned it …

I feel very sad hearing my friend’s home described as a toxic environment, obviously when you know someone, and you know they adore their children and have all been through a very difficult time then toxic is not the way it seems as that seems as to me that sounds deliberately harmful. But there have certainly been some very difficult years. I don’t want to hijack the thread with this any more, I’ve found the advice on it very useful and thank you all

@Unbelievablysunny - 💐. I’m certain she’s just a very protective, loving Mum. If the environment is in any way “toxic,” it’s the circumstances the family have found themselves in, through no fault of their own, and the dd’s current fragile mental health that are the problem, not the mum! Some people deal with incredible stress in their lives by trying to find something to have control over, whether that’s food intake or any other obsession, and they can latch onto things that have been said or done in the past in ways that other people weren’t expecting.

Did anyone go to the Oxbridge open days today? Just wondering if they were any quieter than the June ones? Were they doing subject talks?

Looking at Imoerial tomorrow and focussing on accommodation costs and an in depth look at his subject dept. Ds looking forward to the food stalls - they did a nice curry last year