How to work out whether Oxbridge will suit dd

[balzamico]

I'm ahead of myself here, dd has an interview for History at Oxford next week.
She is vacillating between excitement/ pride at getting this far and "I don't want to go, I want a normal (fun) uni experience"
Obviously it may be a decision that is made for her but if she were to get an offer can anyone advise how to work out whether it would work for her?
Her dad and I both went to RG unis, had a great time, came out with average degrees and have done well.
We only know one youngster whose been through the system and she is very different from dd

somethinglikethat Oxford places more weight on its aptitude tests and interviews than Cambridge does. So more flexible in that sense with grades, yes.

If you throw yourself into it with enthusiasm, join in with lots of the clubs and activities, are naturally pretty good at organising your time and enjoy your subject, what’s not to like? I think the college set up and tutorial system is great - so much regular, direct input and feedback from tutors. The accommodation is cheaper than elsewhere, too, as it is heavily subsidised and they chuck you out of it at the end of term so they can flog it to paying guests. There are loads more clubs and societies on offer than most other universities, too, so something for everyone.

My experience is that Oxford is a lot more nurturing now than it was when I was there. There is definitely more awareness that some students may need more support, and more support systems are in place, particularly those organised by the students themselves for other students (certainly at the colleges I have experience of - being a collegiate system, I can’t be sure every college would behave in the same way). There are a few jealous 2nd and 3rd year students that this year’s freshers are having the full, fun, unfettered experience they missed out on themselves when they were freshers (but then they were the ones putting it all on for them during freshers’ week!).

All that said, one of my friends from university said she wished she had applied elsewhere - I don’t think she quite got her head around what was expected and she overworked. She came away with a first, but said she would rather have come away from it with a 2:1 and have joined in with more of the non-academic activities on offer, but didn’t realise that at the time (never felt she was doing as well as she clearly was). She felt she might have found it easier to calibrate if she had gone elsewhere. She’s the only one of my friends who felt like that about it, though.

One thing I will say from my experience of studying History is that you have to be a self starter. I had one tutorial per week, some terms I'd have an additional tute or class every other week, and some terms there was one lecture a week, but other terms I had no lectures, or a lecture series that was relevant to a paper I had done, but wasn't in the middle of doing that term. So you have to be good at managing yourself and your work, because no one else is going to be checking in that you are doing everything you should be.

But once I had that cracked (8-4:30 in the library 4 or 5 days a week, so no worse than many jobs) there was plenty of time for fun. I ran the college ball, co-captained our football team, was on a University Challenge team and spent many nights in Park End and Filth, still came out with a decent 2:1. I think the college system means that you get more opportunities to try out sport/committee/social things than at other places.

Oh and the other thing she should think about is what she prefers in terms of assessment methods. About 85% of my marks for finals were dependent on two weeks of six three hour long exams at the end of third year. I think they've now added in a "portfolio of essays" as well as the extended essay and thesis, but it's still a much more exam heavy degree than other universities where there is a stronger coursework element. Coursework doesn't work for me, I like the panic and pressure of the exam hall, but I know its not like that for everyone!

DD currently at Cambridge.
She seems to see it as double sided really.
She is having a lot of fun, doing sports, partying pretty hard, dressing up and going to lots of formals...
BUT
she absolutely thinks that it is not a normal uni experience and that she totally underestimated the workload. It is brutal (and she has been someone who has always worked hard and always gone the extra mile in terms of academic work).
The pastoral support probably varies college to college - it's not bad in hers but she's had to look for it. She can't bear her welfare tutor who she says is sarcastic and rude so she won't go to them. Her DOS is lovely and she really respects him - but she says if anyone admitted they were struggling he would tell them to leave or rusticate because he would be terrified of another C suicide. There is decent pastoral support and it probably is better than at a huge uni (??) but it's not necessarily easy to find.
She has made good friends but she feels the friendships are not that deep, partly because everyone is so focused on their workload and it's so unforgiving that no one has time to genuinely give to each other - it's all work or drinking or sport and very little downtime until 9th week each term.
She doesn't regret going, most of the time. She sees friends at other unis doing a couple of essays a term and sometimes feels jealous. But she is genuinely passionate about her subject (still) and knows that the depths of studying she's doing is what she wanted.
But I do feel now that it's definitely not for everyone.
My subsequent children were considering applying there and were very keen initially. One is currently in year 13 and has been very much put off and I am very glad. I don't think they would enjoy it at all as they don't want to go that extra mile and put in anywhere near as much work as would be expected. I think I will feel similarly when the youngest is ready too.
We have an older relative who went to Cambridge. Their experience was very different. They did very little work, had an awful lot of fun and left with a 3rd - it feels as though it would be hard to do that nowadays.

My dd seems to have had a different experience re friends - she seems to have made some pretty solid friendships which have continued after uni, including a boyfriend. Some are from her department, some from her college.

Re friends, DS, who struggled to make deep friends at school, has developed very solid, diverse friendships across his college, subject and sport (tennis). I don't know whether it is the diversity that suits DS or he is simply growing up but it has been a very positive experience for him.

I've studied at both. Minor point, often overlooked by parents and students is the weather: Cambridge is beset by freezing wind straight off the fens, and can be pretty bleak in the winter. Oxford is more sheltered, and anyway the denser city and warmer colour of stone makes it feel a bit less bleak by default.

Literally no-one would make a choice based on this but the 'how it feels to traipse across the city to a 9am lecture' factor is quite a thing in everyday life as a student. Of course, if you're doing an arts subject you'd probably not bother with that traipse...

It is a normal, fun experience at Oxbridge. You make friends, go to parties, can take part in a vast number of interests and activities. You just have to do a lot more work than at other unis. For me, it’s absolutely worth it. It was a wonderful time, I made lifelong friends and got away with the minimum possible amount of work.

Cambridge is an absolute bubble of a place so they either love it or hate it. It used to have one of the worst reputations for poor mental health. I don’t know as much about Oxford although I think it dares slightly better for both those issues.

I’d wait to see if she gets in, then look into it more.