Anxious about Dd potentially going to London University

[AffronttoBS]

Dd is applying for ucas 2023 entry, two out of her 5 choices are London (imperial and ucl). If she gets offers, on the one hand they are fantastic universities, and London should be full of opportunities and it would be great to study and live there. On the other hand, I’m getting more and more nervous about the state of things in London, especially regarding the decline of law and order and how risky it would be for her as an environment to learn to be independent.

aibu? Are there other parents feeling this way? Or if you are a parent of a yr 1 , yr 2 London student, how do you feel about your dc studying in London?

London is full of young people and children who manage just as well as anywhere else to function and live and move around London

Life is full of risks. I would not consider going to a renowned university in London to be high up there though!

@xpc316e thanks xpc for understanding. Im asking a genuine question and others perspectives, but maybe IABU.

I would be worried about the price of accommodation! Relieved my dd isn't going there for that reason only. I've lived all over London, including rough areas and I think it's fine for students, I've felt vaguely menaced in Bristol though and that's supposedly 'nicer'.

Yes cost of living is another worry.

I've lived in London all my life- been young in London, older in London, had kids here and been a drunk teenager here. Never- touch wood- seen any major trouble. Worst fight I ever saw in my life in a pub- where someone was bottled- was actually in Norfolk of all places. I went to uni on the opposite side of the city from where I grew up and had a great time. I love London, in my opinion you can't beat it.

I get that London seems scary if you're not from here because whatever happens here gets publicised more than elsewhere, but its just a normal city with normal city stuff going on. If your daughter comes here for uni she will be grand (and skint!)

That's nationwide though. Are you saying that London is substantially more dangerous than other British cities? Nobody ever gets their phone stolen outside of London ?

London is an excellent student city. Tons of cultural destinations, excellent universities (2 of which your DD has chosen), reduced weekly and monthly fares on transport, the NUS card gets loads off a lot of things, cheap theatre tickets in the South Bank, excellent cheap eats and a decent nightlife. There are loads of libraries available and it's extremely multicultural. It's well-connected to the world, too. Why would you not be pleased if she goes there?

I'm bringing up a teenage girl in London and she's as safe here as she would be in Birmingham or Manchester. CCTV is everywhere. The Night Tube at weekends is very safe, better than the bus or Uber. If she feels unsafe she just has to ask for help and people will assist. We are odd because we don't talk to each other unless we are called to help.

My daughter is 16. She has her mobile phone on her at all times. She never wears headphones or earpods when out and about, so she is aware of her surroundings. She rarely goes out alone, she's normally in a group. She stays on main roads and well lit areas. All common sense stuff. Your daughter will be fine.

If you're really worried about personal safety get your daughter to Google the Suzy Lamplugh Trust.

I think we’re just scared of what we don’t know.

I lived in London many years and now I’m just outside of London, I keep saying to my husband that I hope our daughter stays in London for uni because it’s what I know and where I feel safe.

I watch shows like Luther and wonder how I never got killed in my 20s in London, but the reality is that London life is more boring (fortunately) than what is portrayed on TV.

Law and order's fine, thanks. I've been here 18 years, lived in a wide range of places, and never had any trouble at all. Hundreds of thousands of teenagers are growing up here right now and their outcomes are unusual in one way: they do better academically and all-round than teenagers in most of the rest of the country, even in deprived areas.

So, no. It wouldn't cause me even a second's worry if my DC decided to stay here for uni.

I'd be worried about the costs, but not about the feral, lawless streets

@xpc316e as an ‘ex London copper’ you should be able to interpret crime statistics and understand that outside of gang violence (which rarely affects others ourself) London has a crime rate substantially lower than many major UK cities

no thanks to the Met police who are a disgrace as we have seen

I feel the same way about my DS, 2 London Uni’s and Manchester

London (and Manchester) is so big and impersonal, you could easily get “lost”, hard to make friends as everyone scattered around instead of a campus, lots more dodgy people than where we live…more drunks and druggies, everything so expensive…

yeah, we live in a village in Hampshire, and I know I need to get a grip, I really do

part of it is accepting DS isn’t a child anymore. I lived in London in my 20s in a grotty flat in a grotty area with no heating and no money…. and loved it

but I reckon it’s hard to see our kids as the young adults that they are

it won’t be for almost another whole year OP, they’ll be growing up some more

it will be fine…

My DS is at a London university. I'm not concerned about his safety but the cost is eye watering.

DD went to one of those unis. First year halls near campus, 2nd and 3rd year flat shares in studenty, busy residential areas. Still in London flat sharing now. They move about together a fair bit, but also travel alone and walk from bus-stops to home eg after working bar shifts in the holidays. They also use Uber a lot - incredibly convenient! - but often because they are tired or carrying loads.

They all seem fine, and none of them has wanted to leave London despite the pretty hair-raising cost of accommodation.

Would you care, roughly, how much it costs? Rent and living- money per month?

As a Londoner, I think it must be rubbish studying here. Soo blooming expensive. And everyone scattered around.

This was my cousin's experience, she wishes she'd gone somewhere else either a smaller and less expensive city or a campus uni like mine. Lots of people have a great time at UCL or Imperial but your DD really needs to spend lots of time visiting (not just one Open Day or Applicant Day), find out where she could really afford to live and where most students do for each uni and course, and how scattered they tend to be, what the social life is like in that uni and in that subject and make sure that they have the sorts of sports and societies that she would like and be able to afford to join as that is the third place she'll make most of her friends after her course and her lodgings.

The transport is great but it costs, taxis are very expensive when needed, and many students spend a long time commuting each day when they aren't in halls any more and sometimes when they are. Commuting time can make things tiring and harder to get in enough study, work and sports/societies/socialising time.

She should hop on The Student Room (website) and start finding out stuff too. And she should be urged to go for it if it seems right for her but to remember that if it turns out not to be for her, it's fine to say so and restart the following year somewhere else.

(I've lived in London by the way and other cities, so I'm not biased against it.)

Oh and they are excellent unis, also with lots of overseas students who have ended up as close friends, they have invited their English pals to visit their families in their home countries etc. Fabulous enriching experience.

I’m from London and have never been mugged or had any crime happen to me (had money stolen in Madrid once but never in London). Now my daughter has bought a flat in London and she’s loving it.
Your fears aren’t very rational and you will alienate your daughter if you try to transpose your anxieties onto her. Let her choose her own Uni without a mindset of fear and what is the worst that could happen in any scenario.

London would be a fantastic city to live in, especially for a student, and I never feel unsafe there. One of the main reasons to go to university is to get out of your comfort zone, cut the apron strings & have new experiences - living in a big, busy city would be wonderful. I moved to a large city to study at 18 and I'm still here - 39 years later! Please support & encourage her, wherever she wants to go.

According to CrimeRate:

Topping the list of crimes per 1,000 people was Leeds, with a crime rate of 153 - almost double the crime rate reported in London. Second on the list was Birmingham at 137 crimes per 1,000 people. Liverpool came in third with 128 crimes, while Newcastle stood in fourth place with 114. Meanwhile, Bristol’s crime rate was reported to be 94 per 1,000 people, just ahead of London which had a crime rate of 87

www.mylondon.news/news/zone-1-news/london-named-uks-sixth-most-25517907

london is possibly safer than many other places, more people about for starters, more transport options, well lit streets.

I feel safer in London than I do in several other uk cities.

I live in Cambridge (which people assume to be genteel and safe) and a teenager was stabbed to death in town yesterday.

Nowhere is completely safe.

Depending on the college London University halls can be close to some really rough areas. But some colleges to offer flexible courses - so you only come in for exams / certain lectures. That might be better if it’s commutable for you.

Absolutely agree with what has already been said. I have worked for one of the London universities you mention OP, it’s in a lovely, safe, leafy area of London. It would be worth you & your DD visiting to get a feel of the place. I have lived in London for decades & never been a victim of crime however when I lived in Bristol all of my flat mates & I experienced crime in one form or another.
With respect it’s worth educating yourself a bit more on the realities of living in London rather than catastrophising & succumbing to scaremongering headlines as you have done in your OP. You are in danger of sounding out of touch & young people do tend to gravitate to London for good reason.