DS now doesn't want to go to Uni. What now?

[rusticnomad]

Our DS has suddenly announced the week before A Level results day that he doesn't now want to go to Uni at all, but doesn't know what he does want to do. We've talked about local jobs, apprenticeships etc but his response to everything is idk, he's overwhelmed with having to make a decision when none of the alternatives appeal to him. (He never did any work experience (Covid) so he actually has no real experience of work, whilst we weren't able to view Uni's either, so isn't sure what that entails). He had several Uni offers & is quite bright (forecast AAB) so having him drifting along at home doing nothing isn't appealing. I still think Uni is best choice for him but don't want to pressure him into it. Any advice gratefully received.

It is impossible to know what’s behind this. He could be panicking about his A level results. You’ll know that soon enough.

If he has the results he needs, I agree this requires exploration. It could be a wobble about leaving home, or a young love. Could you discern that? If it is a real doubt I agree it makes no sense to send him off in this frame of mind so it would be ideal if he could defer his place and do something constructive, to include some earning, while he thinks.

But many STEM programmes frown on gap years. If he is in STEM with good results and seriously questioning the whole thing you may want to come back to us! (I am a former STEM admissions tutor.)

Bottom line is he can do anything he likes except doss at home with you keeping him.

Uni isn't just an option at 18/19. The mature students generally were more motivated.

I'd be looking at apprenticeships but that's because of the debt situation. What you don't want is him dropping out after a few weeks or months.

Why hadn't he visited any unis? This would definitely help him clarify his thoughts, seeing the campus and cities.

Wait for his results and then see how he feels and what his options are. DD was very wobbly about going three years ago, but soldiered on in the mistaken belief there was no other option and ended up dropping out before Christmas. She then reapplied - if you have good grades it's a completely different experience applying with your results in hand - and ended up on an entirely different course in a different country. If he's not sure about the course or the uni it may be better to withdraw rather than defer - if you defer you can't apply for other courses. Don't pressure him. Let him take some time, get some work experience visit some universities and generally do all the stuff he's missed out of due to Covid. One thing that has been most noticeable with both DD and then with DS is that going straight to uni at 18, they were very much the youngest in their flats and on their courses with what felt like a majority of students at least a year, if not two or three years, older. There really is no need to rush into something that doesn't feel right.

Another one saying look into apprenticeships again. He needn't be planning a career in the area - just looking to do something useful and interesting that might inspire him. In my local area, there are apprenticeships with places like English Heritage and the National Trust that look really interesting and fun. You mention he's quite academic, but apprenticeships aren't 'just' about manual labour necessarily.

I would caution against pushing him to university before time. I've taught a lot of bright students who would have done so much better (academically, but also emotionally) if they'd not felt pushed to start into university asap.

A crucial thing to remember is that, at the moment, loan funding for degrees is capped - you only get four years, so if you decide too late that you've made a mistake, you've wasted the funding. By contrast, a lot of apprenticeships are better value if you're under 19, and often you can make the case for wanting to do more than one (eg., if you're substantially changing your specialism).

My DD has recently done the same. We did the same as @Reallybadidea and said to her it was absolutely fine to not go to uni, but the expectation was that she would find work immediately and start paying rent. Any job to start with, and then to look for something more permanent, an apprenticeship etc or she could look at other courses at other unis.

Turns out she was worried she wouldn't get the grades to get in to uni and once we came up with a clearing plan, she was happy to go after all. But hers is a NHS vocational degree, so very much connected to her career.

That’s ok! He’ll find his own way. Life experience will lead him to narrow down what he wants to do. He’ll be great! He’ll end up ahead of his peers when they’re graduating in 3 years and he’s got 3 years of life under his belt.

@LillianGish has an important point I should have made about deferral; you can’t apply for other places whilst holding one. But it is nice if you can keep your place during either a gap year or until you have a new plan.

See if you can get him on a work experience scheme while he defers his place.
Then he can have a "gap year" while trying to figure out what he wants to do.
I'd recommend apprenticeships as he'll get a qualification without having to get into debt.
I'd also recommend you insisting that he gets some sort of job and doesn't sit around doing nothing.
He may well change his mind after results when he sees what his friends are doing.

Just don't pressure.
See if he can compromise and defer any places and have a year off.
Work travel anything really. Just not lie on your sofa.

Hang in until after results and then defer would be my advice. He can have a gap year working and thinking and then reapply , take original offer or change tack.
He really doesn't need to have decided his future now and any old job will do in the short term; just to get him going and busy .When the students go back the restaurants ,bars and shops will all be looking.
The worst thing would be to go to uni uncommitted in my opinion.

Sorry to bang on about this, but if he doesn't know what he wants to do or where he wants to go then he should withdraw not defer. If he gets AAB he will have lots of choices if he decides to reapply and he will know straightaway whether he has a place. When DD did this with results in hand she was immediately offered a place at Bristol who hadn't even made her an offer when she was applying with predicted grades. Her cousin had a similar experience. Let him go and have a proper look at some universities and also get feedback from friends who are going in September. Having a year out of education and in the real world looking for work will help him focus on whether he wants to continue studying then he can look carefully at course content and how it is assessed and find something he's passionate about. If he just defers the course he doesn't want to do now he won't be able to apply for anything else - he can still apply for the same course again as part of his five choices. Nothing will be lost.

Just bear in mind that there are financial implications for having a gap year this year. Students starting in 2023 will be paying their loans back for an extra 10 years, and willl start paying back on a lower salary, so I would be very sure that he wants a gap year, as that's one hell of a lot of student debt you could be adding in there.

www.politics.co.uk/news/2022/02/24/students-to-pay-back-loans-over-40-years-instead-of-30-in-higher-education-shake-up/

You might want to tell him THIS...

The government plans to extend the repayment period for student loans beginning autumn 2023 from thirty years to forty years. I don't think many people are aware of this - another sneaky attack on the young and poor - but if your DS puts off his studies for a year he will be repaying his student debt into his 60s.

So, if DS is simply unsure/getting cold feet he may want to try uni this September, on the proviso he can pull out if he's not happy. You definitely don't want him trapped in an unhappy place but it is worth him knowing the difference it could make if he simply wants to delay.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/pressoffice/2022/02/martin-lewis---government-student-loan-plans-are-a-big-increase-/

... as hedg has just said more succinctly than me.

On my third time round and experience tells me they all wobble at this point. The emotions run high - DD wants to go and still has cried a lot as lots of change & we are a close family.

my concern with your post is you didn’t go to any unis to look around??? He must be terrified if he has no clue what to expect.

tell us the subject - his A levels and the unis he picked. Is there a reason why you didn’t look at unis in person?

My DS2 didn’t want to go around the September before start of year 13. So whereas older one had a plan he had nothing. He thought he’d just get a job but anything decent wants a degree and therefore I pushed him hard into finding a degree he liked. I asked him to spend a couple of weeks writing down things he liked to read about or watch online - then we’d work out a degree. Before this it was History degree or job and clearly the studying and books weren’t going to suit him. The degree he picked was practical and he came home the first term and was no stop chat about it (a total transformation) he graduated last year and has not stopped working since - his friends many of whom stayed at home and looked for work are still doing really dull minimum wage jobs in industries with no progression. They were all bright kids with good Alevels.

Don’t dismiss apprenticeships. I my industry (professional consulting) they are growing in popularity. 4 days paid work and 1 day at uni per week. They graduate with a proper degree and get paid a decent salary. Whilst getting the real life work experience. The only down side is they don’t move away for the uni student experience most of us think of.

This. But on the proviso that he gets an apprentice style job now. Look at skilled jobs, slating, thatching etc, or jobs where qualifications can come later like digital marketing or catering. Perhaps get him to sign up for some volunteering - most counties have volunteer search & rescue teams that work closely with the police, or there are plenty of environmental volunteer groups. Red cross, and similar, .

I can sympathise, deciding must be so difficult without any real experience of what it means. He needs to try things out for a while.

I've had similar conversations this week. DD said she doesn't really know what you actually do at uni. Possibly not helped by a second course thought she didn't pursue still playing on her mind and probably being easier to envisage what she would actually be doing. At this stage all we can do really is listen and try and keep them calm for results- the lets take things one step at a time approach. Not quite kicking the can down the road but until results it's really hard for many of them to be in the right head space for what happens next.

Just jumping on to add my experience.

I took a year out and worked, went back to uni, hated it, went against my mum and dad's views, dropped out and then returned full time to the same job.

Worked my way up over the years, put down a deposit on a house at 25 while most of my friends were not long out of uni and struggling for jobs/experience. 10 years later I have a great career that still holds plenty of opportunities on the career ladder.

Plus many people I know who went to uni never got jobs in their chosen field of studying.

Was the best decision I ever made dropping out even though I didn't have a clue what would happen

I’d imagine he’s worried his results won’t meet his predicted grades.

Clever boy. Uni is insanely expensive now. It’s not like the old days where you needed a degree to get a good job. Help him to look for an apprenticeship instead, or a job that offers training.

my concern with your post is you didn’t go to any unis to look around??? He must be terrified if he has no clue what to expect.

Whether or not the OP has visited any universities is largely irrelevant, but yes, it is unfortunate that none of the universities their DS was interested in / deided to apply to held either an open day or an offer holder day in person.

@rusticnomad lots of universities are holding Clearing open events on Saturday 20th - if the one that your DS ends up with as his confirmed place (assuming that he will make his insurance, if not his firm offer), he could at least visit then before committing himself one way or the other? Many universities also provide in-person and / or self-guided campus tours.

There is a list on the UCAS website, but the individual university websites will state if they are holding events, assuming that they are in Clearing. Not much use if it's Oxbridge / Imperial / LSE or anywhere else that never goes into Clearing we're talking about here, though.

@MarchingFrogs its massively relevant - try visualising living somewhere you’ve never seen. There are a few people who can jump in without ever seeing a uni - many are confident kids who’ve travelled a lot, lived abroad or been a boarder but the vast majority of kids will struggle at this stage without seeing a place.

getting over to done unis would be ideal asap

Really agree. They need to know that nothing can't be fixed, everythibg can be worked around, and the one thing that would be crap would be spending £45k on a degree he wasn't sure about. Year out, work (in pub or caff is fone) and then visit all of them in the normal way.