Please help - Daughter thinking of dropping out due to study issues

[Willowcat77]

Would really appreciate some advice opinions on my daughter's situation. She has had to suspend her studies (Biology degree) twice due to not being able to cope with her studies, resulting in a distressing breakdown, twice.

We have tried but can't get help from the NHS and don't know what to do for the best. Can any of you understand what's going on with my daughter if I tell you her symptoms?

So when she tries to study she finds it hard to motivate herself, even when she is interested in the subject matter. She can't absorb the information and feels mentally exhausted very quickly. She procrastinates and as a result becomes extremely stressed and has to ask for extensions. This got worse with each year as the work pressure and requirement for independent study increased. She is supposed to be resuming her final year in October but feels history will just repeat itself and this is her last chance.

At school she did well academically, achieving A stars, so we are confused why she can't cope with university. She told me that she got through A levels because the work was so easy and she could get away with doing everything last minute.

She thinks she might have inattentive ADHD but is not being taken seriously by the NHS and it's impossible to get an assessment in time for October.

My daughter is in despair because she desperately wants to finish her degree but feels completely unable to do so. She feels that all her dreams and opportunities are ruined.

I don't know how to help her. Should I be encouraging her to return for her final year and give it another go, or would that be pointless and damaging because she might not cope again? She has never had a job and just dreamt of an academic career, which now seems impossible. DD has always been a very quiet, unconfident girl and now feels very lost.

Please can I have some opinions and advice?

Making sure her college is kept aware is the first thing. If she needs to rake time out, then so be it.
Private Ed psych assessment would be the obvious next step. It may or may not confirm her self diagnosis.
More practically, is she actually sufficiently able academically to do the course? Chronic prevarication or an undiagnosed mental health issue might not be the only stumbling block. She might need to reset her plans. In a professional capacity, I see this all the time; students/young professionals who ‘aspire’ to xyz career but actually don’t have the academics/drive/commitment to do the work to get there (and resent the hell out of anyone who, however kindly and constructively, has to give them a reality check.
All you can do is offer support and guidance. That might include telling her to walk away from the course . Maybe she’s just waiting for ‘permission’ to do just that? I hope your DD gets whatever help she needs to move forward.

For a reasonably bright student, A levels are pretty easy as most of it is spoon fed information/facts which are pretty easy to use/regurgitate in the exams, especially in Maths and the sciences.

Uni is a massive step up. It may be that your DD doesn't have MH issues but simply isn't cut out for academic/degree level study due to the sheer difficulty, depth and volume of the work to be done for her chosen course. There's also the added difficulties caused by Covid and the poor support offered by some Unis over the covid years.

Is there any chance of repeating the year to give her a second chance to "start again" and see if she can keep on top of things on a second attempt? I think a lot of the problem with degrees is getting behind at the start because sometimes you simply can't catch up as many courses have huge amounts of content at pretty high academic levels and it's hard enough to keep up, but if you get behind, it's almost impossible to go back to try to understand etc whilst at the same time, trying to keep up with current work.

We've just gone through a bad spell with our DS in his second year. He had a cracking first year academically despite covid, but when it came to second year, he floundered right from the first week. He just got further and further behind, basically all he could do was keep up with the weekly tasks/quizzes that had to be done and the course work. So he never managed to properly "study" and understand each module, he was basically just skim reading the notes and googling for answers to the questions he needed to submit - because he was spending so much time trying to do the weekly tasks, he couldn't find time to actually study the core work! He thought he'd be able to catch up over the Easter holidays by watching the recorded lectures, re-doing the questions, doing past papers, etc., but the sheer volume overwhelmed him and he started to really struggle, leading to be very close to breakdown just before the exams started, as he was literally studying 12 hours per day but nothing was sinking in and he literally couldn't remember things he'd learned the day before! That's all down to sheer anxiety/panic rather than underlying issues - he basically screwed up by not keeping up with the progress of each module. He knows that, he accepts it, and is now moving forward with a different outlook as he knows what he has to do in October to recover and push on to the third and final year.

If she hasn’t already done so, I urge her to see Student Services and her course leader as soon as possible, and be absolutely honest about the problems she’s having. They will be able to work out what support she needs.
Uni study is very different from A level study, so success at A level doesn’t necessarily mean a student won’t struggle at uni.

Hello, OP -

I am sure this is very difficult for all of you. There is a fairly recent HE thread asking a question about pursuing an appeal. The OP writes in a rather opaque style that is hard to follow and I am not recommending that you read their posts. (The situation is entirely different.)

I mention this because a number of responders started to wonder about the MH of the student in question. I have sat on many Mitigating Circumstances panels and I wrote something about, the single most frequent mistake we see is that students limp from one term to the next, failing to sort their problems. Their performance and often their health goes downhill all the while. It is much better to take the time to sort yourself properly, regain your health and finish strong. Or occasionally to start over somewhere else.

@GoodThinkingMax, who also sounds like an academic, heartily seconded this view and eloquently took it further.

It sounds like your DD has had some time out, or repeated, but my comment stands. Health first. The rest follows naturally. Exactly what form that will take remains to be seen. She may perform very well when healthy, but the comments from @RebOrHon are important and valid. Or what if she just doesn’t really like Biology and has realised deep down that she would rather do something else?

Obviously I have no way of knowing whether any of these possibilities is correct. What I have seen repeatedly with my own tutees is that when they are healthy and feel supported, things have a way of falling into place. Best wishes

This is a long shot, but potentially worth investigating. Could she have long covid? Friend's DC had a very mild case of covid, but 3 months later was having trouble focusing, remembering things he'd just done, getting physically exhausted. They thought he was depressed, but he has since been referred to long covid clinic.

I think it sounds very much like inattentive ADHD. Do you have the funds for a private assessment? ADHD Medication can help with motivation & procrastination. Also untreated ADHD can lead to depression & anxiety & just not coping well with things. Two of my teenagers were diagnosed at 15 & 17.

Try speaking to the university to see if she can have a year out or whether it's possible to repeat the year. Lots of help can be put in place by the university if she is diagnosed.

At school she did well academically, achieving A stars, so we are confused why she can't cope with university. She told me that she got through A levels because the work was so easy and she could get away with doing everything last minute.

I think it's not at all unusual for young people who have breezed through school to find university hard. I've known, and known of, various instances. I think it's partly that they've never needed to learn how to study, and partly because it's a shock to them to find it's suddenly not easy any more and they do have to put in the effort.

Difficulty in getting motivated and procrastination are often part of the same thing (and something nearly all writers suffer from, so she's far from alone there).

So while not ruling out that there might be something else going on, is it worth asking her to think about that, and/or talk it over with her tutor? Acquiring study skills is as important as acquiring subject knowledge, and it sounds as if she might have missed that step.

Also, you say she's never had a job. Could she think about getting one for the summer, even if only part time, to build her confidence?

Wishing her all the best.

Thanks everyone for all your thoughtful replies. I really appreciate it. I agree that she needs more time off to get to the bottom of her issues, but unfortunately she has taken too much time off already - she has been told she will lose her entitlement to student finance if she doesn't return to do her final year in October.

We have tried and failed to get support for her, but the waiting lists for ADHD etc are years long. We are trying to go private but even this has long waiting lists.

The sad thing is that her tutor thinks she's extremely able academically.

If she doesn't finish her degree I don't know what she can do, as she will have lost her chance of any future funding for a new career direction. She says she wants to work with animals but not sure how realistic this is in the circumstances.

If she interrupts for next year that won't affect her student finance at all. Who has told her it would? Assuming she has already repeated a year, she is still entitled to one more year of funding - whether that's 22/23 or (and I'd strongly recommend) 23/24.

I have combined type ADHD. It sounds like it could be ADHD. Please go private if you can afford it. I have a degree because I studied art. I have an IQ of nearly 160 but dread to think about how I would have struggled with an academic degree. Basically people with ADHD but higher IQ's can often mask for so long but eventually our strategies don't work any more.

Getting a summer job would help, maybe some work or volunteering with animals. I managed go get my private diagnosis in a few weeks if that sounds a bit more positive. It was last month.

My area has a waiting list of 6-8 weeks for a private assessment. Then it takes time to titrate up the right level of meds.
I reiterate it's very worth doing as the amount of uni. help is considerable & could make all the difference.
It also looks like your only option rather than giving up on the degree.

Alternatively if your daughter wants to work with animals there's lots of volunteering options around which can maybe lead into a real job.

Yes, the micro-focus that comes with ADHD can mean Art is a really good creative option. Music also is a really good subject. There's been a couple of interesting interviews on the Radio on Musicians with ADHD who say they're more creative without ADHD meds & have stopped taking them because of that very reason.

I have a friend who suspect may have ADHD too. She has built a really successful business as a dog walker and behaviourist. Bought a house mid twenties only just outside the expensive south east, so not cheaply. She did a course, which I think was a degree in animal management but very practical. My other friend (no ADHD) did a zoo keeper course and works in a zoo. There are lots of ways to work with animals/ related to biology. Maybe a massive brainstorming session with a summer of trying to get involved in as much as possible. I have found with ADHD that you have to do a lot of outside the box thinking to overcome difficulties and find non traditional ways to succeed. I am finishing a PGCE in art. I think my organizational difficulties will make getting promoted in a school hard so I hope to develop my children's entertainment that I do out of school hours to get some extra money and career progression. I am hoping to learn magic.

The more she does over the summer, the more other career options start looking possible the less she will panic if she does try to finish. Feeling a bit more positive combined with meditation, medication, eating well and exercise may help get her through.

If she has any interest in anything non academic, such as sports art music or drama and is able to hyper focus this may boost her confidence, even if it just a hobby. These things make me feel better about myself.

Has she accessed the university’s student support services, including counselling?

Her tutor believes in her potential, whatever may be happening right now. Does she have a good rapport with them? If so, unless she has been leaning on them too much already - that is rare and you have given no indication of it - they would probably be glad to meet with your DD to discuss her options and offer implicit support. She might find that easier than talking with DPs she is worried about letting down. The tutor will also have experience of this situation as it is sadly common.

Yes but she didn't find them to be very helpful unfortunately. Maybe if she gets an ADHD diagnosis it would be different. She's also tried various anti depressants which made her much worse, resulting in her self harming ☹

Thanks. She has just managed to book an appointment for an assessment in June, due to someone dropping out. It's eye watering expensive but if it helps her finish her degree it will be worth it. I actually hope it is ADHD because then she can be helped. If it isn't, I don't know what to do next...

Thanks, she has tried to find work but keeps getting rejected due to lack of experience. Do you mind me asking what your private diagnosis involved? Did you get to speak to a psychiatrist?

This is really common for bright students who breezed through school. If she found everything easy, she never actually learned to study.

it’s why especially bright students need to be considered their own version of special needs and be given work that actually helps them learn study skills. It’s typically somewhere in university that they crash into a barrier. For me it wasn’t until I was working on my PhD.

my own child has the same issue and we constantly have to advocate for her with the school to try to make sure she doesn’t fall into this same trap.

Going through similar and know how difficult it is. My DS has completed 1st year. He was talking about dropping out but we have persuaded him to do all possible to pass 1st year and then take a year out.

He is very bright, creative, ADHD and quite at a loss atm. Waiting for results in June and has agreed to working for summer resits.

His doctor recommended we do all possible to protect his college place.

Evety situation is different but I wonder would travel or a year out help your daughter?

@Willowcat87 Could your daughter sign up with a temp agency? If she struggles to find paid work, volunteering and work experience. She could also try the work away away website. You do half a days work in exchange for food and lodging and you can go to lots of places in the UK or around the world. There are lots of opportunities on there to volunteer with animals, conservation projects, that sort of thing. Another idea is teaching English online. There are websites like italki where you can earn a little bit as a conversation partner without formal training. She could work online while travelling and volunteering at placements with animals.

If she set up a variety of different work away placements she might end up doing something that gives her more career ideas.

Ed Psychs can’t diagnose ADHD.