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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

How often do you visit / plan to visit your child at uni?

108 replies

Whatsinaname321 · 12/04/2022 08:01

My child is off to uni this year. The uni he plans to go to is a 4 hour drive away. It would be difficult to visit and drive back home in the same day, the train is horrendously expensive and staying over will obviously be expensive.
His terms are long to be 8 weeks long so he will have a lot of opportunity to come home and with a student railcard it will be cheaper for him to come and visit us rather than us go and visit him (because we are more than one person travelling and we don’t have a student railcard).
We will have to really limit the visits to him.
Does anybody else hardly/ never visit their child at uni?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 12/04/2022 08:03

I visit once a term and they come home once a term. So I guess that means I see them every 3-4 weeks.

Chasingsquirrels · 12/04/2022 08:06

I took him at the beginning.
He came back at Christmas (train both ways).
He is currently back for Easter although only for just over 2 weeks of the 4 (his dad collected him via a friend taking him part of the way and is taking him back).
I'll pick him up in the summer.

Approx 5hr one way journey by car.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 12/04/2022 08:08

It varies hugely. I have friends who visit their DCs every couple of weeks and others who never go to see them.

I was guided by DD. I didn’t want to be the sort of parent who turned up on a regular basis whilst she was trying to settle in and make new friends. But I was there if she needed me.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 12/04/2022 08:09

Unlike a friend whose DD decided to go to uni locally … she told me if she had moved away like my DD then they would have moved house to be near her ShockGrin

Qwill · 12/04/2022 08:09

I think my parents came up once a year! I went home a few times a year, but I was so busy with work and friends I didn’t really feel the need to come home that much as there was always so much going on. I would come back for Christmas always, but even out of term time I would be doing reading and I got a part time job for a few hours a week/weekend. All my friends stayed in the holidays so none of us went home really.

I don’t think you need to make plans yet, just see how it goes.

Qwill · 12/04/2022 08:11

Also, don’t forget you can get a 2 together rail card if you do want to get the train. It’s much cheaper.

Bumpsadaisie · 12/04/2022 08:13

@Whatsinaname321

My child is off to uni this year. The uni he plans to go to is a 4 hour drive away. It would be difficult to visit and drive back home in the same day, the train is horrendously expensive and staying over will obviously be expensive. His terms are long to be 8 weeks long so he will have a lot of opportunity to come home and with a student railcard it will be cheaper for him to come and visit us rather than us go and visit him (because we are more than one person travelling and we don’t have a student railcard). We will have to really limit the visits to him. Does anybody else hardly/ never visit their child at uni?

My parents took me from Cumbria toto Cambridge at the start of each term and collected me 8 weeks later at the end of it. They didn't really visit otherwise.

I never went home for the weekend during term as it was just so busy!

Fritilleries · 12/04/2022 08:14

I thought I could hear a helicopter Shock - my parents visited as in dropped me off and picked me up. Never visited.

Abraxan · 12/04/2022 08:15

It varies. Probably averages out at once a month - either her coming here (she has lots of friends based here still too) or is going over to take her out for lunch. It's about 2 hours each way so doable in a day. Or sometimes meet in a city part way for lunch, or she will visit a family friend/relative at the same time as us.

She has a student railcard and we pay for all of her train travel in those instances.

We always take her at the start of each term, and either both of us or dh will bring her back at the end of term.

Last academic year (her first year) was a bit more strange due to the lockdowns and tiers, etc.

Abraxan · 12/04/2022 08:16

I'm under no illusions that some of DD's visits 'home' are not about seeing us and more about going to local friend's birthday parties, etc. We just get graced with a visit whilst she's here.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 12/04/2022 08:18

8 week terms fly by - my parents used to drop me off and pick me up every term. They only used to visit occasionally if I was doing something special, like a concert or final of a sports tournament. Likewise, I rarely went home during term time. I don't remember other parents visiting very often either - many of them were at least 4/5 hours away.

JulesJules · 12/04/2022 08:20

Same for us, OP. We are 5 hrs drive away. The 8 week terms are so full on she really doesn't have time to come home for a weekend - even though she gets a travel allowance from the university, the train is also about 5 hrs. Also she needs to be there several days before term starts and several days if not the week for 9th week. I miss her terribly and wish we were nearer so could just pop down occasionally to take her out for a lovely lunch, or that she was able to come home for a home cooked meal and a hot bath!

StrawberryPot · 12/04/2022 08:20

Ummm ... we took them at the start of the year with all their stuff and again at the end of the year if they weren't staying in the same flat and had loads of stuff to move.

Were we meant to visit them as well?

We did go to graduation - does that count?

ArtVandalay · 12/04/2022 08:20

I think we visited our first once in 3 years.

The youngest started in September, we have never visited. But he has come home every 3 weeks or so.

I think we’d be cramping his style if we visited. Plus, their holidays are long!

BeyondMyWits · 12/04/2022 08:21

Drop off and pick up each term. Ours are opposite directions to each other which doesn't help. They both nip home for the odd weekend.

mumonthehill · 12/04/2022 08:21

We do not visit really, we have been up around ds birthday but other than that we leave him to it. He knows he can pop home if he wants to but normally just comes in the holidays

WhatHaveIFound · 12/04/2022 08:22

DD is about a 4hr drive away. We took her in September, during reading week in October and then again at Christmas.

Things went a bit pear shaped this year so she came home for 10 days after a MH blip, then I drove to see her after she'd been assaulted.

She's working over Easter so I won't see her until mid May when she finishes and we fetch her home.

DrDetriment · 12/04/2022 08:22

Why visit? Normally parents drop their kids off and then pick them up. I went to uni an hour from home and didn't see my parents all term.

User0610134049 · 12/04/2022 08:23

I think for me it will depend if they’re at uni in a place I want to visit 😆

From memory my parents only came up to drop me off if I didn’t get the train, and for special things like the odd concert or show I was in

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 12/04/2022 08:23

I had 8 week terms. My parents dropped me off at the start of my first term. I got myself home at the end of each term. That was it. I wouldn't have minded the help packing, but the last thing I wanted was them around during term time, which was very busy.

Paleodiet · 12/04/2022 08:24

DD was 150 miles away. I visited once or twice a term on average. Both our birthdays fell during holidays but I went to watch her play in a team (sometimes much closer to home) or to take her out for the day etc. Went on the bus (long day, have free pass) or drove.

Mimijamroll · 12/04/2022 08:26

We visit once a term and stay overnight in a travelodge, this is a 12 week term. Dd doesn't come home in that time.

Original poster
Whatsinaname321 · 12/04/2022 08:28

You have all made me feel a lot better.
We do, of course, plan to drop him off for the start of uni.
I only have two relatives who went away to uni and both of them get at least monthly visits from their parents. I was here thinking my child would feel neglected and uncared for and be the only child not getting regular parent visits.
I’m more than happy for him to just get the train to see us at the end of term for a few days Grin

OP posts:
KnottyKnitting · 12/04/2022 08:30

With DD1 we used to go up there around twice a year and then she also came home once or twice a term although less during final year as her schedule was crazy. She was around a 2 hour drive away and being clever with rail tickets and when to travel we found that it wasn't too expensive for her to come back.

DD2 is much further away ( 6 hours on a train or a 2 hr flight plus 40 mins from the airport.)

In her first year she only came home during the holidays but mainly because of COVID restrictions. This year she has been back once during term time. Next year we will be up there far more as we will be allowed to see the shows that she will do at the end of each term.

Okbutnotgreat · 12/04/2022 08:32

Don’t envisage visiting more than once or twice a year though he will be able to get a train home for holidays if he wants to. Going to find it very difficult but Ds could have picked somewhere closer if he wanted regular visits and knew what would happen if he moved to the other side of the country.

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