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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

How often do you visit / plan to visit your child at uni?

108 replies

Whatsinaname321 · 12/04/2022 08:01

My child is off to uni this year. The uni he plans to go to is a 4 hour drive away. It would be difficult to visit and drive back home in the same day, the train is horrendously expensive and staying over will obviously be expensive.
His terms are long to be 8 weeks long so he will have a lot of opportunity to come home and with a student railcard it will be cheaper for him to come and visit us rather than us go and visit him (because we are more than one person travelling and we don’t have a student railcard).
We will have to really limit the visits to him.
Does anybody else hardly/ never visit their child at uni?

OP posts:
FrenchyQ · 12/04/2022 09:46

In the first year I think we saw DD every 6 weeks or so. This year she's decided to not come home as much and is too busy for us to visit. We saw her at Xmas and now won't see her til we pick her up in July (her choice).

ENoeuf · 12/04/2022 09:47

Never! Dropped them off, picked them up, left them to it. But I’ve always been an off you go type parent so that was normal for us.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 12/04/2022 09:54

It also hugely depends on the DCs experience at uni. DD was quite unwell a few weeks into her first year (with hindsight it was possibly covid), and asked DH to go up and see her - I was away.

More recently she has ended up spending a lot of time on her own as house mates went home, as they had no face to face teaching. I work from home, so have been quite happy to pop up for a couple of days here and there, keep her company, work from there, go out for dinner.

It all depends on the DC and their circumstances. Some need more support than others.

SeasonFinale · 12/04/2022 09:56

If the terms are only 8 weeks long this suggests Oxbridge. They will be busy for visits!

Iamtheweedonkey · 12/04/2022 10:01

My Ds is off to uni in sept. It's going to feel so strange without him around. He's a bit of a home bird, sees his friend to go to the gym, but other than that, he's in his room or watching films with us. I will really miss him, quite often watch the latest film together.

Ssmiler · 12/04/2022 10:28

DD terms are 12 weeks and she is a flight away. It is rare that she can come home due to her schedule so I tend to visit on average about twice in each academic year - more in second year than first as ironically she was more homesick in second year. So again the best advice is to be guided by your DS.

I tend to go alone as it’s the cost of one flight and I can get a cheap tiny single room in a small hotel near her. This keeps the cost down more than if two of us go. Then as well as my visits, she is home for three weeks at Xmas, a month each Easter and just over two months in Summer.

So just be guided by him and don’t rule out just one parent going if that helps with costs

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/04/2022 10:30

Our youngest comes home most weekends.
If he didn’t, I think we’d be guided by what he wanted to do.

TalesOfDrunkennessAndCruelty · 12/04/2022 10:34

Ours has no concept of travelling light (and, believe me, I have tried) so we drop them off at the start of every term and collect them at the end of it, as they have far too much luggage to manage by train. We don’t visit in between, but they occasionally make a flying visit to coincide with a party or whatever at home.

DarleneSnell · 12/04/2022 10:36

Mine never visited me, don't recall my housemates parents coming up either. I'd periodically travel back and see my whole family for the weekend.

SimpleShootingWeekend · 12/04/2022 10:38

Ds is going to London from Worlds Most Boring Town so I’m hoping to visit a couple of times a year. It’s far but an easy and often cheap train journey and I’m envisioning having a lovely day out then taking ds for dinner then coming home. Not sure if he’ll come home in the holidays but I suspect t not, at least not for the whole stretch.

MrsAvocet · 12/04/2022 10:44

With my DD we dropped her off on day 1 and didn't go back til graduation. But she had her own car and never had to bring her belongings home in the holidays, so she could easily get herself home independently.
DS1 is going in September and he can't drive for medical reasons so I'm assuming we'll be dropping off and picking up termly for the first year whilst he is in halls. Once he's sharing a house and doesn't have to clear his room in the holidays I'd expect to just go at the beginning and end of the year, unless there's a specific event, or a problem of some kind. They get long holidays - it's not as if they disappear never to be seen again - and it's so easy to keep in touch by other means these days, not like my student days when there was one payphone in the Hall and all other communication with home was via snail mail.

Underbox · 12/04/2022 10:46

My DD is in her first year of Uni, 300 miles away (6 hour car journey, one way). We dropped her and all her stuff off in Sept, she has since come home (on the train, seven hour journey!) for Christmas and again for Easter. We plan to drive down at the end of term to help put her stuff into storage for the summer. So, we would have visited twice in one year.

Logistics mean we have to stay in a hotel when we visit. It's expensive! DD is more than happy to FaceTime once a week so isn't bothered that we don't visit!

titchy · 12/04/2022 10:58

We went once a year - they came back for a weekend middle of term 1, we went for a weekend middle of term 2. Term 3 short anyway.

titchy · 12/04/2022 10:59

@DrDetriment

Why visit? Normally parents drop their kids off and then pick them up. I went to uni an hour from home and didn't see my parents all term.
Why visit - cos it's nice to see them, nice to take them and new friends out for supper, nice to see a new town, nice to do them a big shop, nice to have a glimpse into their new life. Why not!
RainingYetAgain · 12/04/2022 11:00

With my eldest DS, he was about 40 minutes away from DF and DB. I visited DF about once a month, and checked with DS if he needed anything, usually requiring a car or just a chat over coffee on my way there or back.
Youngest DS, possibly once a term or so.
Both about 3 hours away, just possible as a day trip.

AvaCallanach · 12/04/2022 11:01

My DS is off to uni this Sept...3 miles away! This happens to be the best course for his subject, not a deliberate choice, though I wouldn't have wanted him more than a couple of hours away - just in case, as he gets very anxious. However he is living in halls and other than dropping him off I hadn't anticipated 'visiting'. He might pop home on the bus every now and again I suppose.

AnnaSW1 · 12/04/2022 11:04

The norm where I was was about half the parents would come and pick them up at the end of term. No one was really doing visits there.

Original poster
Whatsinaname321 · 12/04/2022 11:04

deplorabelle

Yes it is Oxford and I have no idea what punting is.
I have a lot to learn Blush

OP posts:
yellowsuninthesky · 12/04/2022 11:06

We're five hours drive from our son. We haven't visited him yet, although he's home for 4-5 weeks at Christmas, now, and then will be back in June, so he's not away for that long anyway.

We took him to uni at the beginning, and will collect him/help him move to his second year house in June. But he's been getting the train there and back inbetween.

If he were nearer, like 2 hours, we might have gone halfway through.

Hbh17 · 12/04/2022 11:13

8 weeks is a very short time, so no need for any visits either way.

worriedatthistime · 12/04/2022 11:13

My ds reckons he is coming home most weekends when he starts uni , I just said ok we will see Smile

CornishGem1975 · 12/04/2022 11:15

As much as they want me to.

AntarcticTern · 12/04/2022 12:15

When I was at uni my boyfriend's mum would send him home made cakes in the post! I wonder if that still happens!

SayThatYouLoveMe · 12/04/2022 12:33

We've visited dd once at her uni this year. She's too busy to fit us in really. I went to uni 250 miles away from my home and the only time my parents came to my uni was for my graduation.

ofteninaspin · 12/04/2022 12:38

Both DC are at Oxbridge and neither has managed a weekend home during term. The short terms make for a very full on uni experience and their weekends are as busy at weekdays.

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