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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Is there a general starting uni thread??

178 replies

Susiesue61 · 21/09/2021 17:06

I've seen a few threads for specific universities but not a generic one!
DD has gone to JMU in Liverpool and I'm finding it really hard going! Anyone fancy a support thread? Or direct me if there is one already!

OP posts:
doistayordoigo · 08/10/2021 18:10

DS's whole flat have a disciplinary hearing on Monday as drugs were found in the kitchen by the cleaners. DS says they were brought in by a friend of one of his flatmates. Really worried now as he's doing vet med so this could be big problem.

Dobbyismyabsolutefav · 08/10/2021 20:00

@doistayordoigo what a nightmare for your DS. Honesty is the best policy and if he knows who bought the drugs into the flat he should say.

Original poster
Susiesue61 · 10/10/2021 13:18

@doistayordoigo I hope it gets sorted out for him.
DD has started to enjoy herself a bit more now she knows people a bit better and she's got into the footy team so she's happy 😁

OP posts:
boys3 · 11/10/2021 21:38

I hope things worked out ok for your DS today @doistayordoigo

Different and rather more trivial flat issues for DS3. The not unheard of one of the flatmates leaves the kitchen in a right mess. Which is increasingly hacking of DS3 and the rest. I've suggested to him that, if it not already their plan, then they all need to sit down and agree some basic ground-rules. I suspect the guilty party is a) a bit of a slob; and b) possibly does not quite realise that his actions, or rather lack of, are simply not acceptable when sharing with others. And therefore simply needs to be told, in a nice way, that he needs to clear up after himself. Hopefully it will all be resolved amicably.

doistayordoigo · 12/10/2021 07:47

The disciplinary meeting resulted in them being let off with a warning and advised to be more careful about who they let into their flat, so that's a relief.

He went to the vet campus yesterday and did basic dog and horse handling, which I think he enjoyed. He's never been near a horse in his life! It seems the workload is quite heavy, which was expected, but I'm so glad there seems to be some decent F2F provision. They alternate alternate between a day online and a day F2F, which seems to be working well.

iknowimcoming · 12/10/2021 08:42

@doistayordoigo - what a relief, so pleased that's been sorted sensibly for your ds! I've been thinking about you the last few days.

My DS is still doing well and seems happy and relaxed, despite freshers flu running amok. He's been battling to get his adhd medication sorted out through his new gp, but I think he's getting it today and I've told him that there are few challenges in life more difficult than negotiating with drs, drs receptionists and pharmacies so he'll be able to call himself a real adult when this is sorted Grin

Original poster
Susiesue61 · 12/10/2021 11:49

Ha ha, DD had to sort out an appointment with her GP today!
How are your DC getting on mixing in their course? DD has met one girl and chats to a couple of the lads but otherwise says it's hard to get to know people

OP posts:
WhatHaveIFound · 12/10/2021 13:01

DD has a made a couple of friends on her course and one is looking like a possible housemate for second year as they share a love of singing.

Unfortunately her anxiety has been increasing so a lot of calls/texts over the last week. I'm resisting the urge to make a 10 hour round trip to give her a mum hug!

vjg13 · 12/10/2021 16:16

My daughter was the most anxious and stressed last week that she has been, she had been out for four nights in a row so that was definitely related!

Original poster
Susiesue61 · 12/10/2021 17:50

Yes DD is anxious, not particularly unhappy but can’t manage new things!! So she rang in tears last night, I’m feeling really on edge. DH meanwhile is carrying on life as normal!!

OP posts:
WhatHaveIFound · 13/10/2021 07:26

DH meanwhile is carrying on life as normal!!

This is my DH too. Do they have no idea what mum's go through?

I'm sure lack of sleep contributes to my DD's anxiety too so thankfully she stayed in last night to catch up with work and get an early night. Hoping she's feeling better today.

FlyingSquid · 14/10/2021 11:18

After a panic-stricken start in which she apparently had every fresher's bug under the sun and couldn't do the necessary IT, induction sessions, societies fair or indeed meals, DD finally rang to say that she felt a bit better yesterday and had been out with a (school) friend.

Now to start the work catchup and getting-to-know-people bits.

nitisuldenbur · 15/10/2021 09:40

DS is struggling very badly with anxiety. It started because he was ill for so long I think but it's now getting to a debilitating level. He has contacted everyone he can think of (uni DSA knew about this before he started) including the doctor and the only "support" he has had (apart from me) is his personal tutor who was really lovely but basically just talked about his own anxiety.

Getting to know people on course is hard because it's all online.

BigWoollyJumpers · 15/10/2021 09:49

Getting to know people on course is hard because it's all online

I continue to be shocked by how many uni's are sticking to on-line only, when others are completely back to normal. I understand not all courses and facilities are the same, but at least some kind of blended learning must be achievable by all.

iknowimcoming · 15/10/2021 10:12

@nitisuldenbur - my Ds had his anxiety suddenly and dramatically reappear just before he went to uni and we were lucky enough to find a private therapist who has helped him hugely (he had 6 sessions at £85 each) it was all done over zoom so he did some before he went and a couple to follow up once he was at uni, and he's now finished as therapist was happy he was ok to 'go it alone'. I know that's a lot of money but it was well worth it for my Ds as we knew it would take months if not years to get anything from the nhs. Not sure if that's helpful or not - sorry, hope your DS is ok Thanks

nitisuldenbur · 15/10/2021 12:16

iknowimcoming thanks. Can you let me know how you went about finding a therapist as I think this might be the best option for DS currently?

iknowimcoming · 15/10/2021 15:09

@nitisuldenbur - I asked for local recommendations on our community Facebook group and looked at the Counselling Directory too, everyone I contacted was fully booked for months but by chance a clinic another family member had been in touch with (not local to us) had availability and because they were doing zoom appointments we went with them. It's worth asking your gp too as they often have therapists who do nhs and private work so they can sometimes recommend people. Good luck.

honkytonkheroe · 18/10/2021 09:47

Nightmare weekend. DD had her drink spiked and apparently went completely psycho and suicidal and had to be physically restrained from killing herself. Flat mates had a night of her screaming and rampaging and at no point did they call an ambulance even though it must have been terrifying. At the nightclub she wouldn’t let paramedics near her and was screaming at them that she didn’t trust them and running away so they finally managed to get her to go home with someone to her flatmates who were in. Why the flat mates didn’t call an ambulance I’ll never know! She woke the next morning very confused, shakey and with palpitations. We reported it to the police who left it too long before telling her to get bloods done. It could never be traced though to the extent of a charge - she stupidly accepted a drink from a random guy in a pub. She’s been home for the weekend and now back. Is otherwise doing well making friends so hopefully will get over this quite quickly.

vjg13 · 18/10/2021 10:00

Honkeytonkheroe How utterly terrifying for you all and her flat mates. I read an article recently about a young woman having a similar reaction after having a drink spiked who was hospitalised. I hope she recovers quickly.

Original poster
Susiesue61 · 18/10/2021 17:38

How awful 😣
DD came home for the weekend for work and football but came down with something yesterday so she’s stayed at home today. She’s really sad as she felt she was just settling in!! I don’t whether I’m too soft with her but when I came home at lunchtime to put her on the train, she was crying and she looked terrible!! Having a PCR now and if that’s negative she’ll go back tomorrow.
She always intended to come home every weekend but I’m not sure it’s helping either of us

OP posts:
doistayordoigo · 18/10/2021 18:31

Honkeytonkhero Utterly terrifying, but not as terrifying as what could have happened if she hadn't reacted to it the ay she did, and the random man had been able to take advantage of her. Although the effect on her was awful it may have saved her in a way Sad

honkytonkheroe · 18/10/2021 19:38

@doistayordoigo that's a very good point, thank you. I hadn't thought of it like that.

Uniblues · 23/10/2021 17:41

Can I join? Late to the party as Dd1 started at Leeds 5 weeks ago. I have posted a separate thread before finding this. Shes thrown herself into the course and meeting people but doesnt feel she has any real friends. Any advice please? Im worried.Sad

doistayordoigo · 23/10/2021 19:03

Uniblues I feel the same way with my DS, as although he's getting on ok with his flatmates they don't really have anything in common - they al do drugs and are party animals with low contact hours on their courses, whereas DS is more low key social and has about 4 lectures a day, so needs to be up earlier. He's got a few "friends" but I don't think he feels they're proper friends yet. I keep reminding myself that it's early days still and proper friendships will take more than a few weeks to cement.

nitisuldenbur · 23/10/2021 19:58

Uniblues my DS is the same. Really threw himself into everything despite being unwell for 1st 3 weeks and doesn't feel like he's got anywhere. He is so disillusioned with the university, his course and flatmates. He is also 19 (saw your other thread) and was absolutely raring to go. He's home at the moment because of some boring admin thing he had to attend to and actually the break has been really good for him. We've spent a lot of time talking and hopefully he's going back tomorrow with lower expectations but a desire to stay (I was worried he was going to leave). I feel so sorry for them all. This pandemic has done so much damage: DS's flatmates are really nice apparently but they all stay in their rooms gaming with no desire to go out at all. It also doesn't help my DS that he's constantly starving!