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Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Higher education

Is there a general starting uni thread??

178 replies

Susiesue61 · 21/09/2021 17:06

I've seen a few threads for specific universities but not a generic one!
DD has gone to JMU in Liverpool and I'm finding it really hard going! Anyone fancy a support thread? Or direct me if there is one already!

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Susiesue61 · 27/09/2021 13:06

Aw we've had tears over the weekend! Tough to judge because she's been home for work and then didn't really want to go back. She likes her flatmates and has met one girl she likes on her course, lectures start today so she's looking forward to that 😊

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boys3 · 27/09/2021 14:03

Spectacular views aside DS3, if he did not realise it already, has discovered that Wales can be:

Exceptionally wet

And

Exceptionally windy

At the same time Grin

He did give up his sweatshirt for someone else though.

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Dobbyismyabsolutefav · 27/09/2021 14:28

@ss67 It's so hard isn't it when your teenager has a wobble and you're miles away from them. My DD was particularly teary when she was unwell. I keep telling her that most of her peers are probably feeling the same as she does, as several of these threads prove, and also not just the girls but boys too.

We are going to visit this weekend for a couple of nights and I think it has helped that it would only be 3 weeks until she saw us. What is great is that she has plans for Saturday now so can join us for dinner but then go out afterwards.

Also my DD has a field trip during week 7 so no lectures that week so she might come home for a long weekend. Hopefully this will see her through to Christmas.

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WhatHaveIFound · 27/09/2021 16:01

SS67 It's hard isn't it. I really hope your DD starts to feel better and that she can make more friends once her course begins. I think they always feel worse when they're not well, just because they're used to being looked after.

My DD sent me her meal plan for the week (looks healthy enough), has been to her first lectures and tested negative. I just hope that she won't be one to catch Covid twice since it's just over a year since the last time and she's now double jabbed.

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nitisuldenbur · 27/09/2021 17:15

My DS start went on Saturday. Long before he left he said his only concern about going to uni was having enough to eat. He's 6'4" and very active and needs to eat a lot. This afternoon he sent me a message saying he's a bit depressed. We ended up having a chat and of course he's not having enough food! Argh it's so hard: I want to start sending him food parcels Sad

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doistayordoigo · 27/09/2021 17:54

Well given that when we spoke to DS yesterday he was practically dying, he managed to drag himself out to a vat med freshers event last night, and has said this morning that he's surprised he wasn't more hungover Hmm

He also said there was lots of hazing, which apparently involved being drawn on with marker pens. I suppose as initiation rites go it could have been worse.

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Bagelsandbrie · 27/09/2021 18:53

@nitisuldenbur

My DS start went on Saturday. Long before he left he said his only concern about going to uni was having enough to eat. He's 6'4" and very active and needs to eat a lot. This afternoon he sent me a message saying he's a bit depressed. We ended up having a chat and of course he's not having enough food! Argh it's so hard: I want to start sending him food parcels Sad

I’m feeling this way about dd.

She is in catered halls but she said today that the food is pretty grotty. Not much veg and lots of meat / roast dinner type stuff which isn’t really her thing. And not much choice of anything else! Felt a bit sad for her. At home we are all quite foodies with lots of fresh veg and stuff like mixed veg curries and stir fry’s etc and I guess that doesn’t translate well into Hall food when you have so many to cook for!

She did say she’s been and done a little shop and got some bits and bobs. She has a fridge in her room and a toaster. I just worry about her because i know at home she eats a LOT!

It feels very strange going from having her around all the time to her just living alone and doing everything for herself. Feel a bit low today.
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user1471428785 · 27/09/2021 21:22

Can I join please?Things have been quite tough. DD has been away 2 weeks and almost from the off she became ill ( ill enough to get a face to face GP appointment-quite rare!!) due to her winding herself up so much before she went. Have felt terrible as we’re 4 hours away and she hasn’t clicked with her flat mates who are all party animals. All I can do is hope things improve.

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beethecrackon24995 · 28/09/2021 00:23

another one here. dropped dd off at york on saturday. haven't spoken since other than a few very brief whatsapps. we really miss her as the three of us are very close + we only have the one dc. she's very confident/outgoing so i would be surprised if she found it hard to settle. i have backed off and have only sent the odd message. she is coming back in a month for the weekend but she has a gig to go to & is meeting up with london friends so we won't see her much. we are all very close but feel a bit pushed aside but we get it as she is giddy with excitement. It's hard letting go and not feeling so important anymore although i know this is all natural but i'm feeling sad as i miss my friend

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nitisuldenbur · 28/09/2021 08:23

Bagelsandbrie "I just worry about her because i know at home she eats a LOT!"

Exactly the same for my DS. He eats a HUGE amount at meals but doesn't really snack or eat sweet stuff. He has a part catered option (the only catered option) and he said the evening meal last night was nice but tiny compared to what he can consume. Having to reinvent his diet is the biggest challenge so far I think! At the moment it's having a knock on effect on everything and last night he was sounding a bit manic.

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Hotmessat54 · 28/09/2021 10:23

Dropped only child DS off at Uni (Trinity College Dublin) last week and I am REALLY struggling to keep it together. We're an English/Irish family who live in the US. TCD was and still is DS's #1 choice. He's been out a lot in the evenings but during Freshers' Week spent almost every day in his room alone. Doesn't really "vibe" ,as he puts it, with the other students in his flat. Has met some nice people but seems to think he should have a couple of really close friends by now (after 7 days in?). Back home he has a large group of friends and a girlfriend. A popular, relaxed and confident guy. Lectures are on-line due to the class size, clubs haven't started yet. I know it's early days. We're very close and he shares every up and down. He misses us. We've had WhatsApp calls in which he's happy, and others in which he is holding back the tears. I am now suffering major anxiety. I am absolutely amazed at the strength of my emotional response. I can barely function. I am just hoping that time will heal and it will all work out. Any advice? How long does this second wave separation anxiety last? All comments gratefully received...

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pointythings · 28/09/2021 12:05

Dropped DD2 off at Plymouth on the 18th - she's doing great so far, not really gelling with her flatmates but has made friends on the course and at the societies she's joined. She has fibromyalgia so really has to manage her time well, but she's stepped up massively. She's not into clubbing and drinking at all, and it looks as if she's finding her tribe. It's just that she's such bloody miles away!

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SS67 · 28/09/2021 14:05

DD went to a dance society last night and really enjoyed it, they have a social on Wed so hopefully she'll meet other students. Also heard from the hotel job that her passport was fine. Still not sure when she'll start that though. She was a lot happier last night, but mood back down again today. Still saying her flat mates just stay in their rooms 🤷 and yes she expects to meet close friends in 2 weeks as well ! 😂

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Susiesue61 · 28/09/2021 14:36

That's great @SS67 😊 DD too was better yesterday, enjoyed her lectures and went to the gym! This morning she had a bit of a low but went for a walk and felt better. She's struggling because her flatmates don't get up till really late and she has to just come across them in the kitchen!! I think she's doing well and just needs to be patient

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nitisuldenbur · 28/09/2021 15:23

I think the reason most flatmates just stay in their rooms is because there's not really a common place (apart from a crappy little kitchen where my DS is) for them to congregate. My DS is having the same problems. I also think universities should consider "types" before putting them in flats together - a short questionnaire asking things like do you like partying or not, are you a morning or night person would be helpful and prevent students dropping out or generally being miserable. I know some do this but it appears many don't.

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gleegeek · 28/09/2021 16:58

nit I agree completely. All these beautiful bedrooms but no communal space! It would make a huge difference if there was a room on the ground floor with chairs, table tennis table, vending machines etc so that students could meet others not in their flat. Also dd has an 8 minute walk to reception to pick up her post, so she rarely bothers. I thought I'd write to her regularly but that just adds another thing for her to get doneSad

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boys3 · 28/09/2021 18:29

You do wonder how much thought goes into the design of some of these halls, mainly the catered ones, in terms of communal space.

DS3, like DS2, does not have a catered option. Both have been lucky to have really quite large kitchen and communal areas within their hall flats. DS3 has a large kitchen, table big enough to seat all six in the flat easily, and enough soft seating for all of them plus a couple of extras with a large flatscreen TV included.

That said having the shared space is not a guarantee that all will use it. Some will be very comfortable just in their own company. Others can be really quite lonely and isolated. Hopefully others in a flat would ask if those they have not seen want to join them for a bite to eat, or to wander across to freshers fair with them. The answer of course might be a ‘no’ but you’d hope someone would at least knock on a door and ask.

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JemimaMuddledUp · 28/09/2021 19:12

@boys3

Spectacular views aside DS3, if he did not realise it already, has discovered that Wales can be:

Exceptionally wet

And

Exceptionally windy

At the same time Grin

He did give up his sweatshirt for someone else though.

DS1 is at the same place and yes to both of these!
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honkytonkheroe · 29/09/2021 08:12

DD started Uni of Birmingham 10 days ago. She’s in a flat with another 4 girls and likes all of them. This is a bit of a surprise because at school she found a lot of people annoying - has no time for kids not working, being silly, being attention seeking etc! Perhaps she’s just finding more people are like her by the time you get to uni. She drank too much during freshers and had never really drank before but said she needed to to make nightclubs bearable. She was glad to get to this week and lectures and now she is ill with a flu virus and most of the flat are too. She has joined a few societies (she sings, dances and loves musical theatre) so we are looking forward to next week when she’s better, can attend lectures (currently to ill to attend so catching up online) and her societies start. I’m going to see her Sunday and take her out for a meal (if I can get petrol!) so she doesn’t get too homesick. She’s doing ok though. Being in a flat with nice people makes all the difference I think.

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Dobbyismyabsolutefav · 29/09/2021 10:06

@hotmessat54 It must be so hard especially when your DS is overseas as you can't just get on a train or in the car to go see them.

My DD is in her third week at uni and she has a string of really good days then she can get a little teary. I'm exhausted with this emotional roller coaster but I just think our teenagers need to get through to Christmas. Each week does get easier as they have more structure in their week from lectures and getting to see familiar faces on a regular basis.

I think it is unrealistic to make good friends immediately that takes time and I keep telling my DD this. Plus as my DD, and her peers, has been cooped up at home for the last 18 months coupled with online learning she hasn't naturally become more independent from family life so is finding the transition challenging.

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nitisuldenbur · 29/09/2021 13:55

My DS appears to be clubbing most nights, going to the pub, meeting people, hanging out with his flat-mates, joining societies, having try-outs for different sports etc etc but every time he texts me or speaks to me he's in a complete flap so I've concluded he's having a pretty great time but taking his frustrations over finding his way out on me. I think this is possibly a good thing. I'm just a bit tired. Plus he probably needs to eat more!

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BigWoollyJumpers · 29/09/2021 14:09

Third week for us, and after lots and lots of WhatsApping in the first two weeks, it has suddenly gone quiet. This is a good thing. DD is definitely settling down, as are the friendship groups. Also getting back to lessons has really helped, structure as ever, is really important. DD was very lucky in that she had already initiated on-line friendships over the summer with people on her course, and just before they started, in her block too. Amazingly she also chatted with a couple of people in higher years, and has met up with them. After all that nagging about spending too much time on social media, it actually came in quite useful for starting university.

She is doing really well, I am really proud of her. She hasn't yet had a ready meal, and on Sunday cooked a lasagna for the whole flat.

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Hotmessat54 · 29/09/2021 18:18

I think what has really taken me by surprise is my own massive and disproportionate response. I probably come across as some nightmare overbearing clingy mother. In fact, while we are close he's pretty independent and I've been very happy with that. This feels like post-natal depression. The fact that he may experience downs as well as the ups is unbearable to me. As if my only purpose on this earth is to ensure he is 100% happy 100% of the time. How utterly ridiculous. I'm quite ashamed...

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honkytonkheroe · 29/09/2021 20:50

@Hotmessat54 I totally get it to be honest. Everyone wants their kids to be happy 100% of the time. My daughter could completely ruin my day if she phoned up in tears and I'd worry about her all day or if she phoned me happy then it would make my day. Starting uni is a huge thing and a big worry. It's nice that they tell you things but it's also quite a burden. It really is early days. If they have done well with their flat mates, they're more likely to be settled within the first few weeks but all their subject mates and society mates won't get met until they've all started up properly. I'm sure it'll all seem completely different in a few weeks.

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LillianGish · 29/09/2021 22:28

Being in a flat with nice people makes all the difference I think. I agree. I have a DS who just started at Birmingham. He has a really nice flat and really nice people in surrounding flats. DD dropped out of Cardiff a couple of years ago after just 8 weeks because she really didn't like the people in her flat (didn't like her course either so all in all a bit of a disaster) DS moved me to tears this week when he said there's a girl in his flat who suffers from anxiety so he and another girl in the flat have been really looking out for her and making sure she's OK - because he didn't want her to have the same experience as his sister. I've been quite anxious about history repeating itself especially as we don't live in the UK so its not really possible pop home for a weekend. Seems to be going OK so far...

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