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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

DD (an only) Off To Uni Tomorrow Heart Breaking But Hiding It Well

125 replies

girlie1 · 18/09/2021 15:32

The title sums it up. Our daughter is wonderful, inspite of the usual flash points over tidiness etc we are very close, have done alot together including some fantastic adventurous trips, and we love having her at home. She is also a bit vunerble having had anxiety issues in recent times and is less independent/experienced than many girls her age. However during her gap year -inspite of covid limitations - she has addressed her mental health issues and worked in several roles, growing alot in confidence and spreading her wings more socially. As well as the usual anxieties aboit her being a long way from home in the big wild world, we have some concerns about how she will cope with the practicalities of life (no catered accom at Sheffield uni) / bus rides each day to lectures etc and the almost 200 mile distance from home should she need us. However, we recognise at 19 it's her time to do this, and having both been to uni ourselves we are proud she got into her top choice and feel excited for her.
However as it gets closer I feel a real sense of dread. I went to boarding school and uni in UK but my parents lived overseas and so I am used to separations. Whilst my head tells me to get on with it with all the logical conclusions.. my heart feels as if it is breaking. I know I must put on a brave face for her sake (and I will). But this feels alot worse than I imagined. Right now I wonder how I am going to be happy without her. Knowing others have been through it helps. Any advice gratefully accepted.

OP posts:
Itsnotdeep · 24/09/2021 17:04

I think visiting every half term sounds good.

Sending pictures of pets good advice - my dd messaged last night asking for pictures of the dog as she is missing him. I'm holding off phoning her until the weekend. But it's really hard!

I need to clean her room this weekend too

Itsnotdeep · 24/09/2021 17:05

sorry to hear you broke your leg @Dowhatnoway ! Hope you are recovering well.

Dowhatnoway · 24/09/2021 17:30

Thanks @Itsnotdeep. I am recovering slowly and looking forward to visiting DD around half term time. She should be well settled by then.

DottyHarmer · 24/09/2021 17:36

Oh, agree that a good pic of the dog will always flush them out !!

pepperaunt · 25/09/2021 09:10

I lived for my Late Mum’s loving funny, newsy letters. DD informed me that the only way she wished to hear from me was via text (“You won’t be sending me any letters🤨 will you?”)

pepperaunt · 25/09/2021 09:11

Also, under no circumstances are we to “find ourselves” at Cambridge. Sigh…

Coronawireless · 25/09/2021 10:59

I was thinking that a good analogy is that they are leaving their rock (home) to swim out to sea. When they’re younger they cling to the rock or go for short swims, constantly looking back to check that the rock is still there. Now they’ve finally struck out to sea they can’t afford to look back. It’s choppy and challenging and they have to concentrate on what they’re doing. The ones who will do best are the ones who know that even though they can’t look back (for now) the rock will still be there. Photos of the dog etc are an all is well signal that doesn’t require them to break focus and turn back.

Dowhatnoway · 25/09/2021 12:00

I love the analogy @coronawireless

Susiesue61 · 25/09/2021 13:00

All children/young adults are different though! DD loves home, loves her brothers and just being with us. She's come home today to work, play football tomorrow, have a roast and then she'll go back ready to go again. She has deliberately not gone far for that reason! I appreciate that they can't all get home easily, I couldn't when I went and I was miserable and homesick .

DottyHarmer · 25/09/2021 16:09

It is tough for the youngsters sharing with homebodies. Dn was in a flat share in halls with three other girls, all of whom upped sticks and went home on a Friday and returned on Monday. Dn felt she had no choice but to do the same, even though it was quite a journey, as she didn’t want to stay by herself in a flat all weekend. She felt disappointed that these girls seemed to have no desire from the outset to throw themselves into university life.

Actually ds said there were a couple of Professionally Bored people at his college who were, “Yah, got to get back to London, yah, to my frieeeeends.” Luckily he said there were only two of them and they were no great loss.

Theimpossiblegirl · 25/09/2021 18:25

Had a lovely long chat with DD today. She's getting on really well with her flatmates and they have flat prinks then block prinks before going out.
She said it's felt like a holiday so far!
I do wonder if she's made friends with any of the other Sheffield DCs from this thread.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 26/09/2021 09:21

This is lovely. My DD has just started year 3. I have another at home but she's out prob 80% of the time - work/boyfriend/friends. So it is just me and DH most of the time. Thankfully we still get on and enjoy going out for dinner/pub/walks.

As well as missing them, I miss their lovely friends! Our house used to be lively and buzzing, friends having 'pre-drinks' in the kitchen before a night out, chatting away to me. Suddenly just stopped. It's definitely the end of an era Sad.

DottyHarmer · 26/09/2021 10:44

They’ll be back, @BigSandyBalls2015 ! Thought we’d got rid of ds but he is wfh in his bedroom, and a friend has just called round. (Nb I love him being here but also feel sad about wfh for youngsters…)

iknowimcoming · 26/09/2021 18:28

Dropped Ds off earlier, got him settled then went to shops to get some lunch, got back to his flat and ate lunch and asked if there was anything else he wanted us to do and he started crying (he's not normally a cryer but does have anxiety) gave him lots of reassurance and hugs and he said he'd be fine we should go (whilst still crying) so we left Sad messaged him when we got home and he says he's feeling better and is now on a tour so fingers crossed he'll be ok. I'm a bit of a mess now, but also have dreadful flu which isn't helping, decent nights sleep and things'll look better tomorrow right? Sad

ssd · 27/09/2021 09:08

Aww, am sure it will be @iknowimcoming

DottyHarmer · 27/09/2021 09:38

It’s an emotional time, @iknowimcoming . That bit where you leave…..

But they soon get into the swing of things. Ds was a ball of anxiety coupled with extreme awkwardness when I left him. His next-door-neighbour was a right antisocial grump (who remained so for three years! - ds only mentioned yesterday that the guy complained when he saw ds bringing his guitar in) but everyone else was very friendly.

Dd is currently spending all day in bed “to make the most of it” before she leaves Grin

doubleshotcappuccino · 27/09/2021 11:26

Loved this

DD (an only) Off To Uni Tomorrow Heart Breaking But Hiding It Well
iknowimcoming · 28/09/2021 12:03

Update! He's ok! Been out last 2 nights and seems happy - yay!

Delphigirl · 28/09/2021 13:08

Really delighted to hear that @iknowimcoming
Star

DottyHarmer · 28/09/2021 13:09

Great news!

ssd · 28/09/2021 19:02

Aww thats great news. Hope he's having a ball.

Theimpossiblegirl · 10/10/2021 09:52

How's everyone getting on? I miss DD but she's having a lovely time with some lovely people. Someone in her flat has a projector so they are watching squid games together.
A few have guitars and they seem to gather a lot.
She also likes the studying!

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 10/10/2021 10:41

Hi @Theimpossiblegirl, glad your daughter is doing well. I'm currently on holiday in a place I brought my daughter every summer up until two years ago and it's so weird without her here. Lots of memories. My daughter is doing well, she was ill with tonsillitis last weekend just before we came away and I felt like the worst mother in the world leaving the country at that point! But thankfully she's better now. Still miss her loads.

Fortunei · 14/10/2021 17:19

I’m in the similar boat with our only son - it’s been nearly 4 weeks and I’m missing him. It’s helpful to read I’m not the only one missing my grown up child. Let’s be strong together

Dobbyismyabsolutefav · 14/10/2021 23:40

My 'only' has a field trip next week so no lectures which means she is coming home for a long weekend. I can't wait. I plan on feeding her and letting her sleep as she has been out every night this week!

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