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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Durham University

999 replies

KingscoteStaff · 18/09/2021 06:46

The continuation thread for those with DC at Durham, or applying to Durham, or alumni, or staff!

September 2021 finds us packing, unpacking, meeting old friends and new, and all with our fingers firmly crossed for a positive year!

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11
Fruitygal · 17/10/2021 09:34

At the open day in September. The uni said they were sending preference forms after received application but before offers. You can still add one to UCAS application but 6 college preference form is sent out immediately once application received. Friend with DD applying to Oxbridge is a week ahead of my DD with application and they have already filled in preference form. There were so many issues with reallocating college rooms this year due to more successful applicants than normal that they changed things around.

Eightytwenty · 17/10/2021 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NCTDN · 17/10/2021 11:50

@Eightytwenty was that for 2021 or 2022?

Eightytwenty · 17/10/2021 15:04

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NCTDN · 17/10/2021 15:39

That's good to know. Thanks

Gizmo98765 · 17/10/2021 17:04

Thats good to know thank you for the heads up. @Eightytwenty DS got his ps away early last week and has received emails from universities but I don’t think he has properly opened them and he certainly hasn’t ranked his college preferences for Durham.

Eightytwenty · 17/10/2021 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gizmo98765 · 17/10/2021 17:15

DS only really saw the outside of St Marys and the town centre ones from outside but surprisingly he prefers the newer hill colleges which we didn’t see.

SpringSparrow · 17/10/2021 23:17

It might be worth looking to see where your son or daughter’s department is in comparison to the colleges. My dd is in a Bailey college and her department is a five minute walk away. She’s also really handy for all the shops and cafes in central Durham. Some of the halls of residence on the Bailey are quite dated, and some of the hill colleges you would be much more likely to get an en-suite room if that was a preference.

Meery · 18/10/2021 00:47

Is anyone else’s child still not settled at Durham? Had a chat with dd earlier and she sounded so sad and lonely. She has not bonded with her landing and is too shy to approach others. Although she goes to meals with some other students, she said that they eat in silence and then all disappear to their rooms for the night. She looks on other groups getting together for movies or pizzas with envy but will not ask to join in.
She has joined various societies but not gone to any of the socials. Every suggestion I made for meeting people was rubbished, but I can’t see how anything will change if she spends all her free time by herself in her room.

Any ideas welcome.

chopc · 18/10/2021 06:48

@Meery sorry to hear about your daughter. It's so difficult being a parent in that situation. I do sympathise. Of course you are right (how will anything change if she just stays in her room).... hopefully in lectures she will meet people she gels with?

What is the reason behind not going to any society socials? As that is how you will make bonds no?

Meery · 18/10/2021 07:28

You’d have thought so @chopc. Reasons include too tired after day of lectures, no one else going she knows, didn’t fancy going out....
Lectures seem to be too big and busy to get chatting as well. As you can see I’m hearing every excuse possible.
I guess in a way this is an indirect plea to your freshers, if you see someone looking a little lost a friendly smile and hello would really make their day.

Gizmo98765 · 18/10/2021 07:38

Thanks DS is nat sciences. He isn’t keen on sharing a room but could cope without an ensuite. His first preference is a hill college and I swayed him towards Josephine Butler as the bar sounds good and sociable not that he has ever been out drinking yet as he is not yet 18, with covid and his friends live very far apart. Any other suggestions or would this be a good college choice?

@Meery what type of college/room is your DD in? I think with covid, the way the world has been for the past however many months and still is in terms of less face to face lectures it must have impacted many young people and the uni experience too I would imagine. Also many young people are so wrapped up technology it might be harder for her/them to make face to face friendships and she may have been unlucky with her landing although sometimes friendships might not happen right away they still might.

SpamhappyTootsie · 18/10/2021 07:52

@Gizmo98765 DS is loving Butler. Near to his dept, modernish rooms, bit of scenery to gaze out at from the top of the Mound if that’s your thing. Not a clubber or a drinker but has popped to the bar a few times I think.

@Meery that sound so difficult and upsetting for you both. I don’t know what to suggest, really, sounds like you have all the suggestions covered and it’s up to her now to take the plunge. Much easier said than done, I know.

Gizmo98765 · 18/10/2021 08:29

Thanks @Spamhappytootsie that sounds ideal and very reassuring. DS loved all the architecture at Durham so I was quite surprised when he said he thought he might want a hill college (but think he is going by what a friend at his school has chosen and he has opted for John Snow). DS is from a state GS and I would say he is quietly sociable and would get on with people from a variety of backgrounds but isn’t into wild nightlife.

SpamhappyTootsie · 18/10/2021 08:40

@Gizmo98765 he sounds like DS!
I loved the architecture of the Bailey colleges but I’m not sure I would like to live in one full time. I did my stint in an old building with shared bathrooms at another Uni and it had drawbacks. DS made his own choice though. I didn’t really look at the Colleges until he said he’d made his choice. Josephine Butler looked like Hobbit Town from the photos Grin
And of course we didn’t get chance to visit in 2020, so glad it turned out to be as described.

PaulaMoM · 18/10/2021 08:54

@Meery, my son is the same, not settled at all and has not really made any friends, it's very hard knowing they are unhappy. I'm hoping he will eventually find his feet, hope your daughter does too

libbytrois · 18/10/2021 09:01

@Meery really saddened to hear about your daughter? Which college - I think it may be the same one as my son. He's not really hit it off with anyone on his landing but has got involved with a college sports team and made friendships through that. He's lucky to know some school fiends at Durham too and some at Newcastle. I've heard it's hard getting to know course people (huge lectures, not necessarily on same degree course etc)

Longtimenewsee · 18/10/2021 09:02

@Meery
I will certainly re-remind Dd to smile and chat to anyone looking a little lost. I hope your Dd finds her feet in the next few weeks. It’s blimming hard .

Dd is also struggling a little at the moment and seems a little overwhelmed and exhausted with all the demands of uni life. I fear that she bit off more than she could chew in a few areas .
It’s so hard to help from afar isn’t it ! What I’m finding most difficult is that practical ideas I give for dealing with problems ( ie contact dept or advisor) don’t work because communication and admin seems so poor. Her emails remain unanswered.
I did anticipate wks 3,4,5 to be tricky ( for both of us!) tbh. Hopefully this is a temporary kink for all of us whose dc are struggling atm. x

Meery · 18/10/2021 09:53

Thank you all for your kind supportive messages. @libbytrois yes she is at Trevs. I agree that lockdown has done this year group no favours, in my dd case budding friendships at 6th form were cut short, not helped by the fact we live in the sticks so difficult to meet up without making an effort once lockdown was eased. Durham was supposed to be a fresh start and she is just frustrated that it has not all fallen easily into place.

Baytreemum · 18/10/2021 10:29

@Meery my DD is a 3rd year, not trevs but has friends from there - I’m sure she’d be happy to have a chat with your DD if you think she would like that

chopc · 18/10/2021 10:44

@Meery - also I think this week they are meeting college parents? That may be helpful as well

NotEnoughTime · 18/10/2021 10:45

You have my sympathy Meery-it must be very hard for you if your DD is feeling like this Flowers

I don't know how far away you are from Durham but is there any chance that you could visit her? It might help her (and you!) to have a cuddle and chat in person.

Why don't you take up Baytreemum on her kind offer? Sometimes it helps the newer student if they can speak to an older student who has 'been there, done that'.

Meery · 18/10/2021 11:14

Food for thought from all, thank you, especially to baytreemum. I think I am going to give her a little more time, as it may be that offloading on me yesterday has spurred her on to meet people. If not, I will take up your kind offer of help.
Depending on how this week goes may do a trip up in half term next week.

SchnitzelVonCrummsTum · 18/10/2021 14:45

Hi @Meery - she will have an academic advisor and a college tutor, but the college tutor is the person who takes the pastoral role (academic advisor is a bit more, well, academic).

In both cases, at this point they are likely to encourage your daughter to engage with clubs and societies, reach out to freshers' reps and members of the college JCR exec committee (e.g. welfare officer) and try talking with the people she lives near. If your daughter is really struggling, support is also available at the student wellbeing / counselling services. Here's a link for the student wellbeing programme as well: www.dur.ac.uk/colleges.se.division/studentsupportdirect/swceoffice/studentwellbeing/