DD1 going off to do zoology at uni in September, she'll be about 5 hours away from home.
She has been unwell with generalised anxiety disorder, related to OCD, related to (probable) autism. She refused an autism assessment as she felt that would pathologise her passion for her subject, but her psychiatrist and psychologist both think that the root of her anxiety is neurodiversity.
She took a year out after school in order to get well and work and has done really well, the suicidal ideation seems to be under control and she has really worked hard at getting well and uses exercise and her experiments at home to manage her symptoms. She is ready to go back to learning and looking forward to her course - I'm sure that the course and the uni are right for her. I'm hopeful that being amongst people who "get" her niche interests will be really helpful for her to find her place in the world.
She is moving into halls and wants to take a small vivarium with an small species of lizard. The animals act like a touchstone for her mood - they aren't pets, she is meticulous in studying and recording their their behaviour and their environment. The tank is a little planted eco system, the whole thing is her version of mindfulness. The tank is 45cmx45cmx45cm and does not need a heat pad or electrical equipment. She has several large tanks at home, this small species were chosen 2 years ago specifically because they don't need much space and would be suitable for taking with her to halls.
Uni refused her permission to have the tank two weeks ago. This has set off her anxiety, she's back self harming and is saying that she'll go and study anyway but I can see her spiralling again - and the idea of her struggling with the sort of intrusive thoughts she had previously when so far away from home, well, I'd fret that she's not safe, she really was very poorly.
I think she needs to write back to the university and properly explain that this is not a self indulgence but an accommodation for her mental health condition - albeit a strange one. I don't think she adequately explained the reasons behind her request. She doesn't want to make a fuss. I don't think she will cope as well at uni without having one of her animal projects with her - it is both part of her condition and part of her solution.
I want to speak to the uni and advocate for her, but I know I can't interfere with a young adult's problem - I don't want to be That Parent! I'm worried that she's not going to be able to articulate the importance of this tank because she's a little embarrassed that it is so significant to her, she isn't really able to explain to a NT person WHY this project is so important to her, it just is.
I am sure that if she could take the tank she would manage the inevitable anxiety that her first year at uni will bring.
I'm worried that if the refusal has made her so stressed then perhaps she is not actually fit for going to study? Her psychiatrist is happy with her progress and only has a phone review planned in a fortnight before discharging her. IT's only been a fortnight though, so it might be that she can manage the spiral - but, she uses her animals to do that and so the thought of not having them available is heightening her anxiety. Catch 22.
She has to arrange an appointment with the DSA assessor at uni - is anyone able to advise whether it is even worth pursuing the request, whether the DSA is the best avenue to try and whether there has ever been flexibility granted for having an animal (no fur, no mess, no smell, no escaping, no electrical equipment, no noise, you can't even see them because they hide all the time and are very dull if you ask me) in halls?
She's a born scientist. She's exactly the sort of student that tutors want to have on a course - she's bright and motivated and keen. She's also going to permanently have to work to manage her intrusive thoughts, anxiety and sense of being a square peg in a round world - obviously I think that a tank of lizards is a good solution!