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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Cambridge and Oxford - ongoing chat for those with a student currently studying there

999 replies

DadDadDad · 04/06/2021 18:04

Some of us have found these threads helpful, so I'm starting a new one to take us through

...end-of-year exams (and parties)

...homecoming for the vacation (and hibernation aestivation for this thread?)

...return in the autumn (and more normal college life?)

Posters old and new welcome to join the discussion. Any tips for finding a summer job?

Oh, and for reference, I have a DS just completing his first year in a small humanity in a tiny college.

OP posts:
Abetes · 02/07/2021 08:39

It is very frustrating having all these sporting events cancelled though when you look at the numbers of supporters at the Euros. I feel that young people have been very hard hit by all this. Hopefully, next year will be more normal!

SnapSnapDragon · 02/07/2021 09:16

It's beyond disappointing for the student athletes. These things matter.

Cliff1975 · 02/07/2021 11:38

So DS exam results are in and it is not good. 39% which is 1% below a pass. He only has himself to blame as he did very little work all year which all came unravelled when it came to exams. I am beyond angry with him. He has a conversation later with his Tutor and DOS. Any advice gratefully received. He is in the first year. To be honest he must have done bloody well on the exam questions he answered because he submitted around 50%. His ability is not the issue his ability to work is!

pantjog · 02/07/2021 12:17

Sorry about your disappointing news @Cliff1975.

Is there a chance your DS might have undiagnosed ADHD? A friend’s DC has this, only diagnosed once he was at university. Suddenly the disorganisation and procrastination made sense!

pantjog · 02/07/2021 12:19

Totally agree with PP about student sport and all the more galling given scenes at Wembley.

SnapSnapDragon · 02/07/2021 12:30

Given what happened (or didn't happen) in his exams @Cliff1975, I would say that's not so bad at all. I'd be amazed if college didn't give him the benefit of the doubt given the conversations they've already been having with him. And, as you said, it's quite encouraging that he got that result having missed out large parts of the syllabus. Hopefully this is the short, sharp shock that he needs. How is he feeling about it himself? I guess I'd be reassured if he were worried and regretful, and a little concerned if her were calm and complacent.

Cliff1975 · 02/07/2021 14:09

Thanks everyone, in what he handed in he actually got good marks, if that makes sense! He is worried and regretful but I have told him word mean nothing we need to see action!

Hoghgyni · 02/07/2021 15:11

Pantjogs queries about ADHD makes perfect sense to me as well. They tend to fall apart if they don't have their scaffolding (us) propping them up and doing the organisational thinking for them.

Hoghgyni · 02/07/2021 15:13

He needs to think about the impact of any Covid disruption. Eg. If he was unable to access books in the library, the impact was that he couldn't do his background reading & didn't get the basics in place in his second term.

HuaShan · 02/07/2021 15:54

What is his subject Cliff? He must have done very well on what he actually submitted. Has is DOS/Tutor been aware of difficulties during the year?

Ironoaks · 02/07/2021 16:43

@Cliff1975 - what he submitted must have been of a high standard, so that part is encouraging. It sounds as though he might need some support in organising and managing his workload, so that he doesn't reach the point where he feels completely overwhelmed.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 02/07/2021 17:06

I am sorry Cliff. Try not to be angry with him if you can manage though, See if you can find a way to vent your anger and disappointment away from him and then take a deep breath. He's going to need your support and that will be difficult for him if you are furious.

There must be a reason, it could be down to ADHD, or organisational issues. It could be that he found it more difficult than he expected and didn't know how to cope or it could be down to him just utterly underestimating what needed to be done for a C. degree.

How does he feel about it?

I guess he needs to find out what his options are now.

Ironoaks · 02/07/2021 22:12

DS is home! His packing was very organised; he must be getting the hang of it

I am quite impressed that he managed to get through the whole of the year (including two terms in Cambridge) without having to self-isolate at all. Is this a record?

Despite some events being cancelled, he has managed to have an enjoyable time post-exams. Some organised activities have still taken place, including a 24-hour D&D event.

He also seems to have found a friendship group in college, made up of people who enjoy the same type of things he does, which I'm really pleased about.

Sunndowne · 03/07/2021 08:13

That's a sad situation cliff. I've noticed C generally being compassionate. Hopefully, they can help him find a way through.

Ironoaks, how happy and proud you must be, a good group of friends goes a long way. And no isolation, amazing luck from what I hear.

So my DD is coming home a month early and all alone in a flat in spain as her new C roomies haven't moved in as covid going around them and they are having to isolate. DD is very upset as a few of them were involved in risky behaviour such as clubbing and as they all need flights over next month, it's just not good to get caught out with this. So rather than be vulnerable DD is coming home. Has had anguish, had to move 3 cases by herself etc. Otherwise, she's had a fabulous year.

She hopes to visit friends in C after quarentine.

MiniJellyBeans · 03/07/2021 08:40

Sorry to hear about your DS @Cliff - I would hope the fact that he performed so well in the work he did manage to submit, will be in his favour when the powers that be consider his overall result.
I've just had a text from a friend who lives in Oxford, saying Covid rates are now very high there and all 18-30 year olds who live in O are being asked to have a PCR test this weekend, regardless of symptoms.

Cliff1975 · 03/07/2021 10:41

Thank you for all of your advice. He had a meeting with his DOS, tutor and senior tutor yesterday. They wanted to emphasize the seriousness of the situation and tried to persuade him to transfer to another uni which they said they would help him with. They were supportive. He wants to stay in Cambridge and later in the evening his tutor contacted him to say that due to COVID he will be allowed to progress. They and we are putting in a package of support which he says he wants. |Basically we will know all his deadlines and need to put things in place so he has to meet them. He wants this. If he didnt I would be telling him to rethink but he says he knows he has been stupid and he needs that support. Noone is questioning his ability to understand the course and work at the right level it is his procrastination that is the issue and his ability to work to deadlines, also his great capacity to lie and put his head in the sand which he admits. I am not going to lie i feel awful, washed out but have to get the strength from somewhere to support him as we always will, it is going to be a long two years!

SnapSnapDragon · 03/07/2021 10:57

Sounds like an excellent plan cliff and I'm impressed he was able to withstand the pressure to change universities. Hopefully he will be positively motivated to impress them and justify the decision. The plan does mean more work for you but lovely that you can do this for him. Maybe after a good break he can get some reading done over summer so he comes in with a little head start.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 03/07/2021 10:58

Cliff have you looked at a private assessment to see if your ds has something like adhd? As others have said it can have a huge impact on very capable people. You may be able to organise it before he returns in Oct. There then may be various help and extra support that he can access.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 03/07/2021 11:22

@Cliff1975 It must be a great relief for you that he is being allowed to continue. I have great admiration for him, as he has pulled himself back from the brink and argued successfully to keep his place.

Has he always been like this? Your first impulse may be to say "no", but you should consider that he is a very bright boy and you will not have many academic examples of him being out of his comfort zone to draw upon.

You need to establish why this happened:

  1. If I'm not mistaken he was a state school student, who was invited to the transition programme at his college. How did this go? Does he feel he belongs in Cambridge socially and academically? Does he lack confidence in his abilities and right to be there?
  1. Prior to arriving at Cambridge was he a big fish in a small pond? Has he always been at the top of his cohort? Does he have experience of failing or struggling? How does he deal with being out of his comfort zone. Has he learned to overcome struggle? Does he appreciate the wisdom of the Nike logo?
  1. Physical: has he been eating well, sleeping well and avoiding drugs? Drugs are rife at Cambridge including coke and ket
  1. Routine and structure: Does he have a set routine? Does he have separate spaces to work and relax? Many students prefer to use the library to work. Does he have activities that he uses as a reward for work? Hr needs to separate his day onto temporal and spatial work and reward zones
  1. Displacement activities. What are they? He must avoid them or limit them to being a reward activity only. If that means setting a timer to remind him to get back to work, so be it.
  1. Models: Has he learned this avoidance behaviour from anyone in the household? Is there an adult who puts things down and not away, avoids talking on the phone, decides that a bit of drizzle means the dog doesn't need to go for a walk. If you have a adult like this, they also need to change and model good habits.

He needs to be self-policing before he gets back.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 03/07/2021 11:47

Varsity athletics now back on at non-Oxford venue.

JulesJules · 03/07/2021 11:58

Oh Cliff I feel for you, what a nightmare. I do think it's positive, as others have said, that he did well on the work he completed so is obviously capable of doing it. Great that he was able to successfully argue to stay on his course at C. Good luck.

Having collected D1 from O just as covid rates were rapidly rising, she had 3 days at home before going to stay with a group of friends on the south coast. Supposed to be back yesterday but two have had +ve tests (probably caught in Oxford) and so they are having to stay on and isolate, she's had to change ferry/train/tube/train tickets and postpone her covid jab. Can't help worrying, and really wish she'd been able to get vaccinated earlier.

ofteninaspin · 03/07/2021 12:20

That is good news CJB.

cliff, that your DS wants to continue and his tutors have agreed he can sounds very positive in the circumstances. Hopefully your DS can now have a rest and resolve to do things differently with support.

ironaoks, well done to your DS for making the best of a very odd year.

DS also managed two terms in C without having to SI, made a lovely group of friends and managed a fair bit of sport. However, he isn't quite there yet with efficient packing, is SI at home and hasn't had his exam results yet Confused.

Hoghgyni · 03/07/2021 13:43

Cliff I've sent you a PM.

Hoghgyni · 03/07/2021 13:44

Hoping the sun is shining for Malbec today.

Hoghgyni · 03/07/2021 13:53

I've just had a text from a friend who lives in Oxford, saying Covid rates are now very high there

The weekly cases to 27 June leapt by 216 to 241 for Oxford Central. That's a rolling rate of 1325/10,000. Those figures are understated, as some students had positive LFTs whilst self isolating & didn't go on to get PCRs to avoid dropping more people into SI or being prevented from going home.