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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Dd halls of residence party- disciplinary hearing today!

97 replies

Currysauceandchips · 06/05/2021 09:06

My dd returned to halls last Sat and a flatmate had a birthday party. Flatmate invited people from other flats and word got out and approx 30-40 people turned up.
The party had started when dd arrived back. She says she spent most of the evening in her room as she didn't really know anyone there, but went into the kitchen a few times for drinks/food etc.
Yesterday, she received a mail from the uni calling her to an urgent Zoom meeting about disciplinary action being taken against her! She has been advised to have someone with her, so we are joining the meeting too.
What does this mean? Someone has obviously named her as the organiser, which she swears she wasn't.
I have told her to speak to the birthday girl and tell her she needs to say it was her party.
My dd is terrified about getting a huge fine or being thrown off the course!
Any words of wisdom?

OP posts:

SallySycamore · 06/05/2021 09:11

Oh how worrying. And what a shame she didn't go back a day later!

Does she have things like train tickets, texts to you etc? The birthday girl needs to own up, but I think if she can explain that she got back and it was already going on then it'll help.

Did she know it was happening before she went back?

Original poster

Currysauceandchips · 06/05/2021 09:16

She knew it was happening, but was told it was a small gathering of a few mates. I think word got out and lots turned up.

OP posts:

redcandlelight · 06/05/2021 09:18

is there something on facebook or other social media your dd can screenshot?
train tickets of dd that shows the party was goung on when she arrived home?

Gothichouse40 · 06/05/2021 09:19

Do the halls have CCTV? Do the halls have security guards or similar? Im actually really surprised that if that many people turned up, that campus security weren't all over this. Please do not put too many details on here, just incase someone clicks where this is. I really don't know what you can do. If your child is asked, all they can do is tell the truth about where they were. Im assuming it's a communal kitchen, so they would be allowed to go there to use facilities.I don't know anything about university procedures, perhaps someone else may be able to post further advice on here.

Xenia · 06/05/2021 09:22

You need as much physical evidence as possible and email it to the zoom call people before the call. Train ticket in addition to screen shot of bank statement online showing ticket bought and when, any photos she took on her way back to the flat, photo of her friend's phone invitations to others showing the friend not your daughter organised it

If she spent most of the evening in the room look for proof of that eg logging into a TV show or something of that kind. Evidence, evidence and more evidence will help her. Eg if she sent 10 texts to siblings at home she was probably not enjoying the party and it will back up the fact she says she was mostly in her room.

Jobsharenightmare · 06/05/2021 09:24

Good advice above. I'd also suggest they are doing the same thing with other flatmates and it doesn't automatically mean she's being the one singled out, unless the others are lying and claiming she organised it.

PoTheDog · 06/05/2021 09:26

Also, are you sure she has been named as an organiser? More likely is that the uni has pulled records of the whole flat and asked to speak to all the individuals.

As pp said, evidence everything she has that shows she wasn't involved. And be prepared to fight, use language the pushes the onus on the University to prove her involvement rather than just being stuck in a defensive position. In my experience, universities tend to be a bit shit and usually take the path of least resistance. So be polite, but unmovable.

paralysedbyinertia · 06/05/2021 09:30

I agree that evidence is your friend in this situation. As much as she can possibly gather. Does she know how the other students were invited? There must be social media records or similar.

Even if she can prove that she didn't organise it, she may find that she is still in trouble because she knew that there was a gathering of some sort happening - so they might feel that she was complicit if not actually responsible. Some universities are taking a very hard line on this kind of thing.

Seeline · 06/05/2021 09:31

Does she have a key card to access the Halls, flat and room? The uni should be able to see when she arrived etc from that.

Surely the other flat members have been requested to attend similar meetings? Did Security raid the party and get names for all the attendees?

Soontobe60 · 06/05/2021 09:33

@Currysauceandchips

She knew it was happening, but was told it was a small gathering of a few mates. I think word got out and lots turned up.

So she knew that a party was planned which would break Covid rules (No gatherings indoors yet) but still went back? It doesn’t matter that more people turned up. The party shouldn’t have happened, the people living in the flat, including your daughter, shouldn’t have let the others in.

Dove0709 · 06/05/2021 09:36

I assume your DD birthday was not on the same day as the party. So why would she be holding a party! I agree with PP, perhaps she is not being accused of being the organiser and just being present.

babbaloushka · 06/05/2021 09:38

@Soontobe60 Life in halls is tough for students at the moment. Don't blame the DD for wanting to be back with her mates, blame the others for inviting too many people.

Pootles34 · 06/05/2021 09:38

Is it definitely about the party? You don't want to email evidence about a party to someone investigating her for plagiarism, for example..

babbaloushka · 06/05/2021 09:40

@Soontobe60 do you suggest the DD should have barred entrance to the flat before she even arrived? Or single handedly turfed out 30 people after a journey, and destroy relations with her flatmates?

Soontobe60 · 06/05/2021 09:41

[quote babbaloushka]@Soontobe60 Life in halls is tough for students at the moment. Don't blame the DD for wanting to be back with her mates, blame the others for inviting too many people.[/quote]
I’m not ‘blaming’ anyone. I’m saying that she knew there was a party planned that would break Covid rules, so now she, along with all the other residents of the flat, will have to deal with the consequences.
Lockdown is shit for everyone, not just 18-21 year old university students. Try being an 18-24 year old single mum with no family nearby. That really IS shit.

Chemenger · 06/05/2021 09:42

They will be interviewing or contacting everyone they think was at the party, if they are like my university. This will include all the residents. It doesn't matter that she didn't spend much time at the party, unfortunately (assuming this is a COVID related discipline matter) if she spent any time at all with that many people she has broken the rules, they are black and white. As far as not being the organiser she just needs to be honest, now is not the time to be loyal to her flatmates, tell the truth. Students sometimes try to spin all sorts of stories when caught out in misbehaviour, to protect their friends, nine times out of ten their "friend" drops them straight in it in return. If she has texts or messages from the flatmate then she should share them with the discipline officer/panel.
At our university for a first offence there would be a smallish fine and a reprimand. For multiple offences they can be evicted from accommodation. Where there has been damage to the accommodation or the security staff have been assaulted (not uncommon) the penalties escalate faster, but this sounds like a more minor offence.

MadeForThis · 06/05/2021 09:45

She returned knowing that there was a party. If she didn't want to attend the party she would have travelled back the next day.

Soontobe60 · 06/05/2021 09:45

[quote babbaloushka]@Soontobe60 do you suggest the DD should have barred entrance to the flat before she even arrived? Or single handedly turfed out 30 people after a journey, and destroy relations with her flatmates?[/quote]
The first part of your post doesn’t make sense. As for the second part, I’m guessing if the flatmates all get turned out as a result of this party, or heavily fined, then their relationship will be pretty much destroyed anyway.
The OP has said her daughter knew this party was planned, yet still chose to return to her flat. I’m assuming this was so she could attend the party herself. Otherwise she would just have returned the day after the party if she didn’t want to be embroiled in a situation that could end up getting her into trouble.

mumonthehill · 06/05/2021 09:47

Ds had one of these last autumn. He was outside the flat where the party was, everyone bar a couple of them took of so those around the flat had a zoom disciplinary. He did not take any one with him to the zoom but was very apologetic, said he understood that being near the party had not been a good idea, he had learnt from his mistake. They were very good, he had a warning but no fine but if it happened again then more serious action would be taken. They are young, wanting to have fun and it sounds like it got out of hand. State the facts, be understanding that they have to show they are reacting to rule breaking and I am sure they will be ok about it.

babbaloushka · 06/05/2021 10:28

@Soontobe60 She traveled back in time for a small gathering her friend's birthday.

Comefromaway · 06/05/2021 12:10

There is no way that a single resident of a halls of residence could have prevented this taking place unless they'd called the police. My daughter's flatmates often had people round who they should not have done. Dd was very unhappy about it but was powerless to do anything.

PresentingPercy · 06/05/2021 12:24

The flatmates are allowed to mix and have a party atmosphere for a birthday. Surely the issue is that other students got to know about it. If the flat comprises 8–10 people, then they can all have a good time within the rules. The issue is all the other students which she didn’t know about.

Pre booked trains and evidence to show she didn’t contact any students is vital. However please be aware she might be economic with the truth here!

LIZS · 06/05/2021 12:32

They tend to consider each within a household as equally culpable. Dd has been "fined" for a share of damage costs not even on her floor. Harsh maybe but it will be in the rental agreement.

JunoTurner · 06/05/2021 15:09

@Pootles34

Is it definitely about the party? You don't want to email evidence about a party to someone investigating her for plagiarism, for example..

This is an excellent point! It sounds like she may have been informed of the reason but it’s not clear from your OP.

I’d get your DD to find and have to hand evidence that suggests she had nothing to do with the number of people at the party, but I certainly wouldn’t send it beforehand. Madness. She’ll have the opportunity to provide it afterwards as part of her right of response.

JunoTurner · 06/05/2021 15:22

I also agree with others that by being at the party, being one of the flat’s residents and knowing about it, she’s culpable to a lesser or greater degree. Harsh, but not entirely unfair.

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