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Original poster

Dd halls of residence party- disciplinary hearing today!

97 replies

Currysauceandchips · 06/05/2021 09:06

My dd returned to halls last Sat and a flatmate had a birthday party. Flatmate invited people from other flats and word got out and approx 30-40 people turned up.
The party had started when dd arrived back. She says she spent most of the evening in her room as she didn't really know anyone there, but went into the kitchen a few times for drinks/food etc.
Yesterday, she received a mail from the uni calling her to an urgent Zoom meeting about disciplinary action being taken against her! She has been advised to have someone with her, so we are joining the meeting too.
What does this mean? Someone has obviously named her as the organiser, which she swears she wasn't.
I have told her to speak to the birthday girl and tell her she needs to say it was her party.
My dd is terrified about getting a huge fine or being thrown off the course!
Any words of wisdom?

OP posts:
JunoTurner · 07/05/2021 16:05

Not if she thought the party was for the flat mates only - there's nothing wrong nor against the rules for that.

@user1497207191 Regardless of who she thought the party was for - which we don't know as the OP didn't tell us - she was at the party and didn't leave the flat even after discovering that there were people there who shouldn't have been there because they didn't live there.

I'm sure she'll be viewed more leniently if she can prove she'd been told there would only be flatmates present, but to say she wasn't culpable in any way is wrong. She was at a party that broke rules.

PresentingPercy · 07/05/2021 16:38

Where would she have gone? Into another flat? The op says she went to her room.

I do think who was invited and from which flats is relevant and by whom but one person controlling this isn’t a reasonable ask and neither is telling them to go somewhere else. Walk the streets maybe? It’s very difficult and she will just have to be honest. But a gathering of flatmates is ok.

When will rules be relaxed I wonder ? Such a horrible way of living.

Hoghgyni · 07/05/2021 16:43

We'll never know, as the OP said the meeting was being held yesterday and hasn't been back.

JunoTurner · 07/05/2021 16:53

I said above, she could have gone for a walk (safely). Maybe to the library if open. No not great at all, my point was though that she stayed so was there.
Other people could suggested she could have called security.
As I also said above, I really feel for all the young people. But there is no getting around the fact that everyone at the party/in the flat broke the rules by being there (without reporting it).

I'm not sure why you keep banging on about a gathering of flatmates being ok - we know this. What we don't know is whether the DD knew that people from outside the flat would be there. Reading between the lines of what the OP has said, my hunch is that the DD knew people from other flats were invited to the "party" (and knew it was a party rather than gathering of flatmates), but didn't expect other people that weren't directly invited to be there. Of course I could well be wrong.

And yes, the DD went to her room. Because, as the OP said, she didn't really know anyone. Note: the reason given wasn't because she was concerned about breaking Covid rules.

Gooseberrypies · 07/05/2021 17:01

@JunoTurner

I said above, she could have gone for a walk (safely). Maybe to the library if open. No not great at all, my point was though that she stayed so was there. Other people could suggested she could have called security. As I also said above, I really feel for all the young people. But there is no getting around the fact that everyone at the party/in the flat broke the rules by being there (without reporting it).

I'm not sure why you keep banging on about a gathering of flatmates being ok - we know this. What we don't know is whether the DD knew that people from outside the flat would be there. Reading between the lines of what the OP has said, my hunch is that the DD knew people from other flats were invited to the "party" (and knew it was a party rather than gathering of flatmates), but didn't expect other people that weren't directly invited to be there. Of course I could well be wrong.

And yes, the DD went to her room. Because, as the OP said, she didn't really know anyone. Note: the reason given wasn't because she was concerned about breaking Covid rules.

You have to book into library in advance at my uni and the ones my friends are at at the moment, they will be fully booked given it's coming up to assessment period or is dissertation period for us 3rd years, and they're not even open all night anymore they are open much shorter hours, so that's no good. Go for a walk, in the pissing down rain, for god knows how many hours for something she is not involved in? She should be entitled to sit in the room she most likely pays an absolute fortune for.
JunoTurner · 07/05/2021 17:13

Yes I agree it's not reasonable for her to have to go for a walk in the rain or even not in the rain. But it's really not correct to say it's something she wasn't involved it. She attended the party, maybe not for long, but she did. I feel for her personally but technically she broke the rules - even if she broke them "less" than others - and that's what the university may be interested in.

Yes it really would be good if the OP came back but I doubt they will.

JunoTurner · 07/05/2021 17:18

@Currysauceandchips

She knew it was happening, but was told it was a small gathering of a few mates. I think word got out and lots turned up.
I've just looked back at the OP's earlier posts and saw this.

It doesn't say small gathering of JUST a few FLAT mates. The OP also says elsewhere that the birthday host invited friends from other flats, the implication in the statement being that the DD knew this.

It does sound like the DD knew that people who didn't live in the flat would be there, she just thought it would be a small gathering.

Original poster
Currysauceandchips · 07/05/2021 17:28

I am back! All of the flatmates and some non flatmates who attended have been interviewed yesterday and today.
The person whose party it was has told the uni that it was her party and she invited non flatmates, so at least she owned up.
They have been told that a decision will be made and they will be informed of any consequences on Monday.
So we will just have to wait and see.

OP posts:
JunoTurner · 07/05/2021 18:08

Thanks for the update OP. Did you attend the zoom meeting?

Kazzyhoward · 07/05/2021 19:05

@JunoTurner

Not if she thought the party was for the flat mates only - there's nothing wrong nor against the rules for that.

@user1497207191 Regardless of who she thought the party was for - which we don't know as the OP didn't tell us - she was at the party and didn't leave the flat even after discovering that there were people there who shouldn't have been there because they didn't live there.

I'm sure she'll be viewed more leniently if she can prove she'd been told there would only be flatmates present, but to say she wasn't culpable in any way is wrong. She was at a party that broke rules.

Her flat is her home. Where do you think she should have gone? Perhaps she should have gone to sleep in a shop doorway somewhere?
Kazzyhoward · 07/05/2021 19:06

@JunoTurner

I said above, she could have gone for a walk (safely). Maybe to the library if open. No not great at all, my point was though that she stayed so was there. Other people could suggested she could have called security. As I also said above, I really feel for all the young people. But there is no getting around the fact that everyone at the party/in the flat broke the rules by being there (without reporting it).

I'm not sure why you keep banging on about a gathering of flatmates being ok - we know this. What we don't know is whether the DD knew that people from outside the flat would be there. Reading between the lines of what the OP has said, my hunch is that the DD knew people from other flats were invited to the "party" (and knew it was a party rather than gathering of flatmates), but didn't expect other people that weren't directly invited to be there. Of course I could well be wrong.

And yes, the DD went to her room. Because, as the OP said, she didn't really know anyone. Note: the reason given wasn't because she was concerned about breaking Covid rules.

What? Gone to the library to sleep all night?
Puntastic · 07/05/2021 19:14

Oh your poor DD- sounds like a stressful weekend for her. Flowers

PresentingPercy · 07/05/2021 21:31

@Kazzyhoward
No! A park bench surely?!

BackforGood · 07/05/2021 21:44

I agree with SoontoBe60 and others.

She knew there was a party and chose to go back.
She would have known that we can't go in each other's homes before 17th May and has made her choice to risk it.
They've been caught.
Fair enough if there are then consequences.

Kazzyhoward · 08/05/2021 07:25

@BackforGood

I agree with SoontoBe60 and others.

She knew there was a party and chose to go back.
She would have known that we can't go in each other's homes before 17th May and has made her choice to risk it.
They've been caught.
Fair enough if there are then consequences.

The flat IS her home! There was NO requirement for her to wait until after 17 May.
Xenia · 08/05/2021 08:34

The biggest problems here are the laws are morally wrong in my view. Hopefully on 21 June freedom day every last one of them will be lifted but that is no use for students who will never get back this year. No one is going to make it up to them or pay them or anything. They have been hung out to dry more than most groups of people due to these awful CV19 laws.

Anyway good luck on Monday.

user1487194234 · 08/05/2021 09:52

Hopefully they will go easy on them
Feel very sorry for the students generally

JunoTurner · 08/05/2021 13:13

The flat IS her home! There was NO requirement for her to wait until after 17 May.

@Kazzyhoward you didn’t read or understand @BackforGood ‘s post properly.

Comefromaway · 08/05/2021 13:19

@Xenia

The biggest problems here are the laws are morally wrong in my view. Hopefully on 21 June freedom day every last one of them will be lifted but that is no use for students who will never get back this year. No one is going to make it up to them or pay them or anything. They have been hung out to dry more than most groups of people due to these awful CV19 laws.

Anyway good luck on Monday.

I totally agree.

My dd isn’t studying for the sake of it to get a piece of paper. She’s training for a career. The loss of face to face training means she is not industry ready. The only options are to either give up at the last hurdle or pay thousands for post grad training to help make up for it.

Notagardener · 08/05/2021 13:24

Flabbergasted by comment she could have gone to the library. Not freely accesable at dc's uni either.
And regarding delaying trip; maybe tickets were more expensive, transport not avaible (my village has no busses on a Sunday) etc etc.

Notagardener · 08/05/2021 13:25

accessible...

EduCated · 08/05/2021 13:28

I understand why she didn’t, but she could (should?) have called Security if she travelled back and found her flat full of people not legally allowed to be there.

PresentingPercy · 09/05/2021 10:39

Do you know- caking security would have ended any friendships in that flat? What about arrangements for living next year? If with those flatmates it would be dead in the water. Young people have been hung out to dry and her future friendships could be jeopardised by calling security. It’s easy to be holier than thou when not there! Or not 18 and desperate to fit in!

PresentingPercy · 09/05/2021 10:40

Calling security..

Hoghgyni · 09/05/2021 11:04

Totally agree with PP. The poor girl would be a social pariah