Medicine 2021 - Part 4

[MaddieElla]

Fingers crossed for those final offers coming in!

Hope no one minds me starting the new thread...

@ljmutti that is awful, such a waste. Hope she and her friends are not knocked back too much.

We have a friend at Sheffield who has been really well supported, she has had to suspend her studies twice because she was struggling, she is a very bright girl and her mum is a GP and they are totally positive about the support she has had. It has occurred to me that one of the problems with the interview process is that you really need a range of personality types to cover the range of roles. Some roles will require you to make life and death decisions every day, others are less direct. Lots of people who get in to medical school are very strong on empathy.

That's so sad @ljmutti. So sad. Mind, Cruse and the Campaign against living miserably all have resources on their websites about losing someone to suicide and may be helpful for your Dd. As for talking about it, perhaps just ask her what she wants and say that you there whenever she wants to talk.

If she is very empathetic she may need to be careful about how she supports others, there is a risk of taking on too much of other people's pain and distress. Empathy can be very draining, and sometimes we need to be more compassionate than empathetic, if that makes sense? So you may need to remind her to take care of herself first, like the thing they say on aircraft about putting on your own oxygen before helping someone else. We often use that analogy in therapy to remind people to look after themselves. Hugs to her and her friends.

@ljmutti I am so so sorry. I hope DDs school are providing support and counselling for the students. I would suggest talking to her if you can, ensure she knows that there is no pressure to do well, you love her regardless and talk about any worries she has about the exams or the course. That her being well and happy is more important than any exam and all she can do is her best, no one can do more. And you are proud of her for just being her. Hope that doesn't sound patronising - sometimes the simple stuff works best. This year has been so stressful I think they are all finding things emotional at the moment (it's quite common at this point of year 13 normally).

Dr Alex from Love Island is doing loads of stuff on young people's mental health. I'll try and find the link.

[quote LaLaFlottes]@ljmutti I am so sorry to hear this. What an absolute tragedy. I feel for your DD. I think talking is always better that not talking, but I would let her take the lead and make the conversations more around how she is feeling. Maybe the mind website or the cruse website could help?

With regards to studying medicine from what I know Sheffield does have a lot of support - on their website there are quite a lot of links to student support services and I believe they can refer themselves if they need to. Also there is a student parent system where they are taken under the wing of older students and I am sure this will help. I think being together as a group of medical students, all having to get used to the sad and stressful side of medicine together, will really help as they will support each other. The Medical schools will be so used to supporting them too.

I am pretty sure Leicester does the same with the student parent system, and everything I have seen from Leicester along the way, makes me think they would be very supportive too. They always come across very well and on a campus tour a while ago we met a medical student who told us how wonderful the medical school was on all fronts.

It’s lovely that she wants to look after and support the juniors, but do make sure she looks after herself too. [/quote]
pastoral care seems to an important criteria now in deciding on University. Its such a waste of life if the kids think they cant speak and open up and feel so stigmatised. its such a shake up to the system. Pushing for grades and getting a place in Uni is short sighted way at looking at things. I myself have suffered from depression and only got help when things got totally out of hand. I was so vain. Wish I acknowledged my situation earlier. wish I had people like you to talk to

[quote Monkey2001]@ljmutti that is awful, such a waste. Hope she and her friends are not knocked back too much.

We have a friend at Sheffield who has been really well supported, she has had to suspend her studies twice because she was struggling, she is a very bright girl and her mum is a GP and they are totally positive about the support she has had. It has occurred to me that one of the problems with the interview process is that you really need a range of personality types to cover the range of roles. Some roles will require you to make life and death decisions every day, others are less direct. Lots of people who get in to medical school are very strong on empathy.[/quote]
I agree with you. Being in a peer group facing similar challenges might help . Thanks for your kind words. We are social being and socially distanced physically has not helped

@emummy

That's so sad *@ljmutti*. So sad. Mind, Cruse and the Campaign against living miserably all have resources on their websites about losing someone to suicide and may be helpful for your Dd. As for talking about it, perhaps just ask her what she wants and say that you there whenever she wants to talk.

If she is very empathetic she may need to be careful about how she supports others, there is a risk of taking on too much of other people's pain and distress. Empathy can be very draining, and sometimes we need to be more compassionate than empathetic, if that makes sense? So you may need to remind her to take care of herself first, like the thing they say on aircraft about putting on your own oxygen before helping someone else. We often use that analogy in therapy to remind people to look after themselves. Hugs to her and her friends.

"like the thing they say on aircraft about putting on your own oxygen before helping someone else".

That's what I will tell my DD. Thank you so much

[quote Monkey2001]@ljmutti that is awful, such a waste. Hope she and her friends are not knocked back too much.

We have a friend at Sheffield who has been really well supported, she has had to suspend her studies twice because she was struggling, she is a very bright girl and her mum is a GP and they are totally positive about the support she has had. It has occurred to me that one of the problems with the interview process is that you really need a range of personality types to cover the range of roles. Some roles will require you to make life and death decisions every day, others are less direct. Lots of people who get in to medical school are very strong on empathy.[/quote]
I have gained so much insight and help from all of you today. Hope my DD gets a genuine bunch of good friends in Uni.

I am so sorry @ljmutti. Just awful for the poor girl and her family and friends. Empathy is indeed a double-edged sword, great for others and sometimes more difficult for the DC themselves. Make sure your DD is taking care of herself too.

So sorry to hear the news about your DDs classmate @ljmutti. I hope that there is support available in school and that the pupils are encouraged to access it, even if they think they don't need it.

A friend of my youngest DD comitted suicide last year and my DD wasn't sure how she was supposed to act. She was desparately sad, but all the photos she had of her brought back good memories whcih made her smile - which then made her feel guilty. DD didn't want to speak to anyone about it, but I wish she had just so that she could have been told my someone who wasn't her mother (so obviously doesn't know anything!) that it was OK to feel whatever she was feeling.

It puts all the stress about getting a place and assessment grades into perspective.

So sorry about your daughter's friend @ljmutti Death by suicide is a particularly fierce heartbreaking shock.

I hope everyone is getting help and support 😔

[quote mumsneedwine]@ljmutti I am so so sorry. I hope DDs school are providing support and counselling for the students. I would suggest talking to her if you can, ensure she knows that there is no pressure to do well, you love her regardless and talk about any worries she has about the exams or the course. That her being well and happy is more important than any exam and all she can do is her best, no one can do more. And you are proud of her for just being her. Hope that doesn't sound patronising - sometimes the simple stuff works best. This year has been so stressful I think they are all finding things emotional at the moment (it's quite common at this point of year 13 normally).

Dr Alex from Love Island is doing loads of stuff on young people's mental health. I'll try and find the link.
[/quote]
please could you send me the link for Dr Alex when you find it?

sorry for taking the post off topic. Just one last request. Could someone suggest a good book for DD to read , how to deal with loss or something similar. She wants to do some reading after exams to bolster mental health etc

Our school counsellor sent me this. It has some links to organisations that might help

https://uksobs.org/we-can-help/services-for-under-18s/?doingwpp_cron=1618656847.9079589843750000000000

This is Dr Alex's book. I believe it's aimed at young people.

And I suggest she follow him on Twitter as he puts lots of stuff on there. For those who don't know him he's a doctor at St George's and his younger brother committed suicide last year. He was due to start medical school last Sept. He's a good man trying to do a lot of good.

Rev Richard Coles has a book out just now which I haven’t read but has had good reviews.
‘Being Mortal’ by Atul Gawande isn’t really about loss but is a great book for any aspiring medic I think - it’s about end of life care and the elderly and ‘good deaths’.
Megan Devine ‘It’s ok that you’re not ok’ gets good reviews; I’ve ordered it but not read it yet.

@mumsneedwine

And I suggest she follow him on Twitter as he puts lots of stuff on there. For those who don't know him he's a doctor at St George's and his younger brother committed suicide last year. He was due to start medical school last Sept. He's a good man trying to do a lot of good.

placed an order , will be released on 13th May. DD kept telling me about the trauma he underwent, so it will be a good read. Thank you so much for recommending this book

@emummy

Rev Richard Coles has a book out just now which I haven’t read but has had good reviews. ‘Being Mortal’ by Atul Gawande isn’t really about loss but is a great book for any aspiring medic I think - it’s about end of life care and the elderly and ‘good deaths’. Megan Devine ‘It’s ok that you’re not ok’ gets good reviews; I’ve ordered it but not read it yet.

thanks for the suggestion, I will read it along with DD. I need help as well as I have another one to help with GCSE and A levels

Another great book for aspiring medics on end of life is Dr Rachel Clarke's 'Dear Life'. I'm currently blubbing (in a good way) my way through it but it is really uplifting.

@opoponax

Another great book for aspiring medics on end of life is Dr Rachel Clarke's 'Dear Life'. I'm currently blubbing (in a good way) my way through it but it is really uplifting.

added Dr Rachel Clarke's 'Dear Life'. Thank you so much

ljmutti a close friend of dd (y13) died suddenly and unexpectedly at the start of the Christmas holidays. It was particularly hard because they were subsequently locked down. Things that helped were talking to friends, writing to the parents and enclosing photos, making a treats hamper and donating it to the A&E department and crying. She now says she has no tears left. When lockdown ended, we visited the grave which brought some kind of closure. It was very hard going back into school and having the empty seat next to her. 4 months on it is still very raw, but the talk is more of what he would have said about something or how he would have loved it. Hugs to you and daughter xx

ljmutti meant to say I'm sure the school will allow for the extenuating circumstances for your dds cohort. They will not expect them to carry on as if nothing has happened. Xx

@Quadratilla

ljmutti a close friend of dd (y13) died suddenly and unexpectedly at the start of the Christmas holidays. It was particularly hard because they were subsequently locked down. Things that helped were talking to friends, writing to the parents and enclosing photos, making a treats hamper and donating it to the A&E department and crying. She now says she has no tears left. When lockdown ended, we visited the grave which brought some kind of closure. It was very hard going back into school and having the empty seat next to her. 4 months on it is still very raw, but the talk is more of what he would have said about something or how he would have loved it. Hugs to you and daughter xx

DD an myself talked and talked, she poured her heart out. DD was very angry at her friend. angry that she took such a drastic step. she is going to school tomorrow, She will speak to her friends and teachers. I hope the School provides counselling and speaks to them. Thanks for your kind words. I as a mother was very upset, seventeen year old but still a child . Rest in peace the poor baby

@ljmutti that's so good that your DD is talking about it and expressing how she is feeling. In my DD's school year two girls recently died of different illnesses within a short space of time. The school has been great in helping all the girls through it, with immediate access to counselling etc. We also lost another girl a few years ago (again not suicide) and great support was given. The girl's parents set up a charity in her name and the whole school has got behind it and marathons have been run and lots of other fundraising initiatives which seemed to really help the girls. There is an annual fundraising day where everyone including staff wears her favourite colour and remember her together. I think the individual counselling is great but coming together as a school community to remember has been really cathartic too.

[quote opoponax]@ljmutti that's so good that your DD is talking about it and expressing how she is feeling. In my DD's school year two girls recently died of different illnesses within a short space of time. The school has been great in helping all the girls through it, with immediate access to counselling etc. We also lost another girl a few years ago (again not suicide) and great support was given. The girl's parents set up a charity in her name and the whole school has got behind it and marathons have been run and lots of other fundraising initiatives which seemed to really help the girls. There is an annual fundraising day where everyone including staff wears her favourite colour and remember her together. I think the individual counselling is great but coming together as a school community to remember has been really cathartic too.[/quote]
This site has been so helpful. Once DD goes back to School, and knows the reason behind the unfortunate event, they could do events as a group to raise awareness of any issues, etc . Thanks for the lovely thoughts