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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Another path to greatnesses

998 replies

chopc · 26/01/2021 05:40

I woke up around 4:30 this morning and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. Couldn't get back to sleep so thought I will have a go and starting the new thread. Hope the title is not too cheesy

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chopc · 04/02/2021 10:40

Quest1on - I am sure it's a matter of time before the offer 🤞🏽
Durham is not known for its diversity - this is well documented in the YouTube videos I have watched ....... but this is not a factor for DS as he spent 7.5 years in Dubai and I feel he can get on and work with people of any culture.

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chopc · 04/02/2021 10:41

@MarchingFrogs because I am a snob and feel he should have gone for a "better rated" Uni

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AChickenCalledDaal · 04/02/2021 10:47

Just popping in to say my eldest missed Cambridge last year. They are now at St Andrews and it's all very positive - course going well, academically rigorous, plenty of weird traditions for those that like that kind of things. It's a long way, but transport links are pretty OK and it's so beautiful when you get there.

I mention this mainly because we had a really long wait for a St Andrews offer. I remember that being very stressful at the time and I'm sure some of your offspring will be wondering what's going on and whether to wait for them. Please do - and don't lose hope! When it came, DD's St Andrews offer was very attractive indeed, which did sweeten the pill slightly during an extremely turbulent results week last August.

Xenia · 04/02/2021 11:05

On the UCL v Durham I would go to Durham. My 5 children did not go to a London one as we live in London and they wanted a change (3 of them rejected Durham by the way and went to Bristol by choice and none tried Oxbridge). In very old fashioned days in England Durham was 3rd after Oxbridge and that will still be set in some people's minds.

However my sons have friends at London universities who have had a good time (before covid) but I feel it is different experience from going to a different city in England - lots more spread out because that is what London is like but probably more international students, perhaps less of the UK typical undergraduate experience although the better London universities are really good, no doubt about that at all.

My father and uncle went to Durham (and are from up there) and read medicine and I grew up near there so I was certainly not against Durham at all, but 3 of mine preferred Bristol.

I agree that Durham (and Bristol) will be more British - whatever that means - than London which will have more international students.

On the Leeds issue it is a reasonable additional choice. I think it made the Tatler list of good/posh universities at one point (which is not of course a serious academic survey of any kind!) but I agree it is probably "below" places like Durham.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 04/02/2021 11:13

I'd be wary of Durham as an ersatz Oxbridge. There will be a core of butt-sore rejects who try to shore themselves up by finding alternative (and often toxic) ways to demonstrate their superiority and lord it over others.

A different experience that actually offers the stuff you can't get at Oxbridge might make you child be grateful (in the end) for the culture, nightlife and ambience that is completely different to Oxbridge, rather than Oxbridge lite.

UnityUnited · 04/02/2021 11:46

Cinnamon makes a good point. The perception is that the brightest student all want that quieter, more traditional student experience but that’s not true. Many very bright and capable students want a lively social life too.

Needmoresleep · 04/02/2021 12:02

I don't know if people have seen this before, but it is a useful reminder that rejections are inevitable and can often usefully lead you to better paths.

www.uni-goettingen.de/de/document/download/bed2706fd34e29822004dbe29cd00bb5.pdf/Johannes_Haushofer_CV_of_Failures[1].pdf

I have posted on the current LSE thread that eight years ago DS was rejected by Cambridge, Warwick and UCL, despite A* predictions. LSE suited him and he chose LSE over Oxford for his Masters. He then had a choice of working as a research assistant for a well respected Princeton professor or taking up an offer of six years full funding to read for a PhD at another good US University. (He chose the latter.) Along the way, though, his path has been littered with rejections: internships, jobs, PhD applications.

The useful learning from the early Cambridge rejection was that there are other ways to the same place, or indeed different places to go. That said if he had not got an offer from any of his four preferred Universities, he would have taken a gap year and reapplied. He believed he was good enough to cope with challenging course content. In practice LSE has a very strong international reputation, if anything better than Cambridge's in his discipline.

We, rather belatedly, realised that this was our DS' first experience of rejection. (His LSE offer did not come through until mid March, so by then he was fairly gloomy.) DC who narrowly miss Oxbridge offers are very bright indeed, and will have already built up a track record of success, both academically within their schools, or by gaining places at selective schools. Choosing a University will probably be the first major adult decision they will have made. To fall at the perceived first hurdle is discouraging. But they will learn that they can pick themselves up and get on with things. And I personally am happy that this learning happened early whilst DS was still at home.

On Universities and diversity, I think it is a personal preference. The LSE, and indeed DS's friendship group, is overwhelmingly international. It is such a pity that visits are not allowed. I think most young people would know instinctively whether this appealed more than Durham's traditional feel or Warwick's campus or St Andrew's beauty. DS once commented that he thought one of his LSE friends would have been happier at a campus University like Warwick. Equally he felt that a Korean friend at Cambridge would have less isolated in London, in part because the LSE and Imperial campuses tend to stay busy over Christmas and Easter. That said, most are delighted where they end up, and in time will see the Oxbridge rejection as a positive.

chopc · 04/02/2021 12:26

Such valuable input @Needmoresleep @Xenia @UnityUnited @CinnamonJellyBeans

You have certainly given food for thought so thank you very much for that.........

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MarchingFrogs · 04/02/2021 12:33

[quote chopc]@MarchingFrogs because I am a snob and feel he should have gone for a "better rated" Uni [/quote]
I'd love to think that that was said in jest, but if not, all I can say is you really need to get out moreGrin

CinnamonJellyBeans · 04/02/2021 12:43

if DD had not got into C, I would have suggested something entirely different, like take a gap year and get an American scholarship or go to Holland to do an English speaking course, go to London for the clubbing and museums, do an A level in language and do a combined degree, change subject completely and become a brain surgeon. Tons of stuff to do instead.

Anything but Durham. Sending her to Durham would have been like that 80's show Bullseye: "Look at what you could have won"

A lawnmower is not a car. Durham is not Cambridge

Pumpkintopf · 04/02/2021 12:48

@Needmoresleep that's a brilliant way of looking at things, thank you for sharing that, really appreciate it.

quest1on · 04/02/2021 13:16

Cinnamon - With the greatest respect, it’s very poor form indeed to come on a thread like this, lording it and playing down any other uni, Durham or otherwise, because it’s not Oxbridge. Odious behaviour if the highest order. You do realise not everyone has the financial means to take gap years, ho to London “for the clubbing and muse sums,” hop over to the US or whatever. Some young people will be getting very excited about Durham. Where is your integrity and why are you even on the thread at all? Christ on a bike!

Needmoresleep · 04/02/2021 13:16

Cinnamon, really. Our 15 year old RAV4 is not a Ferrari, but it still gets us to where we want to go.

Durham is a good University. First choice for many DC, especially those from the north of England.

What do DC want. A step up to a good an interesting career, a good social life with compatible friends, an interesting well taught course, etc.

For most Durham offers that in spades. It is very well regarded for most subjects, and for those who want to continue with academic study, a good Durham degree will open doors to most, if not all, British universities.

A couple of years back I met a student who had graduated from Durham and was taking a Masters at Imperial. He had no regrets. He had a fabulous time at Durham. He found Imperial, in contrast, very focussed and career oriented. He felt he had done it the right way round.

UnityUnited · 04/02/2021 13:17

I had to laugh at the Bullseye analogy. I have a relative who went there and I don’t think she had a fantastic experience. DS went to the open day but didn’t apply. I think he sussed that it wasn’t for him.

UnityUnited · 04/02/2021 13:26

Saying that, it really is a case of horses for courses. DS wanted a buzzier experience.

chopc · 04/02/2021 13:38

Shame you didn't stop at the first message cinnamon. Echo everything quest1ion said .........

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chopc · 04/02/2021 13:40

So @Xenia once upon a time Durham offered Medicine?

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Needmoresleep · 04/02/2021 13:42

It did, but the campus was miles away, so not a Durham experience at all.

bendmeoverbackwards · 04/02/2021 13:50

@CinnamonJellyBeans

I'd be wary of Durham as an ersatz Oxbridge. There will be a core of butt-sore rejects who try to shore themselves up by finding alternative (and often toxic) ways to demonstrate their superiority and lord it over others.

A different experience that actually offers the stuff you can't get at Oxbridge might make you child be grateful (in the end) for the culture, nightlife and ambience that is completely different to Oxbridge, rather than Oxbridge lite.

An interesting point @CinnamonJellyBeans dd was very keen on the whole collegiate system so with Oxford not in the picture now, Durham is the next best thing in her eyes. But I'm wondering if Exeter might suit her better after all, it's a very different university. She's not a big party girl but not a stay at home type either - somewhere in between!
ChimneyPot · 04/02/2021 14:06

Cinnamon, you may be well intentioned, my own DC who was rejected by Oxford had already been accepted by her dream US college. But I agree with others, your post is out of place.

bendmeoverbackwards · 04/02/2021 14:48

Wow I should have read on before responding to @CinnamonJellyBeans! I don't know what you have against Durham, it's a great university with many happy students.

@Needmoresleep thank you for your post and glad to hear things worked out well for your ds. You are spot on in your 4th paragraph - dh commented shortly after dd's O redirection that it was her first academic 'failure' (I know she hasn't failed but you know what I mean).

BigWoollyJumpers · 04/02/2021 15:29

Gosh - so many extraordinary posts going on in the past few pages. What has been going on??

I am currently sheltering on "Good News" and "Vaccine" threads. They seem to be keeping quite civil. The "Starting Uni in 2021" seems to have been OK up to now too.

bendmeoverbackwards I have had some lovely direct messages from people with DC's at Exeter, that have really put my mind at rest. I am now much more at ease with Exeter being DD's first choice.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 04/02/2021 16:07

My apologies if I have caused offence. Durham is a wonderful university in a lovely area, with a good reputation.

However, the point I'm trying to make is that you should choose Durham on its own merit and not as a backup to Oxbridge. It's not even a watered down version of the Oxbridge experience and if that's why you pick it, you'll always feel that you "settled" and you'll find other who feel the same. There is a danger of ignoring the absolute value of the Durham experience and degree, as you're thinking of it in relative terms. Not the best way to think of your university, as it's with you for life.

Don't "settle". Find a university you actually want

SeasonFinale · 04/02/2021 17:41

I seem to remember treading possibly even on MN that what is now Newcastle Med School is where Durham med used to be but no doubt this will be corrected if I am wrong.

SeasonFinale · 04/02/2021 17:41
  • reading not treading
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