University 2020 :10: Empty nests warm vests and covid tests: uni parents 2020

[sammyjoanne]

Carry on from MilicentMartha's University 9 thead
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/a4025020-University-2020-9-And-theyre-off-making-hay-while-the-sun-shines?msgid=101075411#101075411

Thanks to all for the support and reassurance x DD’s flatmate’s test came back negative, she still has a persistent cough and a low grade temp so they’re keeping her fed and watered, and with regular paracetamol first the temp while she sees out her 14 days but at least the rest of the flat can get out for shopping etc.

Daughter is doing better. Part of the problem is with personal stuff she stress eats, then the remnants of her ED give her a kicking which then increases her anxiety and it becomes a bit of a spiral and the worry is that this will tip her into restricting. Without Covid she was in a pretty good place and the pressure of the course doesn’t seem to affect her in the same way at all - she got through the whole med school application/year13/etc thing fine. She tells me that since March, people she knows who were doing ok are struggling with ED thoughts, and people who were already struggling have mostly relapsed. She’s visiting boyfriend today (outdoors, sandwiches and waterproofs packed!) so is feeling better about life and has in person classes I think tomorrow

I think I joined mumsnet because I got addicted to daily AIBU emails a few years ago

@MillicentMartha first time they isolated for 4 days while waiting for test results. Was negative but still 4 wasted days. Now a positive in their flat. She's spent over a month with the same 4 people and I am surprised they are all still friends ! But she is being brave and enjoying what work she can do. Not quite the vet experience she was expecting though. Flatmate are an onion dipped in Nando's hot sauce to amuse them yesterday. He can't taste a thing.

@mumsneedwine hey there, sympathies for your DD as mine's just been through iso in her flat at Lancaster. Just wanted to say that DS, who is a vet, says tell your DD to read everything she can now including BVS magazines and lecture notes, using all the enforced time of this year to accumulate info even though she will think not all of it sticks. Anatomy lists, vascular systems, you name it. She's only a few weeks into a five year course which is a long slog. She will get plenty of f2f at some point so best to use this time to absorb everything she can - he says she will be so thankful she did come the time of facing random questions in exams!

@BCBG thank you so much. That sounds great advice. She somehow got 93% on the test based on the dissection she couldn't go to - I'm v grateful I forked out for the expensive anatomy book as no chance of getting to a library. I'll tell her to start reading now 😊

@mumsneedwine He also says tell her to go look round Bristol and sightsee, enjoy the parks and bridge etc as once she's truly head down she will find time to wander is limited!

@MillicentMartha, good point re eating out, I need to check the small print. I thought we could have an outside table at a pub, but maybe not. I will look it up.

Good to hear from everyone. I really feel for the new students who are not with people they get on with. What a strange first term this is compared to other years. I hope some of them write up these experiences and use them creatively in the future to make sure none of us forget what it was like.

@BCBG she did a lot of that in first 4 weeks. She loves the city - she is galls right in the city centre. Unfortunately lots of her new vet friends then had to isolate. Just as they come out she goes in. It feels a bit never ending for her at the moment. She's enjoying the course, and they keep them very busy in the week, although she's getting headaches from being on the screen so much. Take one day at a time, that's what I do

@WellWoman, sorry, I don’t mean to be the thread covid police! I’ve got 2 DSes in Manchester atm, one at UoM, and would love to visit them but can’t see how I can do it. It’s a bit far to do in one day, but I can’t stay even in a hotel in tier 3. If I was a bit closer I’d definitely do a park meet up, though.

@MillicentMartha - don't worry, I didn't think you were trying to be any sort of Covid rule enforcer (although we could do with one or two round here some days. I have just been in our little local Co-op and am really irritated to see both staff in the shop without masks or visors. I understand if people can't wear masks, but I know that visors are also available to them...I put my mask on and do my best to keep a decent distance from other people and try to be patient. I would so like it if everyone else just made the bloody effort too)

You have made me think about the practicalities of going up to Lancaster for the day and how to make it work. I don't mind going there and back in a day on the train, wouldn't do it in the car unless I was sharing the driving with DH. So long as it's not p-ing down with rain I think we can make it a good experience. I will probably not book too far ahead on that basis.

@WellWoman we are planning on doing the same mid November (restrictions permitting etc etc). Can't believe they've been away a month already. Time flies

@specialted - it'll be quite short days from now on in, so if we have to stay outside there is no point going for too long anyway!

I think sooner rather than later might be advisable as well, WellWoman in case restrictions get even tighter. I’m really hoping my two will be allowed home for Christmas. I expect the universities will try to enforce some sort of isolation beforehand to make it possible, but then, will returning in January be difficult? So much for trying to be upbeat, sorry!

@MillicentMartha I hear on the news that government are considering just a week isolation for everyone now. If thats the case then DD will isolate Sat 2nd Jan to be there on the 9th. Exams are coming up in Jan so needs to be back for then.

That might work, sammyjoanne. 🤞🤞

First night since 14th September that DD hasn’t FaceTimed us. I called twice and got put to voicemail twice. I’m hoping it was because she was busy (as busy as you can be in a flat of 3 in a firebreak lockdown?) and I just hope she’s not sad or upset.
I wish I didn’t overthink things.

@JufusMum it's so hard not to overthink things, isn't it? But look at it this way - it's not actually healthy for your DD to contact you every night now she is at uni - so radio silence is a positive sign, even if she is feeling sad, because it will mean she is adjusting to dealing with this herself - which is such a vital part of settling into uni life, the ups and the downs. I have had three others at uni before DD and I can promise you that it will get better, just not always as fast as we would like. Try not to worry too much x

@JufusMum yes that must be hard for you but hopefully as @BCBG said she's busy having fun in her flat or something. Maybe if you're worried about her just drop a quick text saying just checking you're ok. My ds hates it when I phone unannounced, I always get put to voicemail then he'll text later saying ru ok and that's it! But I guess you're used to regular contact so it feels worse

Thirding that it’s actually good that she doesn’t need to be in contact every day. Put it this way, if she was upset, who would she contact? Most probably you.

When I was at university I only phoned my parents every 2 weeks or so. I know smartphones and the internet have changed things, but I’d be encouraging her to FaceTime you less often, maybe once a week and just message once a day? That may not work for you both, but it sounds like a fairly healthy amount of contact.

@JufusMum my DD is my first born and when she left it was so hard. I too was thinking, what she doing, how is she feeling? Is her course ok and coping well? Did she get the bus back with her night out with her friends ok? Has she kept up with her washing? But as time goes on it gets easier not to wonder about that now. Our facetime is Saturdays, and message mid week. If she was feeling sad or down, im sure she knows your the first to come to :)

@WellWoman @specialted @BCBG back now from seeing DD at Lancaster. Awww it was lovely. Weather was bad for a bit, but then it eased off for a walk round campus for an hour. (I took a big golf umbrella with me to make sure I stayed dry :) )She opened her care package when I left and she messaged to say that she loved it. During our walk she was talking about a house meeting they all had about a house for 2nd year. 1 wants to be doing course from home (he misses his g/friend) Another (whose family is pretty well off) is buying a home so he can live there and rent the other rooms to students and have it as an investment. 1 is not sure what they are doing as they are making a decision about a study abroad program either 2021 or 2022 start. Then, the remaining 9 including DD all want to live together and want to get a good one early if they can around end of November.

I’m glad you got to meet up, sammyjoanne. It always seems early to be thinking about their 2nd year house, but my DS1 had one sorted by mid Nov. This year, our first years only really know their bubble. It must be hard if you haven’t gelled. It sounds like things are going well for your DD, though.

@sammyjoanne That sounds like a great visit. Your DD has obviously had great luck with housemates, its wonderful they are already making plans to stick together.

So glad you had this chance to meet up and pass on some treats. Lovely to hear such positive news.

Btw DS's package finally turned up in the parcel collection centre yesterday and he was very pleased to have it.

Any other good news from the fresher cohort?

@sammyjoanne so glad you had a nice visit. Was campus busy or very quiet? Am sure ds won't even have thought about houses for next year, hoping someone will be organised enough to mention it! Think it will be very hard for them this year as they've not had chance to meet other people. Luckily ds really likes his housemates but can imagine for some it will be difficult to plan next year . Maybe it will all be a bit slower this year as I don't think you can view a property with tenants in at the moment. (May be wrong though)

@WellWoman really glad that the parcel evntually came, it took some time to filter through considering they signed for it days ago. Other news in DD cohort is that they are having a 3 night themed halloween party. She met up with her physics friends online (they have scheduled every sunday night to virtually meet up like they used to back in April and she went out for a walk the other day with one of them)
Physics coursework shes been hitting 90%+, but she had her lab result and got 51%. She was not happy about that, but a lot of people was getting around that mark. Its the first time she had to write a lab report in a professional sort of style. Hope you get to see your DS soon and is getting on well :)

@specialted campus was not buzzing like how it was in february when we visited before all the lockdowns started. Because a lot of things are on line, more people are inside. Hope your DS is ok and hope you get to see him soon :)
www.gov.uk/guidance/government-advice-on-home-moving-during-the-coronavirus-covid-19-outbreak thats the rules on viewings. I think its ok, I wouldnt trust it virtually viewing, the landlord will only want to show what they want you to see and skip all the things they dont.
@MillicentMartha and specialted I feel for the students that havent gelled either. I hope the universities and private halls come together to put on a solution so they are placed with other people with similar outlooks or interests for year twos but would like uni accommodation/halls. Skeptical they would, but would be nice if they did.

DS hasn't mentioned next year's accommodation. He has been playing football though on a uni pitch. That makes me so happy, he isn't that good at football so it definitely a social "thing".
He has gone very quiet otherwise which is generally a good sign that he has plenty of "other" people to talk to.