University 2020 :9: And they're off, making hay while the sun shines.

[MillicentMartha]

New thread, trying to be upbeat!

Old thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/3996883-University-2020-8-Use-the-CAGs-don-t-use-the-CAGs?pg=40

Snozzle it may take time, but she will start to see a few more people as they all become braver and start to venture out. I think the party animals have plunged straight in & the local news is full of stories about students gathering, which can make it seem as though everyone else is having fun. Are there any social spaces like coffee shops where she could go to? What about seeing if there are any whatsapp groups for her subject? I know some students join up with 2 or 3 study buddies to attend online lectures together and whatsapp groups may give her a nudge towards these.

@specialted

Urgh yes Lancaster lockdown not ideal. No idea how that will be enforced on campus? Are they going to check if your bubble is a 6 or 8 or 12? Presume college bars will still be open with distancing? I think ds has mostly on line lectures so can't see him leaving his accommodation at all at this point. He has made no effort to join any subject group chats at all. Maybe that's a boy thing? He is highly sociable though so hoping he'll gel with his flat mates.

I have no idea how they are going to police it. Then at Grizedale outside the bar and main area there's a whole bunch of picnic tables, so no idea how that's going to work. On top of the info lab, there's a restaurant and on the top of that, a roof top terrace which has picnic tables and benches you could have lunch on with views over the country side, so if it gets too much being in your room, that's one place to get away from it all. And the woodland walk. and the 100 takes you to morecambe, so if they fancy time by the sea :D Daughter joined the facebook group page for Lancaster Uni to start with, and then someone added her to whats app group. it was from there she was chatting and said she did physics, and thats when a physics group added her in. Hopefully that continues and they can become study buddies when it comes to working on problem sheets

Thanks Hoghyni
I spoke to her this evening and she admitted she's feeling down. She's not seen anyone all day. She popped out to the shop for milk but that's it.
Thankfully she has connected with others on her course and a few are going to meet tomorrow. She says she's going and I told her she really should as she may find friends in that group. So I really hope she's brave enough to go along.
She has mentioned they have a parent scheme where you get paired up with 2nd year students on the the same course. So I've said she needs to get signed up to that.
Unfortunately she didn't get accommodation on campus so I think that's adding to the isolation.
She doesn't want to move accommodation as she says her flat mates are ok and she might really dislike whoever she moves in with.
I've given her some tips about asking others in her flat out for a walk or shopping. There is one other girl who she says is really quiet and she barely sees so I've told her to try and befriend her as she's probably feeling lonely like dd is.
I did know she would struggle but hoped she would find friends. But it's early days I suppose.

@sammyjoanne my daughter is moving into a Grizedale townhouse next week She cannot wait fo get there!

@Justyou she's at Langwith

Dd2 has just finished her second week, no option of going to halls as they have dramatically reduced capacity, so she is at home. All learning is online. So far, it's been very well organized and she's got to know people through group assignments and discussion groups. Still hoping to go away in January.

Dd2 started last Saturday, and although she's got friendly flatmates, she's just missing home so badly. She's been in tears several times to us, but we're trying to keep positive for her. I know this is fairly common, but I do feel sorry for all students this year with virtually everything on Zoom. A lot of lectures seem pre recorded, which means they can't ask questions. I work in a secondary school, and we can teach 30+ pupils in the flesh 5 x a day live. As they are educational establishments they surely don't have restrictions on how many they can teach? Good luck to all students going to uni / back to uni this year - I'm sure it'll get better and they'll meet more people as time goes on.

Snozzle I know she must be completely out of her comfort zone, but others will be feeling exactly the same. Going along to the meet up today will be brave, but they will all be feeling scared. I think trying to speak to the quiet girl in her flat is a good idea. Perhaps even asking if she needs anything from the shop would be an ice breaker. Your DD may end up with lots of milk at this rate!

If your DD chops & changes her friendship group a few times during her first year, it doesn't matter. Each time she takes a little step, it will be so much easier to take the next one. Has she got a mental of questions to ask people to get a conversation going? "I'm from XXXX what about you?" is bound to get people saying that they've been there on holiday etc. especially as they will then immediately get their counties muddled up!

I dropped DS off on wednesday at accommodation. Its about an hor away so not bad. I picked him up last night as were were doing a cinema night.

He was a different kid!! He's normally so shy. He has a wicked sense of humour but always been shy. He was absolutely full of beans, so upbeat...he's met two other flatmates. Im dropping him back off this morning.

Ive got to be honest, even though he's only up the road, I feel like theres been a shift and like everythings changed. The future looks scary. i might go to uni myself lol

Snozzle I really feel for your daughter but I think lots of little steps will help and befriending the quiet girl will be good for both of them.
My daughter didn’t leave her room (again) yesterday except to go and eat in the ridiculous socially distanced dining hall. In a normal year they would be out and be busy making friends and going to lectures. This could not be more different from her sisters experience starting last year.
My daughter is a lively funny girl from a very diverse grammar school with lots of interests. This experience has thrown her completely and will damage her confidence. I’m resisting the powerful instinct to go and pick her up and give the university the finger. My younger children are at school being taught face to face and travelling on a packed bus. I can’t understand how running a few seminars for 10 or so would make so much difference to the Covid risk burden and it would transform the experience for freshers, particularly those who are passionate about their subjects and want to be taught and inspired. What a total waste of money.
Rant over, sorry 😂

Bbc Breakfast are reporting on unis and testing this am - didn't catch which campus uni they had visited though.

Interestingly the warden seemed to agree with their comments on dining.

Thank you for the kind words.
I'm going to list a few things for her to work on and really encourage her to take small steps to bonding with her flatmates.
Offering to get shopping when going to the shop is a great idea thank you. I think she's too shy to knock on doors atm but they have a group chat she could put the offer on.
I'm going to suggest she uses her doorstop so she'll see people moving around and can pop out to chat when others come out of their rooms. I think she's in her room with the door shut so has no idea where her flatmates are.
It is so tough. With everything online for next few weeks it's so tempting to say come home but I know if she does it'll make things worse and she'll probably never want to go back.
She's got to keep trying for a few weeks at least.

Garibaldi - I agree. Uni has more learning restrictions than school which seems very unfair. Small face to face should be possible but it’s all heavily unionised. I worry about the mental health of this years students. I think a fair few will be home within weeks. I hope it will all be much much better in spring.

Garibaldi - so sorry for your DD, every mum’s nightmare. Is it Edinburgh and pollok? If so it has a “mixed” reputation even in normal times. I would really encourage you to push for a move into sc if possible, then you are with flat mates straight away. My DS is in self catered at Edinburgh so much better, getting on great with flat mates, but he has also met others from his course, the tennis club and going to have basketball meet-up all arranged through the chats for the various activities have. Does she have any other interests?

[quote Judd]@sammyjoanne my daughter is moving into a Grizedale townhouse next week She cannot wait fo get there! [/quote]
Hi thats great Judd :) #upthehogs :) what subject is she studying?

[quote Empra123]@Justyou she's at Langwith[/quote]
We looked at Langwith on open day, its nice accommodation :) Saw an earlier post about lockdown. If York goes into a similar style lockdown to Lancaster Uni, then the moving in day will still go ahead, but they cannot mix households, so her Langwith flat will become her household. She will be able to go out to York city for essential services and shopping and dining, and places will be open until 10pm.

@GaribaldiGirl I suggested moving to S/C before, but there is an expectation that tighter lock-down is coming and it may be that households are not going to be allowed to mix socially, so I think it may be even more of a good idea for her now to join a household she can thrive in.

@sammyjoanne thanks for that info. I am hoping he will be fine, he's just not into social media at all apart from snapchat, he prefers to chat to people in real life. I've had to nag him to get Facebook for uni but he hasn't looked at it! Not worrying too much though .
My heart is breaking for all those dc having a tough time right now. They've had a rubbish year so far, hopefully things will improve in a few weeks

www.theguardian.com/education/2020/sep/19/uk-universities-predict-record-student-dropout-rate
A touch of blame shifting and victim blaming going on here. If universities do fear high rates of dropout due to online teaching maybe they should add some face to face contact and apply good blended learning pedagogy. No mention of the mental health issues created by a disregard of the human need to form social connection and to bond and belong.

5ak8bg DS to Bristol tomorrow to SC flat. 2-4 contact hours per week. Am very concerned but hoping for the best.

Taking*

Dropped mine yesterday. She's in a bigger flat with shared facilities so has to communicate about toilet roll etc. Those currently resident have shared drink and chocolate and been on a group shop. Have told her to get them out somewhere, anywhere, tonight before further lockdown.
She has a couple of friends from school/ college living elsewhere on campus and I'm saying nothing other than "good idea" when she talks about messaging them to see if they've arrived. They're adults and, most likely, heading to public spaces and we'll able to manage their own risk. Better than feeling lost and alone and wanting to drop out. They all need to get socially settled before whatever comes this winter.
Still not fully registered on her course due to CAGs cock up. A month now, isn't it? Not sure she's missing anything tbh and her department have acknowledged she has a place but would be nice to have her registration card and access to students guild stuff. I'm leaving it until Monday when formal "welcome" sessions start. If there are still issues I'll probably have to get on Twitter and conform to misogynistic memes about middle aged women who resent their time and money being taken for granted. I'm ok with that

My daughter is going to look into the possibility of doing the first term from home instead, just as a fallback if she can’t cope. No idea if that will be possible. Wondering if we can get a refund on accomodation in those circumstances

@Garibaldigirl, my dd is starting in Edinburgh and has a room allocated in Pollock Halls. She's still at home but due to go to Edinburgh at the end of next week. They have offered a refund on the accommodation until she starts, although not able to guarantee the exact same room. So it may be worth asking about a refund.

I really hope things improve for everyone. This socially distanced Uni experience isn't easy!

Bugger! Schoolgirl error!

DH is taking DD back to uni this afternoon, so I'm sitting on my own. I'm working on the "growing up" photo book for DS (a bit belated, it should have been ready for him to take with him, but hey ho), so looking through lots of old photos.

While I've got the house to myself, I thought I'd listen to my old Abba albums - Super Trouper, Voulez Vous, The Visitors...

Forgot about "Slipping Through My Fingers", didn't I? I'm now in floods

Much much better day for dd today. She was brave and went along to meet some others doing her subject this afternoon. Found one girl lives in her block and said they were all really lovely, much more her type of people.
She spent hours with them and is feeling a lot more positive today. They have said they will meet up again as well.
I can't begin to say what a relief that is to hear. I may actually sleep tonight.
She also had two phone calls from her boyfriend, who's currently deployed with the navy, as the ship is close to land for a few days now so he's got signal. She misses him so much when she has no contact so that's also made her day.
As they say, what a difference a day makes!
I'm hoping and praying this continues and all your DCs settle in well also.