University 2020 :9: And they're off, making hay while the sun shines.

[MillicentMartha]

New thread, trying to be upbeat!

Old thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/3996883-University-2020-8-Use-the-CAGs-don-t-use-the-CAGs?pg=40

@GaribaldiGirl so sad for you and for her. Some of the universities have failed to understand human needs. Can she contact the wardens or her tutor for support?

@GaribaldiGirl how about trying to move to self catered accommodation? It may not be possible, but I think it would be much easier for her once there.

She’s having a chat with her tutor this afternoon. I’m hoping he’ll help her connect with some other students from her course. I feel she’s now so miserable she’s finding it difficult to see her way out of it. It’s not like her, she’s never been an anxious sort but I suppose going to university is daunting at the best of times and this year the social whirl is not there to jolly away the anxieties.

@GaribaldiGirl so sorry to hear she is so down. I think it could still come good if she can bear to hold out. First week is always difficult and often not representative of individuals or life longer term. Dd has similar adjacent to her room but seems to have found others further afield.

Monkey - I think that’s a really good idea. Going to look into it!

@GaribaldiGirl

She’s having a chat with her tutor this afternoon. I’m hoping he’ll help her connect with some other students from her course. I feel she’s now so miserable she’s finding it difficult to see her way out of it. It’s not like her, she’s never been an anxious sort but I suppose going to university is daunting at the best of times and this year the social whirl is not there to jolly away the anxieties.

I think they set off with high hopes and expectations, so it is easy to feel dashed down. Hope the tutor chat is helpful.

@GaribaldiGirl: Tutors can be useful. My DS2 moaned to his tutor that as a stay at home student he felt left out. Tutor introduced him to two italian exchange students who were looking for a local boy to show them the real city. He ended up having the best of times.

@LIZS: DD also has failed to get a preferred language option despite having an email from the department in March saying that they always have spaces. She's kicking herself for not applying for a joint honours. Didn't as it wasn't offered at her 1st choice. Looks like options are busy this year. DD has had to put a list of 4 alternatives. Hoping to hear today which she has got.

@ClerkMaxwell what had she hoped to do? Dd is frustrated that her back up for option 1 was used to replace option 2, so she has ended up with 2 languages! We didn't realise it might be first come, first served and have been too preoccupied with other issues to deal with it sooner.

Also the number of options available has reduced this year, creating over demand

She had hoped to do chinese. Realistically it would have only been for 2 years as she hasn't a school qualification but she would have liked to give it a go. Her school (economics) were slow of the mark only allowing you to submit the form yesterday. Other schools (business) allowed students to submit options weeks ago. She said she wanted to put scenarios rather than an ordered list. But it wasn't allowed so she could end up like your DD with 2 similar subjects.

Printed off DS’s arrival instructions. It’s getting real.

@BCBG

Waves at *@choirmumoftwo* *@specialted* *@sammyjoanne* - another off to Lancaster here Youngest DD is off to read Law, Lonsdale College and time argue with everyone else for a change 😂 (Bit nervous as she has ASD and ADD but hey...)

Waves back to*@choirmumoftwo* *@specialted* @BCBG thats great theres parents here with Lancaster freshers on the thread. BCBG, im sure she will be fine, and I bet she will be in contact if she needs you :D

All this lockdown talk, hopefully they do not restrict moving in process. DD is eager now to get there :)

@GaribaldiGirl

My daughter is on day 5 now and desperately wants to come home. Heartbroken for her. She says lots of the students in her hall seem to already know each other (because apparently they went to the same schools?) and she is stuck alone in her room on an empty corridor, eating meals in a cafe with tables in an exam style format and no clubs or activities other than online (with very slow Wi-Fi) I think she’s lost heart now and feels she doesn’t fit in. I haven’t heard her cry for years and now she is so sad and tearful. Being hundreds of miles from home doesn’t help. Damn Covid. Hope everyone else’s DCs have a better experience.

*@Monkey2001*@GaribaldiGirl I totally see that side, too. I'm so sorry. Hearing how some are struggling in these bubbles hurts my mother's heart, it's not their fault and they don't deserve it. These young adults didn't do anything other than take a brave step to go out in the world, to a place they've never lived and tried to make a new life. This should be the best time of their lives, making friends and having parties. It makes you want to throw up your hands and bring them home, wondering if it is doing more harm than good. So what can be done to, as you say "oil the wheels"? Better the school hears ideas sooner rather than later. This must be someone's job?

GaribaldiGirl DD was also miserable on day 5. Not helped by a midnight fire alarm and lack of sleep. It's horrid when they are sad and you can't be there .

For what it's worth, she's doing better now lectures have started and there's a bit more structure. Also some of the really overwhelming "to do" list is behind her and things are getting a bit more routine.

On a really practical level, does your daughter have a network point in her room - and if so, would an ethernet cable help with the dodgy WiFi? DD is also not really connecting with people in her household, but is making connections through clubs. But a reliable internet connection definitely helps with that at the moment!

Checking in. DS is one of ths last to go, I think he's getting nervous and he seems to be resolutely ignoring any requests to sort out various things connected to going. I think its been a strange long 6 months and change seems bigger than it might have done in more normal times.

It hurts my mother heart to hear about these poor young people feeling sad because they are unable to make the human connections they need. No doubt it's the rule abiding ones who are suffering the most as well.

I live a stone's throw from student halls with ridiculous exam-style eating arrangements. I'm so tempted to march in there, drag some of them out and bring them home for cuddles with dogs and cats and food at a normal dining room table.

@SnapSnapDragon - spot on, dd is anxious about being "caught" even though she is not a rule breaker. She is avoiding some social opportunities out of fear while others just don't seem to care.

DD goes the week after next and now knows which hall she's in. Next things on the list to wait for, are the timetable and who her "parents" are.

My thoughts are with those DC who are struggling

My daughter is going to give it her best shot for a few weeks - AChickenCalledDaal I think like your daughter the start of the academic work will help her. She is massively enthusiastic for the course. Fingers crossed!
She really misses her horse and was hoping to ride at Uni but the equestrian stuff has gone the way of Covid.
To those of you who’s DC haven’t yet gone I really recommend making sure they know how important their ‘bubble group’ is. My daughter is surrounded by empty rooms (not sure why?) and doesn’t seem to have one. So if we’d known before we could have got straight onto it with the accomodation people.

@GaribaldiGirl Do they have RAs at Pollock? Dds hall has them, like wardens/student assistants. If she contacts then they may be able to help. Does not sound right that she is in corridor alone. Also worth asking for a move.

Garibaldi girl is your dd at edinburgh? My dd is there - she wasn't happy with her accomodation and called the day before moving in to see if she could switch. Staff were very helpful within an hour she was confirmed in another flat and snap chatting her new flatmates to be. She's had some wobbles too since arriving but she is so happy she made that call to change.

My dd has just sent me a photo of her tonight & tomorrow’s dinner. I think she’s eating better than I am. It’s such a relief as she was in tears earlier feeling homesick as her flat mates were all in their rooms.

Any Lancaster parents paid for accommodation yet? Not sure we've had a bill yet

Pleased to hear that @GaribaldiGirl hope things improve once course gets going. Dd felt better having met her pt. Would she be prepared to ask to change room rather than be among empty ones?

@specialtedI I know when DS started at Cardiff, we didn't pay his first instalment until early October, then January and April. I think that may be fairly standard.