DS seems miserable about starting Uni

[UntamedWisteria]

Following the fiasco this summer, DS got his insurance choice of Uni. He had his heart set on his first choice but was one grade short with his CAGs.

Where he's going is a very long way from home, and he just doesn't seem excited or enthused about it - says he's still considering a retake & gap year, although knows that's not a great option either. Term starts in just over 2 weeks' time! He's done nothing to prepare (but still waiting to hear about his accommodation)

I know he feels cheated out of his first choice by the system - although had he worked harder he'd have got a better CAG - and he's lucky to get a place at a good Uni, as some of his friends have been forced to defer by the system.

But he only chose this place as he had to put down an insurance choice (even though it is a very well regarded Russell group uni). He has visited the city and liked it - but the problem is it's not where he wanted to go.

I'm worried about his apparent lack of enthusiasm and interest, not sure what to do or say to help him.

Also, uni is an adventure, wherever you go. My DSis ended up in clearing after missing out on every uni she'd chosen due to poor grades. She went somewhere she had zero enthusiasm for. But she met her DH there - together almost forty years now - and she got a first.

Thanks monkeyonthetable. Wise words.

It isn't glib to suggest a gap year. I realise that jobs are not ten a penny at the moment having just been made redundant myself and facing the possibility of perhaps not being able to work again for a long time.

Gap years don't always involve working and travelling. They can be a chance to reappraise options, to do resits if needed, to take part in other things such as volunteering somewhere if available.

I would have liked a chance at a gap year, but it wasn't mentioned back then and I wasn't aware that people did them.

Yes, sorry, poor choice of words there.

But I understood that most Unis/employers expect you to use a Gap Year productively and wisely, not just loaf around. If DS resits in October that still leaves a lot of time to fill, with much more limited options than normal.

It's not impossible, but he's well aware it will be challenging.

Edinburgh was my son's back up had he not got into Bristol (he just finished in Bristol) .it is a good place. We live in London but it not that hard to get ti n Edinburgh. What put us off most was in many cases having to do 4 years not 3 however so it is a complex issue for the son as he might still finish at the same time as it were if he waits for an English one next year. That said it would be risky - he could take the A level exams later this year and might do worse. He could reapply next year and find Edinburgh is full and more competitive and he might have nothing to do on a pointless gap year of hanging around and losing the habits of study.

As Edinburgh is a good university I think he should just go there and make the best of it.

Xenia that's what we think too. But DS is very uncertain and ultimately it's his decision, not ours.

I agree it needs to be up to him eg my Bristol son had Ed. as his backup with I think identical grades which was ridiculous and not what any of my other 4 children nor I did - we all had the one we wanted plus a proper back up with easier grades. Instead he said he was sure he would get the grades (which he did but was risky - but they have to make their choices really).

Speaking as someone who accepted a clearing place (at bristol losing out in Newcastle). Hard to let go of one fantasy and embrace another. the relevant merits don't really matter it's more about accepting/embracing change. It's like choosing off the specials board to be told they've run out of the one you picked even if you were a bit fifty fifty to start with.

Get him to think about his course more. That's the bit that's under control. Imagining friends etc is harder. Also when he has accommodation sorted he can imagine it.

Does he know anyone who's been to Edinburgh he can talk to to get his juices going?

You haven't said which uni he missed out on, but if it was Durham, much as I love it, I'd rather love in Edinburgh any day. Massively more exciting. DCs friends at Durham describe it as North Surrey.

What a difficult situation for your ds op (and you!)

I agree that a gap year is fraught with problems this time. The uncertainty about how competitive it will be this year; would ds do better at resits; and obviously the job situation. Although as a pp says it doesn't have to be all about employment, most 18 yr olds would want to have a bit of paid work in the year. Even this summer finding work was tricky (though I know some managed it!). I think someone mentioned Deliveroo but anecdotally I've heard of at least one applicant staying on the waiting list all summer - it may depend on the area I suppose (and anyway op I think you mentioned it wasn't a runner in your rural area).

On the other hand to start a 4 yr course at university when you're unenthusiastic is also not ideal - but do you think he is actually unenthusiastic, or is that he's reasonably keen but nervous? Not having accommodation sorted out may be unsettling, so when he hears about that his view may change.

I hadn't realised just enrolling and then immediately dropping out could 'use up' one year of funding - that is something to bear in mind, certainly.

Thanks everyone for your advice. We've had a breakthrough, of sorts,

DS has decided he wants to go to Edinburgh provided he can get accommodation in Halls. Not as simple as it sounds as they sent his offer to the wrong email address & it's expired so we can't sort it out until Monday, but fingers crossed.

His first choice Uni was also a 4-year course, so that's not such an issue. And it wasn't Durham! DS's view of it is similar to Monkey's!

Has he tried asking Edinburgh if they'd consider a deferral? It would make a gap year risk free, in that he could reapply elsewhere but won't be in a worse situation than now if he doesn't get in somewhere he likes more.
A friend of DD's asked her first choice university for a deferral a while ago and they said no. She asked again last week and they said yes.

I personally wouldn't worry about university/future employer wanting to see that worthy things were done on a gap year - everyone will know that most 20/21 plans were destroyed by Covid.

(Obviously, this is assuming he doesn't get the halls he wants, which I hope he does.)

less of an issue if they self fund or move from a 4 to a 3 year course

The thing is, that funding is for a first degree course at undergraduate level, not 'receiving a loan from public funds' per se. So even if you self fund the course you drop out of, you still lose entitlement to the year's (or more, depending on when you drop out) funding when being assessed for a new undergraduate course elsewhere.
The formula is 'length of current course, plus one year, minus the number of years of previous study. So if the new course is 3 years, the fact that the initial one would have been 4 years is irrelevant, because the 'plus one' year has been cancelled out. If you start a second year on the first course, you have to self fund for the first year of the new course, and so on.

I hadn't realised just enrolling and then immediately dropping out could 'use up' one year of funding - that is something to bear in mind, certainly.

It doesn't. There's a two week grace period, so as long as you withdraw within 14 days of the start of term you don't use that years loan entitlement. You'd obviously have to give back any maintenance that you'd already received.

Re your comments that unis expect you to spend a gap year in a particular way, that hasn’t been DDs experience.
She worked at a retail job, and did a part time musical theatre course, and still got offers to study History at Exeter and Durham.
So please don’t be put off a gap year thinking you must have a plan to enhance your PS. Far better to take a breathing space, and apply again when you know what & where you want.

The applications need to be done pretty soon anyway, so the PS can only contain what the student did up to January (or even October for early applicants).

DD is applying post-results, which was always her plan, but a pandemic wasn’t something she’d factored in.

She’s planning on doing languages and had intended to spend this summer travelling to get the practice in. Her PS might look a bit forlorn given she’s spent the summer instead patiently running loops round the village and helping elderly neighbours with dog walking. On the plus side, she’s never been fitter!

My DS was similarly fed up when he missed his first choice by one grade. His insurance was well below - because its insurance right, no point if it has the same grade requirements as the first choice - so while it was a solid university and he chose it (and went to all open days for his choices) he was still disappointed.

I don’t think it was the quality of the insurance, more the ‘what if’ and combination of setting your heart on the first choice, then just missing it. If they can get over that I’m sure they’ll be fine - many people found their insurance great, and others didn’t like their first choices. So its a bit of a dice roll regardless. Edinburgh should be a great option.

MarchingFrogs

If that’s the case, that must have changed quite recently. I got the same student loans and grants for every year of my course, despite changing unis (starting again) and also resitting a year.

@WonderHike, did you apply for Compelling Personal Reasons (I think it's called) for either the need to leave the first university, or the need to resit a subsequent year? I think that having that application accepted is now the only way not to lose a year's entitlement to funding.

The breakthrough sounds good If he can get into the halls. If not, I still think he should go as he can meet people in the halls and choose a house for year 2 with them fairly easily and at least he has got started this year on what would be a 4 year course anyway (and also Edinburgh is a good a university (and Durham was not his first choice - 3 of my children had Durham and Bristol offers and chose Bristol over Durham which I am not sure I would have done but has worked out fine so far for them....)

@MarchingFrogs

There wasn’t any explanation required for applying for a new uni – I just did the application in the normal way. I’d already had over a year’s funding at the first uni.

I can’t remember having to give a compelling personal reason for resitting the year either. I missed one of my summer resits (got the date wrong, unbelievably) so I suppose that was a compelling personal reason

I hadn't realised just enrolling and then immediately dropping out could 'use up' one year of funding - that is something to bear in mind, certainly.

It doesn't. There's a two week grace period, so as long as you withdraw within 14 days of the start of term you don't use that years loan entitlement. You'd obviously have to give back any maintenance that you'd already received.

But @titchy - would they not still be obliged to pay for the first year's halls or rental, despite dropping out?

I think it is down to accom - it’s 28 days notice at St. Andrews apparently.

Please Please Please pick up the phone and ring the right department for the 2020 information before making any decisions about deferral, course changes, accommodation charges if you leave early, enrolment and then leaving affecting your four years of funding via student loans etc.
Most of these vary, are affected by the year and the individual circumstances.
So please don't assume anything without double checking. Admissions officers don't always know what goes on in other departments as we've learnt to our cost.
In my experience unis are very open to people changing courses early on. They don't want you miserable and failing. Its not as easy as choosing the right one in the first place, but all things are possible.
Deferral policies vary from department to department, uni to uni and with a good reason they will listen.
There will be student support people in place for proper advice on all these matters. Try ringing the student union to find out who they are and which website they recommend to check up to date details.
but also MAKE SURE YOU ARE TALKING TO THE RIGHT DEPARTMENT FOR THE RIGHT ISSUE, ie don't take accommodation advisers advice on Student loans ( I know it sounds obvious but unis are struggling to cope, people are trying to be helpful but you can be easily given the wrong advice based on assumptions the advisers have made )
The accommodation website should have all the terms and conditions about how much is owed if you take a place and then decide to leave. Its difficult when you have so many questions milling around but I'd almost make a chart/hit list and go find it out one by one. It would reduce stress on your son if you just did this and came to him with the info as he is probably freaking out about the weight of all the uncertainty and decisions. So this would be a good start in helping work through the many layers of things to consider.
Everything has changed this year and now that the first burst of clearing has calmed down you should be able to get on the phone and find out where to double check the answers to all these questions. I'd do it yourself too and don't leave it to your son. You may need him nearby to give permission, but it will be less stressful for him as he has to make the real decision about whether to go to the uni he's been allocated or not.
A lot of young people have had to change plans and make last minute decisions this year and I think that there will be some sympathy for that if he needs to make changes. But ultimately he has a course he showed some interest in, in a well resourced uni with a good reputation, so he is in a good position, even if he needs to make adjustments.
My DC's plan was to have a gap year, but now they've decided to go this year, despite all the difficulties so that they can get on with the next phase of his life and organise the travel/work stuff when the situation is better. Its a difficult personal choice because no chance to save up, and they have people telling them its the wrong one but nothing is normal this year so they think its the best of some difficult and less than ideal choices. I guess we will find out when they get there! Good luck