Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Heading towards 4th year or post grad/jobs

995 replies

Xenia · 02/07/2020 21:26

Continuation of the previous thread for those of us with children who are just finishing their 3rd year at university (so either "graduating" in 2020 or going into year 4 in Autumn 2020)..........

My twins' degree results will be out in late July. Good luck to everyone else waiting for finals results.

OP posts:
goodbyestranger · 19/07/2020 23:00

ollie bf can pay gf his quarter share informally. Ditto the bill quarter share. It would all have to be done under the counter but is perfectly possible. Quite hard to handle without risking a bust up though, given the initial proposal.

olliepolly · 19/07/2020 23:03

Thanks for the council tax reminder.

Dungaree2 · 19/07/2020 23:07

I'm sure their contract won't allow sub-letting.

And why on earth should your daughter lose out on having the larger room? There is nothing at all in this arrangement which would benefit her.

goodbyestranger · 19/07/2020 23:11

Dungaree2 presumably to avoid having to find a last minute flat share with people she knows less well or likes less well.

It won't be a sublet, it will be an informal arrangement. Nothing in uni rental agreements will prevent a bf/ gf staying over - just that this one wants to stay every night, for a year.

Dungaree2 · 19/07/2020 23:21

I'm pretty sure that staying every night would be classed as illegal subletting, and that means all the tenants could potentially be evicted.

If bills are included in the rent, the landlord's fair usage limit for everything from water to internet use will have to stretch across more people.

olliepolly · 19/07/2020 23:28

Bills not included in the rent . Individual contracts with university .

olliepolly · 19/07/2020 23:33

I’m going to sleep on it now and see what tomorrow brings. DD is travelling to her uni city and flat tomorrow she is due to spend a week there , she will meet with her flatmate in person. As someone upthread pointed out it is tricky for her to handle. Previous flat experiences in her old flat she has found quite stressful and reminded me that they often have an impact on her sleep and eating. thanks everyone for joining in the chat, this is where I find mumsnet a really good place to turn to for advice and shared experience. Will update when possible but expecting busy day at work tomorrow.

Original poster
Xenia · 20/07/2020 08:32

If she wants a get out (as 4 people in a 3 bed will be a lot more crowded than 3 and the dynamics will be totally different with a couple in there) she probably just has to say the university's terms do not allow it and she cannot get involved in breach of an agreement like that but that if he finds somewhere else to stay she would not mind were he to stay the night say 3 times a week (may be he could airbnb somewhere the other 4 nights for example?)

I don't think she should agree otherwise she might be evicted for breach of the agreement. Someone needs to read the agreement with the university however to check.

As you say though it will be down to how she feels about it as she might prefer to put up with the risk and small room to keep things amicable. May be she and the other need an arrangement that if either of them moves a boyfriend in then the other couple will move to the smaller room etc etc to make it fair

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 20/07/2020 10:13

Good luck to your dd, @olliepolly - flatmate really is a bit of a CF both expecting the biggest room and to pay no extra rent. But it's a minefield as I'm sure your dd doesn't want to start the year on a sour note with flatmate either.

I think she's got some moral leverage on the room thing. If she points out the big room is 'her' room and bf is not a paying resident she shouldn't have to swap rooms for him. If however friend says they 'need' the big room then what about suggesting he splits his share of the room costs between all 3 flatmates rather than just his gf?

E.g if the room costs £600 a month he will presumably be planning to share with his gf and pay £300 each between the 2 of them. So instead of giving his £300 all to gf he gives £100 a month to each flatmate.

So win-win - between them the happy couple don't pay any more than expected. The other 2 flatmates benefit to the tune of £100 a month for the sacrifice of getting smaller rooms and sharing a bathroom, kitchen etc with an extra body.

Carriemac · 20/07/2020 11:33

I think it's a bad idea as it's against their Rental agreement and against the informal agreement around swapping ripens and it will completely change the dynamic in the flat. Also financially it's CF

BestIsWest · 20/07/2020 12:09

DS has got a 1st. In tears here. This boy has struggled with dyslexia and dyspraxia and worked so hard.
We lost my darling dad suddenly this week. He would have been so proud.

bigTillyMint · 20/07/2020 12:18

Hmmm, it sounds like they are CFs and relying on your DD to roll over.
Big difference staying over 3/4 nights to living there.
It will change the dynamics
There will be more people sharing the facilities
If he’s working he should be paying Council Tax and may invalidate their student house claim?
Similarly re insurance?
Against terms of rental and if found out may all get kicked out.

Only plus point would be if he did as Haff suggests.

Your DD shouldn’t be forced out of the biggest room unless he totally pays his share and she is happy with all the above negative points

bigTillyMint · 20/07/2020 12:19

Well done to your DS @BestIsWest. And sympathies Flowers

SMaCM · 20/07/2020 12:25

BestIsWest fabulous news. So sorry about your dad. My father would have been so proud when DD got a place at uni, but I'm sure he was looking down on us.

One of DD's house mates moved her boyfriend in after the start of term last year. When they asked for a contribution he moved out again.

Original poster
Xenia · 20/07/2020 13:03

Best, congratulations. That is wonderful news on the first, and I am so sorry about your father. I remember when mine died for his funeral we siblings wrote a eulogy which one of us read out at the service and we included what the oldest grandchildren were doing (my daughters going into law) as he was pleased about that (not that he would not have liked whatever they did but it was nice to mention it at the funeral as it continued a bit of a professional tradition - he was a doctor and his brother was and his uncle a solicitor).

I hope everyone is enjoying the better weather. It feels a bit like the start of lockdown again - as just the twins here with me at home and they had a nice trip to see their brother (my volvo came back unscathed - my son said it was very powerful to drive on the motorway so I hope he didn't go over the speed limit in it).

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 20/07/2020 13:55

I'm so sorry about your dad Flowers and at the same time many congratulations to ds Flowers

What a mixture of emotions you must be going through.

Eve · 20/07/2020 15:06

@BestIsWest congratulations on the 1st - I have a dyslexic DS and I know just how hard they have to work to even be on the same playing field as others, so to get a 1st is amazing!

and also so sorry about your Dad, its hard to lose a parent.

Carriemac · 20/07/2020 15:13

Best -Lovely news , but tinged with sadness. So proud of your DS with dyslexia and dyspraxia it's not easy . Your dad would be proud

Horsemad · 20/07/2020 20:42

Ah Best, sorry to hear about your Dad. What a bittersweet time for your DS and you. He's done amazingly well and I bet you're so proud of him.

olliepolly · 20/07/2020 21:01

Sorry to hear of your mixed joy and sadness this week Best.
Very well done to your son.

If I may continue the saga. DD1 went to her uni city today and having waited all day for news she just called.
She has been persuaded to give up her room. Flatmate has lost her job due to corona . There was some recognition that boyfriend should contribute. Apparently flatmate has no money and her family are affected by corona virus financial hardship. There is apparently a suggestion they will revisit financial situation “later “. DD basically very kind . She is now cross with me as I have questioned the legality of all of this and am left with the feeling somehow we are subsidizing this couple . Anyhow just been told I haven’t helped . Suggested to her that she needs to keep and ear to the ground re potential alternative accommodation , not sure she is on board with this though as doesn’t like the idea of moving and while the flat is not the best it does have an excellent location.

Original poster
Xenia · 21/07/2020 11:11

ollie, thanks for the update. It may well be the best decision for your daughter and there is a huge amount of illegal subletting out there in practice so unlikely it will be found by the university and they all turfed out with deposit taken. My sons in year 2 both ended up with the smallest room and no financial difference in rent I suspect because they were just a bit kind about it all and that's fine - it is not the end of the world ceding to others. One of mine has the slightly smaller (not by much ) room next Sept too and he wasn't asked and had he been first to move in he would have asked the flatmate but he certainly won't be mentioning it and he's fine about it.

I have sometimes felt I was subsidising others too - one of my sons seems to have made loans to several people who are less well off and in my view they are less well off because their mothers don't work or don't work full time as I do so I am working my socks off in a sense to keep some other woman with her feet up at home. He now needs to work out what he is owed and says it will take a while so has not got round to it yet. If he leaves it too long it will be very hard to get the money back. Anyway it's his problem.

I think mine have realised the 6 Sept law school start is very early so there is not a huge amount of the summer left. One has left today to pick up his left behind lap top and the girl friend's family have kindly said he can spend the night. So back to just 2 of us here for tonight and I just mowed all the grass which was quite sad although it looks tidy... as the lawn was covered in purple and yellow flowers and bees so I felt like a habitat murderer..... difficult compromises in gardens sometimes.

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 21/07/2020 17:48

@olliepolly - sounds like your dd has been extremely kind to the loved up flatmate and told you to stick your motherly beak in! Wink I would have said exactly the same as you did, but I suppose keeping housemate relationships harmonious is of enormous importance when you're their age. Very tough for your dd.

Meanwhile DH and I have just booked ourselves a few days in a nice hotel in the lakes as our only holiday this year. Lo and bloody behold ds has announced this morning that he has a temperature. He went to a friend's 21st garden party on Saturday night. It was a group of 10 and they did all stay in the garden but of course they didn't keep the requisite 2m apart from each other Sad Angry I know he's genuinely feeling ill because he hasn't wanted to eat anything all day. This is unheard of.

He's booked a test and I'm hoping it's just a cold but depending on when he gets the results back, even if it's all clear we'll miss the beginning of our break. I'm not being very sympathetic. Angry

Carriemac · 21/07/2020 19:04

That's unlucky halfdionga, but he'll probably be fine .

Delighted and relieved to report DD got her 2:1, so posted her library books back to Oxford today and masters in Dublin secured

Horsemad · 21/07/2020 21:52

Great news @Carriemac. 🙂

Haff, that is just typical. 😲 Hopefully it is a cold. 🤞

BestIsWest · 21/07/2020 22:03

Great news Carriemac, well done to your DD.

Swipe left for the next trending thread