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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

The ABC of university life (2019/20 cohort) - Will NewModelArmyMayhem18 forgive me?

999 replies

MrKlaw · 07/10/2019 13:51

previous thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/3701968-The-ABC-of-university-life-2019-20-cohort-settling-in-we-hope

Hope you don't mind - people have pent up comments about cheese graters and traffic cones to get out of their system!

OP posts:
DrMadelineMaxwell · 08/10/2019 17:20

Dd called the bank and they are indeed sending her new card here. We will either take it to her or I will send it in with some ebay stuff that arrived that she had sent for that hadn't come in time. Won't be obvious ors her bank card then either.

juicy0 · 08/10/2019 17:23

Thanks @Ontopofthesunset @bigTillyMint we took her to the GP after the first one but I agree that if they continue after a whiter week she should go back. Ibuprofen and paracetamol don't touch them.

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 08/10/2019 17:25

@juicy0 doesn't stress trigger migraines too? Poor thing. Hoping she's feeling better very soon. She may have a migraine on top of freshers' flu/bug going round?

Ontopofthesunset · 08/10/2019 17:37

Stress is definitely a trigger for DS2 too - he seems to get them when revising for exams rather than actually during exams.

juicy0 · 08/10/2019 17:53

@NewModelArmyMayhem18 yes stress is also a factor which I think is why the first one was during a levels. Whilst she says she's enjoying uni so far she has also found moving in, meeting new people and finding her way around to lectures etc a little stressful, understandably. That combined with the lack of sleep due to two weeks of freshers and more regular drinking could be the cause but if it continues I'll get her to the GP

Witchend · 08/10/2019 20:06

@juicy0

I get migraines as does dd2. Dd2 gets cluster migraines.That sounds like migraines, but if she doesn't normally get them like that, then she really needs to be checked out in case it's anything else.

I find if I've had a migraine, it's a bit little grazing your knee. When it's better you still feel tender in the area and something that normally wouldn't hurt, (like a little bump against the knee) will set it back off throbbing again, so coming into contact with something that wouldn't normally be enough to set off a migraine may be in the first 24 hours after having a bad one.
I find some lights can do that to me-especially some strip lights, which they might well be in a lecture hall.

mum2eim · 08/10/2019 20:31

@bigTillyMint my apologies I didn’t mean to imply arts students don’t do as much work. My room mate studied French and altho had fewer contact hours still had loads of work. I don’t believe any degree is easier than another just the nature of study is different. The discipline to read for hours is to be commended! I’d fall asleep!

MrKlaw · 08/10/2019 20:49

If anything the arts/humanities have more challenge as students are going from the relatively more structured 6th form to much less contact time. They probably put in similar hours as STEM, but they’ll have to develop much more self learning and self structured approaches. Stem will have more directed learning and contact hours so can be a ‘softer landing’ more similar to 6th form/ a-levels

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WheelDecide · 08/10/2019 21:54

@SchrodingersKitty. Haven't RTFY today so sorry if you've already said. How did today go?

SchrodingersKitty · 08/10/2019 23:36

DS had big wobble on his first full day of Freshers' today, after getting an email setting some complex work from one of his tutors. (They thought they would not have anything set until near the end of the week and no other subjects have so far). He was diagnosed with fairly severe dyspraxia in his gap year (having got into Oxford in last year of school with deferred place, so it is not something he declared in advance). He has been in touch with student support and his support plan is nearly finalised, but he is not sure tutors have yet been informed, and he is a bit frantic about the issues with getting hold of ebook versions of all his reading. I'm sure his tutors will be helpful when he informs them, but we had hoped the disabilities service would have let them know in advance of term.

His other wobble was suddenly deciding that he didn't want to go to the fancy dress bop but would stay in his room and catch up with his reading. As an introvert, he has found the non-stop admin meetings and socialising too much. I agreed that of course he didn't need to go, but it would probably be pretty low-stakes and not the sort of drunken orgy he was imagining. Mid-conversation he suddenly announced he would try it, and texted a few hours later to say that he was enjoying it and very glad he went. We spoke later and he had met a girl doing one of his subjects (he is doing a joint degree) with whom he bonded about shyness and lack of interest in socialising! So first crisis averted - he is also much more calm about the work issue having discovered that everyone else is very anxious about it too.

Today has been tremendously stressful as we also went to the haematology clinic to hear results of scans trying to determine what sort of brain tumour DH has. The booking nurse had told us it was 'very good news' but it is not as clear cut as that - no sign of cancer but also no diagnosis, so now we are into territory of taking him off steroids, seeing if it regrows, scanning in six weeks, biopsying if it has regrown, then starting chemo. If it is something else, treatment for that; if it doesn't re-grow, repeated scans longer term. He also gave some really scary stats about total cure rates for if it is lymphoma moved to the brain. But on the positive side, it is nowhere else in his body. I'm not sure why the consultation threw me so much: it is basically what we already knew. We are not burdening DS with the 'what if' aspects of this yet, as he has enough to think about and we really have no clear news.

HoldMyLobster · 08/10/2019 23:41

UK and US colleges seem to differ so much. DD will do the same number of credits in her first year as every other freshman, and in her first year most of them will be similar no matter what major they officially signed up for..

She's starting with a term of Spanish, Maths, Chemistry, Russian Literature and a specialist course in something like the origins of Hebrew literature. Officially she's signed up for a Biology major, but she won't actually choose her final major for another year or two, and she may well have two majors or a major and a minor. She's leaning towards switching to Psychology with Neuroscience.

A year ago she was planning on studying Maths at college

HoldMyLobster · 08/10/2019 23:45

What a day SchrodingersKitty. I hope the college steps up soon with getting his needs met. It does seem that connecting and chatting with others on their course can be so reassuring. Well done to him for going to the bop.

The just not knowing what is going on with your husband's health sounds so hard. I can't say anything helpful so just here are some Flowers

bigTillyMint · 09/10/2019 06:25

@SchrodingersKitty, it must be very difficult not knowing exactly what you are dealing with Flowers I think you are right to just give your DS the highlights atm - he has a lot to get used to starting uni. Good on him for going to the do - I'm sure he will find a lot of like-minded students at Oxford and will settle in this term.

@mum2eim, no offence taken! All degrees are demanding in different ways and IMHO, no subjects are harder than others - people's brains work in different ways and some are more suited to different ways of studying.... As long as they have found something that suits them, they'll be fine!

Benjispruce · 09/10/2019 06:46

@SchrodingersKitty sorry to hear it wasn’t quite the news you hoped for. Don’t know why your nurse thought telling you what she did would be that helpful. I do find consultants just tell you every possible problem just in case when it’s just too much sometimes. Nonetheless there are positives there and hope that your DH has the very best outcome.
Good news about your DS too. Well to him for pushing himself.

Benjispruce · 09/10/2019 06:47

*Well done to him.

MrKlaw · 09/10/2019 06:52

bonds with someone over shyness at a fancy dress party

Nice story and hopefully something he can hold on to when he’s feeling anxious again.

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Jano69 · 09/10/2019 07:06

@SchrodingersKitty Goodness me, that's a lot going on indeed. Your DS sounds lovely and well done to him for pushing himself outside his comfort zone. Sorry to hear the appointment with the consultant left you with more questions than answers. The nurse does sounds quite naive to raise hopes as she did.

WheelDecide · 09/10/2019 08:10

@SchrodingersKitty Flowers What a lot you have to cope with. I'm glad your DS is feeling happier and I hope you get some positive news soon re your DH.

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 09/10/2019 08:20

@SchrodingersKitty sorry to hear that you and your DH didn't come out of your appointment with the consultant feeling as positive as the nurse led you to believe. Thinking of you.

Great that your DS found a girl to bond with over shyness at the fancy dress party - it only takes a few bondings like that to find his tribe!

Laniakea · 09/10/2019 09:04

Flowers & best wishes Schrodinger, it all sounds horrendously stressful.

Ingles2 · 09/10/2019 09:43

Morning :)
Sorry to hear things are so difficult for you atm @SchrodingersKitty I hope you get a clear diagnosis / treatment plan soon.
@mum2eim am slightly relieved to hear your dd is also tired... ds2 is also taking physics and maths at Durham, he has found the last 2 days really tiring and is not the most confident chap either, so am a little worried .. I think they have less lectures today, so hopefully time to get work done and re-group..

Comefromaway · 09/10/2019 09:53

she says the lights in the lectures are so bright it makes the headaches worse. Do you think this was another migraine?

Dh is a lecturer. he has Menieres disease and silent migraines. He has had to request (insist) that lighting in the rooms he teaches in is replaced with more suitable lighting. He's not too good with LED

Ginfordinner · 09/10/2019 11:00

I believe that all universities have Wednesday afternoons free, ostensibly to do a sport. I suspect DD will have a nap instead. She had a three hour practical yesterday, and is struggling to stay awake in lectures. She hasn't met her personal tutor yet so they don't yet know she has CFS. I hope she is coping with the workload.

MrKlaw · 09/10/2019 11:38

@Ginfordinner interesting. DS has wednesday free other than an optional 2-hour MASH workshop session but he has two other of those sessions so I think many will likely use that for sports or activiites.

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justasking111 · 09/10/2019 11:42

DS has no lectures today, but will be watching the rugby Wales are playing.