The ABC of university life (2019/20 cohort) - Will NewModelArmyMayhem18 forgive me?

[MrKlaw]

previous thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/3701968-The-ABC-of-university-life-2019-20-cohort-settling-in-we-hope

Hope you don't mind - people have pent up comments about cheese graters and traffic cones to get out of their system!

Hi folks. Has everyone paid for their accommodation? I was told that the first payment would go out on 11/10/19 but it still hasn't gone from my account! Strange.

DD's first payment goes out on 1st Nov.

@Ginfordinner, what is she studying? Has she joined any clubs/does she do any sports? DS seems to be very busy with the actual sports and socials at Durham, and my DGodD met lots of friends at Newcastle through her sport. She's in her second year and apparently Wednesday is the big student night up there - DS says he might go tomorrow, I could ask if your DD wants to join them?

Re accomm, DH says DSs first payment goes out on first Dec - is that right @Benjispruce?

DH is at Durham. We're waiting for the invoice so we can set up a DD for 1st December. Otherwise I believe payment is due earlier in November.

Biomedical science. She has joint problems and CFS and hates any kind of sport. She couldn't do any society tasters in freshers week because they clashed with other activities. I urged her yesterday to join a couple of societies she was interested in. Her issue is that she doesn't feel comfortable walking around the area on her own after dark.

On the poor thing, whatever the reason it's horrible to see/hear them upset. What are her flatmates like? Has she met anyone else in her halls?

It's ds's birthday today - first one away from home is always a bit weird. He actually sounded pretty good yesterday, maybe he is starting to feel more settled. Went to sports practice, and is playing for the second team tomorrow, going to Bangor! So that must be helping.

Gin - Dd is also on a content heavy course. They tend to play card games, karaoke, board games in the halls. They can do something like this together as they don't have to go out ..Sorry, I am clueless about Durham but DD's halls has common room and games room which may help.

@Ginfordinner sorry to hear that your DD is upset. It's still very early days but I know that's no consolation when they are feeling lonely.

@DrMadelineMaxwell very frustrating for your DD to lose her partner for the assignment.

Happy birthday to your DS @AtiaoftheJulii.

@Ginfordinner, that's what DGodD does! I could ask her for advice - there may be a society for the subject at least. Where are her halls? I wonder if it's a realistic worry anout walking about alone at night?

@AtiaoftheJulii happy birthday to your DS! Does it feel strange not having him at home?

Can I get some reassuring replies on here from people that aren't having their DCs visit (or they're visiting DC) and its not just me that gets the rare, matter of fact messages (he did pay his maintenance loan across finally)

Everybody seems to be visting but still feels early in the term.

Gin how early is early? Dd tends to get her duvet and lie along the sofa in the living area and watch the big tv. Her flatmates drift in and out and they all chat. I expect she spends a bit of time FaceTiming her boyfriend too. And she’s got loads of reading to catch up on for her course.
I would tell her to spend more time chilling out in the living room area - I am sure during the evening people will be coming backwards and forwards for drinks etc.
Can she decorate the living area for Halloween (seems the thing to do)? It’s very new and looks a bit sparse so a few decorations could make it more ‘cosy’. I don’t want to ask how Dd and her flatmates are attaching stuff to walls .
Dd also has lots of social chats going on with friends she’s made so she’ll sit on her phone and chat with them.

@MrKlaw you are not alone! DS hasn't come home yet nor does he have any plans to do so until Christmas. We are planning a visit at the very end of November but only really because we have other plans in the area, I don't think we would go specially, though we may have done if we felt he wasn't settling well. We do FaceTime weekly though which works for us. Let's me see that he really is happy, which is sometimes difficult to judge from his WhatsApp's which are often quite business like.

@MrKlaw we haven’t visited DD and don’t have any plans to as we are too busy at the weekends! However if she’s really struggling I’ll be up there like a shot for a weekend day trip. She’s been told by a second year student with ASD that November is a risky time for a mental health slump so we have factored in a weekend trip home if she needs it but it’s not definite.

@Ginfordinner my DD has filled her evenings with society activities as she was worried about possibly being on her own and unstructured time. She’s busy each night and has taken up bell ringing! I’d second other posters suggestions to try society activities.

@MrKlaw not seen her since she went . She’ll come down a couple of days after term ends . That said she’s welcome home and I’d go up if asked . We exchange WhatsApp pics and messages generally every other day or so . She was proud of spending £16 on her weekly food shop although does buy the odd meal in the college bar . Seems to have fairly full days of lectures and enjoying life so far .

Just catching up on the thread. Two of my DS have ADHD/ASD and were diagnosed back in the late 90s/early 2000s when a lot of opinion centred around it being caused by bad parenting (the fact I have 2 other DC without it would maybe have precluded that???!!!) Anyway the best book I have ever read about it, for a no nonsense approach, is ADHD the facts by Mark Seliokowitz ISBN 9780199565030. Its easy to read, explains the science, discusses all treatments in a non judgemental style.

@MrKlaw, DS has not and will not be visiting us this term. Nor will DD

@mum2eim, November could be a potential slump for many as the academic demands ramp up and they have to juggle socialising with studying. Good for them to be aware it will get harder.

@MrKlaw We haven’t visited nor is DS visiting till Xmas. We get the odd message. A bit of good news was that DS has restarted his driving lessons up there. Although, he seemed surprised it was a woman who also happened to need a cushion . I use a cushion .

Ahh, thats better :D

MrKlaw DD has been gone five weeks now and no plans to see her until Xmas due to distance. Also, factoring in transport costs and I work weekends and only have 1.5 hols for Sundays I can take.

DD has just declared the intention to visit us for the weekend.....

We are, however, at a wedding all day Saturday so she won't see much of us (although she finishes early friday so it's not a complete lost cause). It seems most of her flatmates have already been home at least once already (one is local, and goes home most weekends) and have been sending photos of their pets, so she wants to come home and see the cats

She's not planning on bringing any washing, but has said she'll bring her ironing so she can use an ironing board that doesn't have a mystery stain on it

Luckily for her (helicopter parent alert) DH has a lot of annual leave left over that he needs to take by the end of the year, so he's taking friday off to go and pick her up. It'll not be a regular thing, but it means she'll be home lunchtime instead of 9pm. Worth it this time as otherwise she'd not really see us.

Raptor Nooooo rookie mistake is sending photos of the cat. Dd and I have an unspoken understanding I will not point the phone in the direction of any pet when we are FaceTiming!!! Neither is Dd2 allowed to mention certain pets have started sleeping on her own bed instead.

Happy birthday @AtiaoftheJulii 's ds.

@Ginfordinner dd's being doing things like baking society and that sort of thing, which seem to be nice gentle pastimes. Could you persuade her to look for that sort of thing?

@MrKlaw dd will not be coming home until the end of term unless there's an emergency, nor will we be visiting her. I don't think we could do it in a weekend easily, as it's 5 hours away.

Oh dear, I sent DS a picture of the beloved cat. I sort of had to as it was looking like Judge Rinder.

It would be right up her street Witchend