Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

The ABC of university life (2019/20 cohort) - Will NewModelArmyMayhem18 forgive me?

999 replies

MrKlaw · 07/10/2019 13:51

previous thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/3701968-The-ABC-of-university-life-2019-20-cohort-settling-in-we-hope

Hope you don't mind - people have pent up comments about cheese graters and traffic cones to get out of their system!

OP posts:
SchrodingersKitty · 13/10/2019 13:23

Apologies for the huge chunk of text!

bigTillyMint · 13/10/2019 14:06

@SchrodingersKitty, thank you - really interesting too. The bit about v good auditory processing really chimes - it is such a shame that it seems so difficult to get a dx. Good that your DS got one before uni I think, rather than wait.

Congratulations to all those DC who have made it to uni despite these difficulties - it shows great strength of character and perseverance Star

@WaxOnFeckOff, please don't blame yourself - I'm sure your DS doesn't blame you Flowers

ZandathePanda · 13/10/2019 14:11

Schrodingers blimey what an exceptional lad.
Wax please don’t beat yourself up. Your Ds like Schrodingers are so lucky to have supportive parents. I expect every parent wishes they could have done something different. My Dc have scars from something that could have been prevented. A friend of a friend has a blind child as they contracted worms when pregnant from a puppy their friend should have wormed. My youngest was very close to dying through secondary infections from chickenpox. Two GPs dismissed me being a hysterical mother. The third didn’t but when I got to hospital, they just left us in the waiting room all night. It was only my husband phoning up to ask if she was alright (and me screaming no her eyes have rolled into the back of her head, come quick) that got the doctors attention. She had to be treated for 6 weeks and was touch and go.

WaxOnFeckOff · 13/10/2019 14:27

Thanks all, glad to hear that your DD eventually got the help she needed Zanda That must have been so scary.

Mothers guilt is indeed something we all have and I'd do lots of things differently if I had my time over again.

I just wish that the boy, who pushed for the GPs appointment himself, would do what he needs to do re the uni service. he keeps promising to but I don't want every conversation we have to involve me nagging him.

SchrodingersKitty · 13/10/2019 14:51

@ZandathePanda: how terrifying about your daughter - I'm so glad it was ok in the end.

@WaxOnFeckOff: you have nothing to blame yourself for: we can't protect our DC from random events and illnesses, much as we might wish to.

I hadn't heard about the strep-OCD link: we are pretty sure DS has OCD (mainly the compulsive checking rather than cleaning), though it is probably not bad enough to be a serious issue. But then so does my Dad (undiagnosed but much more obvious) and so do I probably (my sister certainly thinks so!). None of us, including DS, had any memorably incidents of strep infection. DS did have very bad ear infections as a toddler, which certainly affected the enamel on some of his teeth (and which I, of course, always felt very guilty about).

I do think, anecdotally, that there might be a connection between dyspraxia and high intelligence in some cases - the absent-minded professor stereotype doesn't come from nowhere.

SchrodingersKitty · 13/10/2019 14:58

@WaxOnFeckOff: the tack to take with him might be that there is potentially money in it! The uni should put him forward for Disabled Students Allowance, which can give him quite a lot of money for support aids and devices. It seems to be a long process, but it would definitely be worth getting it started. They will also produce a support plan for him which involves them liaising with his lecturers about his needs, so making the initial approach to the service means that he cuts out a lot of other difficult conversations and explanations. I expect you know all this, but some of it might cut through to DS.

WaxOnFeckOff · 13/10/2019 15:15

Shrodingers Yes I have explained this. he is going back and forward 20 minutes walk to use the library computers as he doesn't have a laptop but that would seem to be easier than actually just replying to the email they've sent him asking him to come and make an appointment!

He knows he needs to give himself the best opportunity to succeed, he agrees all the time that contacting them is the best thing to do but actually getting him to do it is a different thing. He is a lovely boy and we get no issues with him at all but he is 18 now and I can't interfere and do this for him.

He was the stroppiest of toddlers, could speak in sentences from about 15 months - we have him on video so not just mis-remembering, but has been the most easy going of teenagers. He declared at age 2 that he wanted to be the judge and make the rules. he's now studying politics! :o

simbobs · 13/10/2019 15:43

@AtiaoftheJulii how did the ADD/ADHD diagnosis come about? Did the DC pursue it themselves? I'm pretty sure my DS has this but was non cooperative with us seeking a diagnosis, and we also knew that he was unlikely to access any help where we live as provision is poor and he would simply not have been a priority.

He threw me another 'worry grenade' last night saying that the chip on his bank card is not working at all. Unfortunately I didn't receive the message and have not yet managed to talk to him. Anyone know what wipes bank cards?

WaxOnFeckOff · 13/10/2019 15:51

What does he mean about the chip not working sim? Can he use it in a cash machine but not chip and pin or not working to tap and pay?

It could be a faulty card but it could also be something to do with the type of card/account he has or what he has or has not done(or they haven't) in terms of setting it up.

Ginfordinner · 13/10/2019 16:15

The chip stopped working on my over-used debit card recently, so I had to get a new one.

It didn't work contactless, but worked as chip and pin.

simbobs · 13/10/2019 16:35

I'm not sure until I speak to him. He had tried to phone me yesterday evening but I was in a noisy restaurant and didn't hear the phone. He then texted me about the problem. I called him earlier but he said he was somewhere he could not talk and would call later. He still hasn't, but I suspect he is unable to tap and pay. I just wondered whether he might be storing his card somewhere different and whether something might have interfered with the card. So annoying when I don't get the whole story.

WaxOnFeckOff · 13/10/2019 16:38

Some accounts can be set so they don't allow contactless but do allow chip and pin so it might be worth checking that.

HoldMyLobster · 13/10/2019 16:41

My nephew was diagnosed with ADHD & reading up on it I realised that probably several of my generation have ADD at least also. It explains so much about underachievement, problems at work, etc.

Oh yes - once I learnt about ADHD through my son's diagnosis I realised that my MIL has it quite severely. She has all sorts of coping mechanisms that help her, but even so she's the sort of person who will actually miss a flight because she's running late.

Through the diagnosis process for my son's ADHD the psychologist noted other processing issues he has.Then from talking to other parents about his diagnosis, I started learning about their children's processing issues. Till about 18 months ago I knew nothing about this - now I find it fascinating.

My DD who has just gone to university would, I think, be diagnosed with ADD if she was assessed, but she refuses to be assessed. She found ways to cope throughout boarding school - in fact it was really good for her to go to boarding school because she had the need and opportunity to work out coping methods, plus she was surrounded by other students with varying issues of their own, and they shared and supported each other.

To give an example of how it affected her academically, she is a straight A student who won a National Merit Scholarship in the US (this puts her in the top 0.5% academically nationwide), yet in her junior year at school she got a C for physics, because they had to hand in 150+ pieces of work, and she missed 3 through disorganisation. Her average score was 96%.

To check if she really is a C level student she took the Physics SAT subject test (it's a nationwide test a bit like an A level) and scored 100%.

I'm intrigued to see how she copes at university, but so far she's finding it easier than high school - she did go to a very challenging school so this isn't a surprise.

simbobs · 13/10/2019 16:48

No waxed, he has had this card for a while and it had been working fine. I have just texted him again to remind him that he should call me.

AtiaoftheJulii · 13/10/2019 17:07

how did the ADD/ADHD diagnosis come about? Did the DC pursue it themselves?

Yes, she got to uni and over the first year realised that she was much worse than her friends at just getting on with work, planning her time, etc. So she took herself to Student Services, where she got an educational diagnosis. (Also diagnosed with some dyslexic traits.)

She did then pursue a medical diagnosis (GP initially not very sympathetic to the idea of underachieving as she is also at Oxford Hmm ) and we got a little way with that but then other family stuff intervened and it ground to a halt. This year we paid for a private psychiatrist rather than waiting another two years for the NHS process, which would have taken her past her finals! - and she now has medication.

Decorhate · 13/10/2019 17:08

@HoldMyLobster I personally found my performance deteriorated academically as I got older & there was less structure & supervision. I was ok with homework/coursework that had to be done regularly (especially when there would be immediate consequences for not handing it in!) but struggled with revising for exams that only took place at the end of the year.

I do think that people subconsciously develop coping mechanisms to get around difficulties with varying degrees of success.

HoldMyLobster · 13/10/2019 17:13

Agree Decorhate. My worry for DD is that until now she has been able to use her intelligence to compensate for being disorganised and unable to plan, but that as you go through life it becomes less important to be able to ace tests and be academically intelligent, and more important to be organised and able to plan and meet deadlines. Hopefully she will continue learning the skills she needs. I have found with DS, who is diagnosed with ADHD, that meds have made a huge difference to his ability to cope with life generally. Finding the right solutions for each person seems to be key.

AtiaoftheJulii · 13/10/2019 17:14

Lobster, if I remember rightly, your dd is doing the same subject as my dd1. My dd is evangelical about the university student services, and has tried to get several of her friends to go along for assessments - she had 3 hours of tests, then they produced a 25 page report (all about her! She was thrilled!), and offered various software, and I think 15 hours of study skills support per year.

bigTillyMint · 13/10/2019 17:24

@WaxOnFeckOff, your DS sounds great - loads of personality!

@HoldMyLobster, I know it's a hard decision for parents but I've seen so many kids come on leaps and bounds academically once on meds.

In hopeless student news, just had a lovely long facetime with DS which included him checking re washing clothes, bedding, etc, loading the laundry card, being surprised that he needed washing powder and being lent some by a kind student.....Grin
I hope his washing comes out ok!
He also told me that the initiation ceremony for one of his sports involved telling an embarrassing story and downing a shot, plus running with a shot in his mouth... plus loads of beers, etc. Sounded fairly tame and no dog food was involved Grin

AtiaoftheJulii · 13/10/2019 17:32

A friend of dd's assumed for a couple of terms that the machines automatically dispensed washing powder/liquid.

bigTillyMint · 13/10/2019 17:37

@AtiaoftheJulii Grin I think DS might have if I hadn't been facetiming, until the smell of his sports kits hit him....

AtiaoftheJulii · 13/10/2019 17:46
Grin
mumsiedarlingrevolta · 13/10/2019 18:00

@MissConductUS
fellow rowing mum here-sorry if I missed it-is your DS at Uni in US or UK??

Witchend · 13/10/2019 18:08

Atia dd says her machines do. I hope she's correct there. Grin

simbobs · 13/10/2019 18:19

My DS won't consider the idea of medication even though he has a friend who is on something and who has been transformed by it. I don't think DS has the hyperactive element, but certainly has problems with time management and organisation of his work. He knows that he has real issues with focus on tasks. I will try and talk to him about it and see whether Student Services at his uni may be able to help. It's up to him now really. I didn't want him to go to uni as I thought he might struggle with this and know that unless he has an intense interest in something he doesn't give it enough attention. He may not like his course enough for it to come into this category, and will be easily distracted by non student friends wanting to see him. I can't help but worry when I haven't had a proper conversation with him since he started.

Swipe left for the next trending thread