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Original poster

The ABC of university life (2019/20 cohort) - settling in we hope

999 replies

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 26/09/2019 12:16

Previous thread - sorry about the lame thread title but done in a hurry!

OP posts:
Piggywaspushed · 28/09/2019 08:21

Anyone heading up the A1 form the proper south ought to check for closures in Cambridgeshire. There have been weekend closures at Alconbury for nearly a year now. I know this and have been caught out every bloody time.

Fozzleyplum · 28/09/2019 08:26

Lancaster move-in for DS tomorrow (Grizedale). Once I've finished my coffee, the car packing will start!

BringOnTheScience · 28/09/2019 08:30

Alconbury A1 bits are open fine right now Smile

The ABC of university life (2019/20 cohort) - settling in we hope
Witchend · 28/09/2019 08:33

I hate it when they say they will make all their friends in Freshers' Week.
It puts an awful lot of pressure on the students and can lead to them feeling they're going to be friendless if they don't immediately gell.

My experience was very much the opposite. The people I got on best with I met at least 3weeks in. Although that does include DH, who I met in the second term.

Clankboing · 28/09/2019 08:34

@tommyshaircut yes let me know. I think that it is quite kind / good PR to have a meeting for parents really, even if it is just to say 'they are adults now and have left home - now off you trot!' Ds said last night that he will feel more as if he has moved out in the second year, rather than this year, as the first year in halls is temporary but he may stay in the same accomodation second year onwards (he is doing a four year course). At the moment though I would just like him to focus on packing his clothes and personal stuff tbh. We're going tomorrow at 9 and I know we'll be shoving stuff in the boot at 10pm tonight. I've packed the stuff that I had to buy - kitchen stuff, bathroom stuff, etc. Ds will sleep until 2 or 3 pm then start packing about 7pm no doubt. He is ridiculously chilled!!

SoonerthanIthought · 28/09/2019 08:34

At an introductory talk they said make all your friends in the first week so dd feels she's already failed at university.

I think that's very far from most people's experience - as well as being unnerving for the students to hear that! AvenueQ I think some people do start off quiet so it may be that the course people will open up as term goes on. Meanwhile are there any clubs/societies that dd is interested in joining? Or even not particularly interested in - but as a way of meeting more people! Are there any volunteering activities - that can be a really good way of meeting people?

As other pp have said the flat thing is so hit and miss - it really depends so much on whether you gel with the others, whether the others are interested in socialising, already have their own group of friends and so on. I'm unconvinced that it's the best way of organising things - particularly where the flats are small (say less than 8-10), and there's no hall-wide common room.

Alicatz66 · 28/09/2019 08:36

@AvenueQ ... I've felt a bit the same about DS this week . Some of my friends DC who have now finished uni really hated it but by Christmas had settled and made friends... I think they will need a couple of months to properly settle and find their feet, it's a huge thing !!!! ... also what people post on social media is in no way a reflection of what they are feeling so tell her to take the "Instahappy " pictures with a pinch of salt too !!
I've had jobs where I've started and made friends in the same induction group .. and spent the next 2 years trying to shake them off ... sending a hug 🤗 x

SoonerthanIthought · 28/09/2019 08:41

I hate it when they say they will make all their friends in Freshers' Week.

I agree, very alarming thing to say for the students who don't click with anyone that week! Who does say this - is it at 'official' talks?

I know several students who said they didn't enjoy FW (and in fact go further and say "nobody enjoys it" which I accept isn't true!) They all made friends, from course, clubs, and indeed people in hall - just not overnight!

And yes, social media may well not help, Aqua - it's very hard to remember the old 'don't compare your inside with someone else's outside' at that age.

Original poster
NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 28/09/2019 08:41

@SoonerthanIthought that's not helpful of the university to have said that (about making friends so early on). I do think it takes months sometimes to get the full measure of people. One of my best friends is someone who was decidedly 'off' with me the first few times I met them.

OP posts:
SoonerthanIthought · 28/09/2019 08:42

oops sorry, avenue not aqua!

chemenger · 28/09/2019 08:49

At an introductory talk they said make all your friends in the first week so dd feels she's already failed at university.

This is the exact opposite of what I tell freshers (I’m an academic). I tell them not to worry if they don’t enjoy freshers week, many people don’t, I tell them that they might make loads of “friends” in freshers week that they find themselves actively avoiding in week 3, I tell them not to worry if they don’t find their people in freshers week, and I tell them that their real friends will be much slower growing. If they do meet their bff in freshers week then I’m happy to be wrong but I’ve seen so many despondent students for whom freshers is a big disappointment that I feel I need to burst the bubble beforehand. Freshers week is there to get start of the year admin done and to let everybody arrive, if we could go straight in to normal uni life it would be so much better. The social media Instagram illusion of freshers week is just another damaging factor for those students who are struggling even a little.

Chillywhippet · 28/09/2019 08:52

I think societies and clubs are a great way of meeting people with shared interests and they haven’t really got off the ground yet...

justasking111 · 28/09/2019 08:57

Eldest 2 told youngest they found their friends in societies so make sure to join some

simbobs · 28/09/2019 09:01

My DS didn't find the clubs he wanted to investigate at Freshers Fair and said he will look them up. I hope he does as he has nobody to bond with in his flat. I'll be interested to see whether the 2 empty rooms get filled this weekend, and am surprised that the lads don't see one another at all. It isn't that big a space.

Good luck to those making the journey this weekend!

bigTillyMint · 28/09/2019 09:05

I think a lot depends on your personality. DD immediately bonded with flatmates/others in halls, took her ages to click with people on her course, but now one of her best mates is a coursemate. Nothing wrong with being quiet and taking time to bond with others though.

We are on the M11/A1 right now Grin

AvenueQ · 28/09/2019 09:11

Thank you all. She has signed up for a number of societies and is hoping that things will get better when everything starts properly.
She's gone to see her boyfriend this weekend- dh thinks this is wrong but I think it's ok cos there's nothing organised on so she wouldn't know what to do with herself and would probably be quite depressed.

Ginfordinner · 28/09/2019 09:15

don't compare your inside with someone else's outside'

I love that. I must remember it.

Tinseltrauma · 28/09/2019 09:40

@Witchend Do we share the same DH? ! We have a 11.30 to 12.30 drop off slot and DH has set our leaving time in stone, while I think we should play it by ear GrinThe college has a parents lunch at the same time as a freshers lunch, which I think is a nice idea. And then I think we will be guided towards a quick goodbye and 'here's your hat'! I have older DC and I remember those freshers arriving/parents leaving hours as a really intense experience - I'm excited but dreading it at the same time.

Tinseltrauma · 28/09/2019 09:43

don't compare your inside with someone else's outside

I love this too!

Witchend · 28/09/2019 09:46

@Tinseltrauma
Men eh? Grin

ifonly4 · 28/09/2019 10:23

GinforDinner yes, we were surprised to arrive in and find a parents talk lined up. It was pointed out that the contract is strictly between student and they won't speak to us at all!

AvenueQ seems like a few on here have DCs not bonding with flatmates. I think for half of them it'll just be a base. I think you DD has done the right thing in joining socieities, that way she'll meet people who at least have one thing in common. She'll probably meet people on her course doing different modules, so to hand in there as well.

DD's uni did point out on average it's takes to around xmas before many have found their true friends for uni.

Original poster
NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 28/09/2019 10:28

I am impressed at the sound of the civilised Durham 'welcome' for parents and students!

DS had the same (slightly expanded over time) friendship group all the way through secondary school - no fallings out ever. So I am confident that he will find his tribe, just not necessarily yet.

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 28/09/2019 10:34

@Benjispruce, I don't think there was anything for parents at Collingwood was there? Shock

Just passing Sheff. So Sad this was his insurance not first

bigTillyMint · 28/09/2019 10:34

Firm!

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 28/09/2019 10:36

Good Luck to everyone dropping off this weekend Smile

DD has now been there a week, and last night actually went 'out-out' with one of her flatmates and several others (who I have no idea who they are - although I think a couple are from her course). She has messaged constantly (which is more than I was expecting) and although there have been hiccups, she seems to be settling pretty well (famous last words!).

She sent a photo last night, and somehow she looks more grown up - I suspect that's me projecting a little Wink

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