Page 35 | Our DC are nearly all officially students now (going to university 2019/20) - seizing the moment, spending, socialising, societies and studying!

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 2019-09-17T15:00:00+00:00

[[https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/3683530-Going-to-university-2019-20-academic-year-and-the-fledgling-freshers-are-off Previous thread]] [Edited by MNHQ to fix the link]

Ingles2 · 25/09/2019 07:43

That’ll be summer not dinner btw.. yep I’m worried about ds1 and the drinking too.. lboro seems to have countless parties and club nights planned and he tends to go crazy! Must remember to buy a flexi bucket today..

LetUs · 25/09/2019 07:43

My DC doesn't drink either. Luckily there are a few in her flat with similarly heavy contact time so I'm hoping she will have company in the evenings.

mimiasovitch · 25/09/2019 07:52

@Ginfordinner hope you get that sorted ASAP. What a stress.

Dd FaceTimed again last night in tears. She likes her flatmates, met my good friend's niece for coffee and had lots on in in the day, but feels very alone. She's confident, but likes her own space, and I thought that would help. I didn't consider that her own space at home where everyone is super close is a different sort of thing. She had some course chats yesterday but thought the course mates were 'a bit gap year'. I'm pretty sure there'll be some in her course that are more accessible (for lack of a better word), it just may take a while to
Find them.

Does anyone have any advice? Dh wants to go and see her, she says no, it's too soon, but she'd probably say that even if she wanted us there because it's not the done thing. Because her flatmates seem fine, she's a bit embarrassed by her homesickness.

Ingles2 · 25/09/2019 07:54

Btw on a previous thread, there was a post about packing an emergency tin of stuff.. medicine, tape, blu tack etc.. anyone remember where that was please? I’ve had a quick look but can’t see it

GoldenRuby · 25/09/2019 07:54

My DS thankfully took a night off clubbing last night, instead going to a pub with the one other boy in his flat to watch some football. It was a very weird day though as he called to tell me he had ended things with his long term girlfriend. She has a job at home and has been struggling with him going away, including calling him 20+ times while out for his first night with his flat mates. He said he can't be constantly worrying about how she is - he has to be able to make new friends without feeling guilty. I didn't expect a split to happen that quick, but I think it may have been brewing for a while and he just didn't know how to end it whilst at home.

Ginfordinner · 25/09/2019 07:57

First thing this morning I logged in to DD's account for Student Finance and it stated that her first payment was made on Monday. I think what happened was that I mistakenly applied in my name rather than DD's name so I cancelled the application.

Big sigh of relief.

Thank you all for your good wishes

Trewser · 25/09/2019 07:59

Tbf dd is delighted that her new bunch of friends aren't into drugs at all, and barely any of them smoke. This was a real issue for her over the summer as she hates both.

Ragwort · 25/09/2019 08:07

mine how is your DS getting on at NTU?

My DS is loving it, seems to have made good friends with his flat mates & the flat above, they go out as a gang, lots of shared cooking of meals which sounds good. He has joined a couple of societies and has a weekend away booked .... the exact same weekend as we are visiting .

Says he had an email saying loan is coming through in the next few days.

Itscoldouthere · 25/09/2019 08:07

@GoldenRuby the break up thing is hard for them.
My DS split with his long term GF 2 days before leaving, she wasn’t coping with him leaving her (she not going to uni and they are 20 & 22).
He started off still texting her trying to stay friends but I think it’s gone the other way now and she’s blocked him. It’s very hard for them both but I think probably for the best.
DS is loving being at uni so far so I suppose he just wants to fully engage in his new life, worryingly about his GF at home was just making him unsettled so no contact is probably for the best (although rather harsh).

Ginfordinner · 25/09/2019 08:15

DD's boyfriend dumped her 3 weeks ago, and she was devastated. He went to university last year and, surprisingly, the relationship lasted until recently. A couple of weeks later he messaged her friend to say that ditching DD was the biggest mistake of his life. DD has blocked him on social media and doesn't want to know now.

MrKlaw · 25/09/2019 08:22

I wouldn't get anywhere were I needing to phone, because it's her finance and she's over 18.

except they're happy to use the parents' income to reduce that finance..

BigSandyBalls2015 · 25/09/2019 08:27

Well DD seems to have embraced freshers a bit too much, and there was me worrying she’s struggle as wasn’t a party girl!

She’s been out until 3/4 am most nights with new flat mates and told her sister that she missed lectures yesterday as overslept. DT2 doesn’t want me to say anything as she’ll know it was her that told me.

I’m reluctant to spend all this money if it’s going to be like this or will it calm down

icanbewhatiwant · 25/09/2019 08:28

@MrKlaw the payment dates should show up when they log in. We also had a letter confirming payment amount. But the letter and the amount on log in are £3,000 difference. I can't log in and re check as ds hasn't shared his password. He isn't responding to texts. There's no point in me phoning SF to ask ask as it's confidential.

Itscoldouthere · 25/09/2019 08:32

@Ginfordinner it was DS GF who’s ended it, he was willing to try at keeping it going, but I don’t think she could cope with the idea of him going out all the time.
They were really close and had been on holiday two weeks before, so i was really surprised when she ended it.
It made leaving really hard for DS, but I think in the long run it will be for the best. I think DS won’t come home much as he’s not very engaged with where we currently live (small village) and there’s not much here for him now.

GoldenRuby · 25/09/2019 08:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldenRuby · 25/09/2019 08:53

I think the hardest thing for me is that he has had to deal with the break up on his own, and I'm not there to support him. He is upset, even though he initiated it, although he was very calm when he spoke to me. I think it is for the best in the long run but horrid for them both right now.

Witchend · 25/09/2019 09:16

@bigTillyMint

It's getting very real.
Last night dd said tearfully she didn't want to go... then said she did but she'd like to take us all with her. Luckily she laughed at the ridiculousness of that.

I think it's hard being one of the later ones. One of her friends has already dropped out and then she's getting reports of either non-stop partying (which she does not enjoy) or homesickness.
I'm fairly confident that once she's there it'll be fine. I hope so!

I've taken a day off today to do last minute stuff. She's worrying about her formal outfits for formal hall and matriculation so wants to see if she can find something better.
She's decided the fancy dresses (other than a "wear your college colours") are just for people who are going out clubbing, and as she doesn't want to do that, she's not worrying about them. I did suggest she slipped something in, but she'd determined she won't be dressing up. I think there's about 4 themes, so not too dissorry for not having to do that number.

I don't remember the drunk scene being that big when I was there, and I'm sure dd won't be joining in that, as she only really likes a little bit of cider or a glass or two of prossecco. Hopefully neither will her flatmates too much, and I'm not sure dd will cope with finding them being sick!

MarchingFrogs · 25/09/2019 09:17

@icanbewhatiwant, is the letter stating minimum loan the first letter that your DS has been sent regarding the actual amount? (Am I remembering correctly that the whole process was delayed because he had missed the request to provide ID?).

If so, afaik the usual pattern is for the amount based on the initial info provided (once complete) to be notified as soon as the application is processed, then amended for any subsequent change of circumstance / late submission of household income details etc. Which should then trigger another letter. It may be that the amount showing online is the amended amount and a letter re this will be on it's way.

bigTillyMint · 25/09/2019 09:29

Another one whose DS split with his gf here - she is 18months older, and in the year above - they kept it going all through last year when she went off to Durham, but he split with her at the start of the summer, i think because it felt too intense and he is actually very independent. So he will be at Durham too

@Witchend, DS hasnt sorted any fancy dress outfits, but he hasn't sorted much yet TBH! However he has told me I've got to bake him my best cake

Benjispruce · 25/09/2019 09:39

It's getting very real.
Last night dd said tearfully she didn't want to go..

Ditto. I think she had been on the group chat and was worried they weren't people she could get on with. The low passed thankfully after a chat and a hug. all normal I think. she is very stressed by this Fresher's fancy dress malarky. Could do without that when trying to pack and buy essentials. Luckily I have a day off today so am doing some washing for her and trying to assemble everything together so I can see what she has forgotten. DD is a procrastinator so these last few days will be fun......

Benjispruce · 25/09/2019 09:44

Also the matriculation outfit? What sort of thing do they wear? DD is either in casual or clubbing clothes.

Benjispruce · 25/09/2019 09:45

Forgot about the cake. I hear Henry from the Bake Off is judging them. No idea when we are supposed to find the time to make a cake when packing and working etc.

Trewser · 25/09/2019 09:45

Fwiw dd is far too cool to take fancy dress but still managed to go to a fancy dress party they can always cobble something together if they decide to go.

MrKlaw · 25/09/2019 09:54

DS only turned 18 in August so not a drinker. Who knows if he'll resist or be sucked in by peer pressure. Not too worried about him going to the pub but all the 'predrinking' isn't great.

On the positive side, at least it'll mean he's socialising :)

SFE gives me an excuse to message him at the weekend, and to check if he's picked up his Auntie's pressie.

Witchend · 25/09/2019 09:57

@Benjispruce
Glad it's not just dd. She feels everyone else on the Durham chat is terribly excited and keen to go, and then she's the only one worried.
I did ask her if she'd put that on the chat, and she said no, so I pointed out that other people probably were similar and not saying so.

DD's very much a cat that walked by herself, and if she's decided she isn't doing fancy dress, it won't bother her being the only one without unless people start trying to persuade her to wear something else.

I don't know if matriculation varies by college, but dd's college they have to wear a gown and something "smart". Problem is smart is easy for the chaps, although I believe there was a debate going on between lounge suit and dinner suit at one point, for the girls this could be anything from ball gown to not-jeans.
I suggested a nice dress because I think a dress covers more than trousers. Only thing is, she doesn't do tights. So it needs to be a long dress. That reduces down to not many dresses. She has strong opinions on the "feel" of the fabric, even if it won't touch her skin, which takes out a fair number more, and it also needs to be warm as she feels the cold terribly!
I did get a velvet dress from ebay for not very much, which will do. Only thing is, I suspect it may run (quite bright) so have told her to make sure it doesn't go in the wash with light coloured clothes. That apparently is a distressing thought.
She's now wondering if a trouser suit she has will do!