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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Our DC are nearly all officially students now (going to university 2019/20) - seizing the moment, spending, socialising, societies and studying!

999 replies

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 17/09/2019 16:00

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[Edited by MNHQ to fix the link]

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Empra123 · 21/09/2019 09:23

First week seems to have gone well. She's actually talked to people (she's autistic and finds socialising difficult) joined in a few activities and seems happy. Her twin will be visiting next weekend to confirm this!

Atreus · 21/09/2019 09:25

@Decorhate we're going to play it by ear too. DD1 hates a fuss so despite being nervous and a bit shy I'm sure she won't want us to hang around too long. I think an ice cream/stiff drink in the sun in Bath city center afterwards might be on the cards. I suspect there will be a number of other teary parents doing the same.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 21/09/2019 09:28

I know some unis let students with SEN move in early, so they can move in without all the hustle and bustle of main move in day and acclimatise beforehand. Handy for those who need it.

DD has messaged this morning, she went out last night but not to the big party. She was kept awake by the noise and is investing in earplugs Smile but on the whole she sounds quite positive.

Chillywhippet · 21/09/2019 09:29

Most unis seem to have specialist ASC/ASD support staff and services. A quick search brought up Wolverhampton, Durham, Leicester, Swansea.

www.swansea.ac.uk/wellbeing/autistic-spectrum-conditions-service/

It is really hard if you have a child with a disability, and you have been very involved to know how to support in this new situation Flowers

blametheparents · 21/09/2019 09:30

We’re currently playing ‘spot the university car’ on the M1.
Plenty of duvets pushed up against car windows!

ZandathePanda · 21/09/2019 09:38

Good luck Ginfordinner and everyone else moving for today! You’ll have a nicer day for weather than us tomorrow!

MrKlaw · 21/09/2019 09:41

@Decorhate @Atreus we have an afternoon drop off but it’s a four hour slot as were in postgrad accommodation. Which also means likely no unpacking support (and no parking on the street!)

We’ll be heading off this morning just in case - if traffic is kind we’ll have lunch in town, get all ID/registration done at the Virgil building and then figure out about unpacking.
Might need a mini shop too as we we’re trying to avoid bulky shopping but turns out we are fairly compactly packed. All clothing and bedding/towels in two of those IKEA dimpa bags and the rest in a few boxes

MrKlaw · 21/09/2019 09:43

DS and us both hoping the overflow into postgrad is for a meaningful number of freshers - each flat is 4-6 I think and DS hopes there are at least 3-4 flats of newbies so it’s not all actual PGs

Empra123 · 21/09/2019 09:46

I have to tread a rather fine line. So far i am resisting the urge to micromanage her! And she's good at telling me when I need to back off. Exeter, where she is, are very good for autism support.

Jano69 · 21/09/2019 09:58

Bath will indeed be beautiful today, good luck to you all.

We are off to Durham next week and feeling completely unprepared. DS had a conditional offer from Cambridge but didn't make the grades. He only recently got allocated a college as Durham was his insurance choice so it's not been a smooth ride since results day.

He's desperate to start now and move on to a new positive chapter in his life! We're ready for him to go to - it's been a long summer and I need normality and routine!

Witchend · 21/09/2019 09:59

Not hope he settles and finds some friends soon.
I did find though that some people who were life and soul during Freshers' Week then retreated and you hardly saw them again, whereas some who hardly appeared in the first fortnight found their crowd and were then happy.
I'm dreading dd deciding it's easier to retreat. She'd be perfectly happy in some ways, but she'd miss out on so much. She has got a couple of societies she's interested in, so hopefully that'll give her a drive to get out.

Going back to state/private schools. I went to Oxford, where you might think it was an issue, but never found it an issue.
Ice breaking questions were: Name, college, subject, A-level subjects (grades were never brought up) and where you came from. You got asked those a lot in the first couple of weeks. If people knew the area they might ask which school you went to, but not generally, and I don't ever remember any discussion about whether the school was state or private.
And the name, unless it is well-known, doesn't give away if it's private/state.
After the first couple of weeks it was pretty much forgotten; I have absolutely no idea whether my friends, even those that I've kept up with, were state or private except for a few cases (dh being one) which have been where it's come up (eg mutual friend sending dc to the same places)

The only thing that could be relevant to dd is that I've said to her not to feel like she has to match spending if her flatmates have plenty more money, nor feel she has to subsidise them in the (unlikely) event of her having more money, but if there is someone struggling financially to be tactful and not push them to spend more than they're willing. The latter's pretty unlikely, as she won't have spare money and she's very careful with spending.

MrKlaw · 21/09/2019 10:04

Oh now he decides he wants to pack some mementos... :D

Witchend · 21/09/2019 10:10

@Jano69
There's a number on here that are going up to Durham.
Durham's slow, but it must have been so unsettling not knowing the college.
Dd had a 24 hour wait because they say that any who don't make the grade can be moved, and she missed by 2 marks (although remark had brought it up again) and so she had to wait and see if they were moving her college (they didn't)

She's going to Josephine Butler's-what did your ds get allocated?

I wish they'd given them details of the flatmates though (they're all flats of 6) and it would have been so nice for them to get to know each other beforehand. As well as, as someone else on here pointed out, the potential for sorting it out so they don't end up with 24 plates, 24 bowls, 6 frying pans, 18 pans.... all to cram into their small kitchen.

Mustbetimeforachange · 21/09/2019 10:13

MrKlaw, I'd be surprised if they didn't group all the Freshers together. No post grad wants to share with a bunch of 18 year olds! Mind you logic doesn't always seem to follow with these things! He hasn't found his flat mates on Facebook, then?

Witchend · 21/09/2019 10:17

Good luck, MrKlaw!

EleanorReally · 21/09/2019 10:33

Dropped my dd off last week, I dont think she was prepared. Left stuff behind by mistake, couldnt find bank card.
Rung to say among other things, she hadnt been able to eat all week Sad
too nervous.
cooked food but just couldnt face it.
she did tell dh last night that she had got her appetite back.
She is a 4 hour drive away which is quite far, in our car

icanbewhatiwant · 21/09/2019 10:34

I have nothing against privately educated people...it's more what they have against us that worries me. I'll never forget my first nct meeting when ds1 was about a year old. It was at a private house. I was greeted by a group of mums who were very friendly to start with, most of them had a baby or toddler and an older one that was about to start or had already started a local prep school. They asked me whether my son was going there and I said we hadn't thought of schools yet but he would probably go to the local primary school, they all had a look of pity on their faces, I found their attitude towards me changed. I never went to another nct meeting with that group. I did go to another one several years later, new group of mums that were very different.
I did however make friends with one of the mums from the first group. We often laugh at her friend's attitudes. It has made me wonder whether all privately educated people look down on us. I really hope not.
I haven't mentioned anything about people from different schools to ds. So it'll be interesting to see if experiences anything at university.

Jano69 · 21/09/2019 10:36

@Witchend DS originally applied to a Bailey College but was offered Josephine Butler. He lost Josephine Butler as soon as he put it as his insurance choice and was eventually allocated Stephenson College which is also in the Howland Farm area. There's been a last minute attempt to get some basic cooking skills as Stephenson is self catering. Not sure whether to pack his bike as I understand the Park and Ride is an excellent service.

Witchend · 21/09/2019 10:43

@Jano69 Josephine Butler is self catered too, which was her first choice. I did wonder if you had self catered and they moved college whether they give priority to self catering, which makes sense.

She's better to be self catering as she hasn't a huge appetite and is quite fussy, but I do wonder whether she'll spend the first term living off baked potatoes and cake. She likes baking but is less competent at savouries.
It does, however, mean she has an awful lot more stuff to take as she needs to take cooking stuff as well.

DD isn't taking her bike. She says not only is Park and Ride excellent, but it's very hilly and she thinks biking will be too hard.
She may change her mind if she lives further out next year.

LIZS · 21/09/2019 10:44

Good luck to all those off this weekend. It seems to be one of the biggest moving in times among dd's cohort.

Atreus · 21/09/2019 11:02

Think I'm probably feeling a bit overly emotional, but just wanted to thank everyone for these threads. Laughed loads, learned tons and am rooting for all your DC almost as much as for my own

Jano69 · 21/09/2019 11:28

@Witchend Your DD's baking skills will make her very popular! DD is hoping to perfect Spag Bol and Thai Green Curry and is looking forward to the social aspects of communal cooking. Good to hear the Park and Ride has a good reputation.

Hope today goes smoothly for this weekend's Uni drop offs.

MrsPellegrinoPetrichor · 21/09/2019 11:29

I've just had a chat with ds on the phone, he's settled, said he's so lucky he loves his housemates as lots of people are already having tiffs with theirs. He is going to try and tackle a wash later with a mate as it seemed a bit complicated when he looked before and he also asked me what he should do with the half a bag of spinach he bought as he's eating it with every meal and it'll be out of date tomorrow Grin

He's joined the gym and said he'll be home for reading week Smile

This thread has been an amazing support, emotionally and practicallyFlowers

unfortunateevents · 21/09/2019 11:31

DH/DS1 just arrived back at Loughborough for his final year. I was hoping to go but the 300 plastic cups delivered to our house for Freshers Week and the 300 Fresher Week booklets, plus new lighting for the Common room in his halls, put paid to that! DH said the traffic on the M1 was really heavy and they gave up counting the number of uni-bound cars they passed!

ZandathePanda · 21/09/2019 11:32

Atreus my thoughts too. May have to come off the thread for a bit in order to distract myself and woman-up in preparation for tomorrow.