Our DC are nearly all officially students now (going to university 2019/20) - seizing the moment, spending, socialising, societies and studying!

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

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[Edited by MNHQ to fix the link]

@2919HereWeGo Mine went to private schools which I have been open about, no-one blinked. We have all had the same problems getting them to this point.

As for the argument about RG unis. that is plain silly. They should beware hot housed children can crash to the earth like Icarus when left to be independent for the first time. It is better for your DCs to be moderately happy during their uni. life than find that they cannot cope and quit.

There were just a few comments creeping about dc hoping that there weren't too many privately educated students at their Uni.

My dc was privately educated because of significant special needs so I hope no-one looks down on him for that as well as his disability.

Ran into another mum today, her DD is complaining that a lot of the time they are bored. Freshers does not start until Sunday, they will have been in halls for a week. So two weeks wandering around when she says she just wants to get stuck into some kind of routine with lectures and study. DS said something of the kind himself.

But, yes, our threads for this whole year have been overwhelmingly supportive

@justasking111 maybe I checked in at a time when people looking for other state school educated non snobs was mentioned.
Maybe I am just overly sensitive at the moment.
Mine were not hothoused.
Or tutored ad nauseam - and I'm in an area where some who go to state schools then spend the money on vast amounts of 1-1 tutoring instead.

I hope they all flourish at university and arrive with open minds, without prejudice of any kind - race, religion, prior education or any other.

Good luck to them all!

I hope our DC meet people they feel confident with (they are bound to hope for this initially) as well as people that challenge assumptions. Although in fact they are mostly going to be from pretty similar backgrounds really

Meanwhile here is a photo of DD’s kitchen cupboard just to focus those of you still packing.
DH helped her move in and has clearly left a pile of stuff still packed in a box

When I think of all the hoops DCs have to jump through these days just to get to college I think can it get worse. Well maybe, I follow a USA site on FB that talks about what their kids are going through to get into college and fear it may be coming our way. Here is something that encapsulates it in a humorous but worrying way.

What a wonderful site and thanks to Bring on the science ... my daughter has been at uni a few weeks as went early and her course starts on Monday .. she says that there are 2 girls and 2 boys on her floor and they seem to all get on well as they have started their courses, she hasn’t and feels abit left out, hoping it will improve once she starts her course as she will be busy, she has been out for a drink with them, but none of them like clubbing much, I said to her once your course starts you will make new friends and you will surprised .. it doesn’t get easier as miss her terrible and yes it’s like someone said it’s like a grieving process and just need now to get my life back, I still have her sister at home who is younger, but i can’t help having the odd cry can you?

@2919HereWeGo

It's not that they're thinking that they don't want to meet anyone who isn't from a state comp, it's more that they're worrying that they might be the only one who is and stand out.

It's the same as hoping that dd isn't the only girl placed in her flat of 6, and also she's hoping that at least one will be maths like her or at least science.
She may get on very well with 5 boys all doing history and art, but she'll find it harder to find common ground with them.

Hi all especially Ragwort back home now. Just tripped over his old sliders which made me cry a bit (the last time). The staff at NTU were lovely, he was a bit overwhelmed by all the kids being loud and showy. They kept asking him to go for a drink but he wasn't ready and wanted to hang out with me and his sister. But sfter feeding him he was a bit better. Lots of tears from me and promises to mingle from him. I called him a couple of hours later and he was getting ready to go clubbing with them all. So I am happy that he is happy

Welcome to @KAT7545
It's been hitting me at the oddest times that DC1 isn't here. We had a nice video WhatsApp call tonight which was good.

DC1 is itching to get the course started. A whole week for induction & freshers' stuff has dragged a bit. They're popping over to York tomorrow to visit a friend just started there.

2919 if you think I called privately educated children snobs, you need to read again. Snobs feel superior because of privilege or whatever reason. DD met plenty at her Oxford interview and hopes there won’t be as many at Durham.

Pressed post too soon. Was going to add that at her Oxford uni, she was asked by fellow interview candidates which school she went to over and over again. There were ‘oh’ comments when she explained it was a state secondary. She felt like she wasn’t in the club. She had been given an interview by her Headteacher in preparation, the privately educated candidates laughed that she had just one as they had had 10!

I’ve been following the thread but not posted for a while. It’s been incredibly busy at work, also trying to get my DD2 to realise she’s got GCSEs this year and she can’t spend all her time singing and dancing and trying to get my DS to focus some attention on school. Meanwhile DD1 has quietly got on with preparing to go to Uni. I checked into the thread that shan’t be named and had to get a glass of wine!! Well done to everyone who has dropped their DC off already. I have everything crossed for your DS @Piggywaspushed. It’s such a huge leap for them all. My DD has had 4 years of mental health issues and a late ASD diagnosis so I’m really hoping she manages ok. She’s not into pubs and clubs and although likes company she’s socially a bit awkward. So I’m slightly anxious that she’s going up this Sunday to stay with a 2nd or 3rd year student to do preseason training in her sport. There’s a lot of club social activities planned each night which she’s slightly terrified of so it’s going to be a baptism of fire as she’s never been to a pub in Uk with friends! My DH is taking all her stuff up on Thursday because she’s got 2 days of induction for kids with ASD so she can move into college early, then I’ve decided to go up on Sunday 29th the official moving in day for everyone else just so she’s not the only one without a parent there. Maybe that makes me a helicopter parent but tbh she’s my DD and I want to make sure she’s happy then I’ll leave her in peace. I’m glad she’s sharing a room because at least at night she won’t be on her own so she’s less likely to retreat into her own world. Despite all this I’m really excited about her going away and in a strange way looking forward to it. I’m hoping it’s a new start for her.
I’ve learnt so much off this thread @MrKlaw has helped me work out finances, the lists from others of what to take has been great and I sort of feel like it’s one big extended family. Good luck to everyone moving in this weekend.

Oh and she’s another state comp kid at Durham- not that it matters- they will find their groups which I hope will be a mix of private and state, north and south:-)

I think I made a fleeting comment about ds starting uni and him being slightly worried about going to a uni where there were lots of privately educated kids. He wasn't calling anyone 'snobs' he was getting nervous about whether he'd be 'the odd one out.' I reminded him we know people from all walks of life and he should take people as they are which he has.

i think feeling the odd one out is a normal anxiety for all kids starting Uni. And the focus for that could be school, geography, accent, age, perceived sociability. Some kids are confident, some are quieter, some have overcome incredible challenges to get to Uni. But once they are there they common feature is they are all students at the same institution. I’ve just got everything crossed it will be a successful and enjoyable time for them all

DS (who has ASD and other MH issues) is still a cause for concern. He hasn't been out all week, and actively avoids going to the kitchen when his flatmates are there. I have been getting myself stressed with worry, which led to a phone call from me yesterday where he hung up. I've already asked student services to do a welfare check, but due to data protection, they won't tell me anything. I can only hope he will setting when the course starts on Monday.

Oh no @notaflyingmonkey. Is there any chance you could go up to see him (and how he is), or do you think that could be counter-productive?

Thanks NewModel, DH and DD are going to see him tomorrow. Unfortunately I think my presence would be counter-productive, so I am trying to sit on my hands.

@notaflyingmonkey, oh that's really good that your DH and DD are going to see him. Is there a buddy scheme that you/your DH/DD could persuade him to sign up for (you might be able to find info on the SU section or pastoral care part of the university website)?

We’re driving up next Saturday with the dog , staying O/N somewhere in North Yorkshire I think then plan is to walk dog again , have a pub lunch ( no wine for me ! ) drop off from 3 then trundle back down the M1 . Least I won’t have to pick up until June 2020 although of course she’ll come back for Christmas etc . No sign of her packing yet although do have a box of kitchen stuff and a bag of nonperishables in the lounge like coffee tea and herbs to cook with ( for all I know she’ll pig out on pot noodles - like the England rugby team )

On the state/private issue, a couple of former students I know have told me that there was an unspoken etiquette amongst their univ friends/acquaintances that you never asked what school anyone went to. (I've found that about school age outside activities as well - dc genuinely not knowing what school their friends/acquaintances go to!) I think it's quite a good rule, though obviously from other pp's dc's experience it is not always adhered to!

Does it actually say on the fb groups whether someone went state/private - (naive non fb user here)?

Notaflyingmonkey, sorry just read your post. Can your ds nominate you or someone else to be contacted by student services if the university has concerns - I think some universities have introduced this now? (Students can sometimes choose separately for welfare, academic and financial issues - so your ds could just nominate someone for welfare if he wanted.) Of course not all students are prepared to do this .

Have lectures started for ds yet - if not, things may improve once they do? Would coming home at weekends help or are you too far away for it to be practicable (not this one if dh/ds are going, obviously!!) It's great that your dh/ds are going - hope the visit goes well.

@notaflyingmonkey Fingers crossed your ds feels more settled once lectures start & he is into a routine.

Re private schools, I think it is a fact of life that many universities have a higher proportion of students who were privately educated than in the population at large. Many also have a huge number of students from the SE of England. Dd has found that those she knows who went to private schools and/or come from wealthy families are not snobby and in fact tend to keep quiet about it. Though she does roll her eyes when they ask what school she went to!

However, as time goes on, she is noticing more that some housemates spend the summer going on multiple foreign holidays rather than working. No idea if they were privately educated though!

We are not exactly poor but I would expect her as a 22 year old to be contributing to the effort of paying her university expenses, regardless of our income.