Second year Oxbridge (2019)

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

I guess our dc would be known as Sophomores in the States Slightly scary eh?

This is a place to chat about the slightly strange and somewhat intense world our dc now inhabit during term time. It follows on from www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/3381401-Oxbridge-Freshers-2018

If parents of prospective oxbridge dc have any questions, we are happy to try our best to answer from our limited experience and perspective :)

No experience with unwanted room mates here, either in last years ancient college building or the current modern (but grotty!) student house.

I'd be encouraging dc to follow up and put some pressure on to get it sorted.
Are we talking mice or rats?

Don’t let this put you off Foxforduni - I was wondering whether I should have asked for advice on here as I know that many people would disagree with the mice being killed and the fact that we are all only 10 metres away from rodents in urban areas. But call me a hypocrite- I’m all in favour of protecting our wildlife until I looked up what diseases you can get from touching mouse droppings & very worried about the impact on DS sleep if there’s mice in his room.
Regardless of age of student accommodation there will be rodents near by as students (and I know this isn’t all students) have a tendency to leave leftovers/ dirty dishes out which provides a rich food source for mice/rats.
I strongly recommend CBT for your daughters phobia as no matter where she chooses to study/live/holiday there will be risk of rodent encounters & she would then not be inhibited in whatever she chooses to do by her phobia.
Best wishes

Thanks Sunndowne
So far he has corresponded by email & the pest control came out on next working day but second sighting wasn’t passed onto them very promptly so I’m suggesting he complains immediately each time they see one and he copies in accommodation/tutors/ welfare (perhaps the Dean 😂) if things don’t improve.
I don’t feeling like paying full amount for next term if it’s not sorted - can I do this?

Thanks HesMyLobster. He says it’s a mouse 🐭
As a parent you kind of want to drive there and shout until it’s sorted but I’m trying to play it cool with DS so he doesn’t get wound up by situation and lie awake listening out for them etc. (I know I would 😬)

Haha. I know that parent feeling. Had it with DS1. Bit more hands off with DD2. But honestly, health! You could enquire if action is slow. Better than just not paying I would say.

Fortunately no furry little beasties at dds either. Some of the colleges seem to have problems with clothes moths, but no sign of those either.

I had a nice chat with her this evening. She's much happier and less stressed this year. She seems to have a better balance between work and play.

Ahhh. Nice kitten. My DD also seems more chill. She was terrified she had to do a presentation/ talk today about literature(In foreign language) . Feedback "good" and 2nd supervision " very good". Phew. She sandwiches all this between sport/dance and societies. Am pleased about that! Bit too much dominance of work last year.

Haha. I said she was chill and then terrified! Artistic license. She seems to be managing pressure

That's funny I'm glad your dd is more chill too.

Haha! More chill but with moments of terror would be a good description for DD's experience so far this term too!
Such as last night when she was checking her diary while on FaceTime to me and had a huge panic when she saw that she'd had an essay deadline yesterday. Took her a few minutes of searching her notes to realise it was the one she'd submitted last week!

Can I ask advice as a Fresher parent? 4 weeks in and Ds is struggling a bit. He is finding it difficult to juggle work with life- he feels he is over stressing and pouring too many hours at working , at the expense of having a life. He is aware it's an issue and wants to change the balance.
I think it sounds very normal for 4 weeks in but am worried about him. Any tips or advice??

It's tough. Natural to struggle a bit.
What DD did:
Always went to dinner to chat to whoever . Eventually , did one thing for fun. Mixed netball for her.
Worked at her perfectionism. Set generous work times but did just hand in sometimes knowing she'd tried her best in quick turnaround of assignments
Made friends on corridor and next corridor to find her type. Was good for a cuppa and downtime.
Worked in college library to not feel isolated.

Eventually loved it! Until exam time!!!

This year she seems to do nearly as many activities as work. Well not quite of course. But she makes time for fun and work grades not suffered. It takes a few months to work out how they want them to study in year one.
Best of luck.

It does take time. If I'm honest balance is something that dd is managing much better this year.
It has to come from them really. We can lecture as much as we like, but if that fear of not doing enough or not being good enough strikes, it's hard to let go.

Doing a sport helps and finding their thing. It might seem as though everyone is out clubbing, but if that were true, the clubs would have to be mega warehouse size to fit everyone in Daytime socialising is just as good as evening, if they prefer that.

Lobster, your poor dd!

Oh gosh lobster poor love, they’re so immersed in the Oxbridge bubble that real time goes out of the window!

purplepooch we’ve all been there! The first term is really hard for them. They’ve got such a lot to get used to . DS found it incredibly tough, they’ve gone from being top at school to being part of a group where there is very little between them. The lack of structure means it’s very different from a school timetable. DS, now second year, stills struggles a bit with the work life balance and finds that there are peaks and troughs in terms of workload. He took a while to make friends but joined a gym at the beginning which helped and a sports team. The best advice is for them to get out and about where they can. DS liked welfare tea, run by his college as he could pop in and have a chat which helped. Small things like propping their bedroom door open can help as they are in their rooms for a lot of the time and it can feel isolating.

DS still stresses about work but it’s more manageable and he is in a lovely flat this year with friends and it’s benefitted him a lot as he can see the pressure other students are under too. As a parent, I would say be prepared for a bit of stress during holidays too, it’s a year of firsts for them - collections (which are not a big deal at all!) and exams at the end of the year. It’s all new and they just need reminding that behind every bedroom door, other students are having the same wobbles and worries it’s just that some are better at hiding it!

Thank you all. That's incredibly helpful. He seems a bit more settled than he was at the start of the week.
I think it's a steep learning curve!

Sorry lobster! Thanks for confirming my definition of Oxbridge life! Glad your DD could reassure herself quickly. These assignments are really just like class work aren't they. It's all about the exam! But standards are so high shared between them that there's a constant drive to do your very best. Like bake's description: being top at school then little between peers! Another pressure to keep at or beat that standard!

Purple, glad your DS has settled. My DD was often tearful week 4!

Good news, my DD is excited to do a dissertation and one less exam this,year. She loves the topic. The good news is she's happy not daunted!!!!

DD is home for a flying visit this weekend (mostly to see the dog!) it's been lovely to have her back for a proper catch up.

@Purplepooch I asked her about first year and what she found most difficult and anything that helped.

For her the hardest thing was never feeling "ahead" - through school and 6th form she was used to always having 2 weeks, or even a month to complete an essay or coursework. She would always try to get things done straight away so then she could feel she was comfortably ahead of herself.
At Oxford, that is just impossible, with relentless work and 2 or 3 essays per week to complete, she had to get used to never emptying her to-do list and that took her a while to accept and adjust to.

It does take time to settle, and to create real bonds and friendships. Joining clubs or societies is an obvious answer but it does seem to work. Even just going to hall every day means seeing a few of the same faces which leads to saying hello each time and then eventually to conversation and friendships developing.
It's still very much early days. Try not to worry, it will get better

I have just been catching up with recent posts. Lovely to read how all our second years are doing.
I hope the mouse problem has now been resolved? DD's friend (from a different, ancient central college) reported a mouse sighting and temporarily moved rooms whilst the problem was dealt with.
I hope Purplepooch's DS is beginning to find a balance? The first term is not easy in that regard. DD found doing something familiar (in her case dance) helped her to settle in and meet people beyond her college and course. Trying something entirely new is a good idea too!
DD seems very happy and settled this term and we actually don't hear very much from her unless I prompt by text.

Thank you all so much. He is so much happier now and I think it was a blip- but a helpful one which enabled him to reflect on work/ social life balance and realising he needed to make some adjustments. He has joined two extra curriculars in the last two weeks and seems a lot better.

Thank you for taking the time to reassure me and give advice.

This is a very weird post, but here goes.

I bought my Oxford MA gown when I graduated (left in 2002 but think I graduated in 2003 or 2004). So, it has been worn once and since then kept in a suitcase.

If anyone is interested, I am very happy to send photos and send on just for postage.

I was rich in those days for a graduate - investment banker - and was determined that the fur on my gown would look pure white and not at all grubby. Well, that was a costly mistake and a ridiculous assumption in the first place.

Anyway, the offer is there.

So how's it all going? Any other DC going on Oxbridge skiing trip? Is it called Varsity?
DD contacts me less which is good news for her but sad for me. Course and extra curricular going well. Loves her dance! Supervisors all good.
Surprisingly, one course has 'bad' lectures which means DD says only half turn up. Am surprised!!!

That's very kind of you Sharpkat :)

The varsity ski trip is definitely not on the horizon.

dd is still really enjoying this term. It's so nice to know she's happy. I think there's a little concern about the strike which starts next week. The student union are really pressurising them not to 'cross the picket line' and attend lectures or use other facilities. It's a lesson in union politics I guess.

I hope you haven't heard bad things about the skiing kitten. Don't want something else to worry about .

Lovely to hear your DD is happy.

Was thinking sharpkat, that someone may want that gown, why not call your college?

I'm sure your dd will have a great time Sunndowne!