Second year Oxbridge (2019)

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

I guess our dc would be known as Sophomores in the States Slightly scary eh?

This is a place to chat about the slightly strange and somewhat intense world our dc now inhabit during term time. It follows on from www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/3381401-Oxbridge-Freshers-2018

If parents of prospective oxbridge dc have any questions, we are happy to try our best to answer from our limited experience and perspective :)

[Bakeandyarn]

He’s a Dad! Three children safely delivered earlier today

[swimmer4]

Hi everyone,
Can’t believe it’s coming up to 2nd year the time has gone so quickly.
I’ve come on this thread today to ask for advice as you’ve all been really helpful in the past:
One of DS’s best school friends died on Monday. DS is currently in Europe with other friends and they are planning to cut their trip short either to return for the funeral or at least meet up with everyone from their school - we're supporting with whichever they decide to do. He has cried and he’s also made a photo album of his friend and being sensible about what they’re doing - last part of trip was supposed to be a p*ss up but instead he was cooking a meal for his friends in the hostel.
I’d like some ideas of what he can do to look after himself emotionally when he goes back to college - term is very short and intensive and I’m worried the wheels will fall off when it begins to sink in that the friend he spoke to daily is no longer here. He does have a gf and several friendship groups but not sure he’ll want to burden them with him feeling sad.
Any ideas please?

[swimmer4]

Bakeandyarn - my DS was really disappointed last week as neither of his children got in and that would have been a well needed distraction for him (see above) - don’t suppose he could adopt one of your DS children

[Sunndowne]

Oh swimmer how sad. Don't know what to say except set up people to talk to when needed - family and tutor and/or nurse at college. I presume the grief will come in waves. Is he a talker? Does he need another form of comfort?
So sorry. [Thanks]

[Sunndowne]

meant these flowers! Soz.

[HesMyLobster]

@swimmer4 that's so sad, what a devastating loss.
I guess as Sundowne said, inform the college so that there's support there as and when he needs it.
It sounds like he has a good support network in friends, gf and you of course but good to have that in place too.
I'm so sorry he (and you) have to go through this

[swimmer4]

Thanks Sunndowne & HesMyLobster.
He is a talker, thankfully so that will help. Telling the nurse or other welfare people at College is a good idea - he did use the nurse last year after some persuasion 🙄.
I’m going to look at the welfare team pages on his college website so I have contacts at the ready incase.
It really was a shock so thank you for your kind words.

[ofteninaspin]

Thanks for room info Lobster. Interesting to learn about the various accommodation options at other colleges.
Congrats on GCSE results Bake; definitely time for your household to relax! Younger DS is grappling with his personal statement as we embark on another UCAS application......
DD is also a college Mum and has received details of both her children . She got on brilliantly with her own college parents so is taking this role very seriously herself!

[Bakeandyarn]

swimmer4 that’s really sad news, one of DS’s college friends lost a family member mid term and they were so kind to her. I think that their “college family” can really step up when they are needed. DS also had an accident and his friends were really fantastic, we were so grateful to them. I’m sure they will do the same for your DS.

[Bakeandyarn]

DS is going to be a single Dad as his spouse is on a year abroad! Not quite sure he will be up to the job myself but I’m ready to be surprised. They weren’t allocated children until offers were confirmed so I don’t know how many missed their offers.

[ofteninaspin]

I am so sorry swimmer4; I somehow missed your earlier post. That is dreadful news for all concerned. I am sure, as other have said, that your DS's college friends will be sensitive and supportive. Having a list of welfare contacts to hand just in case is a good plan. Best wishes to your DS.

[PandaG]

So sad @swimmer4 . Glad he has several circles of friends to support him.

DS still.has 2 weeks of placement to go, then at least 2 more weeks at home. He is enjoying the work experience, and pleased with the income, but I also think he can't wait to get back to university. DD has a whole raft of open days booked, and wants us to go with her, so we have lots of busy Saturdays ahead!

[OhTheRoses]

Hello and thank you @OhYouBadBadKitten for the new thread. DD returns on 4th October for an 8th October start. We are back from France and she has had a lovely summer. We've had lots of chats about the last year and how she has found a much much better place emotionally. She hasn't quite got the accommodation she wanted but is happy with what she has and refused to contact pastoral tutor and ask for her mh to be taken into account. She's in a college house just outside college and looking forward to ot. There will be 7 of them.

You all lost me with classics conversation and DS read Classics. He did Latin as a higher at IB and always loved it and we plugged the Greek gap with a six week summer school at the end of LV1 because that's the direction he was heading.

Sadly each child has suffered the passing of a friend. DS in his 2nd year when his best friend from primary died suddenly from undiagnosed congenital heart disease and dd made a friend in her first year (she finds making friend hard) and the dear girl died tragically just before Xmas. It took dd quite a few days to tell me. DD had a wobble in her 2nd term, for all sorts of reasons, but kept going. It is just so bloody awful and heartbreaking. DD got some counselling through the College.

She is very much ready to go back and looking forward to it and has been encouraged by some of the people she has done performances with to join one of the big choirs.

We are waiting with bated breath for the outcome of ds's Masters and whether he will decide to do a PhD or bunker down to work.

It's moving in day at my uni tomorrow so I shall be directing families to their accommodation. I have been allocated a golf buggy to drive them and luggage from A to B.

[Sunndowne]

It's tough being at uni and at Oxbridge. To deal with bereavement too would wobble most. hope your DD enjoys her new house.

Good luck to your DS! My DS moves into a flat and starts graduate work next week. Yikes. Time flies!

Good luck to the ferrying of parents too. Newbie uni parents are getting a roasting on the backpack thread! I'm sure you will be very understanding to us parents that worry!

[OhTheRoses]

Just marking place before I lose thread again.

She was offered acco of first choice today but has declined it because she wants to try to make a go of a College House and be better placed to make friends.

Masters result comes out tomorrow we have been informed.

[Bakeandyarn]

Good luck for tomorrow roses, exciting times!

DS is planning to move in to his flat share on 5th October, I was a bit apprehensive when he was allocated his accommodation as I felt he might be better on site, now I think it will be a positive move for him. He’s got a lovely group to share with and the flat looks very unlike any student accommodation I’ve ever seen, more like a decent holiday apartment! It’s about 20 mins from college but near enough to get where he wants and on the main bus route (you can buy a monthly hop on/off pass). I’m hoping they will be a bit more relaxed 5this year, having experienced everything once now! I have heard second year referred to as “gap year” but don’t know how true that Is

[OhTheRoses]

DS got a Distinction. We are thrilled! Champagne all round.

[Sunndowne]

oh wonderful roses! Cheers!

[Bakeandyarn]

Well done roses DS! Fantastic!

[PandaG]

Well done Master Roses!

[HesMyLobster]

Ahhh @OhTheRoses that's fantastic news! Congratulations to your DS!

2nd year definitely won't be easier or like a gap year for DD. She has Mods in March and has already started revising/worrying for them!

I still can't believe how much work she's had to do over the summer. Apart from a week inter railing and then 2 weeks placement back in July she averaged at least 8hours per day (the past 2 weeks that's ramped right up to 12 hrs+ as she's realised she'll struggle to get it all done)

I knew there'd be some work but wasn't expecting so much. Have any of your dc had similar?

[HesMyLobster]

Pressed post too soon!

Was going to say none of her friends on other courses seem to have had much more than reading a couple of books.

[Bakeandyarn]

lobster, DS has said his friends who have mods have had to work all through the summer. It’s given him a bit of perspective on his summer exam stress because he now realises he has been able to have a breather over the summer where they have had to keep working. He’s got some reading and a book review to write but that’s all, getting back to it will be a bit of a shock.

[ofteninaspin]

Congratulations to your DS Roses, fab news!
lobster DD hasn't done nearly as much work as your DD but she has finished her project and revision is underway for Collections. She is constantly reading about her subject but that is for interest rather than "set" work although she is also working through ideas for her dissertation. She was completely exhausted by the end of Trinity and left immediately for her overseas research assistantship so she definitely needed a break from academic work when she finally got home. She says she now feels ready to rejoin the Oxford rollercoaster!

[Bakeandyarn]

DS is going back on Saturday, our house is stacked up with the usual boxes and bags, he gets vac res this year which will make coming hone at Christmas and Easter much easier. A few of his friends are already back and he seems quite excited about his flat share.