Are all universities full of drug-taking party animals?

[Fibbke]

A friends dd is half Danish and after looking around a few unis in this country has decided to go to university in Copenhagen. She was horrified by the "drugs and the squalor" at the unis she looked at and knew people at. My own dd is very put off going to uni for the same reason.

Do they have a point?

@Fibbke I think that the UK has a massive alcohol problem - from uni way up to garden centres selling endless products vaunting the joys of ruining your middle aged liver with prosecco and gin. I don't see uni here as any worse or better than elsewhere.

Today's students can't afford to drink out so mainline vodka before going out (or worse) if that is their thing. Others avoid it all by joining sports teams or other societies and hanging with people who drink less. My DD had a sweet, swotty Emirati friend who was overjoyed to get a place at Edinburgh. He left after a year, horrified by the amount of alcohol consumed, feeling entirely alienated and out of his depth. He is now in London and hanging out with teetotallers like him, or people who party less.

Only your daughter knows what she can handle as far as what other people are doing. But to me growing up is learning what we want, and what we don't want, and an experience that excludes the latter by favouring the former is not quite as useful. I think the value of an undergraduate degree is less about the learning, and much more about the social experience.

"I would be surprised if drugs and alcohol misuse wasn't going on at any University, but it doesn't mean that your son or daughter has to be part of it. Dealing with lots of different people and situations and is all part of the experience."

I agree. I hope I have instilled this piece of wisdom into my daughter. Only time will tell.

"Today's students can't afford to drink out so mainline vodka before going out (or worse) if that is their thing."

Unfortunately this is very true of the students I know. Pres or prinks are very much a "thing" these days.

There are a lot of posters here and on the WIWIKAU Facebook page who say that their DC never drink. I think the reality is that some of the DC don't drink and some of them have DC who aren't telling the truth.

I think it's about having the opportunity to naturally find their 'tribe'.

I went to one of the RG northern universities at the same time as a friend for home. Same background, same friendship group at home, lived on halls on the same site in first year. He already smoked weed and gravitated towards a very druggy crowd, I didn't and none of my friends at uni ever touched drugs (we did drink, but there were groups of people who didn't).

I think being in halls rather than flats definitely helped - there were 20 people on my corridor so you just fell in with the people most similar to you.

DD is at Sheffield, just finished her first year. She had the misfortune to find herself in the MDMA flat (the coke flat was upstairs). She found it hell. Parties at all hours, noise, mess, food stealing. Eventually she stopped living there and largely lived with her boyfriend.

It can be quite horrible for students who do want to engage with their course but find themselves stuck with a bunch of people who just want a parent funded year long party.

Swapping isnt always possible.

That's my worry Gnome. DD goes to university next month. I hope she gets a flat with people who fall in between partying and ghosts.

One of my friends has a son at Newcastle and one at Sheffield. The Sheffield student was shocked at the open use and quantity of cocaine being used.

TapasForTwo it is a worry. Accommodation gets sold during open days as being a wonderful bonding experience. I am sure that not all of DD's flatmates had gone into their first year expecting that they would 'lose' a whole year in a drink and drug haze.

DD had been at a fairly rough comp. She wasnt shocked by the drugs, she was more saddened by it. In her experience from school the regular drug users were the ones who dropped out. Many of her flatmates came from quite privileged and sheltered backgrounds. Uni was the first time they had been let off the leash away from parental supervision.

I do wonder if it would be better if flats were split between content heavy and non content heavy courses. It is difficult if your course requires attendance every day from 9am and you find yourself in a flat full of people who dont have to get up until lunchtime.

Gnome, some unis do segregate NHS students who typically are doing FT courses (in the case of nursing students, working shifts). It is hoped they will be more understanding about the need to sleep!!

DD was worried about drugs (shes all about avocados) and went to a Welsh uni, she joined outdoor clubs, made friends with many international students and had a great time. DS1 whogoes this year will not be doing drugs! He is an athlete and subject to random testing
I'm a little more concerned about DS2 who has always been erm......more sociable.
It depends on what sort of person you pack off to uni.

Serin I think you are right that it does depend on the individual student. There is also an element of the student having to find their own way. Some of DD's flatmates just weren't used to the lack of supervision and went off the rails a bit.

"I do wonder if it would be better if flats were split between content heavy and non content heavy courses."

I agree. DD will be doing a content heavy degree with a lot of contact hours and practicals. Her BF is doing a humanities degree with very few contact hours, and is flat sharing with other humanities degree students. They have drunk and partied like it is going our of fashion. His end of year results have reflected this.

But then to contradict myself it isn't fair on any student who wants to get their head down and study to have to share with seven days a week party animals.

Not sure really how you solve it unless you introduce lots of supervision which defeats the object of learning independence and self management.

It's difficult to work out in advance who are going to be the lead party animals and who will be easily led into either good or ill.

Just for info: the last time I looked, Sheffield had 6% independent school students which is considerably less than many universities. The idea frequently peddled here is that it’s universities with a high intake from private schools who have the money for coke and the biggest problems. This is simply untrue. DC are prepared to get it from whatever background - if they want it enough! Even at Sheffield! It’s always been a very upbeat university! DH went there.

A friend’s DS is currently there and his course is 6 hours contact a week. He should have done joint honours but chose not to. Of course these students are expected to work but just not via contact time - and the majority do. However, don’t think Sheffield isn’t known as a “good time” university, because it is. It's top choice with students for a reason! You just have to change flats if the good time element in the flat is too much. It’s a university that used to have catered halls but no more I gather. The new student villages are great but again flats make their own problems for residents if a few in them are difficult. My friends DS was very sheltered pre Sheffield. Rural DC from my village have also gone and thrived. The main thing is to change flats if you are not happy. It is best to listen to wise words from parents but ultimately students who are easily led astray, will be. Those who are resolute won’t be!

From the experience of a friends DC, Leeds seem to do it well in offering a good range of accommodation choices including quieter halls. To her surprise her DC chose this option and ended up with a really good set of nice, interesting and involved young people, who had interests and hobbies and a good study/play balance.

We had looked at the same for DD earlier at Bristol as she is dyslexic and needs quiet to study, plus was on a highly loaded course. Their only options were quiet and single sex together, and seemed aimed specifically at those from conservative religious backgrounds. Bristol Halls don't have wardens either and many are quite a trek from the University library. There were also a few management things (security could patrol after midnight listening for noise, which they do at some universities, but not at Bristol) which would help things. Plus flats can be very large. I also think a better mix can be good. Bristol for example has surprisingly few students from overseas or from more conservative British communities, who could help rebalance the behavioral norm.

I think Bubbles is right though. Some of the problems were rural kids away from home or from the constraints of boarding school for the first time, and likely to succumb to peer pressure. Different for urban kids (either state or private) who were more used to "temptation" and more adept at saying no.

i went to uni with a load of really boring people. It was dire

Yes but surely it depends on your perspective. .

DD was constantly being told in her first year that she was "boring" because she did not take ket. Yet as she explained to me, there is nothing more boring that a group of people sitting around high on ket.

Second year, thank goodness was far better.

All three of mine have been to Uni and they certainly didn’t get involved with drugs but probably did have a few wild nights out!! Really it is up to each student as to how involved they get in joining societies ,clubs etc My two eldest have graduated with decent degrees and are both working and my third is starting his 2 nd year and thoroughly enjoying Uni and everything it has to offer socially and academically!! Am sure the Netherlands has its own issues.Unfortunately drugs can be used anywhere and most students/ young people do not consider washing up ,changing bedding and getting the hoover out as a priority!!

What an eye-opener! Good thread.

My DS1 will go into Y2 at uni in Sept.

Fortunately, despite (leafy) comp he has managed to cope without becoming a total smack head- tho he has, I know, smoked weed. He has our lecture constantly in his head about psychotic episodes, and ruined lives.

But that's all I can do. I cannot control his contact group.

Somehow, I believe he will survive, like we did ALL those years ago.

My son has just got back from Boomtown festival..drugs everywhere...he just spent the whole weekend very soggy ,pissed and having fun !! Drugs is a choice !!

I think DC from boarding schools are already good at making choices. Good or bad. They often transition well to university because they are confident and used to operating without mum and dad hovering.

I think being let off the lead, having more money available and being pressured by others to join in are all pitfalls. Truthfully - the majority don’t do anything to oblivion! They stay true to themselves. Those who really want drugs will get them or try them if friends offer them. For many it goes no further! No one knows exactly what DC will do when away from home but most of us like to think the best - after all, we brought them up!

He was actually very shocked at the amount of drugs available...scary!!

The thing which shocked DD the most was the profligate attitude to money. She was with a bunch of people who would happily spend a load of money on buying drugs and alcohol then phone home to ask for more money and get it.

For some in her flat the drug taking became the 'fun' activity. So not taking drugs to increase the fun but to have fun. Her view was that they had normalised it so that it was difficult to break away from the group without dropping the group altogether. They are all going to be in a house together next year. I pity their neighbours.

DD will be sharing with people on her course next year. DD1 did this and found it a much better experience.

The problem with year 1 is that you don’t pick your flat mates. There would have been other flats where drug taking wouldn’t be the norm.

The attitude to money on MN is also not typical. Many parents seem to suggest on here that DC survive on a lump of coal, an orange and 50 p a week. Many parents are way more generous than that. They over indulge and that’s a way of life too. It’s been the norm all the life of that DC so parents just carry on. Some might be concerned but they don’t want DC not eating, so they pay up. How can they Police their DC? It’s virtually impossible.

It is also worth knowing that drug taking is rife in the work place too. Some work places more than others but no one these days will find they exist in a completely drug free zone.

In y2, you have made suitable friends for choice of flatmates - hopefully. In my DD1s second year she was initially aggrieved to find she was dropped by the girls in her cluster in halls. Nothing to do with drugs, more to do with going out choices and them introducing school friends to the group who had been in other halls . She found a great group to live with who were also in her hall, just not in her cluster. That was an advantage of a formal catered hall. She had made lots of friends. Second year is very different! It’s when they grow up.

The issue with the money was not that some had more than others, of course they do. The thing that DD was commenting on was that the students who were asking for and receiving more had no sense of money being a finite resource whether for themselves or for their parents.

This is a ridiculous thread! It was on the street openly in Copenhagen that DH and I saw addicts openly using needles. Never seen that before quite so openly in any European city....only in Denmark. We still talk about it from time to time.

A litre bottle of vodka with 26 units is just £10 folks. That's the fact. You don't need to be a rich kid to afford that ....most 18 YO can siphon off a tenner if they want to. If dpresssion and anxiety are in the mix it's a cocktail for addiction disaster very very quickly. If the Danish DD had her head screwed on she'd be focussing on unis that offer fantastic pastoral support and MH support to students.