Are all universities full of drug-taking party animals?

[Fibbke]

A friends dd is half Danish and after looking around a few unis in this country has decided to go to university in Copenhagen. She was horrified by the "drugs and the squalor" at the unis she looked at and knew people at. My own dd is very put off going to uni for the same reason.

Do they have a point?

I work in a university in the Midlands and I think that drug use by students seems to be much less commonplace than when I was at uni in the mid-2000s.

I went to Manchester University and drugs were everywhere within the groups I knew. Started off with smoking a bit of weed on nights in, then we discovered the amazing Manchester clubs and started going out and taking coke and MDMA. Those were the days 😂

PS. I graduated with a 2:1, as did most of my peers, and we all now live a semi-respectable existence so have come to no lasting harm from the drug use!

yestranger

If you are just at uni for the sake of it and doing 'a micky mouse degree' as she calls it

Not at all based on what you study but who you are!
A friend of mine went to Oxford some years ago and became a drug addict and alcoholic to boot. Thankfully clean for some years

Yes my DD loved to go out, have a good time and a couple of drinks. A few months before she went to uni she finished with someone she really liked a lot because he was taking and then started selling drugs.

I breathed a massive sigh of relief to be packing her off to uni away from bad influences. But uni was much, much worse.

Yes she had the choice of the quiet halls or the party halls and chose the latter. In retrospect she ended up in the partiest flat in the partiest halls in probably the partiest uni in the UK.

But she is okay now. It didn’t go so good for some of her friends.

I am dreading it

I think it very much depends on your child Fibke. I have three kids who are sensible and level headed and very much their own person. But DD1 is more than a bit crazy and thrill seeking and just absorbs the behaviours of the group she is with.

My DS1 was around drugs at his uni and even with his friends at home but he’s not at all interested in them.

I really do think students can isolate themselves from the worst excesses of behaviour by choosing the right type of accommodation, asking to move if flat mates are unsuitable and going to societies and other evenings out with like minded friends. DD1 found old fashioned catered halls to be far less party minded - no large communal kitchen area or space. So choose wisely and your DC are fine. DD2 in expensive halls in London found quite a few party people and all from state schools. Nowhere is immune and no type of schooling marks you down as immune from drug and alcohol abuse either. Listening to drinking stories from a friend’s DS at Sheffield makes your toes curl. All comprehensive educated and a university with few private school students. His flat was certainly party central.

I think with drugs etc in the family, any DC and parent will be sensitive and that’s natural. However you cannot go through adult life being scared of others and most DC don’t get addicted: the odd dabble is the most they do. Therefore being careful about accommodation and moving if it’s not suitable are ways around the problem.

How do you know beforehand which halls will be quiet though and which party mad? No-one knows the cohort yet?

I went to various unis (did post grad too) and that wasn’t at all my experience

DD wants a flat with sociable people but probably not a flat where everyone parties every single night. She doesn't want to share with "ghosts". She enjoys a drink, but much prefers to stay in with friends than go out. She doesn't like the music in most clubs for a start.

I have told her that if her flat mates are being stupid about drugs and it makes her uncomfortable that she goes to student services and asks to be moved.

Main lots of unis ask kids to fill in a questionnaire before they allocate accommodation. In some unis the party halls are notorious on The Studentroom and the like.

The universities tend to offer quiet halls now. Check these out. Of course you cannot choose your flatmates but putting down non drinking and quiet hobbies might help get selected with like minded students. I’m sure MN parents can spill the beans on the drug and alcohol fuelled halls! Except that DC have only lived in one! So advice might be dodgy!

Just remember that kids do not tell you everything of what they get up to at university. I know a lot of kids whose parent has/had little idea of the extent of drug and alcohol misuse and partying.. yes even their little darlings who would never,,,,

In my experience it isn't possible to move rooms unless you find someone to take on your contract. Basically you're stuck paying for the full year, even if you hate the partying so much that you move home, leave your room empty, and commute in every day instead (one of DS's friends acruelly did this )

We got pretty fucked up at uni in my first year but calmed down later.

MainlandEurope - it isn’t always a question of choosing a quiet hall. My DD didn’t get her first choice and was allocated a place in party central.

I do also agree with the PP who said that the increased use of flats rather than corridors can exacerbate problems and isolate DC more. My DS was lucky that he had lovely flatmates but many people he knew just didn’t click with the others in their flat. Then the lack of a shared social space or organised hall activities (as we had in my day) mean that it’s hard to find friendships quickly. Yes you can find friend through clubs but it a long lonely week for some students in between club meet ups. It’s no wonder that many use alcohol and drugs as a social prop and others slip into this lifestyle just to fit in. My DD’s life would certainly have been easier if she had chosen to fit in with the large party crown around her.

I see, thank you

Both my DC did the party scene at uni. I KNOW DD was surrounded by drugs. She studied at a very popular northern RG uni.

Her cousin studied at the same uni, he had a completely different experience and never even encountered alcohol.

My DC graduated with a First and a 2:1, both have grad jobs.

The point I am making is, in life you come across lots of different people and experiences, it doesn’t have to have a negative outcome.

Going to a Scandinavian university won’t stop your friends DD working with a coke head or alcoholic in the future.

Perfectly easy to avoid if it's not your thing.

It does make me laugh when parents on here say their kids never drink or take drugs though. Of couuuuurse they don't.

t does make me laugh when parents on here say their kids never drink or take drugs though. Of couuuuurse they don't

So if every single student is drinking and taking drugs (as the ines who say they arent are lying)then how is it perfectly easy to avoid?

Going to a Scandinavian university won’t stop your friends DD working with a coke head or alcoholic in the future

Are you suggesting that being around people who take drugs is a life skill? Because working with a coke head or alcoholic is shite and theres absolutely nothing the coworker can do to help so not sure why being experienced with drugs would make a blind bit of difference.

"So if every single student is drinking and taking drugs (as the ines who say they arent are lying)then how is it perfectly easy to avoid?"

Where did I say that every single student was doing it?

I think you misread my statement.

You said it makes you laugh when parents say their kids don't take drugs.

You are wrong to laugh as some of them must be right! As drugs are easy to avoid.

Yes, I'm sure some of them are right.

I'm sure some of them are wrong too. Especially the ones whose children insist they never touch anything.

What do you mean especially the ones whose children say they don't touch anything?

I think lots of teens don't take drugs, it's just finding the ones who don't at university that seems to be the problem.

My dcs have been to different secondary (private) schools. Drugs pretty rife- if you want them. Drugs are everywhere. Dc at very popular uni in midlands- drugs & alcohol rife. I went to party central in the north 30+ years ago. Drugs everywhere. Believe me the dcs do not tell their parents everything.