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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Do I go to Cambridge to study and uproot my family?

78 replies

nl192 · 22/05/2019 22:31

I have the opportunity to study at Cambridge, I'm 30, have a partner and a 2 year old daughter. Currently live in a 1 bedroom flat in an area that isnt great for opportunity... my partner can only get minimum paid jobs here.

I have a conditional place (pretty much confirmed as I have recieved the grades i needed) for Cambridge. I am a mature student, with (what they would class as) a deprived background. I have worked so hard this year to get the grades.

I am so torn, do I uproot my daughter who is settled in nursery, we live 5 minutes away from my mum and sister or do I take the place and move 120 miles away?

I really want to go, the course is fantastic and it opens so many doors for me, but my family dont want me to take my daughter away and are making their feelings known. My partner is desperate to move out of this area and is so supportive with my studying. We will, however, have no family or friends around us.

I know if I dont go and study this course I will regret it for the rest of my life, but I'm "breaking my mums heart"

Help!! Confused

OP posts:
duckling84 · 22/05/2019 22:34

Go. It's your life to live, not your families. This is an incredible opportunity for you, you would be a fool to turn it down, especially when you don't want to, because some other people who it doesn't really affect don't want you too.
Your dd is the perfect age for a move , too young to really notice and yes settled in nursery but in two years time will be leaving for school anyway.

Congratulations btw

duckling84 · 22/05/2019 22:36

And as you said, it's your daughter, not your mums. She's had her chance to raise her kids how she chooses, now it's your turn to do the same. Besides, it's not like your moving to Australia, 120miles is a douable weekend visit

Beetlebum1981 · 22/05/2019 22:36

It's unfair of your mum to guilt trip you no matter how upset she is. You have a family of your own that comes first and the opportunity is too good to miss out on. Well done on getting there!

titchy · 22/05/2019 22:37

Grab it with both hands!!!! Bloody well
done! You will transform your family's lives.

Original poster
nl192 · 22/05/2019 22:37

Thank you, I was so certain on my decision and then the emotional blackmail makes me question if I'm being selfish!

I'm not just a mum, it's taken me until I'm 30 to work out who I am and this is the best opportunity for us 3.

Thank you x

OP posts:
noseoftralee · 22/05/2019 22:38

Go. Grab it with both hands. What an amazing opportunity for your family.

solittletime · 22/05/2019 22:39

Just go! You can always come back, leave the course or undo the upheaval. But you can't turn the course down and suddenly change your mind a few months down the line.
What achievement to have got an offer. To have even aimed for it.
How lucky that your partner supports you.
Your mum is either selfish or scared of the unknown/protective.
If the latter I bet she'll be boring all her friends and neighbours about her daughter studying at Cambridge soon enough!

howwudufeel · 22/05/2019 22:39

100% do it. It could change your family’s life for the better.

EvaHarknessRose · 22/05/2019 22:39

Go, sometimes families find it hard to let you go especially off to better and brighter things, but be true to your ambition, give your partner and your dd a new start in a fab place where they too will have good opportunities.

Just make sure you can afford housing and manage childcare between you or paid. Take the loans you need. Go, please, I feel so proud of you and I don’t even know you!

HerRoyalNotness · 22/05/2019 22:39

Congratulations! Be smart and go do your degree. You have to think of your immediate family unit first and what is best for them

stillworkingitout · 22/05/2019 22:40

Definitely go! You haven’t given us even a half decent reason why you shouldn’t. Your daughter will be fine, your partner wants to go. And 120 miles isn’t that far. Cambridge terms are really short so the study will be intense but plenty of time to stay with your mum too

Baskerville · 22/05/2019 22:43

Absolutely go. It’s a brilliant opportunity. And well done.

FizzBuzzBangWoof · 22/05/2019 22:43

Do it!

Theclearing · 22/05/2019 22:43

Your mother is holding you back. It’s monumentally selfish. This could transform your life, esp as your partner is supportive.

Do you want to risk being resentful of your daughter in later years that you missed this phenomenal opportunity?

Also 120 miles is a two hour drive and terms are short. Degree is realistically only 2.5 years (Oct start, May/June finish), you could be back by the time she starts school. With a DEGREE FROM CAMBRIDGE!!!!!

Massive congrats.

Original poster
nl192 · 22/05/2019 22:43

Honestly, thank you!

Finacially we can just afford it, we will have to cut down on luxuries. We also get a grant to help with childcare (thankfully)

I think I just needed someone (or many Haha) who are not emotionally attached to this to give me a push and that I am making the right decision v

OP posts:
Csleeptime · 22/05/2019 22:44

Congratulations. If you turn it down I think you weren't bright enough for the place and they made a mistake!

Guilt is aweful, but your mum is the one who should be feeling it not you. You owe it to your daughter and yourself to do your best. You know the answers here, tell your mum it's selfish to guilt you out of a better life for your family.

Ps 120 miles is nothing and Cambridge is just lovely x

ILOVEALLCAKES · 22/05/2019 22:45

Definitely go!
You've obviously worked very hard to achieve the required grades.
Children are extremely resilient and will settle into a new nursery easily.
You've got a life time ahead of you, follow your aspirations.

pearldeodorant · 22/05/2019 22:45

100% go! And good luck! What's your course? How exciting for you.

PatriciaHolm · 22/05/2019 22:47

Go!

120 miles is nothing, and it's not forever if you don't want it to be. Your family are being monumentally selfish in wanting you to give up this amazing opportunity you have worked so hard for.

I'm guessing Uni is maybe somewhat an unusual idea for them, and maybe they don't appreciate what it could do for you all. You need to make your own life, especially with your DD, one filled with opportunities for her too.

cakeandchampagne · 22/05/2019 22:48

You, your child, and your partner are a family.
Do what is right for your family- which sounds like a move to Cambridge. Best wishes!

looondonn · 22/05/2019 22:52

Wow fab do it

I went
Am working class
Best experience ever

Others did try to put me off - sod that!!!

The terms are so short and you will meet so many amazing people

What will you study?
My college was LC loved it

Original poster
nl192 · 22/05/2019 22:55

Educational Studies

Thanks for the reassurance everyone Grin

OP posts:
sanityisamyth · 22/05/2019 23:02

Go!! I'm going to Cardiff Uni at the age of 36 as a single mum to a 5 year old.

Be brave and grab the opportunity with both hands.

Good luck, and well done!

BringOnTheScience · 22/05/2019 23:09

Do it!!!

Do your sums too, because Cambridge is v expensive for housing... but WELL DONE YOU!

Your DD will benefit from great education too. Your mum will be proud once she's got over herself.

WeedsAndMoss · 22/05/2019 23:37

GO!!!!!!

And congratulations. Doing all that with a 2 year old StarStar

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