Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Do I go to Cambridge to study and uproot my family?

78 replies

nl192 · 22/05/2019 22:31

I have the opportunity to study at Cambridge, I'm 30, have a partner and a 2 year old daughter. Currently live in a 1 bedroom flat in an area that isnt great for opportunity... my partner can only get minimum paid jobs here.

I have a conditional place (pretty much confirmed as I have recieved the grades i needed) for Cambridge. I am a mature student, with (what they would class as) a deprived background. I have worked so hard this year to get the grades.

I am so torn, do I uproot my daughter who is settled in nursery, we live 5 minutes away from my mum and sister or do I take the place and move 120 miles away?

I really want to go, the course is fantastic and it opens so many doors for me, but my family dont want me to take my daughter away and are making their feelings known. My partner is desperate to move out of this area and is so supportive with my studying. We will, however, have no family or friends around us.

I know if I dont go and study this course I will regret it for the rest of my life, but I'm "breaking my mums heart"

Help!! Confused

OP posts:
RedPandaMama · 23/05/2019 08:48

Oh my gosh do it! You said your partner is very supportive, and it sounds like he isn't in any real career at the moment with the area you live in. I'd take it as a huge opportunity to move somewhere with bundles of options and a fresh start.

DP's parents live 3 hours from us - when we visit we leave Friday night 6pm, get there for 9ish and have all of Saturday and Sunday to do things, then leave Sunday night late so 2yo DD sleeps on the way home. It's totally doable.

And congratulations on the place OP you must have worked incredibly hard.

UCOinanOCG · 23/05/2019 09:16

Well done OP. Go for it!

RandomMess · 23/05/2019 09:22

You absolutely should go, your family are being manipulative to emotionally blackmail you like that. Your priority is DD, DH then you. Your DH desperately wants to move away, DD will get much better opportunities if you go through with it and you will accomplish something amazing.

120 miles is doable as a long day trip so your family can still make the effort to come visit or even meet half way!

Cobblersandhogwash · 23/05/2019 09:27

Go. Seize every opportunity. Go for it.

birdonawire1 · 23/05/2019 09:38

Go. Make sure you can get housing, dp job and childcare first though.

PlinkPlink · 23/05/2019 10:05

Absolutely go!!!

Are you kidding? This is an opportunity for a wonderful career, for career opportunities for your partner, which will in turn provide a better future for your daughter.

You're not moving abroad. You can still arrange meet ups with your mum. You can facetime, Skype, phone, text, send photos. It's 5 years max?

I would be a bit hurt that your mum was not thinking if the bigger picture here in that it will benefit your family greatly. I can of course understand her position and her worry that she wont see GD grow up as much but there is a bigger picture to think of.

stepup123 · 23/05/2019 10:10

First of all congratulations!
Secondly - go for it! I grew up in Cambridge. It's a beautiful city. So much going on and so many opportunities for children. You'll not regret it.

Langrish · 23/05/2019 10:12

Go. You can do so much more for your daughter if you take this once in a lifetime opportunity. What’s her future if you stay where you are?
Your wider family are putting themselves first.
Congratulations, fantastic achievement. You’ll look back from a better place in several years and wonder why you ever hesitated.

Langrish · 23/05/2019 10:14

(Just skimmed through the other replies: think you have your answer 😁)

OKBobble · 23/05/2019 13:28

As a mum it would fill my heart rather than break it if my child had the opportunity to study in Cambridge.

How dare she try to guilt trip you! Go!!

bluefall · 23/05/2019 15:20

You should absolutely go! I have been both a grad student and a temp lecturer at Cambridge and studied with/taught mature students. I can't tell you how well it works, but I can definitely tell you that the University has an infrastructure to support you and your family. You will be assigned to a mature student college where you will be able to find company for yourself and for your daughter. You will be with people over 21 and coming for either second degrees, returning to education, or those who just got an opportunity to go to university. Nurseries in Cambridge are also top-notch for their quality of care. Your daughter will make new friends in no time. There will be also a lot of grad students and older students with families, so you would definitely not be the odd one out. It is an amazing opportunity and I am sure you worked incredibly hard to get in. There are no guarantees in life, but like it or not, Oxbridge still gives their graduate advantageous position on the job market later on. So long-term it is also in your favour to attend. Also, use all the services available to you - mentoring, careers, counselling. If you need any specific advice, do get in touch. I am currently based in Cambridge and excepting my first child :)

bluefall · 23/05/2019 15:33

Continued:

I forgot to mention that your college is likely to give you subsidized family accommodation. Let them offer you accommodation. Don't try renting ourself- more expensive and a nightmare to find a good place (unless you know you can get it for cheaper). If your college gives you any pushback, find out who your Director of Studies or pastoral care contact inside your college is and ask them to advocate for you. There will also be bursaries/scholarships you can apply for through the year. If you end up in a richer college they will also give you money for books and research. After you adjust to insanity of the Uni life, you can also apply for PT jobs for the summer term to make some extra money. For financial supposed you have three sources that you can and should explore: the university itself, your college, and your department. This is a hard won opportunity and Oxbridge doesn't do that well on inclusion, so push comes to shove knock on all three of those doors!! Also, students come to Cambridge from all over the world. You family might be a upset by your move, but unlike many many of your fellow students you will be able to see them every two months. Speaking as an international student - that's the dream!

cathyandclare · 23/05/2019 15:42

DD did Education with English and Drama at Cambridge and had an amazing time. In her college there was affordable accommodation for all three years and some were sets with living rooms which would be manageable for a family.

Well done!

Malbecfan · 24/05/2019 17:57

First of all, congratulations! It's a fantastic opportunity. Secondly, if it's Cambridge University, they have bursaries specifically for students from low-income/deprived backgrounds. It's seemingly not hard to get one - DD is in her 2nd year there and qualifies on the grounds of our family income.

It's a lovely city and as others have said, your daughter is at a good age to move. I can sympathise with your mum, but at the end of the day, I bet she'll be really proud of you as Cambridge = super bragging rights.

HavelockVetinari · 24/05/2019 17:59

Cambridge provide brilliant support for students on low incomes/with DC. It's such a lovely place, I loved my time there. Go for it!

Horsemad · 26/05/2019 12:19

Please go! You have worked so hard and deserve your place there 😊

BogglesGoggles · 26/05/2019 12:21

If you don’t go it sounds like your daughter will also become what would be classed as coming from a deprived background. She’s The one who will benefit most from the move. Go for her sale and ignore your family.

bluebluezoo · 26/05/2019 12:25

It may be at Anglia Ruskin, in which case just ignore the parts about short terms and colleges

If it isn’t cambridge uni, would o/p be posting? If it’s the cough poly, there’s likely to be an equally respected course local to her. Cambridge Uni is a different kettle of fish and unless she lives in Oxford there’ll be nothing comparable.

O/p if you were my dd I’d be offering to move with you to provide childcare while you study. Your mum is being selfish.

Go!!!!

AnotherEmma · 26/05/2019 12:31

Will you get family accommodation from the university?
Have you worked out the finances?
The cost of housing in Cambridge would be my main concern but if you will have an affordable, suitable place to live, I think you should for it.

Your family should be supporting you and not holding you back. Yes it's a shame that you'll be further away but it's a sacrifice worth making for this opportunity. It's only 3 years (I presume?) and you and your family can visit each other.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 26/05/2019 12:41

Congratulations! I would be so proud of you if you were my Daughter!

Snowoctopus · 26/05/2019 12:45

Well done you, what a fantastic achievement!
Definitely move your family there and go for it. Your wider family can visit.

Porpoises · 26/05/2019 12:52

Well done! Can you visit your mum in the holidays? The terms are short.

Check with the uni and your college that you are receiving all the bursaries you are entitled to - there are various schemes and it can be a bit of a maze.

TemporaryPermanent · 26/05/2019 13:37

thought there might be a dilemma here but there isn't! A child not in school yet, a partner keen to go - that's not a dilemma!!

Go and love it. But beware promising regular trips back to see your mum. It sounds like she will try and get you to commit to many trips back; just don't. this is going to be intense, even in vacations for you, and tiring with a young child and possibly teaching practice? Be vague. Find your feet, give yourself space and don't be railroaded.

LizzieBananas · 26/05/2019 13:41

If you say which college, I'm sure posters will make sure are aware of everything you are entitled to/ is available to you.

Mishappening · 26/05/2019 13:45

Seems too good to miss; and might open up job opportunities for OH. I am sure your little girl will make new friends - as will you.

Of course your parents are not thrilled at the idea of you being further away; but opportunities like this do not fall out of the trees and should be grabbed with both hands.