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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Do I go to Cambridge to study and uproot my family?

78 replies

nl192 · 22/05/2019 22:31

I have the opportunity to study at Cambridge, I'm 30, have a partner and a 2 year old daughter. Currently live in a 1 bedroom flat in an area that isnt great for opportunity... my partner can only get minimum paid jobs here.

I have a conditional place (pretty much confirmed as I have recieved the grades i needed) for Cambridge. I am a mature student, with (what they would class as) a deprived background. I have worked so hard this year to get the grades.

I am so torn, do I uproot my daughter who is settled in nursery, we live 5 minutes away from my mum and sister or do I take the place and move 120 miles away?

I really want to go, the course is fantastic and it opens so many doors for me, but my family dont want me to take my daughter away and are making their feelings known. My partner is desperate to move out of this area and is so supportive with my studying. We will, however, have no family or friends around us.

I know if I dont go and study this course I will regret it for the rest of my life, but I'm "breaking my mums heart"

Help!!

OP posts:

sam221 · 22/05/2019 23:47

Go, live your life and grab this opportunity with both hands! Your mother is being hugely selfish and will adjust. Your child will be fine and is very young, they adapt very easily and your mother can visit.
Well done on your achievement and enjoy it!

Glitterbaby17 · 23/05/2019 00:08

Go - it’s an amazing opportunity! I don’t know which college you have an offer from but many also offer financial support if circumstances dictate it and may also be able to help with housing.

PerspicaciaTick · 23/05/2019 00:53

Nursery age is the perfect time to move, while friendships are very fluid and before you get into school time.
Wishing you all every success.

ErrolTheDragon · 23/05/2019 01:03

the emotional blackmail makes me question if I'm being selfish!

I reckon it's your mum who's being selfish, and extremely shortsighted. How the heck will it 'break her heart' for you to be benefitting from a great opportunity, not really that far away? TBH getting your daughter a bit of distance from that attitude may be a good thing.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 23/05/2019 07:02

Do it! It's an amazing opportunity and you've obviously worked really hard for it. You will find new support networks - you wont be the only mature student who is bringing your family with you. There will be others and many from overseas who will be feeling even more isolated.

Hopefully you will be offered univesity family accommodation for the duration if your course which will make it much cheaper than renting privately.

Theres a Mumsnet Local Cambridge page and you can post on there for local info.

Congratulations and enjoy the course.

forkfun · 23/05/2019 07:08

Go! It's an amazing opportunity for you and Cambridge is a wonderful place to live with a young family.
Lots of good childcare settings, too, but the waiting lists are long, so I'd start looking into it soon.

NotAnotherJaffaCake · 23/05/2019 07:14

Go, go, go and go! Make sure you absolutely hit up all the university contacts for grants and help - there is lots available. You’ll also be eligible for university and/or college housing and childcare (subject to availability). Everyone cycles so you can do without a car.

GhostIsAGoodBoi · 23/05/2019 07:16

Go. A thousand times, go.

I’m a mature student from a deprived background with children. I uprooted us all last summer.

No regrets at all. We’re all a lot happier.

BellMcEnd · 23/05/2019 07:18

YES x 663267853!

Well done! You should be so proud of yourself

Troels · 23/05/2019 07:55

GO! Your Mum should be encouraging you to get a great education.
She has no ambition for you to better that she did?
Three years will fly by and you'll be ready for a new career.

chipshopElvis · 23/05/2019 07:58

Absolutely you should go! Congratulations, that's an amazing achievment, really well done.

crumpet · 23/05/2019 08:01

120 miles? That’s about a 2 -3 hour journey - easy to do day trips to visit, and also Cambridge terms are so short (only 8weeks each)

AlexaShutUp · 23/05/2019 08:02

Definitely go! It's your life, not your mum's. You'll regret it if you don't.

crumpet · 23/05/2019 08:02

Sorry, I’m case I wasn’t clear - i’m Another voice saying do it!

Xenia · 23/05/2019 08:07

Do it.My parents expected us all to leave for university (as indeed my parents did in their day in the 1940s) so it was not difficult in that sense and I expect my children to leave for university. However not all people in UK share that view. i remember when my father was dying he had part time carers and some of them found it almost imkpossible to get their heads around that we might live hundreds of miles away from him and that he was fine with that and wanted that as they had never moved a few streets away from their parents. It was a cultural division - neither we nor they were wrong but it was just how they had been brought up.

Distant grandparents can visit. We took our children for 20 - 30 years hundreds of miles at lsast 3 times a way to see grandparents on the NE and Yorkshire and the 4 grandparents came down here usually once or twice a year for a few days too and of course regularly phone calls every week and writing letters to granny can take place.

Most of the people in our family since the 1830s who have done well have had to move for better prospects and work whether that was the move from Ireland and Lincs. and Scotland to the NE for the higher paid work (in the mines, on the land, in shipping) or later from there to bigger cities like London with more work.

Dragongirl10 · 23/05/2019 08:12

Another one saying GO.....this is your life and future for you AND your DD...don't pass it up. you won't regret it.

ErrolTheDragon · 23/05/2019 08:15

Cambridge terms are so short (only 8weeks each)

Just to be accurate, that's 'full term' which is 3/4 of 'term'. Lectures and labs take place within the 8 weeks, but there may be supervisions or mock exams outside of that time. Tbh I'd take a bet that the OP will want to spend more than the bare minimum in Cambridge once she and her family are there.

But from the pov of overcoming the mother's whinging, maybe that doesn't need mentioning to her yet.

Shadycorner · 23/05/2019 08:17

Congratulations op! You must certainly go! Your mum should be proud of you, not holding you back. It won't be easy without extended family support but your immediate family are your priority now! Go for it!

Itscoldouthere · 23/05/2019 08:19

Do it it’s a great opportunity and you may regret it if you don’t, who knows where it will take you but it could be a massive life changer.
Can you get family accommodation through the university? Cambridge is an expensive city so hopefully you can get some type of student accommodation.
Cambridge is a lovely place to live and I’m sure it would be interesting for your partner and child.
Your mum will be sad but you have to look at he bigger picture for you and your immediate family.
Good luck OP

flowery · 23/05/2019 08:19

I can’t believe you’ve got the opportunity to study at Cambridge and your mum is trying to hold you back, that’s outrageous. She should be your biggest cheerleader!

OhYouBadBadKitten · 23/05/2019 08:21

Congratulations!!! Be brave, you can do this. And as your DD gets a little bit older, there are museums and parks and plenty to do for her, it would be a lovely place for a child to live I think.

MiniMaxi · 23/05/2019 08:22

What an amazing opportunity you've created for yourself. Please take it!

Cambridge is a lovely and vibrant place to live, I hope you and your family have an amazing time.

meuh · 23/05/2019 08:23

Is it a degree course? How long will it last? What qualification will you receive and what do you hope to do next? Don't just be blinded by the word "Cambridge". Not saying you are!!

Weepingwillows12 · 23/05/2019 08:29

You need to go. It's an amazing opportunity that you have worked hard for. Hopefully your mum will realise that in time.

Do you think she is sad to see you less or scared of you changing? Or does she rely on you for help so there's an impact on her? A friend's parents got a bit funny about uni but it was a sort of reverse snobbery in that they really self identified as a working class family and though people who went to uni were posh idiots. They changed their minds eventually.

Just give her time to get used to it. Tell her you are going and she can't change that and you will make sure she still sees you all etc.

ErrolTheDragon · 23/05/2019 08:44

Is it a degree course? How long will it last? What qualification will you receive and what do you hope to do next? Don't just be blinded by the word "Cambridge". Not saying you are!!

It may be at Anglia Ruskin, in which case just ignore the parts about short terms and colleges.

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