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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Elitism at Oxford

384 replies

piso · 09/05/2019 10:03

I thought I would post this, not to put people off, but rather to make them aware that Oxford isn't the bastion of egalitarianism that it claims to now be.

My Dd is in her first year at a well known Oxford college. It is an old prestigious one, that has a reputation for being particular pro state school.

In her year group, there is a clear clique of London schoolers, think St Pauls and Westminster. They tend to bother with one another only. "Do you have a place in London?" "I'm from London, smugly the middle bit" "Oh you're so South Ken"

Then there are the old Eton boys, Radley boys etc who seem to also stick to one another.

Private dining societies are still a big thing in Oxford. Whilst apparently they are open to non private school kids, you have to be invited and considered suitable. Ergo, those who come from certain families, went to certain schools.

Favourite activities are skiing and horses. Where are you going skiing this vac? Oh you don't ski? "Our family have known each other forever, we always ski together at Klosters"

DD's neighbour for example is a third generation Oxonian. She proudly caresses her signet ring when talking down to others. She said in freshers week that she'd only consider dating someone from Eton, or Harrow if she had to as she wants a husband like her dad. This girl didn't even get the entry requirements for her course, but after some negotiation got in.

My point being, far from reverse snobbery, is that there still is clearly a large group of hugely entitled people at Oxford. Being born wealthy is certainly none of their faults (nor is it a problem!). DH is from the boarding school type of family, but there seems to be a high preponderance of rich, London type who are keen on being exclusionary.

Never have I been asked in a snobbish way where I went to school, but dd has numerous times, and not in an interested way; a way to see if you are suitable for friendship.

Some friendship groups at her college this year were very much decided based on appropriate background. You get a tick if you're from London. A tick if you went to a select few schools. A tick if your parents know of one another. Another tick if you have a lodge somewhere too.

OP posts:
marfisa · 14/05/2019 23:35

... entertaining as this is!

RubberTreePlant · 14/05/2019 23:37

Why would the undergraduates be "hormonally challenged"? Confused

MariaNovella · 14/05/2019 23:38

Because they cannot control themselves when in the throes of lust = challenged by their hormones

howwudufeel · 14/05/2019 23:40

They aren’t 14 though.

marfisa · 14/05/2019 23:42

But the men a couple of years older are not challenged by their hormones when in the throes of lust?

Snort.

MariaNovella · 14/05/2019 23:43

Precisely. They are 18, away from disapproving maternal forces (if goodbyestranger is any sort of example) and free to indulge their feelings.

MariaNovella · 14/05/2019 23:44

Men who are 3 or 4 years older have quite a lot of perspective about girls who have just left home...

RubberTreePlant · 14/05/2019 23:45

Bloody hell @MariaNovella which decade are you stuck in?

Is there something about your own youth you're desperate to express?

marfisa · 14/05/2019 23:47

This is exactly what I'm talking about. You keep describing the men and women in different terms. Why?

The idea that women are more vulnerable to lust than men is an idea that was prevalent in medieval thought. Actually, it goes even further back than that, to Aristotle, who said that women were hot and wet and men were cold and dry.

Thought about gender difference has evolved somewhat since then.

MariaNovella · 14/05/2019 23:48

Do you know many teenage girls, marfisa?

ErrolTheDragon · 14/05/2019 23:48

Yeah, every department had a creepy would-be bedpost notcher eying up the freshers ... I seem to remember they were rather obvious and given a very wide berth.

marfisa · 14/05/2019 23:49

I was one, Maria. I was hot and wet and so were the men I was fucking. Grin

MariaNovella · 14/05/2019 23:50

There you go - you agree with me.

RubberTreePlant · 14/05/2019 23:51

Do you know many teenage girls, marfisa?

Funnily enough, I was about to ask you the same question @MariaNovella

marfisa · 14/05/2019 23:51

Sorry, I couldn't resist. I'm just fed up of hearing young women described in such a different way to young men.

MariaNovella · 14/05/2019 23:52

Because girls should be pure and not think about sex? Bloody hell.

marfisa · 14/05/2019 23:53

This thread has totally gone off-piste, from whether Oxbridge is elitist to the sexual habits of teenage girls Confused

RubberTreePlant · 14/05/2019 23:55

Because girls should be pure and not think about sex? Bloody hell.

No, the opposite. Because you seem to think they're all repressed and corseted in Victorian homes until they escape to university.

MariaNovella · 14/05/2019 23:56

It’s exactly the same topic: competing for social acceptance by humans perceived as desirable and rejecting humans who don’t make the grade. Obviously the more competitive universities will have humans who compete on all possible dimensions.

BasiliskStare · 14/05/2019 23:59

Clearly DS wasted his time at university as has not "hooked" up with a girl with a fabulous job in the city. Memo to self - must ask him what exactly went wrong there . Slight silver lining - he made some nice friends Wink

I honestly don't think you could make some of these posts up - but a huge laugh - so thank you

Epanoui · 15/05/2019 00:01

Wow. This is an odd conversation. I went to Oxford and am married to an electrician who left school at 16 and earns a lot more than I do. Just to add to the mix of weirdness.

marfisa · 15/05/2019 00:02

Pure? I think you need to reread my post about my own teenage self. I wasn't making it up.

You keep implying that the women undergrads are crazed by desire in a way that the young men a few years older than them aren't (the men just bask in the adoration of their female acolytes). That's rubbish. Hmm

MariaNovella · 15/05/2019 00:03

My odd job man went to Oxford where he read Maths. He’s really very good at putting up shelves straight. Not so good at plastering.

BasiliskStare · 15/05/2019 00:03

@Epanoui - Good Gideon - what were you thinking - I mean , are you happy or something ? Grin Ha ha

marfisa · 15/05/2019 00:04

Good for you Epanoui Grin