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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Heading towards year 2 exams (uni 2017)

998 replies

brizzlemint · 21/03/2019 02:50

Starting uni 2017 continued.
Tales of radiators, errant boilers, tomatoes and potato mashers...oh and university students.

OP posts:
TheOrigRightsofwomen · 26/04/2019 18:59

Thank you so much - have read and will reply later.

It's lovely to have this thread where I feel I can write openly w/o being judged.

Apparently, while at the childminder's the kids were all talking about their w/e and DS2 mentioned that his Sunday would be spent in the car. When I collected him, the CM offered to have DS2 for the day (her son and mine are friends). So now it'll just be me and DS2 driving. Good. I will tell her how much it means to me.

SMaCM · 26/04/2019 22:17

Rights - good luck with communication. We have had several ups and downs with DD. We know she's not reaching her full potential at the moment, but she is now working and studying more than she was. Keep the lines of communication open is all I can say.

I am also a childminder who looks out for those moments that can really make a difference. If you are looking for anything - best gifts I have ever received range from a bottle of wine to a spa day. Something non practical.

Xenia · 26/04/2019 22:59

Mine safely back - minus one ski glove and some silly boy (not one from their university) against their agreement on the last night took the key and locked up the room one of my twins shared. They called him when they were coming home to bed and he lied and said he didn't have the key so they have to find space on floors of other people yet knowing they had to be up early to pack and leave today to catch a flight. The boy then did have the key after all, he said when they asked the next day and he had spent the night with his friend. He laughed and didn't think it mattered - making 5 or 6 of them homeless for the last night. They had to get the reception to let them back in at 8am to pack quickly.

Anyway at lerast they got back fine and seem very happy and said it was a brilliant holiday. so that's nice. Washer on for the second time now and they just got back from seeing a school friend briefly tonight so all is well. i think one is driving back to Bristol tomorrow.

SMaCM · 27/04/2019 06:14

Xenia - some people have no idea do they!

DD is coming home today. She's half way through her Easter break.

ErrolTheDragon · 27/04/2019 07:06

That's good, rights - nicer for your DS2 too, no doubt. Hope this gives you and your Ds1 some space to talk things through.

DD started term already. We've only talked to her for a couple of minutes last weekend since we've been on holiday, must try to give her a call today.

Horsemad · 27/04/2019 07:39

So frustrating rights, I feel your pain. Flowers DS1 was a pita throughout 6th form & uni. No drugs, just didn't work and once away at uni, it went downhill.

Eventually he had to leave the course but he has worked constantly since, earning really good money and is SO much happier. Works hard now, really applies himself and loves it!

It is hard and we were sad/disappointed he didn't finish university but it was the best thing for him.

All you can do is point out the obvious to him. At this stage, I'd be trying to coax him to continue but at the end of the day, it's his decision.

bigTillyMint · 27/04/2019 09:24

University is not for everyone. It is not the be all and and all. But it does provide a structure for them to grow up a bit away from home WinkGrin

Original poster
brizzlemint · 27/04/2019 12:07

Feel like a bloody failure that this is what I've raised.

Raising a child takes a village...or at least two parents and the child as well. He's an adult and has to carry responsibility for this himself, you've got him to the point where he can get through A levels and get to university despite the difficulties with that and then it's down to him to make his own choices - you shouldn't be blaming yourself.

My own child has had some difficult choices to make and hasn't necessarily made the ones I'd have made and I've banged my head against a brick wall about them at times but it was her choices, same as it's your son's choices. You sound lovely and prepared to help and support him to find his way out of this mess and that is what matters more than anything. Cut yourself some slack and do something fun with your DS2.

OP posts:
Xenia · 27/04/2019 12:44

They will all just differ from each other too despite the same home and same parents - my 5 are very different. No point in parents blaming themselves for everything.

Meanwhile here one has left to return to Bristol (driving) with his friend's things (left here a week ago) and some of his twins' things (as twin is going on a field trip from Gatwick early next week and then returning to Bristol at the other end of the trip. That one is here working as an essay is due.
I am hoping the missing ski glove was picked up from the room by one of the friends.

Haffdonga · 27/04/2019 18:51

I hope your journey gives you a bit of chance to have a low pressure chat with ds Rights

I do think that leaving uni (whether after finishing or leaving mid way through) is a big and traumatic life change. Suddenly there is no structure or plans, no ready made social group and no money. Once you have made that mental adjustment though, the 'other side' can actually be ok.

DS1 and 2 both go back to uni tomorrow to face exams. DS1 is also facing a burgled house. He has just had a call from his flatmate to say the police have rung her (no idea how they found her number) . All the flatmates were at family homes over Easter and the police have boarded up the kicked in back door. DS wil be the first to get back and face whatever is or isn't inside.

Horsemad · 28/04/2019 07:29

Hope it's not too bad Haffdonga.

DS went back yesterday, house is very quiet, even though he's not overly noisy!

ErrolTheDragon · 28/04/2019 08:05

Oh heck - I hope your DS and his housemates hadn't left too many valuables in the house, haffdonga - and that it's not been trashed. I suppose student houses in vacation time may be an obvious target for thieves.

latedecember1963 · 28/04/2019 09:12

Oh what a miserable start to his term, Haffdonga. Hope there isn't a horrible mess for them to sort out.

Our house seems quiet too and we seem to still have plenty of milk in the fridge. We need to readjust our food shopping again. 😁

Original poster
brizzlemint · 28/04/2019 09:19

I hope it's not too bad Haffdonga Were they insured?

DD's living in a ground floor flat in a house with another flat upstairs that is owned by the resident, that appealed to her as hopefully it meant better security. She's going back today, well she is if she ever gets up.

OP posts:
Horsemad · 28/04/2019 11:33

I was thinking about insurance as DS is currently covered under his Halls but will need insurance when he moves into his house.

He doesn't have anything of value though really. His phone isn't that expensive and his laptop is 2 yrs old - and with a cracked screen, so not worth anything.

FaithFrank · 28/04/2019 12:03

DD's possessions at uni are covered by our home contents insurance. I didn't realise that was a thing until it was offered to me. As you say, she hasn't really got any valuables there.

Haffdonga I hope it's not too bad for them. The whole experience of being burgled is upsetting, having strangers in your home, going through your things.

Xenia · 28/04/2019 16:14

Good luck with dealing with the burglary. The missing ski glove has been found by another boy so hopefully will be returned to my son soon. That son is back at university and after a morning in the temporary libary (main one closed down by "health and safety" - just at exam time - bad timing so they are camped out in some other obscure temporary building when working) has been playing tennis all afternoon. His twin is here at home until he flies off on a field trip on Tuesday. he is very busy in the middle of an essay due to be handed in tomorrow.

One of mine I persuaded to pay for his laptop and phone insurance as they are such expensive items and student life can be quite risky (he pays £6 a month). The other one I don't think has his insured.

ErrolTheDragon · 28/04/2019 17:41

I think DDs insurance is covered between ours and the college, except the one thing DH wasn't happy about was the level of third party liability insurance for cycling so he signed her up to (I think) British Cycling or somesuch.

Haffdonga · 28/04/2019 20:12

Thanks all. Ds1 has reported back that although the burglars have obviously been in every room and turned out drawers there isn't any damage and the only thing obviously missing is housemate's PS4. Apparently housemate is insured through his parents' contents insurance but the insurance doesn't count if the house was unoccupied (which it clearly was). He is relieved that some much more valuable musical equipment was left.

DS does have insurance and was quite disappointed that the dead phone that he had left behind wasn't stolen.

Horsemad · 28/04/2019 20:29

I'm not sure if DS would be able to tell if he'd been burgled, such is the state of his room. 😮

bigTillyMint · 28/04/2019 20:43

Sorry to hear about the burglary Haff.

My old uni flatmate was only recently reminding me that we got burgled in the Christmas hols of my first year. Nothing much taken as we had nothing of value in those days Grin

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 28/04/2019 21:56

Checking in (as you've all been so lovely).

Can't write much as I need to do my Ocado order AND THE WEBSITE IT NOT WORKING.

But all is OK. DS1 and I had a lovely chat and we both feel much better.

SMaCM · 28/04/2019 22:10

Glad you managed to have a good talk Rights

bigTillyMint · 29/04/2019 07:03

That's good Rights.

Original poster
brizzlemint · 29/04/2019 08:51

That's good Rights

There should be a law against the Ocado website not working.

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