Oxbridge Freshers 2018

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

old thread

A chat/support thread for parents of undergrads who have entered the quite frankly slightly odd world of Oxbridge.

Apparently we are parents to undergrads now

Perhaps humanities students are on an easier wicket.

Indisputably!

Not sure DS would agree 😂

My DD has an enormous amount of work in humanities- 3 essays over 2 weeks at moment. She also is really putting in the time to try and find the 'sweet spot' of what is expected. She does have some down time too but is highly organised using every minute wisely it seems to me! Agree with post they can't do everything - My DD does a bit of sport ( dance in her case - I out of 2 sessions) and a bit of socialising. She also eats meals with others.

I'm hoping she finds a bit more time for her societies next term. He room is chilly today. Hope they've put heating on.

Oh I think dd has had 3 in two weeks and lots of reading but she's juggling well and pleased with supervision feedback.

sundowne DS would agree with her, he is managing a bit of down time to visit the gym and the kitchen/dining hall. He is also very organised and using every minute to get reading or essay writing done, I’m really proud of the way in which he has embraced his new lifestyle. I’m hoping that, in time, he will become more skilled at achieving a work/life balance but I think they are still learning what the expectations are and it will come!

So I text DD and reminded her to stay safe when walking back from her society (she walks alone) about a 20/25 minute walk back to her college, she said that one time an older man came up to her and introduced himself but she kept on walking, that was 2 weeks ago nothings happened since. It's bothered me as she wont get a taxi and there is noone else who walks to her college. I'm worried now - any advice please?

Can she cycle with high visibility gear?

The Cambridge registered cab firm has it's own app and it's easy to register a parent's credit card with them (for sensible DC) . Works a bit like Uber. One of the drivers told us about it when we went to the MH day. Uber operates in both uni cities - not sure if you can register someone else's card with Uber - probably you can.

There was something dd didn't go to because of the walk home alone which surprised me because she never hesitated to uber at home.

She doesn't have a bike, won't get a taxi/uber either 😡 She is stubborn - I worry too much 😐

I have sticky bun envy! 

Went to visit DD last week - it was lovely but far too brief.
She is happy and settled.
She would agree with your DS though Bake that she never feels quite "on top" of work as it's so relentless.
I agree though that it's probably because at school they'd have longer and she was always a do it straight away type and used to getting things completed early.

I helped her with her Latin translation exercises while I was there!  (I say helped - I'm not sure that's quite how she would put it! )
She has a 90 minute language class at 9am every morning, with at least an hour, usually 2, of exercises to complete before the following lesson.
Then lectures and tutorials with an essay per week (and a lot of reading) on top.
She's managing to keep up (just) plus do a dance class or 2 per week, and socialise a little bit, but it's definitely tough going.
I'm worried that she's not getting enough time just to relax and chill out - she seems to feel she needs to be filling every available minute. I'm hoping that feeling will ease off in time.

I would worry too River. I know you said nobody else from her college goes to the same society, but perhaps there are others from closer colleges? Could they organise a sort of walking bus so nobody is walking a long distance on their own?
I appreciate that won't be easily done until your DD gets to know people better.

Thanks lobster he’s a bit stressed this week with two essays due in at the same time. He’s very meticulous and wants everything to be the best it can be but he will need to be a bit more ruthless.

I'm glad they are all settling in well. Ds2 (second year) only discovered Fitzbillies sticky buns this month, as they gave all 2nd year mathmos and natscis a £5 voucher apparently! :o Might just be the best marketing ever.

Exams at the start and/or end of every term is fairly standard in STEM subjects I think. Keeping up a serious hobby, music or sport is possible, but requires motivation and organisation. But it tends to be good for MH, and there is less opportunity to stress or prevaricate about the work... Just no time! 😂

I'm worried now that dd doesn't seem overly stressed by the workload. She has form for masking.

OTH at home she had a 45 min drive to school and 1hr 15 home on public transport in 6th form so has two hours back due to not having to travel.

There may be stuff I don't know (a cpl of uber confident friends struggled in the firat half of first year but settled in) but oth perhaps she's more recovered than anticipated and a gap year that included learning a new language and pulling pints at Stamford Bridge and cage fighting events was good preparation.

OhTheRoses - I suspect the latter (love the cage fighting!!) - that extra life experience, perspective, whatever you want to call it and absolutely the loss of painful commutes, makes all the difference. She sounds as though she's found her stride fabulously well - she should be so proud of herself (as should her mum in getting her to this point!)

I do get where you're coming from though re MH (ie are they really coping as well as they seem) - we visited DD at the w/end (Oxford, Sciences). She's balancing the very heavy workload with Uni level sport (which = 1 full day out fortnightly + early morning training etc etc) and 'going out' 3 nights per week. She did talk about intermittent feelings of being overwhelmed and having to fight perfectionist tendencies but overall feels she doing well and is happy with tutorial and work feedback. She's managing this through a combination of utilising every spare hour (including the time gain through no commuting like your DD), no procrastinating and prioritising well.

We've never seen her happier, more content and frankly glowing. We could see from the number of people coming up to say hello/ hug her, that she's made plenty of friends. From a MH point of view, the full-on life she's leading suits her perfectly. My only concern is whether she's getting enough sleep/ rest (I'm sure she isn't, but she's working on more early nights). I guess all we can do is be there and keep checking in ...

I guess I slightly worry about the intense full lives in that there's no wriggle room for things going a bit wrong. If they do come down with something or something is unexpectedly harder than usual what if there isn't any scope for catching up?
I worry that it's quite a risky way to live life for those with perfectionist tendencies.

One of DDs pals last year had to go home (abroad) for an op, so she intermitted - she'd completed one term so she'll be rejoining year 1 of the course at the start of the Lent term. That's the route for if things go seriously wrong. As to wriggle room - the full term is short, but academics are around longer, I think that can allow some scope for catching up of some aspects - not lab work obv. And many lectures are recorded. (Note Cambridge engineering labs operate a 'standard credit' system so they don't have to aim at perfection in those, I don't know if that applies to natscis or at The Other Place)

The other thing that seems normal (not exactly commonplace but far from unusual) is switching to a different course (from the start) or to a different uni - obviously in that case there's an extra years fees and living costs, but if they don't like the course they're on now for whatever reason it's definitely not game over.

If switching takes place pre Xmas or pre Easter fees are refunded I believe. Full pre Xmas, £4,500 pre Easter. To a different uni obvs.

OYBBK very many Oxbridge students are perfectionists and they have to adapt. It's part of the learning process, and useful. Perhaps school demands don't check the tendency enough.

My DD just mentioned the perfectionist word today and how the good thing about Cambridge is that she doesn't have time for that. She tries her best and moves on to next one. If that works out , which seems to so far, then that's a great learning curve for DD already.
She had no commute and no gap year - hours of slog do feel hard at times.
Want one of those buns! Just home from work!

DS has really struggled with an assignment. He said that though others found it hard they did mange to find answers to things he just did not understand. Oh dear!

Got to be normal Hubble. They all know different things. Unnerving for your DS though.

I don't know hubble dd had an essay she found difficult and struggled with the concepts greatly. Her DoS told her it was very positive she had struggled because it indicated that she understood the complexity of the subject which meant she had approached it intellectually. She had felt she had executed something she described as no better than a polished turd. (her words). They are all on steep learning curves and the academics know that. She was very pleased though. I do think the academics will try hard at this point not to knock them down too far - they understand the fragility of the transition.

The tutors DS has encountered so far have been supportive and the feedback he has received has been positive but helpful too. He’s adjusting to the new tutor/student relationship really well, it’s very different to teacher/pupil at school. It’s all a learning curve at the moment but he’s coping well. This term seems very much about the transition and helping them develop the skills they need to succeed.

Have everyone else's dc registered with the GP. DD hasn't and got an email from student services today. She's at home more than there and her GP knows the compexity of her medication.