Fresher DD struggling to settle at university

[Fionajosephine]

My DD is really having a hard time trying to find her feet at uni. I appreciate she's only two weeks in, but she's thrown herself into everything but just can't find her sort of people and it's knocked her confidence. She's very down and disheartened and it's breaking my heart. She tries to put on a brave face with her flatmates, but dissolves into floods of tears every time I speak to her. I've told her to speak to welfare/students union, but she says they are for losers. She said she will give it some more time but she feels that university isn't for her. Any advice?

I find all this a bit bizarre you know, there are 1000s of students at any university. Some will be streetwise party animals, into clubbing and drugs, some will be shy and retiring nerds who have never been to a club in there lives. Just liks a cross section of the average town or workplace. If she prefers the quieter sorts, she just needs to join clubs and societies that attract those sort of people or hang in the uni bars or halls that have the squarer reputation. It will take longer than 2 weeks to figure that all out. When I was at uni, even the most homesick, non-suited people stuck it out to Christmas.

I went to a Scottish University, not recently of course, and I met people from heroin addicts (Trainspotting Days) to ministers sons who never did anything for fear of ending up in the papers, and everything in between. Isn't that one of the points of University - to broaden your horizons, and to say no/yes to things as you discover what kind of adult you're going to be.

Can she st concentrate on the academics fo awhile - hang out in the library, and see how it pans out.

I started this thread because I thought posters might be able to offer advice and support about my daugher struggling to settle in at uni. For the most part, i have felt heartened by the community response. There has been some criticism, which i had chosen to ignore. However, i think that the tone of some of the posters has turned a little nasty, so I’m signing off and won’t post again. I have enough going on in my life. Thank you to all who offered their ideas and experience-i am extremely grateful.

“If flatmates are drinking and partying every night (not sure this is entirely true?)”

I think it is true of some flat shares. DD’s boyfriend is in a party flat. Some nights he does the pre-drinks with them (about 9 or 10 shots) but doesn’t go out. From what DD says I think there are very few days that these students don’t drink.

“He also concurred with the two that keep getting named.”

I know that a lot of Sheffield students take cocaine. My friend’s son is doing an apprenticeship through Sheffield university and he was shocked on a night out to see so many students openly snorting cocaine.

Hi, I was wondering did your daughter stick with uni? My daughter has gone and is not enjoying it at all. It is early days but am wondering if it just isn’t for her. Would be grateful for any advice you could give.

How is she doing? Also are you on the WIWIKAU group? Some really helpful posters on there, and lots in the same position.

I thought this was a new thread until I saw my posts from two years ago! Even so I hope it all worked out.

@Fionajosephine
My daughter sounds very much like yours! She’s just not sure now if she actually wants to study for another three years full stop. She hates the course, but doesn’t want to change it. She likes the uni, but has only made a couple of friends. Housemates do drugs (as do most students it seems), and parties every night (she hates parties). You could ask why she even went in the first place, as obviously one knows all unis have drugs and parties. But it’s not until you have to live there that you realise it’s a problem. She has made a couple of friends, but that’s it. No opportunity to make others as mostly online, distancing in libraries/canteens etc so you can’t really mix with others except for outside. Just praying sh c doesn’t have to spend two weeks isolating in her flat with them.