Year abroad - like Freshers but worse !

[Ih8usernames]

Seeking support & hand holding from others whose DC are starting 3rd year abroad & struggling. DDis in Europe, so not too far away,& it's very early days. She's finding EVERYTHING hard & I'm getting tearful calls all hours day & night. It's heartbreaking. Languages degree, so it's mandatory, no dropping out or going back now. Freshers week in U.K. was bad enough, this is same again x 10. Planning a long weekend visit next month, but not sure if that's too soon, if she's just starting (hopefully) to settle in . Bit more complicated arranging flights & hotel, than when she was a 2hour train ride away. 😕

Can she take grated cheese in with her? I’m not entirely surprised vegan is difficult in France. It might stop you socialising over meals out too. However, it’s a matter of getting used to another culture that’s different from ours. I appreciate that’s difficult if you have made irrevsible decisions that don’t fit in with another culture.

She does have cooking opportunities in the hall at least if she bought some bits and pieces. Many university hall’s kitchens are not equipped in the uk either! Is she used to fully catered at university? I might knock on a few doors and see if others would cook and eat with her. It’s hard to make the first move, but it can be lonely if you don’t. Perhaps the other students are very reserved too?

It’s very early days. I was her, many years ago. I found it so lonely at first, but soon made good friends and had lots of fun travelling at weekends.

The whole vegan thing is tricky, but she's very aware she's brought it on herself, lol! She's been vegetarian more than half her life, and that's fine here - you'd expect to go into any university/similar canteen and find a vegetarian option, even if you didn't fancy it! - and doable in France, but vegan is quite a big step beyond. Fortunately she is a good cook. I think you'd expect an oven surely in UK student halls?? Maybe not in all Oxbridge colleges, but in a normal hall of residence, with a kitchen per flat. Don't think I've seen any without ovens. I keep suggesting she buys a little toaster oven so she can at least have some oven chips

Hi everyone - yet more lovely responses, so good to hear all your experiences! DD's learned this week how well organised her U.K. university is , now she's seen what the opposite is like! She's turned up to 4 intro modules this week - & no teacher has appeared. She's learning that things might, or might not, happen & that's outside her comfort zone. In the process she's meeting other people for whom it's also new & they have shared confusion to bond over. She's been brave in approaching another new group of students from another European country, and is having a night out with them - that was a big step for her , she could have taken the easier option & tagged along with others from her U.K. uni, so well done her. Oh and she's not a vegan or vegetarian, she's in a very carnivorous place so that's one hurdle she hasn't got to get over .

Hi OP, this was me some years ago. I did a language degree and totally sympathise with your DD feeling that she signed up for something that seemed like a good idea at 17!

I was placed as an assistante in a 1 horse town in France. Those first few weeks were hard. There was 1 other assistante in the town who I didn’t know when we got there. After the first few weeks, after i’d Found accommodation, I kind of got into a routine and got into it. I never really loved the year abroad but my French improved dramatically and I think it was really good for me to live in France for a year. I remember just trying to keep busy, I didn’t do much socially but my 64 year old land lady invited me for coffee sometimes which was about as exciting as my social life was! My advice would be to accept any social invitations going and plan lots for the weekends - I flew down to Grenoble to go skiing, went to Paris, visited friends on their year out elsewhere in France. Before I knew it, it was summer and time to come home. Good luck to your DD, I hope it gets easier.

Ih8 sounds really good! She's doing well 😊

The language assistant posts sound like they can be very challenging, uni seems much easier in comparison. It must take a lot of guts to do .

Thanks Atia

Trotters - bless your landlady who invited you for coffee - that was a nice thing for her to do for a lonely young person

My DD disliked the chaos of lecturers not turning up in Italy. Also not telling the students that rooms had been changed. Lecturers not turning up because of a flurry of snow. Or a random holiday. 2 days holiday for Easter - no lengthy Easter holiday in Italy. The semester ran from Feb to July exams. The behaviour of some of the students in class. Not having seminars and no prep work being required. Taking thousands (5000 at the Italian university) of exchange students and leaving them to get in with it. (Do some universities make money out of this I wondered?) Exams set on nothing you had been taught. Realising that the best Italian lecturers are not teaching in Italy - they left long ago! Fortunately teaching DD and others in the uk!

Atia: if there is a canteen, is this kitchen a “kitchenette”? My DD was catered at her British university and she only had a microwave and a toaster in the kitchenette for 6. At least your DD has a hob! Buy a couple of pans? Also supllies of peas, beans and lentils! Obviously it’s not ideal but it’s a case of making the best of it.

In DDs year, several people had their Language Assistant positions cancelled at the last minute by the British Council and it was really difficult for them to slot into universities abroad because the places had been filled. Even her boyfriend was sent to a different Grand Ecole - given about 2 weeks notice of that change.

Doing an MFL means you can say you are proud of yourself for getting through it!

That is an encouraging update. It is what she needs to do really now.

I hope she enjoys the night out and starts to feel more settled soon.

Atia: if there is a canteen, is this kitchen a “kitchenette”?

I think the canteen is just a normal campus cafeteria, not only for her halls. It's not supposed to be catered accommodation as we would think of it. (It is very cheap though! 240 euros pcm!) Yeah, she's bought some pans and just gets on with her cooking. She's also perfectly happy to go to e.g.a pizza place and ask for a pizza sans fromage so I'm sure she'll be fine.

Have to say everything you're saying about your dd's Italian uni is making me glad dd is in France, lol!

Haven't heard much from her this week, so hoping that means things are running a bit smoother.

DD was at the highest ranked university in Italy in the world rankings! Not in top 100 though and still falling. It gave us the Bachelor degree system and pre dates Oxford by a considerable amount. Its the oldest European university. DD was quite upset it didn’t live up to expectations.

Bologna?

Their outpost in Forli is better regarded for languages. My friend is a lecturer there and told me not to "allow" any of my final year students to even think of applying to Bologna.

Many Italian universities are very corrupt as well, which should come as no surprise.

Yes. Some went to Forli but she wanted other courses (History of Art) as well as translation. The students who did translation in depth, and possibly wanted to work in that field, went to Forli. Loads of uk students go to Bologna. What proof is there that anywhere else is better? None.

If your 3rd year abroad “dissertation(s)” is what is required by your uk university, it doesn’t make much difference where you study. You can indulge your other interests like DD did. It made her a better educated person. Many uk students end up at poor universities in world ranking terms but fortunately your uk degree doesn’t depend on it.

I know there are huge problems with Italian universities due to gifted lecturers not being able to get the promoted jobs. It’s “family” controlled. They leave and the UK, Germany and the Usa are the major beneficiaries. It’s undoubtedly corrupt but Bologna is still about the best Italy has to offer. There is little way of knowing if anywhere else is any better. Milan possibly. However it made little difference to DD in the end! Her time there still ranks as one of her greatest achievements (so she says!)

Thanks Topseyt. Atia - hopefully no news is good news!
Bubbles - intriguing stuff about Italian Unís, didn't know anything about that!

DD (also languages student) is in France atm. Like some PPs have said, the thing she’s found most difficult is the lack of organisation. Not being told literally anything at all about when classes started, where to find timetables, anything. But it’s a learning experience She was quite overwhelmed at first but feels better now she’s made friends with another English girl so they can help each other out. Her uni advised against making close English friends because it’ll make you speak too much English but really I think she needed it for her own sanity

DD made wonderful Swiss friends. Has gone back for weddings and they came over for her 21st and the friendships are lasting. I don’t think she had any UK friends there at all because the Swiss were wonderful. They all spoke French, German and English but spoke in French to her. Universities do like them to have non English friends, but in Italy it was impossible so you make the best of the situation.

I do think the uk universities could make more use of students who have been there, done it and got the t shirt. There is such a wealth of untapped information and support about all of these universities but so many students don’t really know what might be a challenge before they go. Like most things in life, it’s hyped up and there is no reality check until you get there.

Very nice that your DD had swiss friends Bubbles. unfortunately DD hasn’t found the local students to be very kind when she’s been trying to speak in French to them. But she’s a hardy soul so i know she’ll be fine

Having done a year abroad as a language assistant I think it's far easier than going to uni. You are one person in a school, not one of many students, you have a role, so you are kind of in a community from the off, and best of all you get paid enough to live on. Anyway, I digress, I don't think it is really normal to sob your way through the first weeks, but it may well be normal for some. I must be the only person in the world who didn't particularly enjoy where I went to uni, so year abroad was a chance to get away. Each to their own. Everybody I went to uni with came back having had a positive year abroad, but that doesn't mean there weren't some rubbish parts. Perhaps the beginning is your daughter's rubbish part and it will get better. Have I missed where you said which country it is, OP?

I have been following this thread with some trepidation. My DD has just started her 2nd year of a language degree and is doing 3 languages (plus a 4th as a module, as someone else mentioned). I spent a fantastic yr abroad many moons ago in France and Germany, at uni in both as we weren't able to work as an assistant if doing joint hons, as you had to devote a whole academic year to that. I don't remember having any real problems with organisation and I think there must have been more help from the UK uni in sorting things out than there is now. I lived in uni halls both times, so never had to look for accommodation. I have suggested that DD find older students who have already been abroad so that she can pick their brains, but she doesn't have any idea how to track them down and uni doesn't seem to use this resource. They seem to be encouraged to find paid work more now - quite unusual in my day - but not much help in getting it. It doesn't help that my DD has never had a job, so I don't know how she intends to do that. She is also a teetotal, vegan introvert. Having said that she did a month at a summer school in Germany - very well organised - and really enjoyed it. I honestly didn't know anyone who did not enjoy their year abroad back then.

My DDs university said jobs were very difficult unless you had a good contact. None of her close friends did one. One girl did Paris Vogue through contacts. The ones with French/Italian etc relatives got jobs. No one else. None of her school friends did either.

If your DD is doing 3 languages, then how long is she spending in each country? Maybe not long enough for a semester at a university or as a Language Assistant? She needs to be proactive now about what she can actually do.

They won’t find her jobs. They won’t want her working in a coffee shop. DD spent time in Italy with a girl doing 3 languages and it took from September to September to fit everything in. It’s quite a problem in my view and the universities should make this clear. She could look at 2 semesters at universities and then do June/July to September doing something else in the third country. Three languages will always present this difficulty and it’s risky in my view. The girl DD knew had Spanish relatives so worked in Spain over the summer.

Some foreign universities do not offer halls to Erasmus students. They have huge numbers who live at home and hall accommodation is minimal.

As discussed above, vegan can be a problem. Universities are not proactive in getting 4th years to talk about the year abroad. She really needs 4th years from her course. Can she ask the university Erasmus team to help with this? They should have staff who might help her.

Thanks for the advice and suggestions. She knew what she was getting herself into when she chose to do more languages, and fully expects to spend a whole year abroad. I will ask her about the Erasmus team, and I do think 4th years would be of great help.
As her uni has partner universities I imagine they will be able to advise on the accommodation situation. There was lots of accommodation specifically for foreign students when I went abroad, as well as mingling with natives; perhaps it is different now.

I think you may find it’s different in each country. Is she going to a “partner” university or is the list of universities much wider? My DDs options were listed on the year abroad part of the web site but it changed because they added Switzerland for MFL. Previously it was just for Physics. So the info may not be up to date. If she’s thinking of two universities, then it’s never too early to check out the information available. DD took the place of a Swiss student in the Swiss hall of residence. But if a university doesn’t have anything, then you have to rent a room privately. Even if they have rooms for Erasmus students, apply early! It really isn’t a case of expecting everything will be handed to the students on a plate. Making informed decisions is part of the early stage of the process.

If she goes to any MFL societies, see if any older students have info.