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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Applying for Uni 2019 entry, parents support thread

998 replies

Decorhate · 09/09/2018 09:51

Now that they are back at school, working on Personal Statements, doing the final Open Day visits, I thought we could do with a new thread...

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 18/09/2018 07:15

Please don't lose heart Piggy.
DD wasn't ready for university as she was unsuccessful in getting in to what she thought she wanted to do, then decided she didn't want to go through clearing as she didn't want to stay in "shit accommodation".

She is now taking a gap year and has realised that she really wants to do biomedical science, so we have been going to open days with a much clearer idea of what to look for and what questions to ask.

For what it's worth she got a D in one of her mocks a couple of months before the exams (her school did mocks in December and April), but ended up with an A in that subject. One girl in her year is now at Huddersfield with lower grades (I think she got EEE).

If your son isn't ready for university perhaps a gap year would be a good idea.

Piggywaspushed · 18/09/2018 08:18

Hi lonicera : thnaks for the kind words. He hasn't got the resources, either personal or financial for a gap year. He is an insular soul, with no self confidence. I know a gap year would build those things but he hasn't expressed any interest at all in that option. We don't live in a great area even for teenage employment so he doesn't have a job, can't drive yet (and when he can certainly won't be getting a car!). Happily, I do know these boys exist, as I teach some, so I know he isn't unique. The problem is that his friendship group (such as they are) are also passive and quiet. I once took three of them out to a shopping centre in my car (the only time my DS has done this!) and not one of them spoke a single word all the way there or back!

He had quite a prolonged bout of ED and school refusal in year 8 which plays on my mind sometimes. If he doesn't want to do something he just buries his head in the sand....

LIZS · 18/09/2018 08:25

Dc is linguistics too. That rather narrows down options to begin with.

VanCleefArpels · 18/09/2018 08:33

piggy I wouldn’t force the issue. University isn’t compulsory, and it sounds from what you say he just isn’t interested. YET.

perhaps you could just sit him down and tell him that he doesn’t have to go, but if he doesn’t the expectation is that he get a job and start contributing to the household expenses. You might find that a year of minimum wage working will be a motivator!

But it does have to come from him. We’ve gone from not wanting to go to Uni at all, to realisation of the likely alternative, to let’s have a look and see, to enthusiastic UCAS form filling. It’s a process but totally guided by the student and no pressure from us parents.

Piggywaspushed · 18/09/2018 10:51

Hi vancleef. Honestly, I'm not forcing him. He is not a person one can talk to easily! I ahve just gently left prospectuses lying around and booked a few Open Days. I have done no more than that!

I am not sure the minimum wage working would bother him sufficiently. He doesn't spend any money! That would be likely to rile DH more.

Piggywaspushed · 18/09/2018 10:54

I suppose I am just panicking because time is not on our side. Last year , it felt like there was ages for him to start having aspirations and now suddenly it is upon us...

By us, the working for a minimum wage thing would require a) there actually being jobs he can get and b) being able to get to them. Not impossible but definitely not easy. He set himself up email alerts with about 6 different local-ish employers about 6 months ago and not one of them has had so much as a weekend job in that period.

waltzingparrot · 18/09/2018 11:34

Can I ask all you lovely knowledgable people....at what point do they have to make a definite decision about studying abroad for one year? Can you apply for a three year course, but decide in Y1/2 that you want to extend to allow for a year studying abroad?

Can you apply for a 4 year course (with year 3 abroad) but complete in 3 years if you change your mind?

DS doesn't know whether to do a year abroad or not at this point.

VanCleefArpels · 18/09/2018 12:14

At my DS uni the year abroad is discussed during 2nd year and you are invited to apply- there is a minimum grade requirement at his place. Obviously if a language degree the year abroad is built in

Justanothermile · 18/09/2018 15:18

From what we've gleaned from open days, you apply in the second year for placements abroad. Degrees seem incredibly flexible in the early months, with lots of options to swap and change once you get an understanding of what interests you at degree level.

Justanothermile · 18/09/2018 15:22

piggy. So tricky, I feel for you. I think it's sometimes hard to see what our dc will do if they don't go to university. I suspect DS would still be in his room at the age of 25!

But don't worry about the enabling, you can slowly introduce independence over the next year. I no longer wash clothes, iron or cook for DS (unless doing a big Sunday dinner etc), and he genuinely was useless. Small changes. He sorts his own appointments etc too but honestly, if you'd asked me this a year ago I would have been Shock at the thought of him doing all this.

MarchingFrogs · 18/09/2018 16:30

He was also shocked by the UEA accommodation

Please tell me that he only looked at the flats in the Ziggurats (and even they are loved by those who live in them, but I can see how one might not fancy them on first or even subsequent viewing)? Because if he was 'shocked' in the way that you mean by the other campus blocks or the Village accommodation at UEA, then he really is going to have problems with university accommodation almost anywhere Shock.

Re year abroad / placement year - we were advised that from a student finance point of view, it is better /easier to apply for the version of the course including the extra year, and then not do it, than to apply for the three year course and add the extra year in. Of course, you have to tell them about any changes, because the fees for the 'extra' year are usually significantly less. And of course, this is all academic (pardon the punSmile) if for some reason best know to themselves, Mummy and Daddy are paying the fees upfront for you.

Piggywaspushed · 18/09/2018 16:54

Thanks just. I do plan to start working on the independence thing. Trouble is, I also enable DH. Silly me! It's a work in progress!!

Piggywaspushed · 18/09/2018 16:56

Yes frogs we only looked at Ziggurats!! I did say to him this was the cheapest so others would be better. By the close of play, he had lost the desire to do any more tours so we didn't see the better stuff...

Ziggurats is certainly ... basic...

I have looked online at accommodation in other unis and it does always look at least a bit better than that!

Original poster
Decorhate · 18/09/2018 17:47

Piggy I think most parents are hoping/expecting their dc's mature a lot in the next year!

In the case of my ds, I am actual surprised he is considering unis far away. I always thought he might live at home & commute. And whilst he is applying to places with high entry requirements, I am not at all assuming he will get in. Will be fully prepared to go through clearing.

If your ds is so unsure about going at all, then maybe he needs to research other options apart from what might be available locally. E.g. Entry level jobs for school leavers, apprenticeships. You might have to help him out with rent etc initially but surely no more than if he was at uni.

OP posts:
Piggywaspushed · 18/09/2018 17:58

The trouble with apprenticeships is that they are focused on quite a narrow range of careers, not within his skillsets or interests. People do often suggest them on MN but they are phenomenally hard to secure. The application processes make getting into Oxbridge seem like a doddle! Plus, degree level and higher apprenticeships often require about 104 - 122 UCAS points.
I have no problems with helping him out with rent to be honest. I just want him to care. It's very different from how I was so I am struggling to connect with this apathy in my own child. Sad

Original poster
Decorhate · 18/09/2018 18:19

What sort of things do you think he might be interested in? Are his friends planning to go to uni? That might make him more enthusiastic once they start talking about it

OP posts:
Piggywaspushed · 18/09/2018 18:31

I mentioned them upthread. I don't really know his friends but one boy is planning on economics and is I think due to get better A Levels. The only otehr one I know, more through his mum isn't planning to go to uni next year, it seems. DS ended up at the same Open Day as friend 1 and they sat companionably next to each other without once speaking a word and apparently haven't discussed it since!!

Piggywaspushed · 18/09/2018 18:31

As to your first question, that is part of the problem. He likes league tables... (of football, not universities!!)

Original poster
Decorhate · 18/09/2018 18:34

Hmm that's quite niche!

OP posts:
Piggywaspushed · 18/09/2018 18:49

Ha, isn't it!? He's like Statto from Fantasy Football League...

But he doesn't have maths A Level so no data degrees for him!

Laniakea · 18/09/2018 19:06

dd seems to think that there isn't much point in applying for a course unless you are predicted better than their typical offer e.g. the course she wants is AAB ... she said this evening that she would apply this year only if school predicted her more than that. She also thinks that having GCSE results comparatively better than her predicted grades (even if the predictions meet the course requirements) will disadvantage her ???

We're meeting with the UCAS tutor on Thursday & she needs to decide what she wants to do.

Those predicted grades seem harsh Piggy, at the other extreme dd's friend got DUU in his mocks, they've predicted him BCC & his mum (!) is working on the biology teacher to get it up to BBC.

VanCleefArpels · 18/09/2018 19:34

lanikea very kindly, your daughter is talking bollocks. If the predicted grades MATCH or ARE BETTER than the requirements then she is likely to get offers (for all courses that don't interview, are not medicine, vet med etc etc). Once she has offers depending on the course / Uni she may be still offered the place if the grades drop a bit (most Unis are recruiting uni's for most courses)

Laniakea · 18/09/2018 20:32

she's got herself into a complete state about. The course was in clearing this year.

LIZS · 18/09/2018 20:39

Relief short lived. School are querying the board she entered for one of her gcses!

Usually if you are predicted to meet or exceed the standard offer you will be looked upon favourably for an offer or interview, although medicine, vet, drama, art etc will differ. Especially if the uni is lower profile for the course and often in clearing. It is also worth trying one or two more optimistic ones as you just never know, if they find something of interest on ps for example.

Piggywaspushed · 18/09/2018 21:08

Wow laniakea those indeed are erring on the generous side!!

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