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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

How quickly did your degree go?

15 replies

SarahBeee · 27/03/2018 18:08

Currently in first year, and not enjoying uni as much as I thought I would. This time last year, I had high hopes that I'd be having a wonderful time, as promised by many people. Instead, the reality is different, and I wish I would find myself back at school everyday! A statement I'd never thought I'd hear!
As a result, I was wondering, how quickly did your degree go? I'm hoping mine will fly by, I need some reassurance

OP posts:

Lastoftheusernames · 27/03/2018 18:15

Sorry to say I loved the social side of uni and was sad when it was over, though very glad I would never again have to cope with the stress I put myself through by consistently leaving all my work to the last minute.

It's not all that long until you have a huge holiday but is it the course or uni life you aren't liking? If you don't enjoy it, is it worth the debt you're accumulating?

Original poster

SarahBeee · 27/03/2018 18:20

I'm not particularly enjoying the course, didn't really know what to do initially at uni, but I'm getting in with it, and touch wood it seems to be going alright.

Struggling socially as well (a problem I'd never thought I'd have to face, had a big group of friends always), I just feel like I'm not fully myself there. I'm always a bit miserable and coming home feels like massive weight off my shoulders? It's weird, as I'm a completely different (in a positive way) person around my old friends, I'm this person I don't recognise with people at uni.

I feel like I HAVE to go to uni. My school drilled into me that uni = job prospects. I feel I have no alternative, despite it getting me down

OP posts:

toffee1000 · 27/03/2018 18:23

Unfortunately people telling you you’ll have the time of your life have probably exacerbated your feelings somewhat. Because you’re not absolutely loving it 100% you’re probably wondering why not, feeling pressure that you should be loving it. People also tend to look back with rose-tinted glasses on these things.
I went on a year abroad as part of my course and people who do them tend to have “the best year of their lives” etc... guess what, I hated mine and was glad to see the back of it.
What exactly is the issue? Is it the work? Social side? Or is it just not living up to your expectations??

toffee1000 · 27/03/2018 18:25

Hmm. Well if you didn’t want to go in the first place, that’s difficult. Being forced into something is never good.
You shouldn’t feel you have to go if you really don’t want to. Speak to your tutor about it, you definitely won’t have been the only one.

Original poster

SarahBeee · 27/03/2018 18:26

Well it isn't living up to my expectations, but I also feel like I don't have a good friend there. I feel like no one knows the "real" me for some reason, I find myself really miserable at times. As I said before, the course is alright, but I feel like it's something I have to be doing, not something I want to be doing iyswim

OP posts:

Original poster

SarahBeee · 27/03/2018 18:29

Yes, I definitely need to open up to my supervisor. I backed out last time, as he simply recited what my module tutors said about me, said everything was going fine and ushered the next person in for their appointment. I felt a bit sidelined, I'll have a meeting with him after Easter, so I'm going to push for more time and push myself to be honest.

I just feel trapped, as if there is no other option than university

OP posts:

toffee1000 · 27/03/2018 18:34

What degree is it? Do you know what you want to do afterwards? It is true that many jobs want a degree, but lots dont require a specific course.
Definitely be more forthright when you see your tutor.
Also... do you live at home? Something in your OP made me think that, about you coming home/seeing your old friends. That can affect things if everyone else is on campus and you’re not. If I misread that bit please ignore this paragraph.

Original poster

SarahBeee · 27/03/2018 18:40

I'm studying English Literature, however I have no idea whatsoever about the future and potential jobs! I feel like I have no ambition or something to work towards, I wish I had a solid idea of a job or industry I wanted to work in.
Nope, I don't live at home. I'm roughly 5 1/2 hours away on the train.

OP posts:

toffee1000 · 27/03/2018 18:41

Ah ok.
I was exactly the same wrt what I want to do. Still am if I’m honest.

Scribblegirl · 27/03/2018 18:42

First year was awful
Found my feet in second year
Third year I'd happily repeat until I die!

It can get better

Monopolymama · 27/03/2018 18:47

My DS changed uni and course after a couple of disastrous terms. - similar to your description - boring course tough friendship groups. All his school friends really enjoyed their uni not him. Tough decision but it really worked out .

Slydiad · 27/03/2018 19:10

There are certainly other options! Plenty of trades don't require a university education. If you want to go to university, but just aren't quite ready, there's nothing at all wrong with taking time away. You could go off and have an adventure (I knew a woman who was a river rafting guide for several years before finishing her education, which always seemed cool to me) or find work closer to home and just live for a while until you find a course that suits you better.

One thing that won't change whatever you do is that it won't ever again quite be like when you were in school and you won't ever again quite be that person. People are shaped by their circumstances, and finishing school is a big change, no matter what you do next. It's not surprising that you're finding it difficult. Many people do whether their next step is university or something completely different! Lots of your fellow students are probably struggling with similar issues, even if they're hiding it well enough that you don't see it.

Only you can decide what's right for you now, but whether you stay at university or leave, you'll have plenty of company.

tulip85 · 27/03/2018 19:41

I felt the same in my first year my second was the hardest but by the end of the third year I was gutted to be finished, looking back as a mature student it was the best three years of my life and I'd do it again in a second.

Give it some time xxx

rogueantimatter · 07/04/2018 17:39

I feel for you. There's so much hype about going off to uni. The reality is often stressful and confusing.

I didn't enjoy my first year at uni. It was tough being surrounded by very extrovert, confident neighbours in my hall of residence. Second and subsequent years in flatshares were much better. Sometimes it takes time to find your people. Also I joined a couple of uni societies that were pretty awful but I did eventually make nice friends through another society. Do you go to any societies?

My DS is in his first year of uni. He is shy and poor at chit- chat but enjoying the course. This term he says he has actually made friends and I think he will enjoy being out of halls and in a flatshare. Are you a fairly quiet person OP?

My DD is in her final year. Her grades improved each year as she got more and more of a feel for what the course requires.

Do you enjoy your course? Do you know what the modules will be in the next years? Sometimes the first year of a course is the least interesting as it covers the basics and doesn't allow for your own preferences.

Maybe you feel tou would be failing if tou decided to take a year off? However, many many students change courses or have a gap year. It's hard to think clearly when you're busy. And you're probably still younger than many of the international students in your year.

If you are sleep deprived or having a generally unhealthy lifestyle your mood is likely to be low so try to look after yourself. Best wishes.

Playdohnut · 07/04/2018 17:54

I have an EngLit degree, but graduated 18 years ago. EngLit doesn't lead to anything directly but it does leave your options wide open. If I'm honest, none of my modules have been particularly useful in my professional life, but I was fortunate enough to have no problem getting my first job, which was via a grad in the year above me. I hated my first year. My tutor was well-meaning but a bit useless. I was terribly homesick, thought I'd made a horrible mistake and told him so, followed by bursting into tears. He was really awkward about it and I came out feeling rubbish. What got me through was following an interest in an extra-curricular activity - let's say it was the student newspaper (it wasn't, I don't want to utterly out myself!) - and meeting a great bunch of people where what we had in common was an interest in that area. A lot of my friends from that time have gone on to successful careers in that space, and what got me my first job was having that additional experience as well as my degree to bring to the table. That said, I had a friend who went straight into a job in publishing from A Levels, and she went in on a reasonable salary which, by the time she'd had 3 years working up the career ladder, pretty much cancelled out the graduate salary "advantage".

I also have a friend who loved secondary/sixth form and was hugely popular (unlike me) and found university hard. I found university offered many more opportunities to try things and the clubs etc give you lots of chances to stick a toe in the water and see where you fit. There should be a student support service available to you, where you should be able to go and talk to someone about how you're feeling, if your tutor isn't quite up to it. Feel free to PM me, I know how miserable it can be when you feel like the days are crawling by. If it's any consolation, I spent my final year wishing it would go slower!

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