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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Do parents attend uni open days?

100 replies

ifonly4 · 05/03/2018 15:13

DD is quite capable (or at least she should be as she'll have to deal with everything herself away from home) of registration for events during the day, asking questions and help, but I'd like to be there and feel it's useful as I know what they've said to her. Is it usual for parents to attend open days?

OP posts:

user1486076969 · 16/03/2018 20:49

Way back in the early 1980's I don't remember any parents attending (mine certainly didn't)........perhaps it was the lack of fees to pay.....

TheRagingGirl · 16/03/2018 20:51

Oh I'm not talking about Exeter. That was in another post.

Itmakesthereaderreadon · 16/03/2018 20:51

I went to all mine alone-but that was 20 years ago. There was no way parents would have taken day off work.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 16/03/2018 20:51

I went to all mine on my own - how does anyoung person cope with uni if they can't cope with an open day?

TheRagingGirl · 16/03/2018 20:51

But wherever it happens, that kind of parental behaviour is unacceptable. Sadly, some parents don't realise that - I feel sorry for the people they work with ...

shockedballoon · 16/03/2018 21:04

This is clearly a recent (ish) thing - maybe due to fees? I wouldn't have dreamed of taking my parents! My dad did come to London with me for the UCL interview/open day - but only because he was twitchy about me staying overnight in London by myself (interview was early, travelled from up north). I went to the actual open day by myself. Though this was 20years ago....

RiceBaby · 16/03/2018 21:08

I am a lecturer, and yes, parents nearly always attend.

Nettleskeins · 16/03/2018 21:16

fwiw Ds went to the Cardiff offer and applicants day/interview entirely by himself and we are not any where near Wales. But that is because I knew Cardiff was meant to be brillliant so I suppose I felt I didn't need to go, just leave him to work out whether he thought it was brilliant (he did) I have been to Cardiff recently for a football match, so that probably counts as checking the place out.

Nettleskeins · 16/03/2018 21:30

sorry Raging I was reading through too fast..it was Bubbles who mentioned Exeter parents being tiresome.
I think the other thing to remember is that Open Days and Offer Days are really quite stressful for the parents. They are exhausted from long drive or train journey, usually very early start too, and far from being over invested they have actually made the effort to visit your university. Surely they can be given a bit of slack on that account? I remember arriving at Surrey in such a bad mood because the campus was so enormous and designed for people driving or taking train and walking (Hardy students), but not designed for someone taking a taxi from the station. There was no signage at the main entrance and we walked what seemed like miles in a howling gale, only to find a lovely sign from the carpark, but no sign to the carpark itself for pedestrians from the postcode address. I'm sure that is why quite a few parents had feathers ruffled when they started engaging with staff. It is a bloody long day to be traipsing round, and then you think, right what is like going to be a student here wandering around these blighted concrete corridors..looking at old crisp packets in the walkways...anyway I digress.

First impressions are important and feeling welcomed is important.

user1471450935 · 16/03/2018 23:27

We went to open days with Ds, I went to 2 and DW the other one. Why, he hadn't passed his driving test, and for two it was a nearly impossible journey by public transport, plus none of this friends applied to his choices. He drove my car on L plates to both open days though.

Applicant's days he went to his top 2 choices, local one on his own, the other we all went, he spent day on his own doing taster sessions, meet the lecturer etc. and we did a separate parents day, wife came because she hadn't done open day and wanted to be sure Ds would be happy there. He has since firmed them.

Plus even with his plan to have a part time job to fund this sport and entertainment plans, we as parents will need to pay at least £900 to cover his rent and extra for food, he was 17 and 18, by 3 days at his applicant's days, he still need us for reassurance, and I think that's great, we are 48 and 45 and we still regularly discuss things through with my MIL (my parents are dead sadly), so why shouldn't a 17/18 person get a second opinion on a choice which will lead to around £50000 worth of debt

BackforGood · 16/03/2018 23:42

IME, the students who go on their own are in quite a small minority.
There is no problem with it, but it is actually nice to go with them, if you are able. They can 'bounce' their thoughts off you when deciding later. It is also nice to spend a day with your dc (IME) - we don't do that very often.
If you can't get to them all, they can ask around friends who are going and jump in with them and their parent. I took one of ds's mates to a couple of different places.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 16/03/2018 23:51

Most parents do and IME, I think that kids whose parents do not go do not make as much of the day as those with parents.

Why, because the kids on their own take a brochure, ask a couple of questions, ask for a pen and leave it at that. Parents on the other hand, come armed with a barrage of questions ranging from accommodation, finance, the modules and even how many women are in the course, they help the student articulate the questions and expand their appreciations of the place.

In an ideal world, kids would be able to go on their own and get the same amount of info, but with so many very involved parents many students on their own often find it difficult to ask a question before they are sidelined by another student’s parent.

IThinkThatsWeird · 17/03/2018 11:48

Mostly parents go with their kids but it’s also totally normal for kids to go on their own. Just do whatever suits your DC and you. I did a mixture of going and not going with my kids. If I didn’t go with them to the open day then I tended to go with them for the interview/offer day.

I liked going with my kids if it was convenient for all of us. We always had fun and I found it interesting. My kids were also interested in my feedback. Generally I tried to leave them to it once we were at the Unis. I’d wonder off on my own for a few hours while they did the subject talks etc. I think it was the perfect middle ground.

I generally avoided the talks directly aimed at parents.

BackforGood · 17/03/2018 12:11

I think you are massively over generalising there NotSure.
I didn't ask questions at my dcs' Open Days. We talked before hand, about what they might want to be thinking about, and they asked question.

HSMMaCM · 17/03/2018 12:29

I didn't ask any questions either. I was just there to remember what they said . Some parents were even answering questions in example lectures !

user1471450935 · 17/03/2018 13:21

We asked one question in the school son will be studying, whilst we as parents had a half hour welcome to it talk, in private at end of session, about reading lists before going, son is first in family to go to university.
Also found the parents talk on accommodation and how it works, how to book and costs and the parent's guide to your child starting university really useful.
He spent 3 hours doing his own thing with his course and it helped him choose his firm choice.
On applicants day we didn't see one child on their own and university was really geared up for both the possible future student and us as parents, much more than on open day

No parent went anywhere near the courses bits, as we all had our own separate timetables

SecretSquirrils · 17/03/2018 15:04

I went with my DC to a few but I didn't ask any questions. It was useful afterwards when they were trying to narrow down choices because I remembered different things. As BackforGood says They can 'bounce' their thoughts off you when deciding later
Actually for me the offer days were more interesting. A chance to get a feel for the place your DC is going to spend three years.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 17/03/2018 16:24

I think you are the one over generalising backforgood. In thinking most parents are like you.

Unfortunately, parents tend (look at the word “tend”) to be more assertive than their children, and when they do they really know how to get, retain or even monopolise the attention of the people at the stand. They are also more comfortable with being direct and asking uncomfortable questions.

Or at least that has been my experience in the years I was providing information at open days and university fairs. We certainly did our best to reach to students who were on their own to ensure they could ask whatever they wanted but it iwas sometimes difficult for them to compete for attention with an assertive parent.

Having said that, I also encountered some assertive parents who knew when to take a step back and let their children talk.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 17/03/2018 16:57

We attended with DD. Partly to provide transport and partly to check out accommodation options as it is us that have to pay (maintenance grant simply isn’t sufficient). Most youngsters seemed to have at least one parent with them.

BackforGood · 17/03/2018 17:24

I think you are the one over generalising backforgood. In thinking most parents are like you.

Well, me and the three posters that followed me.......
and personally, I've done the rounds for 2 dc now, and (as I wasn't asking all the questions ) I spend quite a lot of the day people watching, so I am only making an observation on what I saw / heard in all the different places, over the years. I'm sure there probably are plenty of examples of "that parent", but not to the extent that a young person on their own would be disadvantaged by the fact.

Tiredeypops · 17/03/2018 17:33

When applying for university I attended all interview/open days (some hundreds of miles from home in cities I’d never visited) alone. Many applicants had parents with them but going alone helped me to get what I needed out of the day and have an explore by myself. Much better than having an anxious parent Pooh-poohing the studen accommodation because of the local crime stats, etc. University is all about becoming independent.

BubblesBuddy · 17/03/2018 18:12

It’s interesting that parents now size up the accommodation because it’s their money paying the top up. Here’s a bit of a history lesson - years ago lots of students didn’t get the full grant!!! Many parents paid back then! They just allowed their children to decide and trusted them to do so!

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 17/03/2018 18:17

They just allowed their children to decide and trusted them to do so!

Our DD would have been worried about the money and would have picked the grimmest, cheapest option! We wanted to make sure she actually LOOKED at and considered ALL accommodation options and ensured she chose a decent standard while assuring her we could afford it.

She didn’t choose the actual uni that we would have done but that was entirely her free choice.

TeaforTiger · 17/03/2018 18:21

They all go to the interview too! I went alone and was the only one without a parent, apart from one other girl who had a note from her Dad explaining why he wasn't there.

I was the first person in my family to go to university, so we had no clue about what the norm was. My Mum felt awful when I told her and I still wind her up about it now

3teens2cats · 17/03/2018 18:49

Ds went to initial open days by himself and did lots of research online. When he got his offers we sat down with him and narrowed it down to his 2 favourites which we went back to with him for applicant days. He wanted us to come to make sure he got all the information especially about things like accommodation. There were separate talks for parents and students and it was important for us to see where he might be and check out the city centre, transport links etc. Ultimately he made the final decision as to which he put as his first choice but having been with him we were better placed to support him in making that decision.

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