Fighting our way through 1st year uni (starting Sept 17)

[HSMMaCM]

Continuing the previous thread.

Exams, assessments, essays, etc.

Support, or lack of it.

Will they all get accommodation for next year and can they cook a balanced meal yet.

I asked one of mine when his exams were yesterday and he said he didn't know which I presume means he hasn't bothered to check yet so I hope he does check at some point. I did manage to persuade him to take out insurance on a new phone as he's lost yet another bank card (cancelled, no losses) so I imagine there is a risk the phone will be lost at some point.

Lol Xenia, he sounds wonderfully chilled.

"they are constantly told it is amazing, yet the reality is somewhat different."

DD is plodding through to the end of what has been a tough year, but is optimistic that the second year will be easier. I hope so and see no reason why it should not be. Though hear that the second year can also be tough, as the work ramps up and house shares can be difficult. Her exams finish on 8 June, but it is all a lot less fraught in a quieter flat, and she is already a lot happier.

I am on my first year diary of university and today's section was just appalling in terms of how noisy everyone was - people with booming music between 2 - 4 am, other people banging on the door of our university flat (I was self catering in year one) trying to break the door in to get in (and this was during first year exams). It is not better in 2018 and very unfair on those students who want to get some sleep and study. I wish students would just consider others more. Also no one can be very happy unless they get enough sleep.

Exam season again. One of mine is the last to finish exams in her flat so I'm worried that the partying will start before she takes her final exam. I really hope they are considerate!

I dont know why unis dont do more to allocate similar students together, and move those who are unhappy around. I know of students from both sides of the coin being unhappy in their "boring" flat and those who find their partying flatmates unbearable.

Some Universities could do a lot more. A friend works at one where they send security round listening for noise after midnight, rather than requiring 18year olds to snitch on their flatmates. Another friends son has been able to select "quiet" accomodation, which is not also single-sex as it is at DDs University. His hall has film nights and lots of other things. The only difference is that they commit to being being quiet after 11.00 or midnight. He is a sociable boy, but a scientist, and is having a great time, is enjoying his course and has made plenty of like-minded friends.

Part of the problem seems to be different expectations. The majority in DDs previous flat seemed to do little except go clubbing. They did not play sport or join societies, but did expect to hang out together as a flat. A couple also barely attended any lectures. DD was "boring" because she did not want to go clubbing four nights a week and till 4.00am. Her new flat is very different. Her new flatmates don't socialise together but are engaged in wider University life and so have their own friends rather than a social life centred on the flat. Joining late in the year means she probably wont get to know them well, but they are pleasant, occassionally do things together, and wash up.

Which is presumably why they were also labled boring. I suspect the reverse is true. By 18, many kids are growing out of endless clubbing, if they were ever into it, and are looking for deeper engagements and friendships, including with academic studies. However some, at 18, will still be too young to really be at Univeristy. The problem girl in DDs last flat not only had not attended any teaching since October, but used to go round knocking on doors at 4.00am to make sure people were awake, and though this was funny. DD then discovered the girl had been considered quiet and hard working, indeed dull, at school. It was a pity she had not had a gap year to get it out of her system.

I assume the same sorts of issues are replicated across the country. It is a pity that not more Universities factor in welfare support to account for just how grim it is to be woken at 4.00 am day in day out. Or make more effort to spot those whose attendence rates are poor, whatever the reason.

DD is resiliant, and already seems like a different person. She says last term was the hardest thing she ever had to do, and given this includes a near fatal accident two year earlier, it is saying something.

You can't get into clubs though, until you're 18. I think quite a few DC just simply don't like clubbing. I would expect that girl in your DD' original flat is representative of lots of DC who go wild (and silly) in their first year after having been in the 'dull' set at school. They're all growing up. It sounds a ghastly flat to have been in. I wonder what that girl's house share is like for next year - she may regret her first year persona before long.

I dont know. Dd managed to get into various places pre 18, though it was not something that particularly interested her or her friends.

There is definitely quite a party circuit. In London this seems to start as young as 12, but friend elsewhere suggest that the pressure to host parties also starts before 16. One friend with a particularly rebellious daughter is now bemused to hear the same daughter, in yr13, warn her younger sister to stay away from ketamine etc. Apparently even alcohol is quite passe.

I think DD was depressed at the lack of interest or engagement in University life, whether academic or other. It was very different from her brother's experience in London, or the experience of friends who went to Oxbridge or the US. But it happens. Others who are less sure of who they are, and therefore dont have the courage to withstand the, not insignificant, peer pressure, are in a more difficult position. DD seems to have formed a nice group of friends, who do engage. And who have had similar problems of being ostracised by flatmates. They will, perhaps, enjoy hearing next year about the, almost inevitable, large house bust-ups involving some of more difficult characters.

Fortunately none of mine have ever had bust ups in their house shares but over the years some of their contemporaries have had spectacular, awful bust ups. I've shuddered to hear some of the stuff. I feel very fortunate that of my five London based DC (which includes the two about to go) all still share with university friends. But yes, I expect you'll hear of similar grisly bust ups Bristol style and be very glad they don't involve your DD.

Need, that's true. Mmy boys are quite mature (as they were almost the oldest in their class and have older siblings). I just spoke to one who had had a formal dinner last night.

My diary day after day including at exam time in May and June had - I wqas up between 2 - 4am from noise, or the flat next door got back at 3.30am and tried to hammer down the door of our flat to wake us up, or boy above put his music on from x to y time or girl in my own university flat's friend came to visit and thought I must be ill because I was in bed at 10.30. It was constantly difficult. I had forgotten until I read the diaries again and this day after day after day in 1979/80 - the year I'm reading.

I don't think mine want or do go to bed early and they do go out but I hope they and their friends can be reasonably considerate when getting back late and exams are looming so I think going out ought to be put on hold until the end of term now.

Thanks Xenia. DD, I think, worried it was just her. She has 30 hours of teaching with 4 x 9.00am starts. She ended up so tired that she broke down in front of her (lovely) tutor, who insisted she was moved immediately. It meant she was not charged for the transfer though her new flat is more expensive. Even then it was not problem free. The first flat she and the lady from the accommodation office viewed, had vomit in the hallway. They left promply.

I agree that there is plenty of scope for second year house bust ups. But at least at one point you chose who you lived with. In first year they are put in flats of twelve strangers so even more chance of problems. A very simple first step would be for security to listen for noise, rather than expect 18 year olds to have to report flatmates.

One of DD's house mates left at Christmas and a boy has just moved into her house, who wasn't getting in with his previous housemates, so they do move them sometimes.

DS has lost two flat mates since start of the year. It seems to have made a big difference-for the better. He is slightly worried about the choices he made for next year but they made flatmate choices before Christmas for Y2. He has resigned himself to working in the library a lot next year and accepts being seen as boring if he only goes out once a week. He's on a STEM course which is lab and work heavy and he has 3x 9am starts each week and 2x 10am and 6 pm finishes most days. Thankfully he is resilient and says it as he sees it. I'm impressed as it could be all too easy to fall in with others. (He's no saint btw!)

The Sunday Times apparently discovered that in 2017 there was a 42% rise in the number of students disciplined for drug offenses compared with 2015. Assuming those disciplined are simply the tip of the iceberg, that would tie in with the observation that drugs use is surprisingly prevalent, much more so than at school. This can give an added dimension to flat and hall problems.

Buckingham apparently now ask students to sign contracts not to take drugs on campus. Buckingham is also tops the new CUG student satisfaction survey, with St Andrews second. www.thecompleteuniversityguide.co.uk/league-tables/rankings?o=Student+Satisfaction

I wonder if the the prevalance of drug taking, and student problems/unhappiness are linked?

Yes having to choose flatmates early is difficult. Peope who may seem "fun" in the first couple of months, can become less so quite quickly.

needmoresleep I could have written your post! Its been such a tough year, fortunately she has survived and hoping next year will be better!

Hah. My many posts. I went on a bit of a rant. It was tough. I hope both your daughter and mine will go on to enjoy the rest of their University careers.

Do most universities offer 'quiet' as an option when choosing accommodation? Sounds like it may be fairly vital for a non clubber to check before applying! Some of these stories are fairly hair-raising. I suppose if the worst comes to the worst, you can usually move somewhere?

Hope all those who have had problems are finding things better now.

Only single sex quiet, seemingly aimed at international or Muslim students. As I suggested up thread some Universities do it better.

One problem with moving was that it might be no better in another flat. However as DD had the backing of the senior resident and tutor, efforts were made to identify somewhere without problems. There was quite a lot of moving around, though normally students get charged a transfer fee.

thanks needs - don't say if prefer not, but are you able to say where your friend's ds was with the mixed quiet place?

Yes, moving may be out of the frying pan, though as you say the accom office may try to find somewhere that looks more suitable - presumably there are also people moving in order to be with 'noisier' people, so perhaps straight swaps can work well!

Is this a fairly 'new' problem - funnily enough I haven't over the years heard from friends of this kind of thing happening, but perhaps they've been lucky. I can't see that students would be likely to be getting more noisy - in fact I think I read that the percentage of teetotal young people is increasing (though not sure whether that applies specifically to students). Of course you can be a noisy teetotaller!

Couldn't believe the extent of the anti-social behaviour, mostly fuelled by clubbing and drinking. Shared areas were a health hazard and the constant noise prevented DD from working and sleeping. Nightmare.

My dd cant wait to move out of halls. Constant noise, one weekend vomit on bathroom floor, boy wouldn't clean it up even when sober. And used sanitary towel in the sink anyone? Beyond grim.

My 1979 diary shows the problem is as old as the hills!
One of my sons before he went said he was quiet and wanted quiet and was placed accordingly but he became totally different and very sociable when he got there although I hope he shuts up at night if people are sleeping around him. Anyway with exams coming up I expect they will all be getting on with work.

I remember having to move halls in the spring term of 1982 because of the same thing! Never looked back afterwards, I was so much happier.

Hello everyone, I remember back in the 80s there being a lot of noise in halls even at exam time and even though the halls were mixed first/final years.

DS went back yesterday after 5 long weeks. I am enjoying having the house to myself during the day now so I can crack on with some work. He has exams until 16th and then is coming home again for a few days until everyone else finishes and then back for some partying. I can't believe their first year is almost over.