Oxbridge applicants 2018 part 2

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

Hopefully this is in time!

My daughter is at Clare and one of her friends is living out. I think it is about ensuring that people who do want to live out think it through and plan ahead carefully. The college accommodation is quite various in terms of what is on offer and the rents are reasonable.

so it's not as impossible as it looks Harriet?

I slept much better when I lived out. Those flipping boys on the floor underneath us were soooooo noisy!

"I think it is about ensuring that people who do want to live out think it through and plan ahead carefully."

That is quite a lot of hand holding.

it certainly is Lonicera. I'm not quite sure whether it counts as leaving home, or going off to boarding school at present.

OYBBK - Oxford not Cambridge - but many students really enjoy living out and in some colleges it's as good as compulsory since for some years of a course the college accommodation is incredibly limited in terms of numbers it can provide for and in terms of being a long way out from the centre so only a tiny minority opt for it, and they tend to be the quieter ones who are happier away from the fray. I can categorically say that all my DC have grown up a great deal at Oxford and that goes for those who had college accommodation provided on the main site for all three years and those who lived out for one of their years. Atia's DD has a very good point about the pain of moving belongings in and out each term and strict rules about vac residence even for final year students doing dissertations etc.

I think that the reality is that most students do get a lot of handholding, one way or another.

This is partly because students are racking up a great deal of debt and the level of private rents is also rising. Only today a read a report about how young renters often end up in accommodation that is dangerous - cold/damp/verminous etc.

A lot of parents help their student children with rent, deposits, acting as guarantors etc when things go wrong. Some richer parents buy properties for their children to live in.

Certainly as a parent who has a relatively low income, I am extremely glad that my daughter is in warm comfortable affordably priced accommodation that enables her to focus on her studies.

If parents think this experience will make their children 'soft', they can always advise their sons and daughters against the easy option of Cambridge.

I think it's very clear that the experience between the two universities,
and between different colleges can vary hugely. I don't think anyone can accuse either university of being an easy option

I'm really glad that it is unlikely that we will have to be guarantors for a house full of students. That sounds like a nightmare to me. There are some rites of passage that I don't feel we need to go through.

If parents think this experience will make their children 'soft', they can always advise their sons and daughters against the easy option of Cambridge."

I think maybe the telling difference is that in those Clare College rules, it says there is very little private accommodation in Cambridge, whereas there is loads in Oxford.

That makes sense Atia.

Risotto, your advice to your boy is terrific, but pretty hardcore. As a scientist he’ll be in labs all day, which I would have thought was a bit exhausting, at some point he’ll have to do some study for exams as well, and on top of that a little casual language learning. He’ll also want to carve out some time to make friends!

I think the intention is good, but maybe see how things are after the first term, when he’s found his groove. That said, you know him best, maybe language learning is how he unwinds!

Thank you Hingle for the advice! DS had been learning German for 8 years before 6th form, my wishful thinking is it would not be too hard for him to pick it up again. But I totally agree with you that this is a nice-to-have bonus and his priority should go to the core MatSci courses.

I know DH found it a real bonus that he was guaranteed accommodation for all 3 years, he didn't have to waste time arranging a group of people to live with or viewing properties. A few colleges own houses so students do have more of a shared house experience. DS would like to cater for himself but in reality I think he is likely to use the buttery for several main meals a week - with very limited fridge space it is not easy to bulk cook or store a variety of food.

DD has had an email inviting her (plus parents!) to an offer holders day. Looks like quite an in depth day with lots of talks and chance to meet tutors etc.
Even better it's on a Saturday so I can actually go!

Might see you there 😊.
Good chance to get a further feel.

Lobster you are so lucky!! DS college does not do that!!

Feel really angry :(. Went for dinner with friends and we were talking about our DC. Told them the exciting news that DS had offer from Oxford and one of them replied, 'I don't think they are as competitive as they used to be'. Also when students from said university appear on University Challenge' they don't look normal'.

Take a deep breath and try not to let it upset you. It is I imagine more competitive than 30 years ago owing to strong competition from abroad. It just shows a lack of generosity of spirit. My view is that if you can’t say something nice, you should keep quiet. (I try, but don’t always manage to live by that!)

Thank you FordPerfect. I bit my tongue and stayed calm at the time but now feeling increasingly annoyed. Like you say, best for her to say nothing rather than be insulting. Can't quite believe she said it!!

I think it is always difficult when our children have achieved something and we are proud of it. Obviously our real friends will be pleased for us - but sometimes such news can also trigger various people's insecurities. I never ever tell people where my daughter is at university unless they ask.

(I studied at the same university which my daughter now attends. My father never drove me there or visited me there, because it triggered a lot of jealousy and anger about his own past. He was proud of me, but also the whole thing obviously caused him pain.)

Yes I wished i never said anything and will be careful not to in future. She is actually my neighbour and has known my DS since he was 6 months old. Thought she might be happy for him but apparently not!! A bit of an eye-opener for me.

Oh dear. There is probably some kind of back story. But if she was happy about what her own children are doing - or indeed what she's doing herself - then a few words of congratulation would be expected. I do think the majority response is to say, 'Well done!' or 'You must be proud.' People can always change the subject afterwards.

Exactly Harriet - but I will heed your advice to say nothing in future. As long as DS knows we are proud of him!

Doesn't stop me seething inside though!!

Hubble I'm so sorry that you have encountered such nastiness.
What a shame people can't be supportive and happy for everyone's achievements.
Of course you should be proud of your DS, and you shouldn't be wondering whether or not to tell people because you're worried what their reaction might be. Especially with friends, that's just sad.

What she should have said is "wow, that's fantastic, I'm so pleased for him, you must be very proud"
Which fortunately, is the response we have had from everybody so far (and we live in a very small town so no question of whether to tell people or not - everybody knew within days!)

Hubble, I think they're is a massive difference between bragging and mentioning the recent news your DS has received whilst in a conversation with friends about DC.
Please don't shy away from mentioning it, it's a huge achievement, you have every right to be proud.
It's funny how uncomfortable we're made to feel about the whole Oxbridge experience. When DD was going through the process, family were eager to share their stories about Manchester and Exeter when she got offers but when she got an interview for Cambridge didn't want to know.
The shame of that is the interview was as far as DD got, that was the height of her achievement (this year). Whilst no one was excited and enthusiastic before, they have all been quick to commiserate with her not getting in. DD feels quite sad that they didn't try to share her excitement or even wish her luck.