We've survived the first half term - go us! (starting uni 2017)

[flyingpigsinclover]

New thread....we've got to the first half term!

DS's chosen vice is the university poker club.

DD is on the brink of throwing it all in & coming home... There are plenty of positives, as far as we can tell, but anxiety about her first assignment that counts seems to have paralysed her. We’ve suggested various things but just don’t know if she can get past this. She says can she come home & of course the answer has to be yes, but we’re also trying to encourage her to find solutions. Tricky balance...

Oh no!

Any chance that the University would keep her place open for a year so that she has the option to return. They grow up a lot and gain in confidence and experience in a year.

LineysRun my DS is also a poker enthusiast.

And has been to the casino a couple of times too. Still ahead. So far.

Blogwoman, can she perhaps come home to complete her assignment, submit via email, and talk it through with you, and take it from there? It's such a big decision to pack it all in. Can she articulate what changes could be made to make it all manageable? I'm so sorry

I think if it were DS I'd be wondering about his coming home but trying to transfer to a local university to at least complete Year 1.

I remember students transferring in when I was a uni lecturer some years ago, under these circs.

Ignore these ideas if they are rubbish.

If she's considering quitting anyway, can you get her to stop worrying about the assignment by saying she can do it for interest sake and then if she's not happy with the result then she can consider her options afterwards. Maybe if the importance of the assignment is removed, she might feel better able to cope with it ?

Surely personal tutors and wellbeing (or whatever they are called) can help, blog? Such a stressful thing for all concerned!

Thank you for your support & suggestions, much appreciated. The course is an unusual one so transfer not possible, & the course seems right for her. She seems very frightened of failing... If she seriously decides to quit it’s a good idea Need to ask if they’d keep her place open for a year. Yes coming home to do the assignment & talk it over is a possibility though I’m aware she’d get more help by talking to a uni librarian there... Waitng to see what she decides tomorrow. Wish she’d just go & talk to a tutor...

Can you persuade her to talk to Student Support or her tutor, Blog?

Needmore - I was at UCL
Some of the chaps weren't great but I would say not all completely as the thread implicated as in "Perhaps it is a bit of a UCL thing. "

But then my room looked out on a busy road on a bus route - probably a bit harder to do it there

I think it is interesting how various DCs pitch up to university with various experiences. DS was at boarding school and has lived in London - he is quite popular in that he is happy to have the noisy room as it doesn't worry him ( well people shouting at 4am might - but general noise - no - he isn't bothered. ) That said - I think I am quite a laid back parent but "proper" drugs - no I am not & have told DS so ( aha how good are my parenting skills ) - in a previous role I have seen things which should not happen to lovely and engaging young people. ( Sorry - that's a bit downbeat) . But I do accept he will tell me what he wants to .

Juggling, Ono also feeling very flat here after a lovely weekend with DD back home. It was delightful to see her looking and sounding so well and happy, full of funny stories and chattering about her course and her friends. I am so happy for her, only I'm missing her all over again tonight.

DD doesn't seem to have encountered the drugs scene. Apparently the the smokers' hut stinks of weed if the wind is in the right direction but very few of the students smoke these days. Certainly by comparison with when I was at university when most of us seemed to smoke like chimneys.

Blog how worrying. I'd second her having a chat with her personal tutor. This must be so common. Having said that, I think a year out doing minimum wage jobs gave my DD a very healthy sense of perspective and refreshed her enthusiasm for studying.

Oh BTM. Nitrous oxides is the choice of the scallys round here no self respecting student would touch the stuff. DS has said one lad in their Flat smokes weed and has had it confiscated during an inspection apparently he’s always spraying fabreze!!

Yeah it's only young teens that do NO here - not students!

And since someone mentioned Advent Calendars, can I ask, who is sending one?!

I am keen to avoid it being delivered to the main city delivery office which is a trek for DD as we discovered with my last package!

I have sent the advent calendar already (have to do things when I remember or it’s too late!) All post is delivered to the porters lodge so thankfully it’s easy for DS to pick up. I warned DS a surprise package was on its way and the response was: Oh God mum, just stop. What more could I possibly need?
Nearly had the package re-routed so I could eat all the chocolate myself!!!

BTM, we are going down in a couple of weeks (DD's decision to drop Chelsea and support the same club as her dad, means she gets to be taken to a meaningless bottom of the table away scrap not too far from her - following which she may change her mind). Happy to buy an extra one and drop it off at your DD's hall.

blogwwoman Girls in particular think they can't do well enough , they think about the bits they want to do better rather than focus on what they do well...and they tend to assume that if they can do those bits the whole world can. At least get her to wait for a mark from her assignment before deciding any thing. She wouldn't be on the course if she was likely to fail, it makes bad stats, it's probably just good old imposter syndrome...so hang in for a little while

I have mailed an advent calendar. I hope she gets it. I found a non religious one, as she has decided she doesn't follow my beliefs.

I think I'll send one with chocolate as is traditional here 🍫
But first parcel I need to send, today if poss, is a couple of things she left behind at the weekend!

Some of us went up to see our two last week (they are in near by halls to each other). It was a lovely day. I feel sorry for those (like I am) who need quiet at night so don't take the side when my son argues his position on coming back late and talking in the corridor. My sympathies are not with my son but with the boy or boys who gets disturbed.

No advent calendars here and they have not been home this term although one had reading week last week (other one does not have it). They have exams in early January coming up.

I am anti drugs (I have never even smoked a cigarette once). I don't think mine are taking them (other than alcohol). One mentioned people taking ket which I said is a particularly nasty drug amongst many others. They were saying some clubs are used by the druggy types and others not so perhaps they just choose the group they prefer. One said boys in his block have pulled his mattress on to and half down the stairs as a joke a few times - he seemed to love that and was laughing (although to me I certainly would not like it!).

A few times with the mattress trick 1Mother ?!

I think my sense of humour would be stretched a bit with more than once!
Or at all

I was astounded that he was okay about it, but didn't say so. He genuinely was happy and laughing about it! They are all boys in that block and I suppose if he doesn't mind then so what and he's only got a very old fitted sheet on it with some holes in it from home so it's not as if they were dirtying special new sheets..... It must have been when he didn't lock his door I suppose as the room door locks and he did lock it when we left the room with him (he had to go on to a lecture when we were there).

They are all boys in that block and I suppose if he doesn't mind then so what and he's only got a very old fitted sheet on it with some holes in it from home

It's probably got a lot more holes in it now :-(

It's just funny what they find funny isn't it?!

I'm just so glad DD seems to be getting on well with her flatmates, in a much quieter way I have to say.
They all seem exceptionally sensible, which is great but slightly surprising!
Three of the six are cooking together each evening (veggie friendly) and they have all been out together to quiz nights and picnics on the beach and visited a nearby city.
Only once to a pub though where DD followed her friend in trying out a rum and coke (something they'd heard was a thing!) and then a couple of shots I think.
Seems quite reassuringly cautious for first half of first term at Uni!
Four of the flat are international students, and four are Christians apparently, which may both partly explain the sensible approach to Uni life.