Starting lectures at uni 2017

[HSMMaCM]

The other thread filled up really quickly, with exciting talk of laundry, mattress toppers and lost property.

Here's where the rest of them settle in, get through freshers and the work gets serious.

I have sent her a text asking her to ring us when she is free to chat and we'll call her back. We live in hope! We are going up to stay with relatives in the general area at half term, so hopefully she will pop over and see us then. Impressed at how well most dc are settling.

DH and I have been wafting around like lost souls all weekend. We have a visit booked next weekend.

Having a whatsapp chat with DD this evening and she says "you could have come to visit this weekend". Waaaah we would have been in the car in 5 minutes if she'd said that when we still had time to come

Anyway. She's fine and we are still cleared to visit next Sunday, but we can't take her to dinner, because she's going out with her housemates.

We're watching strictly and she's not here to give us her technical appraisal of the dances. I miss her soooo much.

Having realised that we will have an empty nest in 2 yrs time when ds goes (if he pulls his finger out) we are already planning a holiday!

simbobs that's a tricky one to call if DD has MH issues. You know her best; if she's struggling is she more likely to call you or try to get by on her own? And if she's having a ball, is the lack of communication positive or negative? When it comes down to it, she knows where you are and she knows you're there for her. It's just so difficult to hold back. I really hope the lack of texts means she's coping just fine! A friend whose DD has had serious MH issues for years reports that the DD is absolutely in her element at university. Suddenly she feels redundant but in a hugely positive way; I hope it's the same for your DD.

Carl, how does it feel without the pair of them there?

simbobs, my DS1 was exactly the same when he went; he was absolutely fine, just couldn't be arsed talking to us and it was quite upsetting for me particularly. He was even the same with DH who he had a better relationship with.
Luckily DS2 is much more happy to converse.

DD has sent me a picture of herself in her gown, grinning broadly. One size really doesn't fit all- what she wears to formals will be fairly irrelevant with that on top.

simbobs I'm glad you've joined us. Maybe she's keeping her distance because she feels she will be too homesick if she is in touch often?

I know I felt like I missed DD even more after we had been to see her, driving home without her was much harder then as it seemed very real, much more so than when we dropped her off.

It's very hard for you and your DS of course, maybe you could send her a nicely worded email explaining how you are feeling (toned down if necessary) as it might not have occurred to her if she's either wrapped up in her own feelings or in all the stuff that is going on.

Thanks for all your words of wisdom. In reality my DD prefers to sort things out for herself, but has not always the resources to do so. (I have had to fight for her camhs appointments, get her prescription meds etc). I am assuming that she is in her element, but she has never been the most communicative and I don't think she wants to let us into her new life. It is hard on her brother, and I did expect her to drop him the odd ironic text. I guess I just have to leave her to it. It doesn't help not knowing whether she has made herself known to student counselling as I asked her to do. Someone ought to know about her, and as I mentioned upthread she really needs a local GP or she will be in trouble.

simbombs one thing my mum did when I went to uni was to tell me that she didn't want to me to feel she was trying to keep tabs on where I was (days before mobile phones) so she wanted me to decide a time once a week when it would be convenient for her to ring me. That was 36 years ago and she still rings me, regular as a clockwork, on a Wednesday. It was just enough to establish that regular contact would be expected but that it would be kept within bounds.

I am doing a slightly updated version for dd, though actually her MH issues mean she is touch a lot more than that.

Simbob I hope she does contact you soon.

Definitely go with your gut and if you feel something is wrong with her pursue it.

Hope everyone does hear from their DC soon, even if it's just a little something.

DD starts lectures tomorrow, so hope those go well for everybody starting the more serious stuff this week!

I hope your DD gets in touch soon Simbobs. I have to say DH and I were horrors when we were at university many, many years ago - out of sight, out of mind - heartless little beasts that we were. But there is so much going on at the start that the days fly by for them.

My DS is missing his sister too. He's a lot younger so saying she'll be back at Christmas is rather like saying she'll be back in a hundred years.

Hope everyone with loan problems gets them sorted out soon. What a nightmare it must be.

Still nothing from her. I have to say that I, too, was the awful child that was hardly in contact with parents, but it was a different world then as far as communications went, and my old folks didn't even have a phone when I first went away!

Checking in (cos I keep posting on the old thread).

It sounds hard simbobs. I hope your DD contacts you soon.

Sympathies simbobs.

I'm worried about DS and how and why his loan cocked up. I also want to know for sure he's properly registered with GP health centre, etc.

I'm thinking if I don't hear from him today saying that it's all sorted, I'll be thinking 'sod it' and visiting him to deal with it all. I'm his guarantor and sponsor, as well as his mum, and I can't just let this drift.

And I'm fed up of worrying!

Liney - I find myself asking the same questions over and over again too. If only they'd just get things done!

On the subject of doctors. DD needs to keep her home doctor as her permanent doctor (for reasons I don't want to go into). She can still visit a GP in her uni town as a temporary patient can't she?

DS2 has just started his third year and still hasn't registered with a gp!

DS3 has just sent me a text to say his bus didn't turn up and now he's going to be LATE!! I suggested he probably won't be the only one!

Yes, I think your DD should be able to do that, HSM.

Mind you, I'd double-check that.

Whatsapping with ds yesterday, I was trying to explain to dd about university in my day and pay phones and piles of 10ps and reversing the charges and the rage when the person in front of you reversed the charges and then the person on the other end called them back.

Mind you, like most people, contact with parents was limited! I remember being in a bf's room in ground floor flat and suddenly his parents banged on the window, having launched a surprise visit . Luckily we were not up to anything!

simbobs I hope you hear from her soon.

We have a similar system with dd to cory's. We have a skype date on Sunday evenings. So far they are a mixture of chat about what we have been doing and personal admin problems that she wants help with.

HSM I had that conversation with our surgery here at home. They were very keen DS did not register at uni as it causes issues for when they return home in holiday etc. Their pint was that if they were seriously ill you would want them at home and with family doctor.
They suggest being a temp patient at uni, unless they need regular appointments or medication. My DS was not convinced especially as the uni say they MUST register there. Any thoughts from others who've hated this?

cory, same here - my parents established one call a week when I went to university (I had to have 10p coins and go to the halls call box) which worked fine. One of my sons and I have agreed this this time too and it seems to be fine. His twin was always more of a chatterbox with me at home and he seems to be calling whenever he feels like it which is nice.

The other thing we have had as a family for about 3 or 4 years are different group chats on whatsapp so if nothing else we are likely to hear from the twins saying the picture of their brand new nephew is cute (he is - new babies are so special).

'point' and 'heard' Sorry, bad typing day!

One call a week on a Thursday when I went. DD skyped once a week when she went although initially she would text slightly more often. I used to phone her on Saturday lunchtimes when DH took DS to music lessons until she complained I was interrupting her hangovers.

DS is on regular medication so has registered there, though I would prefer he stayed with our GP who knows his problems.