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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Uni Freshers 2016 (second thread)

862 replies

soapybox · 13/10/2016 12:27

A new thread!

OP posts:
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11
EllenJanethickerknickers · 29/10/2016 17:22

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. How do you think he will take it? Were they close? My DS2 has HF ASD though not AS, and he's been remarkably unaffected by family deaths. It can be very hard to know, much harder to predict than with NT people. I would try to tell him in person if possible or you may have little clue as to how he's coping.

I'm so sorry for your DD, for your extended family and for you. Flowers

GasLightShining · 29/10/2016 17:54

So sorry for your loss. He needs to know as soon as possible so as others have said he doesn't find out in another way.

Could you also contact student support and ask that someone checks he is ok. I am presuming that if he has AS he is already on someone's radar.

GRW · 29/10/2016 18:13

I am so sorry for your loss. These days things like this tend to be discussed on social media straight away, and that would be an unfortunate way to hear the news. Thinking of you and your family.

Cherryburn · 29/10/2016 19:32

Oh I'm so very sorry mygrandchildren. I agree with everyone else, I think you need to tell your DS as soon as you can. Even if he doesn't find out via social media he may be very upset that he wasn't told quickly.

Take care if you do make the drive; you must be reeling.

Leeds2 · 29/10/2016 19:45

I'm so sorry mygrandchildren. I would try and speak to your son face to face and as soon as possible, as I am sure there is a very real risk that he will find out on social media. Although understand too that you may wish to be with your daughter.

Thinking of you all.

mygrandchildrenrock · 29/10/2016 20:59

Thank you all for your kind messages. EllenJane it is hard to know how he'll be. GasLight yes he does have additional support but not at the weekends! He sees his mentor every Monday afternoon, which is good but I doubt he would ever talk about his feelings.
Anyway you have all helped me decide what to do, which is what I wanted, so thank you again.

LIZS · 29/10/2016 21:07

I hope you can find an appropriate way to tell your Ds.

raspberryrippleicecream · 29/10/2016 22:17

MyGrandchildren I am so sorry.

Our father died suddenly when my sister was at uni, and a friend contacted the university chaplain for us, who then went to tell her. Would that be an option for you?

hellsbells99 · 30/10/2016 07:26

So sorry to hear about your son in law mygrandchildren.

yolofish · 30/10/2016 11:43

that is so sad mygrandchildren, thoughts with you and all your family.

move went well yesterday, though it was a bit of a marathon. She is so much happier already, only phoned once last night to check something and then had to go as was busy - but said "it's so nice to be somewhere normal". such a relief.

jaxxyj · 30/10/2016 12:56

Sorry for your loss mygrandchildren and great news, I hope telling DS goes ok. Yolo What a relief! My DS best friend has just dropped out and is coming back home this week- I hope it isn't catching! He is still on the mend and looks like he's lost weight, but he went shopping at asda yesterday so that is an improvement hopefully he bought food that will help him recover instead of rubbish...

sergeantmajormum · 30/10/2016 14:50

So sorry for your loss, hope the telling goes as well as can do.
Saw DD this week at her uni for the first time in 6 weeks; she is so very happy with her new life, more with being a student than actual studying I suspect tho she's coping with the work. Seemed to have grown in confidence and independence and made some lovely new friends who all look out for each other - the boys won't let the girls walk back to halls alone (tho their domestic skills need a bit of workGrin. Struggling today both with missing her more having seen her, which doesn't seem uncommon but also with coming to terms that much of her happiness is now completely independent of us. It's all one wishes for, but tough nevertheless....

Coconutty · 30/10/2016 14:57

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sergeantmajormum · 30/10/2016 15:27

Coco thank you, thought I was at best being horribly selfish, at worst going a bit mad. It's so hard adjusting to being semi-redundant! No one discusses this in antenatal classes do they? This thread has really helped me over last few weeks.

Coconutty · 30/10/2016 15:37

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sergeantmajormum · 30/10/2016 15:46

So relieved I'm not the only one!
Also feel really happy that she's loving it so much (she was so nervous and unsure before she went that I felt I'd pushed her out the nest) but the not knowing what they are up to day to day and who with is hard. Seeing her in her new world has helped to fill in some gaps and she's very good at keeping in touch but the wistful wondering doesn't seem to get easier.

Squirrills · 30/10/2016 16:42

sergeantmajormum Another one here feeling that combination of pride and delight that DS is happy and thriving, together with guilt at feeling redundant. It's what we wanted but it's so hard to have this brutal cut off at 18.
As always in parenting I should know by now they are all different. My other DS didn't snip the apron strings quite so quickly and this has taken me by surprise.

Ta1kinpeece · 30/10/2016 18:53

THis weekend I met up with my University friends for a nn th year reunion
most of us now have kids at uni
it all seemed very circular and reassuring

hellsbells99 · 30/10/2016 22:10

Yolo - I am glad your DD's mover went well!

hellsbells99 · 31/10/2016 11:32

Sorry typo - "move" not mover!

worriedworker01 · 31/10/2016 13:52

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Coconutty · 31/10/2016 21:50

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NoahVale · 31/10/2016 22:48

eek, do they have to arrange next year's accommodation already? Shock
they havent been in this year's accommodation 5 minutes!

I genuinely can't imagine DD sorting this one out herself. I guess she will have to, either that or come back home

Bertucci · 31/10/2016 22:53

OMG - next year's accommodation? I can't cope!

Another one slightly worrying that the socialising might be eclipsing any studying.

However, I am very happy that ds is loving it so much. He is cooking for his flatmates (took him a while to feel confident enough even though he's a fabulous cook), he's joined a gym and is generally having a ball.

homebythesea · 31/10/2016 23:16

worriedworker - find my iPhone showed that the phone did a tour of the city before "disappearing" so clearly in a taxi and then appropriated by someone no doubt. Enquiries with the taxi firm (once he'd tracked down the chap who had booked it, not someone he knows, in a different Hall....) came to nothing so I reported it lost (account in my name, I now realise the is a mistake!) and disabled the sim so its next to useless to whoever had it as fingerprint protected too. However a long day of changing passwords on everything (for him) and speaking to phone company (for me) and finding a second hand handset (he's paying!) and getting a new sim blah blah blah

The most shocking/irritating thing about it for me was the realisation (as if it were needed) that these phones really are a security blanket. He truly couldn't contemplate the possibility of going out without a phone, said it was "dangerous", that he had to be able to be in contact with people at all times. I just can't fathom that at all. Luckily he has another handset with a smashed up screen that he fired up and could use it with wifi......