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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Uni Freshers parents 2016?

999 replies

granarybeck · 21/08/2016 22:23

hi

I've just been reading recent threads on weekly living costs and what to take to uni and found loads of useful info. I'm certainly finding that there was so much focus on getting the results/not tempting fate that it all feels a bit of a panic now. I have a dd going to warwick and a ds going to bath.

Wondered if there is already a thread for other general tips for those with dd/s starting uni this September?

OP posts:
HormonalHeap · 25/09/2016 22:23

My dd being a social animal is hardly ever in, so I'm not missing her yet... after a few weeks go by I think it's going to hit meSad I haven't heard a peep from her- she has all her besties there and too busy partying. I just hope one day she has a daughter and gets it all back.

placeofworkshop · 25/09/2016 22:24

It's so hard, Dd is ringing & messaging me every night saying she is sad , lonely, doenst fit in. I listen but cant help. She and i are both exhausted. When will this get better SadConfusedSad

OhFuds · 25/09/2016 22:34

My DD went back to uni after coming home this weekend, I packed her off with her clothes all washed and loads of her favourite foods from Sainsburys. I asked her if she was looking forward to going back but she said "not really". I thought after spending the weekend with a 2 and 4 year old she'd be dying to get some peace Grin. I felt very teary at the train station bit held it together as I'm sure the last thing she needs is her mum being a emotional wreck.

That's her until xmas but I've told her she can come home for visits when she wants.

Leeds2 · 25/09/2016 23:05

I'm so sorry to hear that placeofworship. Hope things get better for you and your DD soon. Has she started lectures/classes yet, or is it still Freshers' Week?

hellsbells99 · 25/09/2016 23:07

Both my two have said they are coming home for a night next weekend Smile. They are both homesick and missing each other but do also seem to have made friends and been out lots. DD2's boyfriend has been to visit her but unfortunately has taken her bank card home! She put it in his wallet for safekeeping whilst out and forgot about it.

hellsbells99 · 25/09/2016 23:11

Place - hopefully things will pick up now lectures are starting. I think Sunday's are always worse as it is a quieter day with not a lot happening - it is also the day we usually find time to spend with his other and eat as a family etc.

Coconutty · 26/09/2016 06:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Phaedra11 · 26/09/2016 07:23

home It was the missing place at Sunday dinner that did it for me too! Regarding laundry, well I used to use a bin bag Blush

I hope the DC who have had an unsettling Freshers week settle very soon. DS would probably still be fretting if his course hadn't actually started in Freshers Week. He's made friends from his course and had some great times with them. This has given him the confidence to do some more socialising with his flat mates, with whom he feels he has less in common but needs to still fit in with in order to feel comfortable enough to to use the kitchen/ communal area. Actually the main issue with them seems to be that they're mostly heavier drinkers than him (particularly the ones who are older and seem to have taken a gap year or gap years). He does seem to get on quite well with the two quieter flat-mates. There are eleven of them in all (including DS) and at first I think DS saw them as one scary, extrovert, heavy drinking mass but he is beginning to know them individually now.

NoahVale · 26/09/2016 07:28

spoke to dd yesterday who sounded pretty tired.
get texts from her at 2 am so her hours must be completely skewed
she wants her sister to go and stay as she would like to hear from someone who knows her
money issues still ongoing Sad
couldnt sleep for worrying about her last night.

sergeantmajormum · 26/09/2016 08:20

Yes the Sunday dinner for 3 not 4 got me too, that and the lack of laundry! DD is loving uni life, much more than she expected with lovely flat mates but doesn't seem very keen to get started on her course which is worrying me. Early days for us all. Am finding it really hard to adjust to having so little input, guess she's enjoying that but while I know she is and has to become more independent, letting go is making me feel so redundant. Hope everyone s week is a better one.

lin4 · 26/09/2016 09:59

Another sleepless night here too and my DS hasn't even gone yet. I lost my temper yesterday( very unusually) after listening to half an hour of him moaning about his timetable and various other things..... He admitted that he is very nervous which of course I knew. I am struggling to see how he will settle to be honest but feel that we have to let him give it a go.

dottygamekeeper · 26/09/2016 13:36

My first day without either of them - I was quite tearful on the drive home from York, and I just feel that my whole role in life needs evaluating now, after 20 years of having them both here to look after. I have a great job and plenty at home to keep me busy but will miss their company.

Have had a very brief text from DD who went yesterday to say she had a good evening, and DS has called a couple of times - I just want to know more about how he is settling into his course after 2 weeks. He seems to be loving the social side of it all with his flatmates, but I want him to make friends with people on his course as well.

My anxiety levels seem to be very high, and until I know they are both settled both socially and on their courses, I think it will be very stressful. We had a parents lecture at York yesterday which was very useful, but it basically stressed that the uni is unable to share any info about them with us, without their permission (which of course I know and understand, as they are adults now, but I do worry in case they don't admit to us if they are having problems with the course etc)

Original poster
granarybeck · 26/09/2016 14:22

**rockingthelook - I dropped DS at bath spa on saturday. It was well organised. My DS seems okay so far but only heard from him by text. I was most worried about him getting up today for his welcome session! Is your DD on campus?

**Lin4 - is your DS going to Warwick? My DD is and got some nice stuff through from the SU yesterday with tips on how to manage/what to do if struggling to settle. I don't think the longer wait is helping!

Dolly gamekeeper - I'm the same, both mine are going and it does seem very strange that my role in life will change so much too!

OP posts:
Squirrills · 26/09/2016 14:26

Both of mine are gone too.
I have followed the usual advice and planned new things to occupy me. It just still feels like the end of a wonderful era and the start of second best.

homebythesea · 26/09/2016 14:51

dotty it's the change in role that I think I'm grieving over - the fact that we parents won't be the central point of his life any more. Of course that's how it should be, and my own folks ceased to be my point of reference way before I went to uni (I was at boarding school) so I totally get that. But, for good or bad, this is what has defined me and so I have for the past year or so been trying to reevaluate things, to think about who I am and what I want in this next phase of life

Which is all a bit ridiculous really since I have DD who will be around for another 3 years so I'm not completely redundant!!

Ta1kinpeece · 26/09/2016 15:29

My drive home from York did not involve listening to Radio 1 = a good thing.
Today I have cleaned her room - so that it stays clean.
She seems fine. I'm getting on with work. DH is a bit low. Foul weather does not help

DS will lope home from college in another couple of hours. Nest not empty yet Grin

dottygamekeeper · 26/09/2016 15:44

Seems like we have several people with Freshers at York on this thread!

My feelings about DC heading off to Uni have not been what I had expected. When they were at home, particularly in the earlier, stroppier, teen years, I thought I couldn't wait for them to go, but as they became more mature, I found we had great discussions around life in general, politics, the news etc and they were very good company especially as DH is away all week.

Suddenly I feel that the focus will be on DH and myself as a couple, not so much us as a family unit - so it may be that we need to redefine our relationship as well.

As home says, it is time to think about the next phase - probably between now and retirement (and before our ageing parents start to need more help as well- we had a health scare from my dad literally 2 days after DS went to uni, which made me realise that as the children become more independent, things may go the other way with the older generation).

placeofworkshop · 26/09/2016 16:26

Phaedra - the communal kitchen/living thing is very hard to negotiate Sad . Others saying interesting things too, yes on the one hand we have to move on to next phase of our lives, but, on the other hand, how can you if your young adult is phoning you in tears , and is more needy than ever? It's the worst of both worlds- too old for you to help her, but too young not to need youConfusedSad

Squirrlls · 26/09/2016 16:57

Another York one here Grin.
We are already at the retirement stage with elderly parents (well only one left now). We were older when we had DC which for us has never been anything but good. Perhaps this stage is the disadvantage of being older parents.

place that's so hard. Is she a long way away? Probably not a good idea to come home yet but could you plan to go and take her out for lunch?

Original poster
granarybeck · 26/09/2016 17:21

I'm a bit the opposite, I'm 39 so feel like I've got a phase of life I'm not quite sure what to use for as I did the first bit back to front!

OP posts:
Squirrills · 26/09/2016 17:24

Ha ha I was 39, almost 40 when DS was born! You could do it all again Wink

placeofworkshop · 26/09/2016 17:30

Squirrills thanks - she has no plans to come home yet, her boyfriend visited at the weekend but that seemed to make it worse after he left. Can't think of any solution. I cant visit for at least 2 weeks because im working away

samandcj · 26/09/2016 17:40

And another DD at York. She and I were both a little anxious on Saturday. She is not a clubber and is looking forward to her course starting. Everything seems to be OK .... not a great deal of communication - hope she's having too much of a good time to talk to mum!
We are going back in 3 weeks to take her out for her birthday - can anyone recommend a nice restaurant with good gluten free options?

LittleHoHum · 26/09/2016 17:53

I have a second year dd at York. The societies are good for non drinkers.

Gluten free restaurants -

www.theyorker.co.uk/lifestyle/the-gluten-free-student-a-guide-to-york/

Northernlurker · 26/09/2016 17:57

Those of you with dc at York- I live here so if anything goes badly wrong and dc need an urgent hand just message me Smile